what it means when a shy guy gives you all the green signals and nothing happens

Lady, so you are sitting there blank as a sheet, you flirted up a storm and now your emotionally exhausted. Wow did that take some skill, you don't even giggle like that, and those more conservative colours you wore to express a more subtle style... Well the tights were itching the hell out of you. Let's be real. Men, all men are hunters, although feminism has made women more empowered  and believe they can take the lead truth is, the guy your interested in can use a phone. He can text, call, send an email, by heck if he's really creative he can send a postcard.



Buy my new ebook The whisper of dreams Purchase a copy of my new ebook The whisper of dreams https://www.amazon.co.uk/Whisper-Dreams-Otatade-Okojie-ebook/dp/B07N687SRR/ref=zg_bsnr_362718031_17?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=PHKC2M5RNJ78E04HXP55)

We love to make excuses for the one that got away, so we can go into uber feminist mode take the action away from the guy, yet you reframe the power in the situation. You become the hunter, not only will he tell his buddies, it will be the ego boost a guy with low self esteem needs and you might be setting yourself up to be someone's foot stool for self esteem. I've learnt from very toxic experiences with men that the more you make them work for it the more you show you have value.

Low self esteem guys are complex creatures all in all, they are a conumdrum. We are all fixing ourselves, the guy you want, may not be ready for a relationship, he may not be confident in his skin, he may have baggage, or he may actually just have been a guy who enjoys flirting which is actually some peoples way of communication.


Here it is in a nutshell, what you need to know. You are gorgeous, and lovable, and worthy of love, the right guy is right round the corner. One day you'll think of this guy and the next day you won't anymore. You are special, continue to build yourself up, and don't spend your lifetime analysing people who have probably moved on and are living their best live. Yet then we all need to take our own advice, I kid you not.

Purchase a copy of my new ebook The whisper of dreams https://www.amazon.co.uk/Whisper-Dreams-Otatade-Okojie-ebook/dp/B07N687SRR/ref=zg_bsnr_362718031_17?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=PHKC2M5RNJ78E04HXP55) 

The real embarrassments

Society seems to be full of idiots who want to tear you down but demand your respect, your validation, secretly they want you to like them. Do.disappoint. fear and respect are two different things, you need and so do they to u.understand, someone who fears you can one day take a bullet to the back of your head, respect warrants that they don't. Little Hitler's are all about destroying your confidence, piece by piece, then begging you to like them. They will do anything and everything to get your attention, once they do, they'll hate you because they had to try so hard. Here it is in a nutshell, respect is earned. Priceless, and irredeemable once it's lost. When we loose respect for people we hate them twice as much as those who wronged us, because once upon a time we had respect for them, now it's all but dissipated into thin air. You look at them with eagle eyes, because now you really can eat them alive,barring their principles as they have none.

Kicking the arse of a cold hearted crush

image from tumblr


Brilliant. So i was thinking to myself what would i do if my crush ever came across my romantic ramblings online.Well, Most perfectly sane people would simply lie through their back teeth, going out of their way to convince their crush they have absolutely no feelings for them whatsoever. Especially if their crush has acted badly.
Yet me, a strange martian, from a strange region in mars, have actually visualised myself debating quite fiercely with my crush, about who the crush belongs too. Totally warped i know. "It's not your crush it's mine. These are my feelings, and i have to deal with them"
"What?" My crush would ask in puzzlement,
"Well," and i actually visually created a whole court case scenario, nothing too Oj.
"Now all the evidence points to REJECTION. You won't sit with me, ignore me often, are mean when you have the chance to be nice,"
"So why not deal with it like a normal Sane person, go on a few dates, snob me back, be rude to me back,"
"Because i'm a writer, and i'm a bit eccentric."
"What's wrong with you? I mean seriously, don't you have a boyfriend, cant you get one," he ponders a moment, "don't you have a life?"
"Yes i do." He'll quirk his brows in deep confusion,then step back with hostility. My response? " So long as i'm not acting on these curiosities, infringing on your personal space, forcing conversation till the point you want to shoot me, pallying up with your friends, if i wasn't so visually obvious, you'd never have a clue. Now leave me alone i wanna write about this."

Why would i take on such a stance? Well, people act like being rejected by a crush is something your supposed to be utterly ashamed of. Crap. Were only human, the nature of human beings is to attract and connect. Sometimes the magnetism doesn't work so well,and you end up drawing the circus, or not drawing at all. The expression of love and warmth is a gift, it's also a responsibility. If you share that vulnerability with someone, if you haven't been sadistic or cruel in any way, it says a lot about who they are as an individual. I'm not saying everybody should be break dancing because someone is smitten, or attracted to them, i'd say simply take it for what it is. A compliment. I've been on both sides of the coin, and from my own past immaturity,and some mind boggling experiences, i've learnt to be respectful of someone of kind heart expressing their feelings. If someone has a crush on you and you've acted like a jerk, i promise you those feelings fade, and one day you'll miss their smitten anxious presence by your side. You'll miss the match work conversation that never lit and most of all, you'll resent the fact you weren't a Gentleman or a lady.

It's as simple as this. Crushes are not love their like smoke, it catches you, and there comes a time you blow it out. We've all heard of those guys or girls who act extremely immaturely or cruelly towards someone when they have a crush, only years later to find out that person ends up a millionaire or famous. Rightly so. I dunno if you've ever acted apaullingly to someone who showed too much interest one man or woman's trash is definitely another one's treasure.

Reacting to Rejection

image by Gavade

Rejection sucks. Especially when you feel rejected by someone you pursued because you were vulnerable. Sometimes in life we make silly choices. Investing in the wrong type of people for all the wrong kind of reason's. Vulnerability, fear, loneliness, poor judgement. Luckily for us,sometimes mistakes can be rectified. Whatever the reason, there are over eighty million people on Earth. As lonely as you felt at the time, or needy, or deflated, there are people who want the changes you want and will support you in that goal. People who will laugh with you, love your dry wit and poor humour, all those quirky things about yourself that make you question if you deserve affection. Life is too short. Have fun. There's no need to chase after ghosts, allow yourself to move forward. Enjoy yourself, you only live once. If you reach out to someone and they reject you, they are saving you time. Someone once said to me. Money you can always get back, millionaires and billionaires waste their money, squander it sometimes, and  it's retrievable; yet when we waste our time, it is something we can never get back. Invest your time wisely. It is the one thing in life which appears as though it cannot be recycled.

Damaged but not destroyed

image by TTK PHOTO

Every corner you turn there's always someone trying to tell you the ten steps, the twenty steps and onwards to build your self esteem. It's gratifying at the time, and you feel as though your taking positive action....yet, I wonder if someone can actually tell you how to be who you are. We have to face ourselves, lack of self esteem is about fear, of rejection , feeling inadequate and sometimes alienated. Someone should have told us that from the day your born till the day you die, there will always be someone who doesn't like you for who you are. Someone who may act cruel, or gossip, or humiliate. Someone whose felt so inadequate for so long, they feel good tearing other people down. You will need to face your fears, you may even have to suck it up. Damaged but not destroyed. Your still breathing, standing, and if your strong smiling. Time is a great healer, who also reminds us of who we are. Build on those positive building blocks.

Injuring insecurity:Holding unto your joy

image from: www.barnesprimaryschool.org


Every corner you turn there's always someone trying to tell you the ten steps, the twenty steps and onwards to build your self esteem. It's gratifying at the time, and you feel as though your taking positive action....yet, I wonder if someone can actually tell you how to be who you are. We have to face ourselves, lack of self esteem is about fear of rejection , feeling inadequate and sometimes alienated. Someone should have told us that from the day your born till the day you die, there will always be someone who doesn't like you for who you are. Someone who may act cruel or gossip, or humiliate. Someone whose felt so inadequate for so long, they feel good tearing other people down. You will need to face your fears, you may even have to suck it up. Damaged but not destroyed. Your still breathing, standing, and if your strong smiling. Time is a great healer, who also reminds us of who we are. Build on those positive building blocks. Stand firm in who you are, grow, and remember, your here for a reason. Your pain may push you towards your promise. Use it, channel it, and move forward. We live once, we deserve to live positive, happy lives. Dont let anybody steal your joy. Joy is infectious. Joy is attractive, it will draw people to you.

Dating Disasters: How to deal with cruel rejection

image by midnight00

Dealing with rejection/being snubbed/ridiculed by someone who you thought liked you can be a nightmare. You go back and forth through all the woven strands, their body language said this, it looked like they wanted to be near you, your head seemed to screech with the idea that maybe this guy could be the guy.....go for it....go for it.....splat.

first move in your own personal game of chess, let it go: Some things aren't meant for you. It may not seem so now, but the universe is trying to teach you a lesson rather than pro-longing the pain. You've been saved hours, weeks, months, possibly years. There are people now trapped in the wrong kind of relationship, because nobody had the heart to say no to them. That 'no' has saved you, from being led on, wasting time that could be well spent on your progress, on something as basic as pining or analysing.

There are loads of celebrities today, absolute stunners, who were actually turned down. The way someone rejects you also says a lot about their character. It speaks in volumes all the things they kept covered. For example someone who seemed shy, or quiet, might actually be a total jerk. Someone who seemed nice and kind, could even be quite villainous. If you take a risk on someone and they decide that now they are in a position of power, they will blast your nervous vulnerability all over the place with megaphone arrogance, then you know this is the real person.

You haven't missed out on much.Rejection, ridicule,snobbery, in time you will get over it, also you will find a partner who has better character. Sometimes we debate with ourselves, dragging out the agony. Let it go, it's done, and you have been saved a most costly plight. This does not me those same troubled feelings wont pop up, the hurt, anger, annoyance, feelings of rejection, ride them out. They will disappear with time.

Sometimes the most valuable things we learn is the lesson, and that is priceless. Take the lesson and use it.

Shame dating and the invisibility cape

Nothing hurts more than shame dating. It's like someone's rejecting you but still having the audacity to grin in your face. Actually claiming all the emotional,social,even financial support they can from you; whilst you wither away like a dying plant in the corner of their life. It hurts when your partner wont hold your hand in public, kiss you in public, introduce you to their friends, keep their real life restricted. The worst thing about these shame daters, is the questions you ask yourself over again in private, am i not attractive enough, intelligent enough, if im strong enough not to care why the hell should they? Shame daters are people you usually out class 100 to none, with maturity, independance, courage, yet shame daters are always overly conscious people.

Their obsessively worried about how you look on their arm. Conflicted with questions of whose dating who in their social circle, and how they can outclass that persons trophy lifestyle. In the shame daters book of rules, you are not enough because deep down they are not enough. Whilst you sit, slink, or melt into your skin with humiliation, or watch their eyes absorb a passing visual of 'perfection'.

A barbie doll with no brain, or an adonis with no actual charisma. Just remember that you deserve better. Also remember that you can get better. When you show this person you outclass their vanity, you will be free, much happier, and scarily enough, so much more endearing. They will realise what they missed out on as is always the case, it will be too late. You are priceless. This has been pulled on me many a time. Guys who were threatened that i wasn't a version of pretty that could earn them a pat on the back, or the type of girl their friends would worship. I am my type of girl.Non conformist, complex, flamboyant, vulnerable, unique,real. People with such a shallow mindset always miss out on something special. Unless that person is a serial killer or has another terrifying background you should never let society dictate who you should love,like, or enjoy communicating with. Life is too short, you only live once.

Crush talk: When crushes turn bad

Why on Earth do we like the people we like, and what the hell for? Especially when their jerks. I was thinking about my crush earlier today, a crush on a total arsehole. I remembered his wide brown eyes, almost bambiesque, his special word that he dropped in most conversations, and the way his face breaks into this atrociously white grin when he's winding you up. Enough to blink out the sun. I remember staring at his spider lashes so much, i definitely felt uncomfortable,and it hit me. Not that it doesn't hit me.

It always hits me. He'd never get to know me, because he judged himself too superior, and guys say only chicks do this. I entered a place with the little courage i had left in my heart, and like a starving, angry wolf, he literally tried to tear me to pieces. I think being a writer, there's that fantasy land you live in. I imagine a real conversation with him, nerves and frog in throat aside, i'd find we have nothing in common. I'd find him impatient, rude, arrogant, obnoxious at times, hold on, he's showed me that delicious side already. Why do i blog and puzzle over a guy that loathed me, snobbed me, dramatically refused to be anywhere near me? I think it's the Shakesperian in me. That hopeless romantic that's in love with the idea of being in love.

But that's the thing, he couldn't have just been anybody. There was something about him that made me look at the chair longingly when he was absent, stare, whisper out words, protect myself by keeping my jacket on. Yet there was a nasty streak that made me detest every vile bone in his body.I wonder if he's changed, grown up, decided to be less of a jerk, but i imagine when being an arsehole is second nature, it's not something you give up. I think one thing i resented most about him was consistently feeling like i was an uninvited guest in his world. Hearing from other people what a sweet hearted, laidback person he was, when to me all he showed was a smug over competitive moron.

Why do men feel the need not all of them, to compete with intelligent and successful women. Women want men we do , no matter what financial bracket were in. We want partners who will love us, who will share our likes and dislikes, our interest, who'll want to go out for a stroll and have a picnic, who'll want to come in from the cold and we slip your jacket off then with much warmth we say " how was your day, dinners on the table, try this disaster i made earlier," or we share a movie delight discussing everything we loved and hated about the film we saw with a Champagne glass between us, or maybe just a Lambrini. When i'd speak to my guy friends they'd often complain to me about this problem they had finding women, or partners, and it mused me often because they felt under appreciated, yet i noticed often when i went to the clubs or even just walking the streets, guys rarely went for the homely girl in comparison to the one who carries herself like a supermodel, wears pinched high heels, and has the stunner Makeup on. Then when these women snob them sadly i have found, that they distance themselves from the high maintenance divas, retreat to their 'intellectual friend' who probably beneath the simplicity of her dress, could make a good partner. Pining that all women are snobs and if only they were earning a certain bracket they'd have more respect for them.

Let me tell you something painful and interesting i've learned. The world can be a shallow place to live in, but often times peoples shallowness betrays them. Just because all five of your friends are after the girl with the movie star good looks, the trophy, doesn't mean she's the right fit for you in the longterm. It doesn't guarantee you'll have anything in common, but we are all guilty of the veil which hungry eyes beseech us with.