The absence of pills

" so your leaving," she studied her sister, brown eyes narrowed.
" I will. Never be far."
" You lied, you said it was a trip  a visit, you said you wee coming back."
" like I said I'm always nearby, you just won't see me and that's okay."
Tessa gulped imaginary boulders there was a pit where her stomache was, a deep sinking feeling.
" I'll miss your laugh and the way you tell stories,like you actually believed them."
" I'll be on phones." The two siblings hugged, Analise planteda kiss on her sisters cheek. " your running away again, I feel it, I know it,"
" I'm not. I think I'll be happy there. Its the first selfish thing I've ever done in my life. I hate her, I can't even be on the same continent as her." There was a heavy silence, " it burdens me,you don't know the things she's done." There was another long pause. Their gazes were steel, each one encompassed in new questions.
" when I go, I'll be free, and I won't have to hate anymore , hatred is so exhausting." Analyses green eyes shuffled over her sisters frame. " I can't continue to take drugs for a condition that doesn't belong to me, she's broken. I just don't want her to break me in the process." outside an ice cream van pulled up on the opposite side of the street,  the hot sun boring down on them like an axe. She remembered chasing that van as a kid with blue ribbons in her hair, as though she was the desert and it was the nile . They needed each other then, just like you need real things sometimes. " Im not trying to punish you, she played all of us,"
" So why leave."
" when you felt it and you knew something was off, you were too scared to admit it was others,you said it was me.you see things,"
" whatd'you mean?" Analisse ran her hands through her hair , sucked in the air.
" You saw everything and now I'm taking pills for the things you saw but dare not speak up about."