The Goliath in the Gossip: She's gossipping about her...but your next

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Gossips love to tell stories about people because idiots love to listen. They churn it out giving you half truths, telling jokes they know are either cruel or contemptuous. We can all make the mistake of engaging a gossip, just because their doing it to someone else doesn't mean they won't do it to you. In fact their guaranteed to do it to you. Gossip has been embraced as normalcy since were all drowning in celeb gossip and the failures, and successes, do's and donts, what they did, could have done, might do, may possibly be offered. The key thing about gossips to remember is that they gossip because they havent ot that much else to offer about their own lives. There's no adventure, depth, history, something that makes you want to stay and spend time with them, so they distract and waste your time by having youfocus on the flaws of someone else. Their always eager to give you the new news, you know, what they've discovered next. Found out, about someone, the joy of other peoples compromising scenario's. Yet if you were to simply turn to a gossip and say, what's been happening in your life lately? Well, they wouldn't really have that much to tell you. In contrast to the person they've literally thrown under the bus, their lives seem so systematic and so deadpan. You look behind their eyes and wonder where all the magic went. Some people are great for information. They want to share with you the knowledge they have, if they know something about someone, they also know the contacts and the connections of which they can assist you with getting your something accomplished. Their the all knowing, all seeing, strategist. Yet if you find yourself in the company of a gossip whose special ability seems only to shred the lives of those around them, and it's not just base information. This means the information they got access to is personal information. This means they are not someone who is trustworthy.

Healing and history

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Healing. Something that cannot be done in a day, in a week, in a month. Whatever trauma you have been through in your life, as you experience the healing process. As you ask yourself the question that go round and round in your brain like a tumble dryer, what did you learn? What are you learning ? The pain and the anger that comes with trauma, can be so intense, we find ourselves trapped in the dark. If your looking in the dark you need a flashlight or a candle. What brought you hope before, what restored your faith in people and the human race. Wether it's scribbling in your journal, getting counselling, seeking help and asking for assistance, re connecting with the church or contacting your best friend and joining a group. Just remember in all those things there is another that needs to be added to the equation. Time. Healing takes time. If your someone that specialises in beating yourself up, because you just haven't 'gotten over it yet'. Show yourself some mercy. You've probably been through enough.

Rising from ridicule

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My ears switched quickly to super sonic sound. As I fixed them it hit me bright as the solar system, the guy I thought I liked wasn't just making a mockery of me, or turning me into the worlds biggest comedic act, he'd taken the podium and was saying these things to set the example. Not only did I not get the confrontation I wanted, but for the rest of the year he became the invisible man. I did not see him, all I knew was that i'd hear him from time to time validating himself at my expense.

When you pick people, choose wisely. Pick someone who who would respect you and have respect for themselves. Someone who likes you for who you are, and would appreciate getting to know you exactly as you are. If there are things that frustrate them they will be honest enough to tell you about it, and not gossip or belittle you behind your back. Someone who knows there are two sides to every story and will defend you first without prosecuting because it will make them more popular with those around them. Rise from their ridicule, your worth ten of
them and deep down you know it, yet sometimes amidst all the criticisms we forget it.

Injuring insecurity:Holding unto your joy

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Every corner you turn there's always someone trying to tell you the ten steps, the twenty steps and onwards to build your self esteem. It's gratifying at the time, and you feel as though your taking positive action....yet, I wonder if someone can actually tell you how to be who you are. We have to face ourselves, lack of self esteem is about fear of rejection , feeling inadequate and sometimes alienated. Someone should have told us that from the day your born till the day you die, there will always be someone who doesn't like you for who you are. Someone who may act cruel or gossip, or humiliate. Someone whose felt so inadequate for so long, they feel good tearing other people down. You will need to face your fears, you may even have to suck it up. Damaged but not destroyed. Your still breathing, standing, and if your strong smiling. Time is a great healer, who also reminds us of who we are. Build on those positive building blocks. Stand firm in who you are, grow, and remember, your here for a reason. Your pain may push you towards your promise. Use it, channel it, and move forward. We live once, we deserve to live positive, happy lives. Dont let anybody steal your joy. Joy is infectious. Joy is attractive, it will draw people to you.

How to get over being led on

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Don't be fooled this will sting for a while. There's nothing more painful than being excited about someone, getting that will they won't they feeling. It's nice being found attractive, it's especially nice when someone takes an interest in you; especially if you sense it's romantically. Guys and girls can be funny creatures, they may want the attention, but may see no future in dating you. People can become overly flattered. Or let's talk about the guy/ girl who literally hunts you down like a hound dog. They make it apparent that its all eyes on you...then suddenly the trail goes cold. Don't let someone's ego blow smoke in your face.

First things first remind yourself that people are allowed to change their minds. Most importantly don't let anybody use you for their own entertainment, or play games with you because their insecure and want to prove their equal to those around you.

If you feel you have been led on, remind yourself why in a million years you wouldn't touch this person with a barge pole. If you see them on the street you'll either merrily swerve or be as brief as possible.

Dress your best and don't give a damn what anybody says. I once came across a guy who had led me on to a point most brutal. Despite telling other people he didn't find me attractive, insulting and goading me all behind my back. Whenever other guys took an interest in me him and those close to him would respond with a reaction of jealousy. They'd spread gossip about me being easy, or loose, when some of the guys that came to see me we're actually close friends. It was clear to me that the reaction was an I don't want you, but don't want anybody else to have you.

Celebrate that this medusa hasn't turned you to stone. You have been saved, this was not the right person for you, and most importantly you don't plan to let them get in the way of seeking that person out.

For example guys or girls who have a Habbit of leading people on are literally psychic. They will sense when enough is enough for you and begin making the "I'm just confused" calls. You'll soon learn that Mr / Miss I'm confused have been spotted around town with some other gorgeous glory. Whatever. Focus on building your self esteem, social networks and having the time of your life. Just not with them. You have a right to be happy, dont permit someone selfish to steal that from you.

Polvolting passed self pity

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Wow emotional relapse or what? We have moments where our self pity gets the better of us. Pity got the better of me yesterday, my eyes sweated out onions, and my smile needed a treasure hunt. Someone great once told me, failure is not something that happens instantaneously. It is a series of opportunistic regrets. People pleasing is such a destructive trait. We are failures when we give up on ourselves, allow others to tell us exactly who we are negatively or convince us were not good enough.

Other people will try and make you feel small because they feel small about their lives and themselves. Other people will make you question who you are and all the beliefs you hold dear to yourself. You may begin to compare and contrast. That is not your life. It is not your journey. You were not born to be like them you were born to be exactly who you are. To learn, to grow, and to evolve. Your journey is not about them. Ofcourse their opinions matter, without input, we lack the output to shape and evolve. Feedback is required. Yet there's positive feedback and there's negative feedback. Negative people will tell you everything your doing wrong and smugly sit on a throne of superiority, positive people will tell you everything your doing right, everything your doing wrong, yet always how they believe you can do it better. They care about you. They care about your improvements, growth, and successes. When we emotionally relapse it is important to associate ourselves with people who have real self esteem and are not motivated by their own selfish personal agenda's. The right people will be drawn to you like a magnet, the same way the wrong people will be drawn to you, like a magnet. Choose people who like to build and support those around them rather than tear them down.You fail when you quit. You fail, when you give up.

The importance of keeping promises

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If you are someone who breaks promises easily, you will lose more than a few offered words. You will lose the faith of the people who trust you. Your words will be air to them until it reaches a point where. You have to beg your promises, people will only keep faith for so long.

Mean what you say. There's an old saying, 'promises are meant to be broken' if that's the case, then doesn't that mean secrets are meant to be shared? What are both things founded upon? Trust. Faith. Belief.  Many of us have heard the story of the boy who cried wolf. Some say it was a young sheep boy, others tell the story of a local towns boy, who lied so often that when a wolf finally appeared not a single soul actually believed he was under attack. How does this relate to promises? Trust. His white lies had meant those around him had lost faith in him, and the foundation of trust had been broken.

Promises are easily broken, so is trust. The smart thing to do is to say " i'm not making any promises, but ill do my best." or " I cant guarantee it, but i will do my best." Keep your faith in yourself and keep their faith in you. It is priceless when the people around you believe in you and trust your word. When you keep a promise you are saying invest in me, you can trust me, i am reliable. When you break several promises you are saying.......are you sure about that?

Understanding mean spirited monsters

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The more you ignore a jealous narcissistic person, the more power you have. The irony of life is that the same people who try so desperately to destroy you, always want to be close to you in some way, if they know you dont like them, you dont respect them, and dont actually want to be close to them as an individual, they may ridicule you, belittle you, humiliate you, turn you into a joke. The hot topic of their conversations if they can be bothered to. What do all these things have in common.....that person is still trying to get your attention. Their trying to get a reaction because they cannot acquire your respect. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are being treated thus badly and it seems to be a repetitive vain in your life, you seem to find yourself asking the same secret, self sacrificial, victimisation question, "Why me?" Most likely you hold such a low esteem for yourself that people with even far less self esteem are tricking you into thinking your the only person with a problem. IT'S ALL YOU...Nonsense. It takes two people to make a fight happen.

If your walking around saying "it's not like i'm attractive, or beautiful, or this or that, " why am i being targeted...most likely it is partially because your beautiful, or attractive, or appear likable bubbly and popular. People will insult you about qualities you have because their envious of them. Someone who thinks your beautiful may call you shallow out of jealousy, ask yourself this....why were they looking so closely? Someone who sees the way the opposite sex reacts to you, may be bored, tired of feeling insignificant, and fed up with being ignored decides that you should be the butt of their joke, someone who is weak and easily manipulated will follow along because their weak by nature. Understand the motivation. When someone is strategically winding you up, their doing it for one reason and one reason only, to get a reaction. Be smart. Why do they want your reaction? Your attention, your time. Why would they invest so much energy in cultivating such hatred? Boredom..insecurity...inferiority...time. They must have a lot of time on their hands.Validate yourself. Shine brightly, boooooooom before their very eyes. I was watching Starlight with Claire Daines and there was a line she said when the wicked witch played by Michelle Pfeiffer was attacking her and the future king. "What do most stars do.....shine." Shine as brightly and beam as much as you  possibly can. Be happy. Genuinely happy. Your joy empowers you.