Sophisticated Sophelia Goes against the Grain

Gone Against the Grain

I’m such a huge advocate for being fearlessly yourself and embracing our individuality. Why you ask?... Well let me ask you this, why do we need to be like someone else? Why do we all have to be the same? If you’re unable to answer that question, that is exactly it, it’s because we’re not meant to be the Joe next door but the person we were born to be.

I believe life is like one big puzzle and each of us are the pieces that make up the picture. Each of us are created and shaped for a particular place in this puzzle. We are born and destined with a purpose. But how can we fulfil our purpose when we are trying to be like each other and “fit” in because we want to be able to feel like ‘we belong’. For half my life I felt the same way, I wanted to fit in and feel like I belonged to a particular group or arena to the point where I altered my character, personality and even the way I dressed just to be accepted amongst “friends”.

One day I became tired of pretending, tired of being someone I’m not and having to suppress the person I knew I was becoming.  That day was the lightening that struck the tree. I chose to no longer care what people thought of me and worry about their judgements, I just wanted to be… Me. Me-Sophelia. Me –the person that never stops dancing. Me – the energetic, bubbly person with the quirky style. Me – the person who is meant to be the best version of myself and not the best version of Jane, Lauren or Sue.

I came to realise how we are continually force fed the idea that we need to aspire to this so called unrealistic “ideal person”, through media, magazines, adverts and even expectations of others that demands us to feel like being us is not good enough or it’s not ok to be our self. Well, let me tell you something – It’s more than ok to be you. I’m sorry but, ‘why be someone else when you were born amazing?’ Through all this encouragement to self-condemn I realised how important it is to proudly accept who we are and understand that we should be our self, embrace our individuality and how important it is to become your best self so we can find and fulfil our purpose.

Through this long thought provoking and riveting journey the road lead me to where I am right now, starting my brand and blog- ‘Gone Against the Grain’, encouraging people to simply and solely be themselves and PROUD. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life, to help people who want to be themselves and find their purpose.

Being an individual isn’t about being an out-cast or “different” or odd but about creating a league of your own and breaking boundaries. We were all uniquely made and the reason is in our life’s purpose. I believe life is like one big puzzle and each of us are the pieces that make up the picture. Where do you fit in?

I’ve’ gone against the grain, you can too.

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The tramp

When you see a tramp, 
And don't toss a penny, 
Though you have many, 
Many and many, 
Though you're jacket 
Is wrapped around your mold, 
And he sits shivering alive and cold, 
When you see a tramp 
And don't toss a penny, 
In your mind you have 
Not any, 
Money to give, 
Or silver to be dropped, 
Then your eyes are closed, 
And your heart has stopped 
His nails 
Their gritty, 
And his eyes are slitty, 
His lips are dry, 
And his tongue is lispy, 
His breath may ooze, 
And his bum is sore, 
But remember, 
He was someone before, 
His head may bald, 
And his clothes may stink, 
Or reek, 
But think, 
This man was someone once before, 
Humbled upon a grimy floor, 
Amidst a street of many peoples, 
Who look upon 
And see him feeble, 
Maybe a twenty, 
To add for his chew, 
Maybe 40 to make him, 
Have few 
But when he says 
"Could you spare some change?" 
Do not turn, 
And simply walkaway, 
Have grace, 
And let coins chatter, 
So he'll have at least 
Sausage in batter.

Written by Otatade Iseghohi Okojie

The form

image by MichaelShapcott

The thick and dense
Of Crippled things
I aid my floors
and spin my lens
I wipe the troubles
From my side, i ease the tens
i often hide
And how i creep
at corners dim
To Sacrifice
the light within
You grow
I burn
I pine for thee
My wounded soul
The aching me
And how a heart
Bleeds a thousand stones
And yet i stand
A throne alone

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Crush talk: When crushes turn bad

Why on Earth do we like the people we like, and what the hell for? Especially when their jerks. I was thinking about my crush earlier today, a crush on a total arsehole. I remembered his wide brown eyes, almost bambiesque, his special word that he dropped in most conversations, and the way his face breaks into this atrociously white grin when he's winding you up. Enough to blink out the sun. I remember staring at his spider lashes so much, i definitely felt uncomfortable,and it hit me. Not that it doesn't hit me.

It always hits me. He'd never get to know me, because he judged himself too superior, and guys say only chicks do this. I entered a place with the little courage i had left in my heart, and like a starving, angry wolf, he literally tried to tear me to pieces. I think being a writer, there's that fantasy land you live in. I imagine a real conversation with him, nerves and frog in throat aside, i'd find we have nothing in common. I'd find him impatient, rude, arrogant, obnoxious at times, hold on, he's showed me that delicious side already. Why do i blog and puzzle over a guy that loathed me, snobbed me, dramatically refused to be anywhere near me? I think it's the Shakesperian in me. That hopeless romantic that's in love with the idea of being in love.

But that's the thing, he couldn't have just been anybody. There was something about him that made me look at the chair longingly when he was absent, stare, whisper out words, protect myself by keeping my jacket on. Yet there was a nasty streak that made me detest every vile bone in his body.I wonder if he's changed, grown up, decided to be less of a jerk, but i imagine when being an arsehole is second nature, it's not something you give up. I think one thing i resented most about him was consistently feeling like i was an uninvited guest in his world. Hearing from other people what a sweet hearted, laidback person he was, when to me all he showed was a smug over competitive moron.

Why do men feel the need not all of them, to compete with intelligent and successful women. Women want men we do , no matter what financial bracket were in. We want partners who will love us, who will share our likes and dislikes, our interest, who'll want to go out for a stroll and have a picnic, who'll want to come in from the cold and we slip your jacket off then with much warmth we say " how was your day, dinners on the table, try this disaster i made earlier," or we share a movie delight discussing everything we loved and hated about the film we saw with a Champagne glass between us, or maybe just a Lambrini. When i'd speak to my guy friends they'd often complain to me about this problem they had finding women, or partners, and it mused me often because they felt under appreciated, yet i noticed often when i went to the clubs or even just walking the streets, guys rarely went for the homely girl in comparison to the one who carries herself like a supermodel, wears pinched high heels, and has the stunner Makeup on. Then when these women snob them sadly i have found, that they distance themselves from the high maintenance divas, retreat to their 'intellectual friend' who probably beneath the simplicity of her dress, could make a good partner. Pining that all women are snobs and if only they were earning a certain bracket they'd have more respect for them.

Let me tell you something painful and interesting i've learned. The world can be a shallow place to live in, but often times peoples shallowness betrays them. Just because all five of your friends are after the girl with the movie star good looks, the trophy, doesn't mean she's the right fit for you in the longterm. It doesn't guarantee you'll have anything in common, but we are all guilty of the veil which hungry eyes beseech us with.