Jinx in the Juice: Understanding jealous older women

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For years i was bullied and targeted by an older woman. I never fully understood where the depth of her contempt came from, i just knew that suddenly a woman who had years on me, had birthed this obsessive need to compete. This jealousy and envy she felt, meant she manipulated those around her, and completely villified me, and someone who should have shown just a hint of backbone didn't just stand back and watch it happen, but he was so utterly spineless and so desperate for his mother's approval, he'd egg her on viciously in secret, desperate to fit in with the mob. Not aware that there's things only a woman can see, that sometimes, a man does not acknowledge.

This woman was dumpy looking. despite being attractive, she looked like she'd had a fight with life it had kicked the crap out of her, and all that was left was this old battered soul. Her shoulders always slumped when i saw her and nothing said she had even an ounce of self esteem. When she walked past me it was as though i was superior in some way, and she felt inadequate, yet whenever there were people around this woman's ability to hide her own self loathing was more than magical. She'd cackle like a witch as i heard shouts of "she's disgusting," and any other derogatory comments she could think of. The words would spew from her like an acid well, and those around her who clearly had insecurities of their own because some were fat, others were overly shy and insecure, some probably had issues with rejection. I could tell that for a woman who clearly seemed as though she were lonely, and craved attention, when she had something to talk about, it fed that need to be spotlighted. The need to be acknowledged, and to gain respect, in her bizarre, messed up her hierarchy.

There are many women who deal with getting old extremely well. We see it's worked for them. There's a confidence about them, despite their age, their like supernova's , you move towards them instead of shy away from them because you respect them. Getting old is not a bad thing. It is transition. Age means wisdom for some it means growth and polish, those who age gracefully age well, and those who rot and stew in the bitterness of past mistakes and insecurities carry a ten ton truck of insecurities. I know, i've been different versions.

As i heard this 'witch' launch more attacks about who i was, the way i was, how flawed i was, i realised something. no matter how much she criticised me, she couldnt take away the disdain she felt for herself. The self loathing that would probably never leave because in life we make choices, and her choice is to alienate people then beg them back. It's a funny thing life. The more she shrieked and howled and tried to tear into me, i realised, she was complaining about me to people i never wanted to associate myself with anyway, to people i didn't like and to people who clearly didn't like themselves. As she became more bitter, and childish, resorting to schoolyard bullying to validate her own life, it hit me then. Something was truly missing in this woman's life. Everything she was doing as much as it appeared to be about me, it was far from that. Her hate campaign was about her. It was also her issues with aging,it's not like she was becoming help the aged, but i imagine for a control freak, that fear of things furthering to spiral out of your control. Along with that of abandonment. Although i had many imperfect moments, i realised how sad it was to be like this, filled with such bitterness, about life and so cold. The goal of living is to be happy, that is the ultimate goal. Not all older women are envious like this, but this woman was truly coming from a place of lack. When someone is this bitterly envious, it's because you have something, and it's not something that can be acquired, it's something that lies within you.

Feeling let down?

When someone lets you down, betrays you, or attempts to humiliate you in some way, we can rot in our own plans of revenge, ready for whichever karma comes next. Or you can tilt your head up, roll up your sleeves, decide that this clearly is not someone you should be associating with. Is it because they're an awful person, or their competitiveness brings out a nasty side? It could be. Or it could simply be that you are choosing your friends, or choosing your associates with much more tact. Choose people who are not afraid? People who will not go out of their way to bring you down so they can validate their own self esteem. We are who we are. We need people around us who can see our strengths and help us build upon them.

Rising from ridicule

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My ears switched quickly to super sonic sound. As I fixed them it hit me bright as the solar system, the guy I thought I liked wasn't just making a mockery of me, or turning me into the worlds biggest comedic act, he'd taken the podium and was saying these things to set the example. Not only did I not get the confrontation I wanted, but for the rest of the year he became the invisible man. I did not see him, all I knew was that i'd hear him from time to time validating himself at my expense.

When you pick people, choose wisely. Pick someone who who would respect you and have respect for themselves. Someone who likes you for who you are, and would appreciate getting to know you exactly as you are. If there are things that frustrate them they will be honest enough to tell you about it, and not gossip or belittle you behind your back. Someone who knows there are two sides to every story and will defend you first without prosecuting because it will make them more popular with those around them. Rise from their ridicule, your worth ten of
them and deep down you know it, yet sometimes amidst all the criticisms we forget it.

Understanding mean spirited monsters

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The more you ignore a jealous narcissistic person, the more power you have. The irony of life is that the same people who try so desperately to destroy you, always want to be close to you in some way, if they know you dont like them, you dont respect them, and dont actually want to be close to them as an individual, they may ridicule you, belittle you, humiliate you, turn you into a joke. The hot topic of their conversations if they can be bothered to. What do all these things have in common.....that person is still trying to get your attention. Their trying to get a reaction because they cannot acquire your respect. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are being treated thus badly and it seems to be a repetitive vain in your life, you seem to find yourself asking the same secret, self sacrificial, victimisation question, "Why me?" Most likely you hold such a low esteem for yourself that people with even far less self esteem are tricking you into thinking your the only person with a problem. IT'S ALL YOU...Nonsense. It takes two people to make a fight happen.

If your walking around saying "it's not like i'm attractive, or beautiful, or this or that, " why am i being targeted...most likely it is partially because your beautiful, or attractive, or appear likable bubbly and popular. People will insult you about qualities you have because their envious of them. Someone who thinks your beautiful may call you shallow out of jealousy, ask yourself this....why were they looking so closely? Someone who sees the way the opposite sex reacts to you, may be bored, tired of feeling insignificant, and fed up with being ignored decides that you should be the butt of their joke, someone who is weak and easily manipulated will follow along because their weak by nature. Understand the motivation. When someone is strategically winding you up, their doing it for one reason and one reason only, to get a reaction. Be smart. Why do they want your reaction? Your attention, your time. Why would they invest so much energy in cultivating such hatred? Boredom..insecurity...inferiority...time. They must have a lot of time on their hands.Validate yourself. Shine brightly, boooooooom before their very eyes. I was watching Starlight with Claire Daines and there was a line she said when the wicked witch played by Michelle Pfeiffer was attacking her and the future king. "What do most stars do.....shine." Shine as brightly and beam as much as you  possibly can. Be happy. Genuinely happy. Your joy empowers you.

Crucifixion of confidence:Understanding mean people

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Happy people are too busy being genuinely happy to spend so much time orchestrating someone else's fall from grace. Hurt people hurt people. It is complicated. People are often mean, cruel or hurtful because someone has hurt their confidence or torn shreds out of their self esteem. People who feel small will try and make you look small, they need to feel big....you will be the instrument of choice. Unless you know in your heart that you have done something to tick this person off, infuriate them, wind them up like this, keep key things in mind.

If they are winding you up. Stop giving them so much power. Their goal is to get a reaction out of you. If they can get a reaction they can say to others "look how important i am, see how special i am." when most of the time you and them both know, if they didn't act appaulingly or tick you off you wouldnt actually give them the time of day.

Wether it's  negative behaviour patterns or positive behaviour patterns people often do things to try and get our attention.The more you ignore a nasty person, the more insignificant they feel, the more desperately they try and get your attention. From turning you into the butt of their joke to making you the topic of discussion. Why would you be so important to them? Why do they care so much? 

remain focussed eventually the people around them will get bored, even those hideously vile followers you cant stand. They will start to wonder if this person is obsessed and why they cant find a more interesting topic to talk about. Although nasty people attract more nasty people to validate their warped beliefs in time even their brigade or armada will get tired of their consistent negative energy. Simply put, these type of people are exhaustive. It may seem as though they are laughing at you, but you have no idea what they say to themselves when their alone in the dark. Run your own race, focus on keeping company with happy, positive people. We are not all saints. Yet if you find yourself around someone whom everyone else say's is this magical amazing person, but whenever their anywhere near you you feel belittled and made to feel small. Then mix with people who do want to be happy, and also, want to see you happy. In the words of a great person, "go where your loved."

Drop dead dick donkey: How to get over a jerk

As much as i love the concept of karmic retribution, there's another concept i believe in which is that of loss and gain: What do i mean?Drop dead dick donkey. This means after a guy you like has humiliated you, ridiculed you, made you the butt of everyones joke, there's something else. When that laughter fades and that feeling of false heroism. Basically when all the attention runs out, because attention is like....soda, or a burger even...i cant believe i'm going there, but i am. The same things that person found attractive about you,may draw them curiously back to you again. That's right, they actually may have liked you. Maybe they weren't attracted to you, maybe there was some sort of connection there, or a potential friendship. Who knows don't play hard to get, play not to get. Whilst your licking your sorry wounds, train intensely. So you feel good in spirit and your body looks good in shape. Drowning yourself in self pity and garbage food wont leave you feeling good in the long run. Dont allow the person whose made you feel like crap be a double agent. That means being overly friendly, instantly returning text messages and phone calls, or being amused and pleased when they start lurking or shadowing you to get attention again. It's not a good thing.

They've shown you key things, they are nasty, weak, and their not a nice person. More importantly their duplicitous, they cannot be trusted. I mean seriously they can't even trust themselves to be strong. If their saying or showing one thing to you and saying really humiliating things to other people, not only do they not respect you, but they dont respect themselves. Their fake. And the last person you need is a fake armani for a gucci relationship.When we like someone we can provide a series of bizarre, deluded explanations for poor explanations. Their just confused, yet somehow they've made up their minds to boast about a series of flirtations with really uber fit individuals to their shy of their feelings, yet somehow bold enough to turn you and your feelings into a joke. Time to saddle that horse and move on to bigger, brighter, better pastures.Hit up your social network group, those gorgeous friends of yours that say all the right things. Or basically all the things that make you feel like an idiot for liking this person in the first place. Friends or even family members have a keen eye and come spot all the flaws you chose to ignore in your dream state of mind. Oh well, guess you've got a lot of socialising to do, and a lot of hot people to at least have aconversation with. Likes, dislikes, and if your interested dates,just a more positive energy, whilst you work on validating yourself.

You can do better, and the most messed up thing about guys/girls like this is they know it too. In true universe form, they become less interesting because ironically their selling point is played out. They recognise how fleeting and shallow the attention they got was, and it's back to the drawing board for them.It can begin with an apology, i just want to talk to you, a sudden show of friendliness, there's nothing wrong with being polite to someone like this, but keep it firm in mind they have no place but on the outskirts of your life. People like this can be quite manipulative and hold the carrot of "i wonder what we could have become," you wondered too, but now you have your answer. They can become whoever they want to become, you can continue being strong, happy, and positive.