Realising Love

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It's easy to escape into the mystique of romance novels. We meet out captains there, kings, companions, and thrash out more pages hungry for more romantic idealism. Yet we stumble out of those pages into real life not knowing precisely what we are looking for. When love; Real love, with real partners who are looking towards a functional relationship come knocking sometimes we turn them away. Hungry for the hurricanes we read in books which convinced us, love had to be drama central.

Love is real companionship. Real understanding. Someone who cares, takes the time to understand, listens to you and gives you honest feedback in return. Love is trust and effective communication. Yet the first relationship we often fail at, is the one where we have to love ourselves first. Learn to love yourself first. Until we love ourselves, we cannot love others the right way.

Top ways to spot real attraction:Acting out real attraction

Attraction is the cinnamon on the pancake. It is not the whole pancake. Attraction is not respect, it's not loyalty, it is not companionship. Growing up and hitting the dating scene I used to frustratedly analyse with friends or family even, why a guy who seemed so attracted to me would either back off, or standby whilst other people criticised or attempted to ridicule me. I remember saying to friends over and over again, "just the way he looks at me, I can tell he's really into me," what I was doing was projecting my own romantic ideals and sensibilities on guys who did basic things like stare at me, or ask for my details, and seek out information about me. Things as surface and plastic as attraction, will loose you a lot when you place a bet on the wrong character. Let people show you who they are.One of my biggest mistakes was assuming certain things about people based on little habbits they carried out. For example, if someone would look at the floor or act nervous and anxious id assume that they were shy and afraid , therefore the saviour complex would kick in. Sometimes its not other people we need to save. We need to save ourselves. The whole attraction does he like me doesn't he? I'd say, let people put in the work. If someone is genuinely attracted to you let them actively show you that they are.

Attraction rule number 1: When someone is for real, they will defend you. So many times women go after guys who seem to be mr interested and then they are introduced to the guys friendship circle and the other people in his world, hello trouble. Attraction is more than the guy who doesn't speak up. I once knew someone who tolerated a guy that called her ugly and went as far as refusing to be seen in public with her, despite her being a very attractive girl. For some reason, he was embarassed by her.

Attraction rule 2: The guy who doesn't respect women in general yet somehow seems to 'respect' you? Deluded much? If you find yourself around a guy who has the audacity to call any woman, a slut, a whore , consistently puts them down and tries to make them feel inferior.....PROBLEM!!!!! About things like the way their dressed, walk or talk......well as soon as you fall out with a guy like that....those things that he said about her are exactly what he'll say about you.

Attraction rule 3: The guy who always seems interested when he just wants sex. Baaaad idea. Not cool, not on. A guy shouldn't be interested in you because he's after something,he should be interested in talking to you, spending time with you, getting to know you.

Attraction rule 4: The guy who never calls. No, a real no no.

Attraction rule 5: The guy who never pays for anything. Yet is somehow always available for meals,get togethers,things that cost money

Attraction rule 6: The guy who can never afford to buy you a gift but seems to always have the newest and most expensive gadgets.....Selfish much?

My argument is simple.attraction is nice. That magnet or sudden pull of curiosity, that ripple of appeal. Yet, you want the person to put the work in. It's great when you get noticed but a guy needs to do more than notice you. He needs to show he cares.

Learning your lesson the hardway:Crushes from hell

People don't acknowledge the importance of learning a lesson, and most of the time it gets them into more trouble than they need to. Growing up I read a lot of romance books, I was romantic at heart. I especially liked stories where the protagonist would share love letters and romance would develop from there. In high school I wrote my first love letter, it was of course to a sixth former who had no attraction to me. I'd show up at his doorstep love letter in hand, drop it there early morning and wait for a response. Despite being a loud mouth, when it came to the opposite sex I could often be quite shy.

Anyway every week I'd scribble these poetic letters. The guys I made the mistake of writing those letters to we're 2 shy guys, who appeared to be very insecure on the surface. Still in the poetic la la land of the romance books I read, I completely ignored the lack of response, until one day I was walking past a class room window and I heard the guy I was writing the letters to talking. He was talking about the letters and me, he said so many horrible things I had to blink twice. His comments were cruel and because of the letters someone who had been identified by other sixth form females as dull and boring, or as dull as wood. Suddenly had an audience. That year became hell as most of the sixth formers with nothing better to do began to look for ' this girl that was such a hot topic' you'd think I'd learned my lesson.

Years later another supposedly 'shy' insecure guy had acquired a disgusting ego because I had taken the time to scribble a show of respect to someone who didn't actually deserve it. His comments were even crueler than the first guy. I learned a valuable lesson from this. You cannot predict who someone is. When were more vulnerable than usual we pick up signs that we want to see, and draw closer to the wrong type of person. No matter how much you feel you were egged on, what you thought you saw. Maybe staring, gawking, appearing where you are at the convenient time. Attraction doesnt have to be calculus. Yes some of us mighty women, and of course mighty men, like a challenge, or enjoy sharing or expressing our emotions with someone we thought reciprocated. Yet, who are you leaving yourself bare to? If you have seen proof that someone is a weak character, gutless, spineless even, easily controlled and led, i promise you it's not like it is in the movies. They are not going to change exactly who they are for you. Leave their potential to themselves. You are not in the business of humiliation, so why should you employ yourself there.

 Move on as quickly and as stealthily as possible. You deserve more, you are worth more.I had to stop projecting my romanticised ideals on the wrong characters and deluding myself that they we're characters they weren't. You can't define someone by a guess, or in my case a hoped for guess. It takes time to get to know people and understand who they were, that time is well worth it.....for the right kind of person.

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Luuv this track:Percy Sledge when a man loves a woman

Just the ticket, completely hits the spot. Percy Sledges when a man loves a woman has to be the greatest love song of all time. It feels like the most real, and the most raw. Someone who was trying to be smoothe, told me 'valentines day should be everyday', then he cooly informs me he has a wife and sleeps on the sofa. Anyway, that aside. Valentines day is about love, and appreciating those your close too....Red eb say's let the love flow

CRUSHES: the number 1 moment we fantasize about: Que Showreel

The most fantasized moment despite all illusions is not the sex, or even the Earthshattering, deeply moving, intense conversations. It is infact....the kissing. Have you ever accidentally watched your crushes mouth move and thought about how puuuuuuurfect their lips would be up against yours. Peach soft, tender, infact in our minds no crush has dry lips have you noticed. We imagine the movement of the kiss, slow and rhythmic, or rough and hungry. 'I am sooooo a hopeless romantic!!"  So for a breakfast special red ebony is giving it sweet and giving it loud. I found this on youtube....it's absolutely delicious, i had to share the love.