High Heels and Hop Scotch: Signs your girlfriend/partner has not grown up

 

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Somebody call crime watch , these tantrums should be illegal. Yet somehow they are not and you find yourself in a relationship where your consistently walking on tripwires, hot coal or convinced there are planes circling overhead. Most of us have either been this person or have been stressed out from the drama of being in  a relationship with this type of individual. They never grew out of their spoilt brat complex and are convinced a relationship with you is all about your skill and ability to be an enabler.  Do you feel as though 'yes' is the only answer they want to hear? That constructive criticism guarantees an ensuing slaughter of digs, insults or passive aggressive behaviour. Maybe their queen speciality is the firework flip out, or explosive tantrums. You also find that a lot of your time is either spent appeasing their insecurities whilst they childishly try and compete, belittle, or begrudge whichever innocent victim has strayed into their riot of emotional issues. Are they petty, bitter, ridiculously spiteful, and refuse to never take responsibility for poor behaviour.  Are they obsessed with image and looking or appearing strong rather than investing in actually being strong,
Being around them you almost feel as though your back in high school or pre school, and you feel constantly dragged into the sewer of their immature games.

For any relationship to survive the key is honesty and good communication. Love and sensuality are key elements, along with trust, yet there also has to be respect and boundaries. I understand someone being so frustrated and reacting to feeling so disrespected they just explode. They light up like a gas tank. That is also down to poor communication. If you cannot express to the person your close to that your feeling bruised or hurt, betrayed, or taken for granted, however ridiculous it may sound to you, there is a problem and this problem is called communication. How do we try and improve our relationships, we listen more, and we try to express ourselves honestly. What is helping your situation? Ask them, why are you really reacting like this? What's upsetting you, lets talk about this. People like to be heard. Often poor behaviour is a side effect of either feeling ignored, or a misunderstanding somewhere in the relationship.

If you become aware that this person is using their behaviour as a platform for complete control within the relationship, then don't be an enabler. If they kick up throw a tantrum or give you the silent treatment give them some space for the mood to settle, and when you feel things have cooled a little, give them your perspective in a cool and even tone. A mature tone. Allow both sides to be heard with less judgement.

Lies for the Languid: How to spot an easy liar

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I recently had an experience where someone who I thought was an honest person began to lie, consistently. Along with their lies came their justifications, came their aggression, and what lurked within the sheets of a warped elongated tongue. Fear. Exposing a liar, is in those seconds of miniature expressions. Those things that a keen eye cannot miss. "I didn't take the money," they argue aggressively, their tone is defensive, saying don't push this, their eyes dart towards an exit looking for a potential escape. It's in the crevices of body language, and the throbbing of your gut instinct. The friend who says their happy you've just landed your dream job, then dismisses further chatter or excited banter about it, eager to focus on a past mistake you made. Or decide to make you feel insecure by going for a topic of discussion in your social group that either makes you feel alienated or has you feeling as though your barefoot walking on hot glue. What about that friend who says she's happy your new boyfriend and you got together but spends most of her time flirting with him or discussing your other exes to make them feel uncomfortable, or question you in some way.

There are different types of liars. Some liars are very strategic, tactical, and manipulative. One thing is guaranteed, in time with all liars, the more you collect fabrics of the story, the more none of it will add up. There will be holes in their story. Their reactions to certain incidences and their behaviour wont add up.

There will be a drawn out silence, some liars actually by instinct elongate the mouth a little, in a curved smile. Liars are the bane of every principled person's existence. Some liars lie so regularly and so effectively you actually believe their lies are genuine. The false victim who is actually winding up someone till the person lashes out.
Sadly some liars are so good at telling lies, they should get an Oscar for it. Pay attention to body language. Someone who lies yet looks away
A mini expression
A diversion of eye contact
Backtracking
Stories that just don't add up
A dramatic reaction to something minor. Ask the liar the same question at a later date, in a more relaxed tone. When the liar feels they are less under surveillance, they wont stutter or stammer, they will just reproduce the story in a completely different format. Key things to do when sensing someone is lying to you is act completely natural and calm. Learn the art of hiding your true hand until your ready, this means, not narrowing your eyes, not turning a simple conversation into an aggressive interrogation. If you have a boss that tends to lie and be deceptive, with certain people you may need to document or even record what they say because their agenda is not just to backtrack but could actually be more sinister than that.

Tearing down the towers: Bitter people and keeping your distance

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People who tear others down are never happy. They may be amused, or amusing, but happiness is homeless within their circles. If you find yourself driven by a circle of people who only fraternise by belittling others, or get a real sense of joy by making others feel bad, find yourself a new group of people to associate with. If you have family members like this and you don't agree with their behaviour tell them you disagree. Your aim is not to be the one to fix their behaviour, it's to let them know you know what's behind it. Jealousy. It is easy to go along with the crowd. Sometimes we do it because we love them and we know what their good qualities are, the reality is though. One day they will do it to the wrong person and find themselves in the worst situation. Do you stand back and secretly gloat because you knew what they were like all along, or do you sing their victim swan song with them? Simply put, we are who we associate ourselves with. If we associate ourselves with bitter catty people, we become bitter, catty and synical without realising. Faited is never outdated. Pick your friends wisely. Keep the catty and their sharp claws at a distance because one day, they will turn them on you, and then.....what will you do? After all.....you could have predicted this.

Agenda: Why a bully thinks your the hottest target

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When in the presence of a bully or someone trying desperately to desecrate all over you, keep that neck tall and that head held high. You are saying, you cannot break me, you cannot harm me, I'm stronger than you and we both know it.

 I used to come across someone who specialised in belittling me. If there was a degree in it, she'd probably try and upgrade to a masters.The only way she could be funny, entertaining, interesting was by making me the butt of her joke. It made her feel confident. As those around her, egged her on, promoted her foolish behaviour to a platform, she started to feel as though she had something to offer. Yet in true jealous,bully form, her insecurities would still creep into her head, whispering sweet nothings in her ear.Her jealousy was painfully transparent, especially when men were involved.

Simply put the source of most bullying is insecurity. I'm not saying that the targets of bullies are often saintly,innocent victims, because i'm not. I'm quite feisty and quite tough. Bullying can happen to anyone. Wether your having a weak moment, or your seen as a threat in some way. Bullying happens.

What you need to keep in perspective is the real agenda behind it. Most people slump into the victim state of mind believing that the problem is them. What's wrong with me? I'm so flawed, so damaged. People dont like me...That's what the bully wants you to think, unless you genuinely are a nightmare. Most of the time you have to assert your strength by paying attention to what the agenda is. Is it jealousy? You've suddenly gotten the interest off someone they like and they cant stand it, you get too much attention and are paid too many compliments, or maybe your smart, charismatic, sociable, whatever the reason, look for the agenda behind it.