Freedom and Forgiveness

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Anger unchecked becomes bitterness. It stays in the pit of your stomach, it rests there until it festers long enough to become part of your cycle. Sometimes we find were angry at first for all the right reasons, but as time passes the intensity of the anger doesn't add up.We begin to justify it, become our own lawyers, look for ways to validate our argument even though enough time has passed for us to privately conclude, somewhere along the interaction we were not Saint. We were also sinner. Letting things go is one of the hardest things to do in life, yet sometimes you have to, not for the other person but for yourself. Forgiving them doesn't mean asking them out for drinks, going out on the town, having a shopping trip, i realised something. When people hurt us they loose more than what they gain. They loose our time, our trust and our respect. Once the glory sheen wears off, and the action or the behaviour they carried out to either humiliate or just in an attempt to throne themselves wears off, they've lost you, and they will aways miss you. I believe life moves in cycles, envy and insecurity cloud judgement, for a few minutes or even a year of fame, the same person who set out to establish some sort of respect for themselves sadly will seek you out, but by then most likely you wont want to hear it. It's not because your cold or heartless or even mean, it's because your probably still trying to forgive yourself for taking a risk on that person the first time. I once took a risk on someone with the assumption that they were quote unquote a good guy, now i question what the concept of a good guy actually means. Forgive yourself. People punish us and that's fair enough, but to go on and punish yourself. Were angry because we have standards, because we were hurt, because there's lines which others shouldn't cross but they do because their only human, and human beings love to test boundaries. Remember the iintent behind what you did. You don't have to grin at the person, or make jokes with them, if they speak to you and you have the patience to be cordial, then go ahead. Just remember, what people do to you, they also do to themselves. Forgive yourself for the mistakes that you made because you may make those mistakes again, what do you plan to do the next time....hang yourself. We lead with our hearts often, rarely our heads, it's part of the human condition. Forgiveness is freedom, it gives you the permission to trust yourself to make the right choices and learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are something we all have in common. Forgiveness stops us from being guaded, it relaxes our protection field. Were free to live and breathe. If someone has hurt you painfully, with dishonesty, cruelty, ridicule or malice, now you know exactly where to place them, and you can cultivate more fruitful relationships.

Healing through hurt: Forgive yourself

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Sometimes we like the idea of someone more than the person themselves, when reality comes to us the pain doesn't just sting, we look at a self we once trusted and ask it a string of suspicious questions. Our subconscious becomes the FBI. Why did you really think this was a good person? Why did you really invest that time trying to get to know them? Why did you try and make such an effort for them? Why didn't you see all the holes and gaps? How could you not clock that you were in the midst of quick Sand? My answer, because were only Human. People often display their best selves, everybody wants to be the Fairytale and not the Horror Story. A Serial killer would never walk up to you and say "Hi my name's Bob, i'm a Taurus, i'm also a serial killer," people often conceal the dark parts of their identity, because we like to be liked. People like to be liked. If you made a bad judgement call, invested poorly in someone, thought they were someone they were not, forgive yourself today. It's not just them you have to forgive it's you, because we punish ourselves for the crimes we allow others to commit to us.

Mistakes as Moulding

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Our mistakes can either be the making, the shaping or the breaking of us. Don't condemn your judgement, often even the bad choices we make come from a good place. Recently I was having a discussion with my mother about dating, I specifically asked her to start picking, my choice in partners and potential friends, because so far. Some of the people i'd invested in had shown themselves to be cruel, dishonest, false, and some even a threat to my safety. She smiled at me then and said the most bizarre thing, in the most offhand tone. Something I hadn't said to myself in years, because the anger within had gnawed so deep. "I TRUST YOUR JUDGEMENT." Huh . I almost collapsed right there, then I realised.

In order to move forward in life you have to trust yourself 100 %. People may let you down, they may disappoint, they may hurt or betray, but when you minus the one, your the one that's left. We find it hard to forgive ourselves the bad choices. When actually we were simply looking for buried treasure in all the wrong places, that doesn't make you an idiot, dumb, stupid, naieve, it makes you hopeful. Sometimes you meet the wrong people to learn the right lesson. This person takes often, and gives little, their not a good investment for friendship in the long run. This person has a jealous nature will they build me up or tear me down? This person likes to belittle others, are they being honest in what they think of me. Nobody is perfect. We are all evolving creatures, masterpieces of our own mental creations. Forgive yourself the bad choices that you made and try and learn from them. In order to get across a river there will be stepping stones, each one brings you closer to the other side, to a more fulfilling destination. Love yourself, forgive yourself. It was a mistake, it wasn't meant to break you. You were meant to learn the lesson, now you can go on with the rest of life's class.

Pasts versus present:Negative ghosts

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The ghosts of the pasts should often stay in the past, but we find ourselves plagued with the possibilities of what things could have been. Wether it's complicated, flawed, difficult or the other end of the spectrum ask yourself a key question. Would I have grown with this person? Life without progress.....well, does that sound like an inviting concept to you? The past serenades us with all it's maybe's, possibly's, could be's. It is hard to let go. Yet what is the reality, let the real people move on, whilst we turn into fictional pieces dotting along? Forgive the past if you can't. If you can befriend it, embrace it's lessons and don't forget to grow

Choosing options that heal

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Options. We all have them. Some have more than others. In the area. Of relationships, partnerships, friendships, investing more in family. Use options politely, otherwise they will feel disrespected, and disrespect you. Choose options that bring nourishment, progress and growth to you. Options bring choices. Choices either promote us or demote us in life. From a series of events which showed much lack of respect for myself, plausible loyalty, I realised something I would never forget. If you make the wrong choice and the universe forgives you, learn in some way to forgive yourself. Chose to love yourself, support those who love you and embrace their progressive energy.

Dating: Time Reveals all

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Reading too much into things, goodness who doesn't when you really like the idea of getting together with someone. If they even blink twice your convinced their winking at you, or if their taking an alternative route thus avoiding you, your ego convinces you that their shy or they like you and are too nervous to bump into you. Denial is clearly not just a river in Egypt. Here are two reality checks , great to cash in. Even the shyest guy wants you to know ultimately that he's into you. Some shy guys may do absolutely nothing about their crush, but on a basic level they want to see you and they want to be seen by you. Wake up check number two what you may see as working in those deliciously inadequate fictional ideals may be a disaster in real life. All in all though what you may see as gutsy and adventurous the other person may see as over eager and desperate. Take the time to get to know your potential partner and then you'll know if they were worth the risk or not, as always...only time will tell.

The wrong risk will fill you with much regret. I took a risk on someone who was simply low class, vile and  quite weak.....in response boy did i see what i needed to see. A cruel spirit. A guy with no self esteem, bored with his life, a follower with no leadership skills whatsoever, it was the wakeup call i needed, man did it hit me. Not only had i made the wrong character judgement and call, but there's just so much better out there. I should have built up my self esteem and went after a better man. The sad truth is though when your at a vulnerable point, you often make choices your not proud of. Forgive yourself all those choices. Forgive yourself the mistakes you've made and move on with your life. Oh yeah and sometimes its best to look more closely. Or as i should have done allowed things to reveal themselves. Let things naturally unravel, time shows all.

Ravaged by Ruminating thoughts? Why you should forgive yourself

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Its not because were dumb or silly, or stupid, or even lame. It's because above all else we can often be very naieve. We build people up in our minds, and tear them down the same way. Often times before we actually know who they really are. I had invested my romantic ideals in a fiction, a guy who id created from romance novels, and other idealistic literature. It hadn't occurred to me that reality spoke in loud volumes. This was not the guy for me.

My mistake was to then become bitter. Angry and agitated. Faith is the promise and hope of new things to come. The faith i had in the wrong person, i could have easily invested that joy in myself until the right person came along. I choose to do that. Laugh, be happy, merry, charismatic, funny, outgoing, joyful , boisterous, stubborn, funny, and celebrate who i am. It is a mistake to judge and condemn yourself for choosing the wrong people. A woman who condemns herself as weak for dating an emotionally and physically abusive man was not slapped on the first date, or battered on the second. This woman probably wasn't insulted or made to feel small for months, and then over time she saw the images more clearly, but in the mean time her confidence began to disintegrate until there was nothing left of her self esteem.We make bad choices, it's part of being a human being. It's a lesson we have to learn within ourselves. If your kicking yourself for a bad choice, forgiveness is the only way you will move on. Forgive yourself, and escape the prison of obsessive ruminating thoughts.