whats green

Jealous women
They grate on you
Pathetic pods
With nothing to do
But bully
And harass those around
Your principles
Become the clown
For pathetic is she
Godfather of
Insecurity
Disgrace to women
Controlling still
Everyone must
Bend to her will
This desperate
Spineless
Caricatures fling,
Her whole body
Is busy
Loathing what's green

condemning the cowards

What makes a coward? A selfish person who wont deal with their unresolved issues. A discontent manipulator who is too involved in your life, to want to deal with the discontent in theirs. A man who feels brave enough to take on a woman but never has the backbone to face men his age. Someone who spends time looking for the trouble of those who they believe are weaker than them. Those who can never take responsibility for their poor actions. Those who do malicious things and try and jusify them to themselves, choosing to ignore the balance of right and wrong, those who neeeeeeeed to be the centre of attention constantly, as though the world needs to revolve around them. The forever victim, No one needs people like this in their lives. Life is hard enough.

The psychology of a coward

it will be a while. A lot of my pain started with taking risks on the wrong person.The wrong people, then ultimately feeling a resentment take the place of love. I can't love the way I used to any more because its not pure, it will be tainted with feelings of betrayal and resentment. I resent those closest to me for not seeing the truth, for being the great pretenders they were, and knowing things, not everything, but knowing hints and sensing and never taking a stand. I call it being unprincipled, they call it wanting an easy life. My body is being crucified by medicines it doesn't need, I take those pills out of love so those around me don't fall apart. Its all a lie. I was the one targeted no one else because I was nice enough to reach out to a guy who had absolutely no self esteem, no confidence nothing, I saw his loneliness in me. I sensed the reasons why his car would line the front of my house despite meals being cooked for him next door, the barrage of questions he'd ask siblings. When he had nothing and tried to reach out to me at his lowest point, I would leave the comfort of my home run outside and wave because I saw his tiredness and his exhaustion. With all the male friends I had I heard the stories of men being snobbed because they worked in retail, didn't have a certain amount of money in their account, didn't have the flashy cars and expensive things, so I made a point, every time I saw this man I would wave, I'd ignore the beeps from his car, the slow pull of it beside me as I walked. I knew how loneliness felt. I couldn't admit this to my family I'd always been popular, and likable it was what they expected from me. I took on a jealous mother, because I knew how it felt to be an Island. I still remember the feelings as I scribbled that note, I was terrified. It was years since I'd actually thought of reconnecting to anyone. He looked like he could make a nice friend, those naieve letters of mine had ended badly in the past but he was different, seemed different. Out of pure envy bitterness and jealousy this guy single handedly destroyed my family life for me and messed up my head. I ended up in hospital, I ended up on medicines, already being someone that had been through trauma before. Despite making me the object of humiliation and ostracizing me from my whole neighbourhood, he did something worse than anything anyone could imagine. He Gaslighted me. The guy who I thought was a victim of his mother at the time and felt ostracised made sure that I felt exactly how he had felt. I wrote that letter because he was lonely, and I saw that. He used it to turn me into a joke for years to the point where I would become so furious and wonder why I'd been targeted like this, this guy used me as a platform to make friends telling people whatever he knew about our family to make his socially awkward family more liked in the neighbourhood, and despite telling those around me I wasnugly, unattractive, he wanted to end up with my sibling because she was the fairskinned one, anytime another man tried to get close to me he would go absolutely nuts. Suddenly I was the worse person in the world, conveniently right after some guy wasn't looking at me and saying I was ugly, or ridiculing me, or putting me down for my intelligence. He destroyed the most precious thing to me, he strategically tried to get me sectioned with his mother then when I started taking the drugs he would convince me that there was poison in them. I became terrified of every man at the time because of him. Whilst my family fell apart , mother sobbing, siblings crying, his remained quiet laughing with amusement boasting to neighbours about what they'd done. Despite being a black man he'd ask Asians to shout out the word Nigga, as I came through the neighbourhood. Love is a word I treasure. Its weird now because I'm going home for good I haven't told anyone at home, and the word I used to feel such ease saying,  it ends up twisted in my throat. There's people I love with all my heart their touch seems different now, home doesn't feel like home. I wrote a note to a guy who had absolutely no self esteem, no confidence nothing, at his lowest point and in return he didn't try to destroy my whole family. He did destroy my whole family. I am the heart of the family, everybody has their position, when I'm down were down, each person is the heart in their own way. The funny thing is when I'm long gone, he still won't find happiness, and he'll never find peace. Every time he sees my family he will remember what he did, and because he has a daughter there's no justification for it. Here's where it gets real I'll be free, but he won't. It will be there everywhere he turns. My family used to call him the nicest person in the household, whenever things went bad  which was rarely we'd knock on his door. I can't wait to get home, I'm excited I'm eager, why am I writing this article.

When confronting him he denied everything denied calling me a slag, slut a whore, denied paying people soul money to try and destroy my spirit, people who they pretended they weren't associated. He destroyed me so his mum would love him more, because this woman was so obsessed, so envious, so fixated, and so jealous in his logical messed up mind the way to get more of her love was to destroy me, and when I tried to move past it date other guys start relationships that's when he became more cruel, as though how dare you find love or happiness. How dare you build your self confidence. Why am I writing this, don't have a saviour complex, that lonely isolated guy who stares at his shoes when he walks and doesn't have the confidence to approach you, may be that way for a reason. I had my own issues and because he was on self destruct he wanted to take me with him. Now I'm going home. During this time despite the support I've acquired from my family, I refused to take things that didn't belong to me in my system, the things I did were to protect, yet ultimately I ended up feeling completely alone. In this lifetime I will never see this guy again, if I have to put a continent between me and the troubled people around him, I will. This guy tried to convince me to commit suicide regularly, next time you reach out to someone that's completely messed up, make sure your ready to survive yourself, and the feeling of betrayal that comes with it. This is a guy who managed to convince me that I would be gangraped, family members were killed and buried, local neighbours had burgled my home. So much. This really began with a letter of kindness to a guy who was so lonely the way I was, I couldn't just see it, I could feel it. This began with empathy.

Getting over Gossip

image by KarinCharlotte

We've all experienced situations where the idol gossip of someone  is as a tool used to make others feel small. Let the talkers, talk till their throats rot. Let their gossip shape their life, whilst you focus on yours. Whilst they waste their time begging for the attentions of the few, use your creativity, ambition goals and ideas to capture the masses. Be a visionary and make the changes you want to happen...happen. What do you think all the great people in society had to contend with? They had to contend with critics. People who couldn't do much, but could always spend their time talking about what everybody else was doing wrong. It's their way of hiding their vulnerabilities and being in control. The more you don't care. The more it frustrates them. Inherrently, they are weak people terrified of being exposed for their vulnerabilities. They forget, we all have vulnerabilities. We all get scared, lonely, insecure, bothered, sometimes we have patience for them. Yet sadly when their cruel and they spread defamatory gossip i personally have no patience for them. I do understand though what their fears are, and where some of their fears come from.  I as you can tell have experienced much criticism, just like many of us out there have. Constructive criticism is useful,but when someone is putting you down just so people can like them i find that very weak and very pathetic.  If you find you have come across someone like that, how sad and unhappy must they be.

Cowards and crunch time

image by Esuu

People often do what they want to do, we make a million excuses to cover their tracks. If their acting badly and were hurt, we try and defend why they choose to act in such an appalling manner. For example when i liked someone once I made the mistake of defending their awful weak behaviour. I said they couldn't defend me because they were scared, and others around them were controlling them. Yet when I listened closely they laughed loudly at my ridicule and egged on the appalling behaviour of those around them. What made things even more pathetic was the same person who was joining others to tear me to shreds, still wanted to be liked, they wanted to be respected. So they'd wait until they saw others that were close to me and beg for validation. They were happy making us the butt off their jokes, or the object of ridicule so long as they were in a power position. Cowardice, cruelty, low self esteem and I realised what had I been thinking?

If someone is weak in a battle they'll be weak in a war. That fear mindset unless they choose to remove it, stays and you find yourself gutted you took a risk on someone who is spineless, and narcissistic, and disappointing. Fools rush in. Heal you, support you, be a platform for you.

Understanding mean spirited monsters

image byfirexatxwill


The more you ignore a jealous narcissistic person, the more power you have. The irony of life is that the same people who try so desperately to destroy you, always want to be close to you in some way, if they know you dont like them, you dont respect them, and dont actually want to be close to them as an individual, they may ridicule you, belittle you, humiliate you, turn you into a joke. The hot topic of their conversations if they can be bothered to. What do all these things have in common.....that person is still trying to get your attention. Their trying to get a reaction because they cannot acquire your respect. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are being treated thus badly and it seems to be a repetitive vain in your life, you seem to find yourself asking the same secret, self sacrificial, victimisation question, "Why me?" Most likely you hold such a low esteem for yourself that people with even far less self esteem are tricking you into thinking your the only person with a problem. IT'S ALL YOU...Nonsense. It takes two people to make a fight happen.

If your walking around saying "it's not like i'm attractive, or beautiful, or this or that, " why am i being targeted...most likely it is partially because your beautiful, or attractive, or appear likable bubbly and popular. People will insult you about qualities you have because their envious of them. Someone who thinks your beautiful may call you shallow out of jealousy, ask yourself this....why were they looking so closely? Someone who sees the way the opposite sex reacts to you, may be bored, tired of feeling insignificant, and fed up with being ignored decides that you should be the butt of their joke, someone who is weak and easily manipulated will follow along because their weak by nature. Understand the motivation. When someone is strategically winding you up, their doing it for one reason and one reason only, to get a reaction. Be smart. Why do they want your reaction? Your attention, your time. Why would they invest so much energy in cultivating such hatred? Boredom..insecurity...inferiority...time. They must have a lot of time on their hands.Validate yourself. Shine brightly, boooooooom before their very eyes. I was watching Starlight with Claire Daines and there was a line she said when the wicked witch played by Michelle Pfeiffer was attacking her and the future king. "What do most stars do.....shine." Shine as brightly and beam as much as you  possibly can. Be happy. Genuinely happy. Your joy empowers you.

Freeing yourself from the followers: How to spot weak people

People will surprise you with  how weak they can be, especially in the presence of a bully and someone domineering. Jealous. Competitive. Insecure. The visual you had of them standing up and claiming their strength may end up being nothing more than smoke in the wind. Maybe they joined in the put downs and the ridicule because they finally felt like they were part of something, finally felt as though they fit in.

Yet how many people would they have put down, belittled or ridiculed just so they fit in.  Get yourself some piece of mind. As much as their behaviour is hurting you, it will sabotage them in the long run. They will make themselves appear weak and inadequate simply because they have no real sense of independance. Many of us have the assumption that if someone drives a flashy car, are one of the managers in their work heirarchy, has a lot of money or are seen as extremely attractive, popular and well travelled, they are automatically independant. Independance is more than checking all your social boxes. Can this person make up their own mind? Come to reasonable and fair conclusions about those around them? Are not easily led and scared to voice their opinion? Are honest about their feelings and true to what they stand for and believe in no matter the cost? People like this are consistent and steadfast. You dont find your head doing a 360 degree's pivot and getting brain whip lash.You're not caught in a net of grey, or wondering if this is your real life or a fictional experience.

If you find yourself surrounded by people who are fine with you one minute but as soon as they hear a whisper of negativity can only communicate long distance. Keep communication to them at a base level or no level at all.People like this are pathetic be it a man or a woman,they have no dignity, loyalty,honesty, only fear. In a world where your trying to grow into a positive being all they do is crow a cowards song. Poison leaks from their throat and when you see them alone and separate from the masses all they do is swing their head low in shame, dip their shoulders and expect the world to pity them.  Yet put them in the company of nasty people, they are a megaphone for fear and weakness. It's bad enough their a let down to themselves, don't let them drag you down also. Pick your friends wisely and you will rarely be disappointed
image by lonelypierot

Victim vanishing act: Focussing beyond sadness

Were allowed to feel weak, vulnerable, fed up, depressed, angry anxious, panicked and them allow yourself to begin to feel empowered again. Focus on a goal you made for yourself and start tackling it. Remind yourself that you are worth more than gold, diamonds, are priceless, and worthy of a royal parade. Okay very über diva. Don't just remind yourself your accomplishing a goal, celebrate the fact that you are doing it. Cultivate a mind of praise rather than fear. You say what you do, and do what you say. Your not a talker, and the world is full of those. Time does not wait for self pity. It's nothing personal life just has too many things to do. Yet when youre in that mode dont beat yourself up even more for feeling down, because guess what?.... You'll feel down for even longer. Remind yourself in life you will have your up moments, and your down moments. It's only human, people wear masks. Sometimes the people we see flashing teeth twenty four seven are not genuinely happy. They are performing for those around them.Yet there are other people who have truly conquered a valuable lesson, if you fight to be happy. Happiness will find you. Whatever we focus on, we attract more of. image by maniowa

The Bully and the puppet

If your expecting a puppet to be independant and speak up for themselves let alone you, your living a long wake dream. I remember many a time experiencing a bully, and their little side platter friend, and thinking "speak up for me, you know you want to," sadly the reality is, the weak dont suddenly transform themselves into superman over night. The bullies weak side kick, are just happy the attention is not centred on them. So long as their not the butt of the jokes and the laughing stock it's all good. What they tend to do is either join the 'mob' of critics, and crusades against you, whilst pathetically sneaking to your side when no one's there, or conveniently disappear off the radar. Some puppets will allow themselves to be brainwashed, parroting the words an envious bully has provided, or my all time favourite, a weak bullies side kick will try and compete with others for the bullies affection, trying to show how nasty they can be. " I'm like you, i fit in with you, don't reject me, please accept me," they are desperate to be validated, and sometimes your used as the footstool in order to make that happen. Although dont kick yourself too hard, now that person has laid their cards out on the table, you see them for what they are and all they'll be....WEAK.PATHETIC.AND GLORIOUSLY SPINELESS. Now do you think someone that's weak, pathetic, and gloriously spineless, has self esteem issues? Yep! Do you think someone that low can ever look themselves in the mirror and feel genuinely proud of themselves, or do you think that person will always resent that part of themselves that makes them not only unable to stand up and defend you, but unable to standup against a jealous bully? Yep

How do you deal with this? Guess what? You dont, the universe has a very powerful way of bringing things in rotary motion. What the hell is she talking about? What goes around comes around. Maybe you thought that person was a friend, and they surprised you with how absent they could be. Maybe that person was a guy who seemed completely taken with you, and all it took were a few jealous people with their own agenda's to run commentary, and this guy shows you every nasty side you could see.The sad thing about some situations is the same people that merrily joined others to tear you to shreds, learn the hard way that nasty people are not especially particular about who their gunning and slumming, so long as their making themselves appear strong.It's not they love crab, and are allergic to lobster. It's in with rubbish and out with rubbish, they dont care. Soon enough the same person who conveniently allowed themselves to be puppeted by a domineering, insecure,control freak will find themselves moaning, or whining to someone else about being mistreated. Or even more hillarious they'll try and call you up and go 'hey i know what you were talkin about man', they'll even try and create some sort of bond or 'fictional friendship' so they feel stronger, and you guys out number the bully. They are 'emotional parana's' run with the speed of light.

As much as it sucks to have that feeling of bitterness or betrayal, keep this in mind, 'it's poetry man'. They have just served you a delicious dish of not what im looking for, and believe me, people like that always want to bond. Think of yourself with the importance of an employer, if they've offered you that as a cv, sorry they havent made the cut. You need stronger people for when the 'shit hits the fan' not insecure deserters. Focus on the positive people in your life,and leave god to deal with such victims of society. Ultimately people like this end up resenting themselves for not having more strength.

How to spot a completely gutless guy

It was the rude awakening i needed. It sucked, sported, a little bit, but it was an awakening none the less. Someone i liked, who also appeared to really like me, rather than taking the initiative and ignoring the commentary of critics,and people with jealous agenda's, he decided to follow the crowd. I heard as they ridiculed me, spinelessly, because they'd never said these things to my face, they wouldn't dare. He'd laugh just to show he was still part of them, that he still fit in. He'd be silent as they tore strips out of my physical appearance,and my behaviour. I was baffled. Was this not the same guy that had always tried to get my attention, yet it was clear struggled with a shyness, and a bombardment of insecurities even i couldn't comprehend? The main culprit was a jealous bitter mother, instead of speaking up, he'd either laugh to show he endorsed their behaviour, or would rot in the background saying nothing. Yet after his mother had rounded up her family to belittle mine, and humiliate an attempt to reach out, she was no happier than she had been. Infact she seemed twice as miserable, because she knew the real agenda behind her words. Time and action will tell you what you need to know about somebody's gutless behaviour. At first i wondered if it was my ego, or maybe a heightened imagination that led me to believe this guy liked me. I didn't do anything for a whole year. I simply noticed the little things, like how he kept popping up where i was and almost seemed to be lurking, waiting for me at times. But i could see, a shyness and nerves were getting in his way. I noticed the way his car would slow down to almost a crawl as he saw me heading in a similar direction, and often i thought i imagined it, but there seemed to be a softness about the way he looked at me. For ages i thought i was imagining all of this. Then his mother, verified everything to me.Her reactions were that of a jealous, posessive person, terrified of losing someone they loved.She seemed to be most antsy when despite there being a world of space in front of her home, he'd get into the habbit of parking his car or van right in front of mine.

Put the excuses aside. There is nothing worse than dealing with someone who is completely gutless. There is nothing worse than investing time and affection in someone who hasn't got the back bone to make their own judgements about who they like and why they like them. These days when i see him, i don't even look at him out of sheer disgust. How can you respect someone that doesn't stand up for who they believe in, or what they believe in.