Coping with Change: Understanding evolving relationships

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Relationships change and sometimes it's the hardest thing to deal with. The ever changing push and pull tug of what did i do to change this dynamic, could i have been a better version of myself? Could i have been a more patient self? Could i have acted more as the person they gravitate to. Then we realise, we are who we are. In life the people who love you are supposed to accept you for who you are, wether it suits them or not. Sometimes you may love the bones off someone and the next day, not like them so much, the reality is we are only human. It is not a crime to be you. There was a point where i had so many people consistently telling me there was something wrong with the way i was, who i was as a person, and then i looked with disgust as these people would try and imitate me. Or people who tear you down to friends and relatives, wait till everybody's gone, try and get close to you, then when their frustrated they can't you become the bad guy. Your suddenly the villain, which means they don't have to be accountable for anything. Here it is in a nutshell, we are all allowed choice. I believe in the simplicity of it all, sometimes in life you never know what people envy about you. From your looks, to your confidence, to your personality, whatever it is. It is their problem. If your willing to learn as you grow, adapt, be vulnerable, because life is the biggest teacher. Life will humble us, and bring you to your very knees. We are all learning and we are all growing, celebrate who you are, because you only live once.

Getting over Gossip

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We've all experienced situations where the idol gossip of someone  is as a tool used to make others feel small. Let the talkers, talk till their throats rot. Let their gossip shape their life, whilst you focus on yours. Whilst they waste their time begging for the attentions of the few, use your creativity, ambition goals and ideas to capture the masses. Be a visionary and make the changes you want to happen...happen. What do you think all the great people in society had to contend with? They had to contend with critics. People who couldn't do much, but could always spend their time talking about what everybody else was doing wrong. It's their way of hiding their vulnerabilities and being in control. The more you don't care. The more it frustrates them. Inherrently, they are weak people terrified of being exposed for their vulnerabilities. They forget, we all have vulnerabilities. We all get scared, lonely, insecure, bothered, sometimes we have patience for them. Yet sadly when their cruel and they spread defamatory gossip i personally have no patience for them. I do understand though what their fears are, and where some of their fears come from.  I as you can tell have experienced much criticism, just like many of us out there have. Constructive criticism is useful,but when someone is putting you down just so people can like them i find that very weak and very pathetic.  If you find you have come across someone like that, how sad and unhappy must they be.

How to not like a looser

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How can you tell if a guy likes you? Let me tell you a story. Once a girl liked a guy, all the body language signs told her he was interested in her too, the staring, watching, bumping into, quizzing about. Upon rushing and diving in head first, not only did she realise painfully so the guy wasn't interested, she also had to put up with the 'I know you like me, I don't find you vaguely attractive avoidance dance.' That included a side platter of surplus ridicule, and consistent humiliation.

Here is something we need to embrace. If someone likes you you'll notice key things. They want to spend time with you, get to know you, make sure you know they were interested so there's no possibility of another guy getting his hands on you. They will make a conscious effort to make it clear to a world of onlookers, I desire this, I want this. Of course there is some lee way with the shy guy, or shy personality. They may do strange things like follow you like a shadow one second, then nervously cross the street when they see you the next. Or when asked if they like you, anxiously blurting out they don't, yet you see them watching or staring at you from the corner of their eye, and consistently happening to bump into you to the point where it becomes as obvious as your surname . Keep key things in mind, only time will tell, and fools rush in. Allow them the opportunity to express what their feeling if you sense it's hard for them to get it out. Just remember there's someone finding it difficult, then there's playing hard to get, then there is playing not to get. There are people who may not especially like you, but the emotional vampire in them craves the attention your giving them. Some of us are risk takers and go getters who don't fear rejection. If you are, and determined to make a bold step, make sure your stepping towards the right person. Otherwise you could find yourself being carted off in one of life's wheelchairs. Pick someone with positive character traits. Someone you will respect, and who will respect you.

Ridding rejected feelings

The charm offensive. The dashing smile. Most of us embrace a smile, it's welcoming. It's open body language, it says, 'i'm inviting you into my world.' Or sometimes we smile just to be polite. Then there's the pushed out smile, when you can't stand someone but you push your cheekbones up like you have lemons in them, and appear to be as 'friendly' as you could muster....for that individual anyway. What if you really like someone though and you can't seem to read their body language? What if two plus two equals four with everybody else but with this person your wondering if it equals ten million. You learn a lot about someone's character when you take a risk on them? Not the superficial admiration from afar type of quality, but the i've placed myself in a vulnerable spot, although it is very important to keep your dignity in tact.

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Wether your rejected, or accepted. You want to still like yourself when you look in the  mirror. If you are bonding with the guy of your dreams, and in a smoothe moment, you lean over and attempt to give him a kiss, or ask him out and get the most brutal rejection you've ever experienced in your life. You want to be able to lift your head up, keep your back straight and walk with pride.

There are some gorgeous girls out there, who are not celebrated, they reach out to the guy they like who can't actually see them for the jewels that they are because sadly, men can be quite shallow. They get rejected and find out the guy is going for the next hottest topic, or the most popular, or well known girl, guess what? Shuffle your feet and keep on stepping. Women are more emotional
creatures and maybe i'm speaking from my own perspective but we tend to see real qualities more. For example a woman is more likely to like a guy because she believes there could be a real connection there, he seems warm, he's kind, he's a great communicator, he makes you want to talk more to him and embrace him on a deeper level, with some guys sadly it can be very surface, and they learn the lesson too late. What's likely to happen is the girl they didn't like get's rejected by them becomes super super hot. If she's smart she decides to build her confidence, goes after an even hotter guy that's less shallow, and ends up extremely happy. Do you get my drift?

So when you as a gorgeous woman comes across a guy that doesn't decide your for him. I mean i reached out to a guy who i was convinced liked me, only to hear back that he was telling everybody he knew how 'ugly' he thought i was and how flawed he thought i was. He seemed like such a nice guy. It wasn't his looks because i didn't find him good looking, it wasn't his personality because he was never my type....he just seemed like a really nice guy. Boy was i wrong. Sadly i needed to make a stupid mistake so i could personally see what i couldn't see clearly. Now i look for qualities you can actually see.