Dating Disasters: How to deal with cruel rejection

image by midnight00

Dealing with rejection/being snubbed/ridiculed by someone who you thought liked you can be a nightmare. You go back and forth through all the woven strands, their body language said this, it looked like they wanted to be near you, your head seemed to screech with the idea that maybe this guy could be the guy.....go for it....go for it.....splat.

first move in your own personal game of chess, let it go: Some things aren't meant for you. It may not seem so now, but the universe is trying to teach you a lesson rather than pro-longing the pain. You've been saved hours, weeks, months, possibly years. There are people now trapped in the wrong kind of relationship, because nobody had the heart to say no to them. That 'no' has saved you, from being led on, wasting time that could be well spent on your progress, on something as basic as pining or analysing.

There are loads of celebrities today, absolute stunners, who were actually turned down. The way someone rejects you also says a lot about their character. It speaks in volumes all the things they kept covered. For example someone who seemed shy, or quiet, might actually be a total jerk. Someone who seemed nice and kind, could even be quite villainous. If you take a risk on someone and they decide that now they are in a position of power, they will blast your nervous vulnerability all over the place with megaphone arrogance, then you know this is the real person.

You haven't missed out on much.Rejection, ridicule,snobbery, in time you will get over it, also you will find a partner who has better character. Sometimes we debate with ourselves, dragging out the agony. Let it go, it's done, and you have been saved a most costly plight. This does not me those same troubled feelings wont pop up, the hurt, anger, annoyance, feelings of rejection, ride them out. They will disappear with time.

Sometimes the most valuable things we learn is the lesson, and that is priceless. Take the lesson and use it.

Knowing what to pay attention to

When I was younger and I had to fight my way through high school, I had a poor Habbit. It was a Habbit that made me popular with my peers, infamous for being gutsy, rowdy and fearless. I tuned my ears, tight, and would listen carefully to all the negative things other girls might have to say about me. Nasty comments, put downs, if someone was trying to bully me or make me the butt of their joke, I would confront them publicly. Ensuring that other people saw how weak they were. Despite the voracity of which I fought back, I began to feel negative about myself. Years and years later I realise my mistake. People will talk no matter what you do. Some of the greatest people in history were ridiculed and torn down, they translated the negative into a positive. They left the talkers to talk whilst they focused on building their self esteem. Growing and enhancing their authenticity. When people tear us down it can be devastating, it rakes up old wounds, different insecurities can be hurled up like vomit. Yet in the long run its not what other people think of you that defines your stance in life, it's what you think of you. Are you gonna waste time putting your ear to the wall to take in poison, or are you gonna focus on healing and growth.

image by Theumbrella

Drop dead dick donkey: How to get over a jerk

As much as i love the concept of karmic retribution, there's another concept i believe in which is that of loss and gain: What do i mean?Drop dead dick donkey. This means after a guy you like has humiliated you, ridiculed you, made you the butt of everyones joke, there's something else. When that laughter fades and that feeling of false heroism. Basically when all the attention runs out, because attention is like....soda, or a burger even...i cant believe i'm going there, but i am. The same things that person found attractive about you,may draw them curiously back to you again. That's right, they actually may have liked you. Maybe they weren't attracted to you, maybe there was some sort of connection there, or a potential friendship. Who knows don't play hard to get, play not to get. Whilst your licking your sorry wounds, train intensely. So you feel good in spirit and your body looks good in shape. Drowning yourself in self pity and garbage food wont leave you feeling good in the long run. Dont allow the person whose made you feel like crap be a double agent. That means being overly friendly, instantly returning text messages and phone calls, or being amused and pleased when they start lurking or shadowing you to get attention again. It's not a good thing.

They've shown you key things, they are nasty, weak, and their not a nice person. More importantly their duplicitous, they cannot be trusted. I mean seriously they can't even trust themselves to be strong. If their saying or showing one thing to you and saying really humiliating things to other people, not only do they not respect you, but they dont respect themselves. Their fake. And the last person you need is a fake armani for a gucci relationship.When we like someone we can provide a series of bizarre, deluded explanations for poor explanations. Their just confused, yet somehow they've made up their minds to boast about a series of flirtations with really uber fit individuals to their shy of their feelings, yet somehow bold enough to turn you and your feelings into a joke. Time to saddle that horse and move on to bigger, brighter, better pastures.Hit up your social network group, those gorgeous friends of yours that say all the right things. Or basically all the things that make you feel like an idiot for liking this person in the first place. Friends or even family members have a keen eye and come spot all the flaws you chose to ignore in your dream state of mind. Oh well, guess you've got a lot of socialising to do, and a lot of hot people to at least have aconversation with. Likes, dislikes, and if your interested dates,just a more positive energy, whilst you work on validating yourself.

You can do better, and the most messed up thing about guys/girls like this is they know it too. In true universe form, they become less interesting because ironically their selling point is played out. They recognise how fleeting and shallow the attention they got was, and it's back to the drawing board for them.It can begin with an apology, i just want to talk to you, a sudden show of friendliness, there's nothing wrong with being polite to someone like this, but keep it firm in mind they have no place but on the outskirts of your life. People like this can be quite manipulative and hold the carrot of "i wonder what we could have become," you wondered too, but now you have your answer. They can become whoever they want to become, you can continue being strong, happy, and positive.

Daredevil dating: why it's alright you took that risk

poluted,by andrea Becker


If you've been kicking yourself for the wrong guy, it's time to stop. So you took a risk on a looser, gave the jerkoff ex boyfriend a chance, went after a guy who turned out to be completely gutless. Guess what? It's a rite of passage. You are just a number amongst the millions of gorgeous women out there, whose dreams of prince charming, led them to the scenario from hell. Lauren hill once sang the road to hell, is paved with good intentions; Boy did you feel that, crying alone in the dark, or whining about it to a friend who is soon to avoid your calls. Sometimes in life, you have to experience what we don't want to realise exactly what we want. Often times the media are the ones telling us what we want, those polished movies, that person that walks in from out of the rain and says, 'you complete me.' We forget all the basic things like okay he says I complete him, but around friends and neighbours he makes you feel humiliated, ridiculed. Or he cooked you dinner those few times, yet for the rest of the time he's always comparing you to the ex, who he'd informed you initially was crazy, selfish, and thought she was god. You went after someone because you thought you wanted them,could handle their baggage, now you know better. There's an old saying that says now you know better, you'll do better. It's alright to make those mistakes from time to time, we are reminded of our boundaries. What were willing to tolerate, what our highest ambitions are, and how we define self respect.

Mental chess the game of a bully: Why some guys are so mean

It's a cruel way for certain guys to validate their ego's and big themselves up. The more insecure a guy is, the nastier at times he will act. Girls often ask the question why are some guys so mean to the girls they like? Deep down in some cases it's an opportunity to side step the pain of rejection.It's a phase of denial.



I believe in healthy expression as i've experienced so much of the opposite from the wrong guys. A guy that has to act mean, that has to act cruel, and vindictive just to proove they have no affinity to you, is kinda pathetic. There are guys who act mean because they struggle to express themselves. Their too proud or too arrogant to say look it hurts me that when i walk into a room you ignore me, it hurts that you don't know my star sign, you don't laugh with me the way you do with other guys.





There's another side to it. I once experienced a guy who sensed i was attracted to him, and acted so appaulingly it was pathetic. I'm a very proud person,very stubborn, very independant. I won't wrap my arms around your ankles, or spend our 'precious time' shadowing you. He would insult me as often as he could, make a point to sit as far away from me as possible, spread poison about me till soon enough it hit home. This guy was a cockroach who wasn't worthy of my attention. He was a jerk and a complete and utter moron. I quickly decided his personality ruined his more than mediocre looks.I decided to ignore him and soon enough like any typical ego maniacal looser, he didn't like it. He began to gravitate around me, and realise as shallow as he could be, so could i. My attentions could be deposited elsewhere. Everytime he walked into the room i would pretend as if i couldn't see him.I'd actually mentally convinced myself that he didn't exist. I could literally feel the anger resonating from him everytime he waltzed into the room and saw my eyes fixed elsewhere. It was hillarious.



Simply put nobody has a right to believe they can treat you cruelly because they have your attention....as fleeting as it can be. It's not on. I've had guys chase me, or guys i've been attracted too, that have either wanted to date me or rejected me. Nobody ever behaved like such a looser. People who behave like this are either cruel spirited, extremely insecure and classless. Despite their amature dramatics, they often crave the attention. If someone is nasty, unless your sending them an email from a distance, or talking to them over the phone. Keep your space, until they growup and acquire some much needed self respect. This isn't just for chics, this applies to guys as well. People like this have serious issues.I once had a friend who literally terrorised every guy that approached her, unless get this....it was someone that would later ridicule or humiliate her. When i asked her why she was like this. She confessed that it was because the guys she liked had always called her ugly, unattractive,or compared her to a primitive animal, despite her being very attractive.Ironically the guy who acted disgracefully had admitted that when he approached women a lot of the times they snobbed him and acted superior. Behaviour is sometimes viral, it's hard not to take it personally, but it's the truth. Sometimes attitudes are recycled, people act out due to their experiences with someone else. They see that person as superior to them, and they want the opportunity to feel superior too.



Don't get me wrong there are genuinely idiots who believe the way to get someones attention is act immaturely, and i try and do forgive and forget as much as the next person. Yet if your a guy or a chic getting juiced up on the whole 'their playing hard to get' concept, despite the possible object of your affections being clearly vile. How comfortable is it to feel that small? Is it delicious when there's witnesses present and you feel so embarassed you could crawl into your own shoes?
Even if everyone else acts like their behaviour is okay, how do you feel....the target?



At the time this idiot was acting like such a moron, my illness was getting worse. My panic attacks were unbearable,my photography business had left me depressed.I was also more vulnerable because i'd recently experienced something traumatic, and lost someone close.Not only would i have to deal with all these things emotionally,i would dread attending where i had to be because one fool had made it their life's quest to sabotage me. For a short while i thought maybe it is ppts (pulling pig tails syndrome)which is when someone likes you but acts like they hate you. I realised it was a mixture of jealousy (i'm a next level creative brainiac)ego and prejudice. No one acts that nastily if they even vaguely like you. Despite my good intentions and my obsessive cleanliness. I'd been called dirty, socially alienated, him and his friend would look for sly ways to ensure i didn't have business cards, he'd make sure any new ideas of mine were frozen out, he would insult me about my skin tone, the country i came from, despite having the same skin tone, originating from the same country. He would compete with me at every level, and would only act genuinely nice when there was no one else present. He was a nasty, vile piece of work. I made a choice to leave that workplace as quickly as possible, because no matter how nice i was, how hard i worked or how creative i was( which was off the scales)he would find a way to sabotage me. He was the archetypal bully. I returned to their location a while ago, to visit the one person that had moved me, inspired me. He didn't just talk out of his neck, he was hard working, focussed, driven. He was a real person.




When i stepped in i remembered how disgustingly i'd been treated. That a woman who was getting over an attack, facing epilepsy, finally having the courage to step out into society, and attempt to connect with people had been treated so despicably. The people in authourity had been too useless, brainwashed, and weak, to discipline someone who had acted like an out and out cockroach. I felt sick, and angry, and hurt, and i left there quickly reminding myself that till the day i died i never wanted to set eyes on those people again. They stood for nothing, especially him.





Badly behaved people are still human beings, at some point their consciences vaguely prick them, and they say to themselves was this right? Did this person deserve such animosity? When the crush haze was removed, i remembered originally i got along with most people on the team quite well, it was only him that seemed angry and cliquish. Then the more i produced ideas for his team, which were creative and very effective. The more this hatred within him grew. And when i would be appreciated or complimented for my ideas and vision, he would lash out. The more nervous i got, the happier he got. The more miserable i became, the more confident he became, and when i was isolated he actually felt like he was worth something. It's funny the people you meet sometimes. Your tryna pull yourself together and the universe plays such emotional games.


I reminded myself that i did have some class and decorum. I reminded myself that i'd learnt something, not so much about rejection, but about human principles. After i left the building that day i recieved an email. Despite ridiculing me,they had gone ahead and used my title for a campaign idea. I imagine the concepts i'd produced had finally secured extra funding for the team , something they had been struggling to get. Someone incompetent,nasty had managed to ride off my ideas and unfairly secured a future for themselves. I asked myself one simple question. Would i have treated them in such a shameful manner? No.Have i ever treated anybody in such a shameful manner? when i was popular or unpopular, would i have been so jealous, so over competitive, such a coward? The answer was no. In time i did contact him and wish him well, because i believe in that.



In order to cancel the poison you have to make peace internally with yourself, and that person's behaviour.Simply put you don't want to loose your faith in humanity. At the core of me i find it imperative to believe that there are people with good hearts out there. People who do believe in what's right, who do respect others,and their feelings. Because life would be so bleak if i didn't.

Whether your a guy or your a woman, and your questioning if someone's being mean because they like you, or simply why is this person mean? There is a whole universe out there. Billions of priceless people with heart that don't need to be nasty or cruel spirited, immature to express themselves to anybody. Sometimes good people are in a poor emotional situation and act out, because that's how their feeling at the time. Just consistently remind yourself you don't deserve it, and you don't respect it. It is not allowed.