Hypnotic: Why he cant take his eyes off you

hearingtheharmony

Simply put because your so charming your alarming. That's right sometimes we have to toot our own horns , acknowledge our strength our beauty, The qualities that draw people of the opposite sex to us.
Men love a beautiful smile, maybe he caught a glimpse of that movie star grin of yours, those flirtatious bambi eyes and the street strut as though everywhere was your catwalk. Was it the bouncers( trainers) that you had on? The Kate moss pumps, or that red dress that seems to hug everywhere in all the right places. Attention is great, we all like to be acknowledged by the object of our affections. Respect is better. How to proceed...how to proceed.

Don't be a pop tart. Over eager, over friendly, overbearing girls, just get avoided. Although feminism does encourage women to be more independent, and be more domineering, and take charge, you can take a camel to the water, sadly you cant force it to drink. Female intuition gets our senses tingling, we hope we can tell the difference between damn she's fit, and ooh that's a hot mess I've never seen anything like it. Lead with regular smiles, greetings. "Hi." Let him extend a hi back, be consistent and not.....we've all been at those points in our lives or come across those people who you know if you don't say hi, or good morning, you can just picture them with a samurai sword and a shotgun. You don't wanna be that chick. Men love to chase. They say they hate women who play a lot of games, and once upon a time, on a little Island called la la land, I bought into that. There are levels of game playing that certain types of characters, not primarily men are willing to tolerate, it's all about self esteem, and self love. In a nutshell though, the hunt validates them. They are hunters, and women are story tellers, it gives both parties the opportunity....to high five themselves.

So the stare. Most body language experts hum about dilated pupils, feet pointed in your direction.......call in the experts it's a gypsy wedding. I will say this, make sure he's doing more than staring or glaring at you, make sure he's trying to build some consistent effective communication.  Making chit chat, trying to get to know you on a more personal level, it has to be more than a look.

 

Learning your lesson the hardway:Crushes from hell

People don't acknowledge the importance of learning a lesson, and most of the time it gets them into more trouble than they need to. Growing up I read a lot of romance books, I was romantic at heart. I especially liked stories where the protagonist would share love letters and romance would develop from there. In high school I wrote my first love letter, it was of course to a sixth former who had no attraction to me. I'd show up at his doorstep love letter in hand, drop it there early morning and wait for a response. Despite being a loud mouth, when it came to the opposite sex I could often be quite shy.

Anyway every week I'd scribble these poetic letters. The guys I made the mistake of writing those letters to we're 2 shy guys, who appeared to be very insecure on the surface. Still in the poetic la la land of the romance books I read, I completely ignored the lack of response, until one day I was walking past a class room window and I heard the guy I was writing the letters to talking. He was talking about the letters and me, he said so many horrible things I had to blink twice. His comments were cruel and because of the letters someone who had been identified by other sixth form females as dull and boring, or as dull as wood. Suddenly had an audience. That year became hell as most of the sixth formers with nothing better to do began to look for ' this girl that was such a hot topic' you'd think I'd learned my lesson.

Years later another supposedly 'shy' insecure guy had acquired a disgusting ego because I had taken the time to scribble a show of respect to someone who didn't actually deserve it. His comments were even crueler than the first guy. I learned a valuable lesson from this. You cannot predict who someone is. When were more vulnerable than usual we pick up signs that we want to see, and draw closer to the wrong type of person. No matter how much you feel you were egged on, what you thought you saw. Maybe staring, gawking, appearing where you are at the convenient time. Attraction doesnt have to be calculus. Yes some of us mighty women, and of course mighty men, like a challenge, or enjoy sharing or expressing our emotions with someone we thought reciprocated. Yet, who are you leaving yourself bare to? If you have seen proof that someone is a weak character, gutless, spineless even, easily controlled and led, i promise you it's not like it is in the movies. They are not going to change exactly who they are for you. Leave their potential to themselves. You are not in the business of humiliation, so why should you employ yourself there.

 Move on as quickly and as stealthily as possible. You deserve more, you are worth more.I had to stop projecting my romanticised ideals on the wrong characters and deluding myself that they we're characters they weren't. You can't define someone by a guess, or in my case a hoped for guess. It takes time to get to know people and understand who they were, that time is well worth it.....for the right kind of person.

image by sprocketholes
image by ninotheladykiller

Driving Life backwards...How to focus on moving forward

I wanted to scream and shriek. Fling as many things at my target as I could. Bruise an eye, batter a lip. Then I realised I would have done too much damage to myself. Often our fury, our rage is not circumstantial, we are fighting the demons of the past. Pain that lurks with cigar and glass in hand, asking us if we'd like a drink. We often comply then become drunk and dizzy with the memory of our own vulnerability. Growing up I was always told that if you left the lid off food, it would go rotten. Everything had to be covered, protected, guarded, yet the reality is if you leave anything to linger unchecked for a long time there is the possibility of rot. Check yourself, even if it's day to day, looking at goals, acknowledging old feelings, looking for ways to grow and progress. We are only our past if we live there. Driving forwards and looking backwards only guarantees a crash. Focus on the now,and get your clutch ready as you drive into the future. This is your journey you want to get to that future you envisaged.

Why he cant take his eyes off you but wont ask you out?

Picture by beautiful nobody


How frustrating. The guy of your dreams keeps looking at you, and it's not the yikes you disgust me kind of look. Its those lingering stares you see in the movies, you know, the ones that make you freeze midway into your popcorn. Damn, you want that moment, the hypnotised stare, the nervous, "i er..i like you a lot, will you..." Yet your cap'n Romeo stud slash prince charming is turning this into a marathon. Simply put, you wont actually know until he tells you, or he gets comfortable enough to tell someone your close to. Maybe you make him nervous. I remember liking someone that made me so nervous i used to cross the street everytime i saw him.

Hypnotised by phoenixkeyblack

Are you sensing this dreamboat is trying to get close? Is he always licking his lips, do people keep telling you they saw him watching your bum,  asking questions about you, likes and dis likes, finding ways to be of assistance,  warming up to it. He just needs to be a bit more comfortable in his skin, so he can be the alpha male he worships on tv. Get the lay of the land, and then go for what he wants. If your picking up signs of shyness, smile more often when you see him, don't turn yourself into a macleans toothpaste advert, just a subtle smile will do the trick for now. Maybe even a polite compliment here and there, Then simply go back to all the amazing topics you were discussing with the person in front of you.

The smile will invite him in. If he starts happening to be where you are, doesn't disappear like someone running from debt collectors everytime he sees you, narrowly missing the bus right in front of him, sounds like a plus to me, my love. If you keep getting mixed signals from him which most shy guys tend to give because of their terror of the opposite sex, step back a bit. All men like a challenge and love to chase. Sometimes guys wont follow up for other key reasons, he's seeing someone already , he's not ready to date, he has other options, he's dealing with a broken heart,is insecure and doesnt feel he has much to bring to the table. In the meantime whilst he's working those gorgeous issues out in his muddled head, youre still foot loose and fancy free. YOUR AVAILABLE! So feel free to talk to, and let the other guys who do have the courage to step up, and introduce themselves. They could be great to talk to, and have a laugh with. So long as you dont exhibit yourself as some sort of playboy pornstar, there's nothing wrong with you socialising.It shows your likeable, and everyone likes desired things.