Cool conversations: The importance of effective intelligent communication

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It began with a smile. I was sitting outside a stall with a woman who designs clothes for Naomi Campbell, GMTV, and a host of other well known celebrities. An old man approached us, he was stammering on his feet, stumbling, his words seemed to flow into each other like wine from one glass being tipped into another. Despite looking extremely well dressed, long overcoat, neatly and well ironed, he looked very much like a drunk. He sounded like he'd downed all the ale in the local pub. Instead of judging him,i simply looked up and gave him the brightest smile.He introduced himself as "Lord .... of Hamil."
When i questioned the people around me, it seemed they knew him well, and were also convinced he was a lord. Anyway long story short it turned out he wasn't a lord after all.Simply an older man who has a thing for "beautiful brown skinned women."

The key to effective conversation is Listening. We often overcompensate for the insecurity of silence, by drowning conversation in gossip, no one really need indulge. How do you stake your claim on a conversation. Think of useful facts the other person might require in advance. Conversation will flow with ease from there. Are they in Marketing, advertising, promotion, business, the creative industries, whatever their Niche it is important to use your intuition, and tap into something that they might require. Make good eye contact, indulge them in polite questioning, so it shows you are still engaging their senses. Be excited to talk to them. The worst conversations are flat conversations where it feels as though it is a chore. Offer good advice, without sounding like a 'know it all' be humble.

Compliments are useful for effective conversation, as they divulge information,  notice something positive about them. Ask them about upcoming projects, ideas, or things they might be interested in, maybe things they may want to invite you to or Vice Versa.

Find common ground, if your opening ice breaker isn't effective. Some people break ice with a joke, others break it with honesty, " is this your first time here, i'm a bit nervous myself," then the person responds, that is when you pay attention to their qualities acknowledge strengths, rather than weaknesses. Pay attention to quirks, maybe cool restaurants they can visit, happening spots, or something interesting that might appeal to them. Most of all just enjoy it. Meeting new people can be intimidating, especially if your shy , yet people can actually be quite nice, they may be just as nervous as you are. Have a cool relaxed energy, and don't let the tension overwhelm you. Your not doing anything wrong, it's called recycling.

Black Rhythmn

Loyalty,
Should be the rhythmn of
the black race
We should replace
and eradicate hate
I am black
Dark skin
I celebrate
What's within
Black intellect
Will never dim
We are warriors
We survive from within
Strength like lions
Warriors
and Tigers
Dragon's stand here
Watch out world
...................the dark ones are coming
Black people stick together no  matter what
That's how we progress

Red Ebony

Dick in your detective: Signs he's just trying to use you for sex

Image by healthable.org 


wow who hasn't been there? Who hasn't done that? Is he interested in you as a person? Is he interested in getting to know who you are? Your opinion on topics such as politics, culture, social commentary. Is it a hideaway romance, where your both hermits in the din of his house or apartment, or are people actually seeing you around? Do people actually see you on dates? Do you guys do other activities outside of sex? Or is he just desperate to get to the nitty gritty. Does he discuss personal situations, intimate matters with you, or are conversations placid and dry. Does he just randomly stop by, and you only seem to get late night calls? Do you feel an awkwardness after intimacy as though your either expected to leave, despite all these promises he's made to you. All these lovely things said, that at the time seemed so genuine? Do you feel as though the actions don't match the words. He loves you but your still introduced as a friend, when you ask if your serious he aggressively argues your trying to force marriage down his throat, he's proud of your relationship yet you don't seem to have met any of his friends and none of his family? This guys is not for you. Do you find yourself feeling guilty about simple things like calling him up, and asking how he is, you almost feel as though your being needy, or stalkerish. You feel as though he or she keep suddenly going cold, or after being ridiculously intimate, telling you how amazing you are, how much they want you and then nothing. No phone calls for ages, no visits, and there's always a story. His phone is consistently ringing off the hook with other women who happen to just be 'friends'.  They may act jealous and possessive, draw you near, randomly talk about things they think it would be cool for you guys to do whilst you 'hangout.' You are not their number one priority, so why should you be theirs. Why be made to feel bad because simply you care too much for an attention whore who may not actually want to reciprocate the depth of the emotions you feel, the responsibility of a committed relationship, but reap the rewards or the benefits of having you nearby.

The funny thing about people is even just having you there and knowing that your feeling unfulfilled questioning yourself, wondering why your not enough for them, they get to take it for granted, because they don't appreciate your strengths or the good things about you.
When you are in this type of relationship you feel devalued, insecure, you don't trust them, because their lack of commitment means their available and free to access all areas with everyone.

List all your strengths. What are your qualities? What do you like about yourself, value about yourself, what do you bring to a relationship? Is it fun? Bounce? Creativity? Flamboyancy? Warmth? Care. List your assets and your strengths, wouldn't you be happy sharing this intimately with someone who you don't feel guarded with, who doesn't feel threatened every time you give them a bold show of affection. If you sense, which you already know, that your partnership is not equally matched, that your giving more than what your getting, it's time to take your unique selling points to someone that will value them. Be prepared that the concept of loosing you will inspire different reactions from your 'user' buddy', they may advise you that it's the best thing, then beg you to stay. They may vilify you to others spreading slanderous gossip because their bitter you actually had the audacity to attempt to move on. The thing about people especially users is they tend to take you for granted, then it's almost like a sixth sense in them, they can tell when your leaving and may actually fight tooth and nail. Sadly sometimes it's not so much you their fighting for but the ease of the situation, and the comfortability factor.

Feeling let down?

When someone lets you down, betrays you, or attempts to humiliate you in some way, we can rot in our own plans of revenge, ready for whichever karma comes next. Or you can tilt your head up, roll up your sleeves, decide that this clearly is not someone you should be associating with. Is it because they're an awful person, or their competitiveness brings out a nasty side? It could be. Or it could simply be that you are choosing your friends, or choosing your associates with much more tact. Choose people who are not afraid? People who will not go out of their way to bring you down so they can validate their own self esteem. We are who we are. We need people around us who can see our strengths and help us build upon them.

Strength in numbers:Friends

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The loner mythology. Boy doesn't it look good in movies. The mysterious stranger, that's independant and is a law unto themselves, creates their own rules, and lives life according to their own moral code. In Hollywood films, their usually tall,dark, and sexy, in horror movies, their creepy, and have everybody in the neighbourhood walking on tiptoe. Nothing is ever chalkboard black and white, human beings are social creatures. It's nice to have someone to share your ideas with, your vision with, hopes, dreams, laughter, triumphs, failures. Reach out to someone positive today, connect with someone and share those qualities you take so much pride in. When we engage with others, the right type of others, we grow. Maybe you've been hurt, betrayed, let down, disappointed, degraded, bullied, or humiliated, there are millions of people out there in the world.Infact there are billions, trillions, and zillions, if you don't extend yourself. If you dont smile, and reach out with a humble heart, you will never know. Its easy to run. We get scared. Terrified of experiencing the same pain all over again so we play hide and seek with ourselves, as much as fear is your worst enemy, it can be full of such clever guise it can trick you into believing it's your best friend. That means you can be scared and have no idea your scared. "Your just being safe," you tell yourself, this isn't about fear, it's about protection. Yet those who dont seek to find never discover the answers their looking for.
Strength isn't about isolation. If it was all those multi million dollar corporations you hear about would all be run just by one person. They'd have no employees, and they may not even have acquired their full networth. All the different strands provide the various information. Support is about building a strong framework, a strong network around yourself. Sources you can tap into, resources that can assist you when your too vulnerable to help yourself. We need to learn from those around us and outside of ourselves. We need to know our strengths and improve upon our weaknesses.

It's cool to have those private moments to ourselves and not let everybody elses stuff filter in and drive us insane. Yet if you've made yourself chlaustrophobic because of fear and your a naturally social or outgoing person, start to reach out little by little.