The Love yourself library

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You have to love yourself more so when others try and tear you down. We all have flaws and insecurities. If you join others to dissect and destroy who you are, then ultimately they have won and you have lost. Focus on building yourself up, and loving exactly who you are. The world is full of awesome incredible different people. Differences make the world go round, celebrate who you are, showcase your strengths and shine. The world needs everybody to be different, to be strong. Be who you are, you only live once. Be positive and shine for the whole world to see. You are unstoppable, be infinite in who you are. You are timeless and you are strong.

How to spot the Ultimate Looser

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The ultimate looser in my eyes is a guy whose too scared to go after what he wants. Rather than face up to that. When he knows he lacks the confidence to go after the girl he's probably wanted for a while, even you've sensed it. Maybe it's the guy that's been watching you and didn't think you saw him looking, asking questions about you, happening to be exactly where you are, at exactly when your there. It's becoming too much to be coincidence.....and you finally give in.

Rather than face up to his fear of rejection. Mr absolutely spineless decides the best thing to do is to slate you. After all if you feel small about yourself, maybe you'll feel small enough to date him...WRONG!!

There is nothing more cringe worthy than a guy like this. Not only do you not respect him, but he actually doesn't respect himself. He's so riddled with insecurities, he's such an advert for aself slander campaign, that after a while it becomes clear to you, a guy with this much of an inferiority complex, not only should he not be given the time of day. He should be avoided like the plague, he is what is known as an energy stealer, an emotional succubus. This is the type of guy that wont actually have the guts to tell you he likes you, would like to date you, would like to be given a chance. Instead he let's the opportunities pass to other guys with nicer personalities, more self esteem, more confidence, happier within themselves, and will spend the rest of the time slating you to as many people that will listen. The only problem is. With time he will begin to incriminate himself. People will begin to wander, if you are as ugly, vile just unappealing in general, how has he managed to pay so much attention to who your dating, seeing, talking to. Even ridiculous things like what your wearing. If he doesn't care so much, why is he beginning to sound so bitter? People will start to question the motive, and why is the reaction so dramatic. Sometimes in life it is not the things that we say, it is the things that we don't say that reveal all. Those who know us well, or those who are observant, can pick up things that we think were hiding so effectively from others. For example we find ourselves wondering why certain people choose to focus on us as targets to vent out their frustrations. You may have done something to piss someone off but then you think to yourself wow it wasn't that bad. Well often times people have a lot of frustration and pent up aggression, that aggression needs a target. Wether it's anger, sexual aggression, sometimes we find that people relieve their frustrations not on the person who actually pissed them off, but the person who they see as a threat or competition in some way. The best way to deal with a competitive or over competitive person is take the game of competition away.  They have this hungry need to compete with you and it's the only way to validate themselves.

If you find that you are in a scenario where the guy you thought you liked not only showed himself to be spineless, but immaturely a bit of a bully, or emotionally abusive in some way. It's not normal. Tv shows sometimes cutify this and express it as, well this guy is doing this because it's the only way to get your attention, it's pulling pigtails syndrome. Actually, it's not cute. Most of the time when it's happening, you end up feeling quiyte small, then are kind of furious to think that in which paralell universe. Which warped existence or dating manual does it say ridicule someone and forever and ever, and ever, they will be yours. A smart girl with self esteem says "you wanna play it like this....fine, i'll date someone else that respects me. Likes or loves me for who i am."

Beauty in it's basic format

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When I was younger despite being seen as attractive, boyish, a free spirit. I was haunted by insecurities I had created myself. Insecurities about looks, and found all it took was for one person, specifically a guy, I didn't even have to like him....and I'd find myself curled up in front of the mirror sobbing my heart out. I didn't measure, I didn't fit.

As I got older though I learned something. I actually didnt need society's warped photoshop extravagances; neither did I need to be anybody else but me. We are beautiful because we're different. Beautiful because we're unique, have our own intricate features like a secret code we let the world in on. Everybody has their quirks and gods pinch of creativity. If we didn't the fashion and beauty industry wouldn't have made so much money, media wouldn't need photoshopping, and all those immaculate people we see turned out on tv wouldn't need their lighting , video editing software, photoshop and design software wouldn't be so successful. Beauty isn't just skin deep, it's soul deep.

Candy crusades: The charm of the abusive individual

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Have you ever been so obsessed by how sweet and amazing someone was to you in the beginning, you refused to see anything else? Thats the first step to the emotionally abusive/ physically abusive relationship. The woman/ man so obsessed with the image they saw initially, begins a crusade. A candy crusade. Her abuser becomes airbrushed, and every conversation is an ad campaign to outsiders on how sweet the dysfunctional partner is. I have one question. Is the bruise sweet? Are the excuses sweet? Are the lost friendships and distanced family sweet? No it hurts you... How about the eggshell fear or the lack of trust? Candy crusades won't help our damaged relationships,they are not your jesus Christ.  We have all been through the frustration of having anger issues, low self esteem, if you've lived, you've fallen appart a few times and had to pick yourself back up again. Were all humpty dumpty in our own way.

Someone with anger issues, low self esteem, or past drama doesn't get to use you as their emotional punching bag. Sorry overtime, does not make up for the emotional trauma. Sorry sounds nice. Does it make up for the scars, the feelings of isolation, complete humiliation, misery. Downtimes, depression, all those times when you cry in the dark and the excuses you have to make?

Does it make up for feeling weak? Or being in that constant nervous state of paranoia? Does it make up for feeling on edge? No it doesn't. Emotional abusers are very charm offensive, most of them are excellent at what.....manipulation. If there was a school called manipulation school 101, they'd all have diploma's from it. Ironically enough despite all the things they do, and even some of the things they say they dont want you to leave. They want you to keep you close so they can control you, because what is an emotionally abusive /physically abusive person's greatest fear, it's the fear of being left. Deep seated abandonment issues. When you get away from the chaos and the cobwebs of all their insecurities, when you cut emotional ties and step back you can see clearly exactly whats going on. 

Grudge grippers:Letting go of a grudge

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Letting things go Is officially one of the hardness things to do in history. Forgiveness takes a mighty strength. Hate is like arsenic to the walls of our hearts, it shreds us to mere particles, we become less than who we thought we were. There are many justifications for hatred. You become disgusted by someone for so long. The sound of their voice, the way they walk, their gutlessness or the cruel malice behind the things that they do. Those filthy agenda's which no one else can seem to see. Hatred can consume you, and become the very air that you breathe. I was once disgusted by someone, whose poor behaviour I knew stemmed from their own insecurities. I remembered once when I was younger I had confided in them about the pain in my heart. I was like a butterfly with a damaged wing, even I had to check emotionally if I was still breathing. I was older now I walked with confidence and pride, despite life's little scars, or the emotional javelins that were thrown at me. I found a way to be happy but most of all for sometime I became very popular. This person wasn't happy in their skin. They pretended often and lied a lot. They'd have petty reactions to seeing me like slamming the door in my face, spreading rumours, spiteful gossip and complaining about me and those close to me. They'd go as far as crossing the street. It was during a tough time in my life, and maybe some poor behaviour which I should have passed over and plain old ignored planted a seed of fury in my heart. I began to retaliate myself with vicious words of my own. For I had realised two things. When I had confided in that person about so much pain, I was young and not fully developed yet. Now that I was older I was told that I was attractive, beautiful sometimes, and had curves, but also the attention of someone close to them. Jealousy in spades. I realised then how cruel and manipulative someone can be, a woman who'd spent a lifetime being ignored and not being given attention, or feeling taken for granted by those she loved had turned rotten, cruel and competitive. I tell this story because loneliness can turn us into toxic versions of ourselves. Hatred will do the like. Insignificant, insecure people will always try and pull you down.

The reality is if it's not a problem with you, it will be a problem with someone else. Trying to make people feel small makes them feel better about themselves. Often it's because their envious of you, their unhappy,other times it's because they want your attention and can see that as the only way to get it. Most of the time it's because they've been through a lot of shit and are venting. Be the celebrity that you are, shine and freeze negative people out. Someone i know once said to me if the haters hate, give them more to hate about.
Keep your distance and stay away from negative toxic people. Their a virus who have already infected themselves why should they get to infect you too.

Knowing what to pay attention to

When I was younger and I had to fight my way through high school, I had a poor Habbit. It was a Habbit that made me popular with my peers, infamous for being gutsy, rowdy and fearless. I tuned my ears, tight, and would listen carefully to all the negative things other girls might have to say about me. Nasty comments, put downs, if someone was trying to bully me or make me the butt of their joke, I would confront them publicly. Ensuring that other people saw how weak they were. Despite the voracity of which I fought back, I began to feel negative about myself. Years and years later I realise my mistake. People will talk no matter what you do. Some of the greatest people in history were ridiculed and torn down, they translated the negative into a positive. They left the talkers to talk whilst they focused on building their self esteem. Growing and enhancing their authenticity. When people tear us down it can be devastating, it rakes up old wounds, different insecurities can be hurled up like vomit. Yet in the long run its not what other people think of you that defines your stance in life, it's what you think of you. Are you gonna waste time putting your ear to the wall to take in poison, or are you gonna focus on healing and growth.

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Icarus: Are you too close and falling?

Icarus. The story of the boy who flew too close to the sun and came crashing down, one of the most infamous Greek myths of old. There are many Icarus in our society, people who have reached for the sun with both hands only to plummet to the earth. The many Icarus of our Icarus breed warn us how much trouble our greed could get us into,Some give a kind word in our ears warning us of the dangers of our plight, the threats that lurk like ghouls in the air. We know though that we were out of Orbit, it wasn't sheer greed it was ambition, as ammunition. Risks don't always pan out. Then we dust our Ego's off, lull our insecurities to sleep the best we can, and hurl ourselves back on the bucking bronco. We're allowed to take risks, risks that lead to positive progress. You only live once
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