Investing in the individual: Clocking a cowardly guy

How could he lie like this? The same guy that paced me like a shadow, stalked me like a predator wasn't just saying bad things about me, he was saying disgusting things about me. My ears throbbed my throat constricted i felt sick that just for a moment, a second, a drop of a breath, i thought this looser was worth something. I wondered if maybe i had become so lonely that i was seeing things that weren't there. Mere ego, shallowness and self glorification like a jealous person close to him had pronounced. Then i remembered exactly who i was, and what the people around me had seen. A guy who was too scared to even exist, and the way he'd watched me for years, or asked questions about me, curious to engage in my world. In a moment of humility and vulnerability i'd stripped myself bare....saying this is who i am. Humour, kindness, cheekiness, guts. It was a note. A brave note. In response i saw a bully, desperate to acquire respect from those around him. Not by actually standing for something, but abusing something he felt made him very powerful. From seeing him appear 'conveniently' till it became obviously suspicious....the man with no spine, suddenly vanished. He didn't actually disappear, i could actually hear the loud cackling from his dire attempt to compete at sibling rivalry.

These are the cowards we should always avoid. People who appear to be something else, but are like an apple pie with maggots in them. If you sense someone is like that, weak, and will dust you as soon as anything happens. They wont face you to question you or see if youre okay, or think this person has always been decent to me, they'll think 'what will other people think?' Ironically i actually got out of it what i was seeking without realising. For a while it sucked being the butt of his families joke, and a bitter attempt at trying to make me look small. I realised though ultimately i got what i wanted. Shy guys appear mysterious, vulnerable, and in the case of him you are grossly mislead to think he's a 'nice person.'  When we think of  investing in an individual sometimes it's trial and error and your instincts will trick you. Dont go on who you think they might be, roll the dice and get merry on that. Take the time to know who they actually are, fiction shouldn't be the finality, a fake person doesn't cut it.

image by Rhoddi
image by other Joseph

Why he cant take his eyes off you but wont ask you out?

Picture by beautiful nobody


How frustrating. The guy of your dreams keeps looking at you, and it's not the yikes you disgust me kind of look. Its those lingering stares you see in the movies, you know, the ones that make you freeze midway into your popcorn. Damn, you want that moment, the hypnotised stare, the nervous, "i er..i like you a lot, will you..." Yet your cap'n Romeo stud slash prince charming is turning this into a marathon. Simply put, you wont actually know until he tells you, or he gets comfortable enough to tell someone your close to. Maybe you make him nervous. I remember liking someone that made me so nervous i used to cross the street everytime i saw him.

Hypnotised by phoenixkeyblack

Are you sensing this dreamboat is trying to get close? Is he always licking his lips, do people keep telling you they saw him watching your bum,  asking questions about you, likes and dis likes, finding ways to be of assistance,  warming up to it. He just needs to be a bit more comfortable in his skin, so he can be the alpha male he worships on tv. Get the lay of the land, and then go for what he wants. If your picking up signs of shyness, smile more often when you see him, don't turn yourself into a macleans toothpaste advert, just a subtle smile will do the trick for now. Maybe even a polite compliment here and there, Then simply go back to all the amazing topics you were discussing with the person in front of you.

The smile will invite him in. If he starts happening to be where you are, doesn't disappear like someone running from debt collectors everytime he sees you, narrowly missing the bus right in front of him, sounds like a plus to me, my love. If you keep getting mixed signals from him which most shy guys tend to give because of their terror of the opposite sex, step back a bit. All men like a challenge and love to chase. Sometimes guys wont follow up for other key reasons, he's seeing someone already , he's not ready to date, he has other options, he's dealing with a broken heart,is insecure and doesnt feel he has much to bring to the table. In the meantime whilst he's working those gorgeous issues out in his muddled head, youre still foot loose and fancy free. YOUR AVAILABLE! So feel free to talk to, and let the other guys who do have the courage to step up, and introduce themselves. They could be great to talk to, and have a laugh with. So long as you dont exhibit yourself as some sort of playboy pornstar, there's nothing wrong with you socialising.It shows your likeable, and everyone likes desired things.

Luvvv this song: Cameo candy

The moon and back (Short Story)

"It's very simple," i projected in my most smug adult tone. "Admit you're in love, crazy, smitten, hopelessly, painfully, ruthlessly in love with me." I fashioned myself to my full height, fixing my toddler hands against my hips, pouting watermelon and posing opposite an organised reflection. My brown hair fell loose, in a tangle of waves down my back, and the kiss of blue i added to heavy eyelids made the gold of my eyes shine like medallions. Teenage Fever. Last Week i'd hated Jason Emille cross, this week i'd studied him walk up and down our crowded school corridor for fifteen minutes. Analysed his discussion with Mickey Bults in front of Mrs Kafan's lunchtime vegetable spaghetti. I can lip read so across a twenty second distance i saw their mouths, rotate and halt.It was an intensely political debate about Xmen versus Batman, the original animation. I grit my teeth as Jessica Jones trotted by 'slag' swinging her huge buttocks from left to right, fully aware that 99.9% of the male eyes swam towards her. Hungry shark eyes. I patted my bum self consciously, noticing with a tinge of irritation that my denim stretch Jeans had too much stretch, and my pink t shirt didn't display succulent breasts, but an arrested development in growth. "Jeeze i hate being fifteen."
My friend Mia lifted her orange curls from the tray of glamour magazines lined on the bed. "Fuck i hate being fifteen,"
"Who needs teenage years anyway," her sapphire eyes spun with amusement.
"Seriously, all you do is analyse life, or spend time disecting guys you never gave the time too before," i groaned dramatically.It was like the groan you make with runs on the toilet seat. "When did this happen to me. I never..ever..liked this guy before,"
"Shit your obsessed with him now,"
"You call it obsession. I call it intense distraction." Mia fixed her mouth to a thin wire line. " It's the whole face stretching, tyranosaurus rex, height thing," i nodded in detailed agreement.
"Age is such a cunt. Why did his face have to stretch, and his voice have to break so deeeeeep," i remember Syrine Wilcox describing a conversation with him being like swimming in a bath of hot chocolate. It depends how you look at it. Hot chocolate makes some think of sex, whilst others just relate it to falling asleep. The worst thing about being a teenager is having to admit you'r just as shallow as everyone else. Suddenly a flood of girls admitted to liking him, and i didn't have to feel weird, or pretend to be angry when his bedroom eyes dripped all over me. On one School trip to 'make believe mars' an adventure to the local safari park, TOTAL SHIT, i'd actually spent the whole bus ride ice block frozen in the same pose. A vogue pout, which included an exclamation mark scowl, in case he knew....i'd begun to enjoy his heated stares. So much so that despite my jelly belly, and owl like frames, i had moved three seats closer in spanish, watched a complete season of xmen, and accidentally on purpose put his name down for school prefect. He didn't win. Yet some idiot had told him i put his name down. "Gina yax would never put me down she loathes me," he announced in a thick tone, loud enough for me to hear,and possibly contest. The room was busy with silence, eyes oohed and mouths mutely uhmmed. "Gina," he teased "i'm your biggest fan." Which translated means F you, i don't give a shit about your opinions.

"It's very simple," Jason Cross had cornered me by the edge of the basketball court, his lean frame a sky scraper, his magnetic eyes absorbing every flinch of movement. "Gina Gi you nominated me to be some stupid class prefect, you know i stare at you,"
i smiled coyly, "sometimes i wonder what your looking for." I flicked my crisp white watch pretending to be distracted. I had my red chequered mini skirt on, and the black polo neck my mum had kept, a gift from her latest divorce. "I guess..." he glanced up at the grey white sky briefly,the scene looked like a painting i'd seen on one of those free art websites. His expression intense, seemed to match the afternoon sky, his navy blue denim jeans, with fitted matching sweater, were almost a click match. Blue was his nervous colour. Every presentation he'd stammered through on Shakespeare, or economics he'd advertised how amazing navy blue could look on an image of raw beauty. I crossed my fingers anxiously behind my back, he soldiered on,smacking his tongue against a plump mouth, worshiping shuffling suede shoes every 3 minutes. I was counting mentally.
" well," he began in a flat lecture monotone "Jennifer Layman asked me out this morning. She says i was too shy to talk so she did it, and erm," he cleared his throat, "some crap about me being intimidated and bull. Like erm.." he paused to pull threads of thought together. "Like one of those guys whose scared of women."
"So?"
"In Laymans terms, i told Jen Layman, if i liked her enough i'd ask her out." I thought id quit biting my lips, but i could feel myself chomping them. "I think your pretty in that interesting way that not everybody likes,"

"Your basically saying i'm ugly." He shook his head adamnantly.
"I like the look of you. I'm not on any athletics team, or a zillionaire's son, i stare a lot," his gaze levelled and narrowed " and i think you like it." I scanned the growing audience ignoring helicopter whispers, and green eyed stared. "Get to know me? I'm not bad,er..will you go out with me?" he released in one full expulsion. It was like a drowning person expelling that belch of air and water. Moses Bright and the other players had clambered unto the b-ball court, spinning two red and white autographed balls as the coach bounded on screeching authourity through the high pitched shriek of a whistle. My heart leapt like a junior jumping skipping rope. I waved at my cousin kev, Mia's boyfriend that would be driving me home shortly. "Yeah Okay," i tossed cooly. "Where?"
"3 trips to the moon and back." He flashed a brilliant smile that made my whole body melt. "Yeah whatever, that pancake house right?" He shoved his hands in his pocket self consciously, "yeah."
"I like chocolate. I had a coffee pancake once." He quirked his brows in confusion. "Who does that?"
"Me i guess."

How can you tell you have a crush? Que vid

Wow we've all been there, the beginnings of a crush. Threading on wire, rehearsed an almost perfect diction,theme park stomache, stones in your throat, sweaty palms, and the heightened anticipation.

Were always scared we'll do something wrong in front of our crush, and aren't those perfect insecurities magnified times ten.

Funny things make me realise i have a crush.For example normally i wiggle my hips when i walk, when my crush is around or even in the vicinity, i walk ruler straight, divert gaze constantly, or stare intensely.

Pick smart sounding words, and...this is the mover and shaker. Slowly peel my jacket off, then nervously put it back on again. I have strange habbits like keeping a jacket on when i feel uncomfortable, it's an ocd thing. Or i'm always the martian you see wearing a bomber jacket in oven heat, or tight mini shorts when the sky's sobbing with rain. Anyway i saw this clip about how it feels to have a crush...by jolly i had to share it.