Mistakes as Moulding

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Our mistakes can either be the making, the shaping or the breaking of us. Don't condemn your judgement, often even the bad choices we make come from a good place. Recently I was having a discussion with my mother about dating, I specifically asked her to start picking, my choice in partners and potential friends, because so far. Some of the people i'd invested in had shown themselves to be cruel, dishonest, false, and some even a threat to my safety. She smiled at me then and said the most bizarre thing, in the most offhand tone. Something I hadn't said to myself in years, because the anger within had gnawed so deep. "I TRUST YOUR JUDGEMENT." Huh . I almost collapsed right there, then I realised.

In order to move forward in life you have to trust yourself 100 %. People may let you down, they may disappoint, they may hurt or betray, but when you minus the one, your the one that's left. We find it hard to forgive ourselves the bad choices. When actually we were simply looking for buried treasure in all the wrong places, that doesn't make you an idiot, dumb, stupid, naieve, it makes you hopeful. Sometimes you meet the wrong people to learn the right lesson. This person takes often, and gives little, their not a good investment for friendship in the long run. This person has a jealous nature will they build me up or tear me down? This person likes to belittle others, are they being honest in what they think of me. Nobody is perfect. We are all evolving creatures, masterpieces of our own mental creations. Forgive yourself the bad choices that you made and try and learn from them. In order to get across a river there will be stepping stones, each one brings you closer to the other side, to a more fulfilling destination. Love yourself, forgive yourself. It was a mistake, it wasn't meant to break you. You were meant to learn the lesson, now you can go on with the rest of life's class.

Eating up Enthusiasm for life

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Where is your enthusiasm? Where is your excitement for life? Find it. If you know where it is and the universe is being stubborn, fight for it. With everything In your being. We only live once, excuses won't make us feel better when we don't take the actions we need to take to transform our lives. Judging other people for their choices won't fix your life. What's happening in your life? Where's your progress? What are your goals and ambitions? What is your motivation? In life sometimes we find ourselves stranded. We are on an Island, and this Island of our own thoughts , own discontent keeps us regulating a life in constant rotation of negative choices. Pick a positive assertive choice for you. It's not who they think you are. It's who you know you are. Know your worth. This is your life. It isn't a trial, it isn't a practice run, it's happening. Find things to be joyful about. If you find yourself trapped in a situation you don't want to be in, find a way out, but do not, let yourself crumble. Real strength comes from tough times. Our tough times define eaxctly who we are. We are strength. We are courage, we are knowledge, and we are wisdom in one. Fight for what is deep within you, the good things, let them come to the surface and show you the light.

Respecting your Rules

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We have to find ways to validate who we are, respect ourselves and honour our own existence; If you are someone who falls under the sweet spell of flattery too easily, beware.. A poison tongue is on it's way. Words have power. And if you let other people's words control you, they will mold you into something you don't recognise. When I was younger I had two female friends who I'll never forget. They were attractive young women who got quite a bit of male attention. They had both been comfortable with me in a supportive role, being a shadow whilst they were allowed to shine and show the best of themselves, counsel them about everything in relation to men, basically be the friend that helps them dissect and overanalyse everything, yet when there was a shift and I wanted to focus on my own life, and fix some of the problems that had arisen, there became a problem. Yet whilst supporting them I was the greatest person on Earth.
People are not lego. Sometimes we get caught up in trying to build them up, fixing them or supporting them doesn't guarantee fixing yourself. Your life shouldn't become their life. You need to work on you. The more i tried to 'fix' my 'friend' who seemed completely obsessed with making all the wrong choices when it came to men, the more distracted i was, the less i focussed on building my own self esteem and confidence. When i did decide to focus on building my self esteem, confidence, business projects and independance , i suddenly became the most selfish person ever.The problem wasnt primarily me, or the guys my friends were dating, it was all of us collectively. We should have all been making better choices i'm considering now. I should have tried to be my own best friend before i tried to be someone elses. My friend should have created some boundaries for the guys she dated so she'd feel valued respected and appreciated. Sadly she thought saying no to a guy you like would guarantee he'd hate you. The guys fully aware that there are plenty of fish in the sea, shouldn't have led on,someone so insecure,vulnerable,and terrified of being left. Ultimately life is full of choices, it would be great if we always made the right ones.Yet simply put, i guess we all have to accept that were only human.

How to deal with Life's distractions

image by Scott James Prebble

There will always be something to distract or throw you off a challenge you set for yourself. It was a seed you planted, an idea you had; but a friend calls, the tv beckons, a family member wants to have a ten hour long discussion about something which is barely pressing. You have work to do. It may make you unpopular for a little bit, it may bring out the moaners and the gossipers, it may make those around you become very suspicious. Yet because they are also a top priority, you explain very cooly and calmly, with much assertion. "I am making a choice, which could change my life, i love you, i want to spend time with you, but this is also a priority."

The future is all about the choices we make in the now. Choices that wont always make you the most liked, loved, appreciated, but choices which are pressing. Great futures don't simply happen with talk. Great futures don't just happen because some how, you managed to lazily weave what you needed to do, between the inner crevices of what we have to do. Our daily functions, which can be quite systematic. If you are planning to write and you say i'll produce an hour of work every day, do that. If it's exercise, an hour every day, make it happen. Singing, dancing, a computer program, do it. Your word needs to mean something to you. You need to trust your own word. I've been there there's nothing more frustrating than asking the tedious question, i said i would do this today, but will i? Do i trust myself enough to have the faith to take my work to the next level? Do i belief i've built up enough emotional strength to think i have the mental capacity to take on my own self doubt?

Consistency is the key. Reminding yourself that you simply have to start and you'll build up momentum from there. Get yourself into state, from there you will ease yourself into flow.

How to raise your standards:

See it as simply as this. If you dont raise your standards not only will you experience the frustration that comes with crumb getting, or picking guys at the bottom of the barrell, you'll experience sheer humiliation when you discover. After having turned your head, gotten your attention, guys like this will simply languish in the bliss of it, not having to put the real work in. Recently i experienced this. At an extremely low point in my life, depressed and quite lonely from time to time. I let my head be turned by a guy who had no self esteem, no self respect, no courage, and absolutely no scruples. This same guy who always seemed to want me to notice him,loiter and hover to get my attention,park literally on my doorstep if i didn't pay him any mind. As soon as it became potential public knowledge that this guy might actually like me, rather than being a man and stepping up, because the people around him didn't like me, he quickly joined them to tear me to shreds.From nasty comments,to loudmouthed ridicule, anything to fit in. This guy was the archetypal looser. He wasn't intelligent, didn't have a lot of money, wasn't the best looking guy out there. What he had was low self esteem, and used my vulnerabilities as a leverage to get him some kudos. Where am i going with this? Ladies have your standards. Raise the bar. Let the right guy put in the work, and seek out the jewel. A looser doesn't cut it. There are so many excuses you can make for his let downs, decide you deserve better, and attract better.