whats green

Jealous women
They grate on you
Pathetic pods
With nothing to do
But bully
And harass those around
Your principles
Become the clown
For pathetic is she
Godfather of
Insecurity
Disgrace to women
Controlling still
Everyone must
Bend to her will
This desperate
Spineless
Caricatures fling,
Her whole body
Is busy
Loathing what's green

Real respect

image by Canoneos

I once took a risk on someone and watched in awe as they showed themselves to be everything i actually found unappealing in a person. Dishonest, manipulative, cruel, sadistic. What i had offered as kindness was used as a platform to ridicule me in an attempt to appear more appealing to others, and in their very insecure maner....make people stay. Make people find them funny, or likable, attractive in some way, and the more i tried to move forward from the mistake of such a bad choice, the same person that had tried so intensely to ruin my reputation, became jealous, and was actually investing more time to show themselves more toxic. From allowing myself to be wound up , getting angry, becoming furious, it became clear to me, the sadness of the choices they were making. How pathetic it was that they had to stoop so low in order to try and get others to stay, ultimately those people would leave anyway. They would require someone with more confidence, more adventure, more stories to tell, more of a likability factor. When you love yourself you have more to share than the flaws of others.I realised that i was better than such poor behaviour. There is an old saying i used to tell someone close to me, "sadly the bad one's always come back", they are like a revolving door, and are often deluded enough to think despite treating you so poorly you have such little respect they can gain entrance. Time soon comes. The same people who merrily tear you down will be eager to talk to you, or curious about the intricacies of your life. I've learnt with age that when people are hostile to you.....dramatically, and it is unprovoked, they are often hostile with an agenda. The more he ridiculed and belittled me with those around him to support his envy and that of others, i reminded myself that i wasn't a revolving door. We make a choice, to treat others with respect, and to ask the right qestions when we sense there is something amiss. Love yourself no matter what, you are worthy of the utmost respect. You are worthy of love, friendship, companionship, and most of all people who don't specialise in trying to use you as a platform to gain negative kudos.If they respected themselves they wouldn't have to stoop so low.

How to deal with a passive aggressive control freak

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Laugh their control issues into oblivion. Most controlling people have one thing in common, they are extremely insecure, make that two, and extremely paranoid. If your fun and bubbly, somehow the passive aggressive person convinces themselves, well not all, the extremely insecure passive aggressive person. Convinces themselves that somehow you will outshine them and take everything away from them, somehow their insecurities are worn like a bracelet or a chain around their neck. The more you try and relax them, the more insecure they become. It's because these inferiority complexes don't stem from you it originates with unresolved issues they have, everyone in life has something that we've either been through or are trying desperately to resolve.

When dealing with a passive aggressive control freak, if you find that the more miserable you feel the happier they are. Don't complain, flip the switch. Moaning aint honing. It's their need to be centre of everything. If you sense that this person gets a kick out of your misery, laugh often and laugh loudly. If you have to put on comedy, if you have to give them a nickname in your head. I actually nicknamed one of mine, the 'evil giant cockroach', these people are not happy within themselves so they cant bare to see others happy. Someone once said people cannot give you what they do not have, that's exactly what they don't have. Happiness. So focus on being happy within you. Laughing within you, celebrating who you are, and not living in fear or dealing with the burden of other people's stuff. They feel bad about themselves so ....happiness is healing, happiness is medicine. Be happy, and fight for it. Don't let anyone steal your joy, you worked hard to get it.

Cancelling the curse of the competitive person: The underhhand competitor

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Many people want the reward of a situation, but they are not willing to put the work in to accomplish the goal. How many times have you been around a friend or a family member and your driving away at something, maybe even someone you don't pay much attention to, you suddenly get a positive reward and a positive outcome, and that person springs into action.  Or you get teased about something but soon enough you either see them copying you, or the hysterical one is they'll hide information from you and may only tell you things when they sense your less of a threat. There's nothing wrong with competition, healthy competition with humour is perfectly fine, yet when you deliver good news and the reaction is strange, almost one of entitlement, you find yourself questioning whether you should have kept the good news to yourself.

We all get frustrated sometimes. Especially when you don't want to compete and actually you just want to share how amazing it feels to have reached this goal, how much of a boost it was to your self esteem, how much it lifted your spirits. Remind yourself that you don't need to trap yourself in that lack energy. Every time people with 'entitlement issues' discover a new fad, they jump right on it because they assume that the gratification will be instant. It's not the work you did in this second that got you the result, it's the work you did to lay the groundwork, it's the work you'll do for the future. It's not about lack it's about living. You will accomplish everything you need to accomplish because there's enough to go around for everyone. So whatever they need to do let them do it. People who desperately need to compete with others experience something called burn out. It's when you push and you push yourself watching what other people are doing, and allowing that envy to secretly seep into your mind. If you sense that someone is doing that around you, don't get angry, don't get frustrated, and rant like I used to do, get away and just focus on what you need to do. Don't let them have that energy it belongs to you.  Even people who love you can get threatened or feel insecure and get competitive, life can knock our self esteem. It creeps into the different nooks and crannies, but the best thing for you to do is remember there's enough success, and joy and happiness to go around for everyone.

Jinx in the Juice: Understanding jealous older women

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For years i was bullied and targeted by an older woman. I never fully understood where the depth of her contempt came from, i just knew that suddenly a woman who had years on me, had birthed this obsessive need to compete. This jealousy and envy she felt, meant she manipulated those around her, and completely villified me, and someone who should have shown just a hint of backbone didn't just stand back and watch it happen, but he was so utterly spineless and so desperate for his mother's approval, he'd egg her on viciously in secret, desperate to fit in with the mob. Not aware that there's things only a woman can see, that sometimes, a man does not acknowledge.

This woman was dumpy looking. despite being attractive, she looked like she'd had a fight with life it had kicked the crap out of her, and all that was left was this old battered soul. Her shoulders always slumped when i saw her and nothing said she had even an ounce of self esteem. When she walked past me it was as though i was superior in some way, and she felt inadequate, yet whenever there were people around this woman's ability to hide her own self loathing was more than magical. She'd cackle like a witch as i heard shouts of "she's disgusting," and any other derogatory comments she could think of. The words would spew from her like an acid well, and those around her who clearly had insecurities of their own because some were fat, others were overly shy and insecure, some probably had issues with rejection. I could tell that for a woman who clearly seemed as though she were lonely, and craved attention, when she had something to talk about, it fed that need to be spotlighted. The need to be acknowledged, and to gain respect, in her bizarre, messed up her hierarchy.

There are many women who deal with getting old extremely well. We see it's worked for them. There's a confidence about them, despite their age, their like supernova's , you move towards them instead of shy away from them because you respect them. Getting old is not a bad thing. It is transition. Age means wisdom for some it means growth and polish, those who age gracefully age well, and those who rot and stew in the bitterness of past mistakes and insecurities carry a ten ton truck of insecurities. I know, i've been different versions.

As i heard this 'witch' launch more attacks about who i was, the way i was, how flawed i was, i realised something. no matter how much she criticised me, she couldnt take away the disdain she felt for herself. The self loathing that would probably never leave because in life we make choices, and her choice is to alienate people then beg them back. It's a funny thing life. The more she shrieked and howled and tried to tear into me, i realised, she was complaining about me to people i never wanted to associate myself with anyway, to people i didn't like and to people who clearly didn't like themselves. As she became more bitter, and childish, resorting to schoolyard bullying to validate her own life, it hit me then. Something was truly missing in this woman's life. Everything she was doing as much as it appeared to be about me, it was far from that. Her hate campaign was about her. It was also her issues with aging,it's not like she was becoming help the aged, but i imagine for a control freak, that fear of things furthering to spiral out of your control. Along with that of abandonment. Although i had many imperfect moments, i realised how sad it was to be like this, filled with such bitterness, about life and so cold. The goal of living is to be happy, that is the ultimate goal. Not all older women are envious like this, but this woman was truly coming from a place of lack. When someone is this bitterly envious, it's because you have something, and it's not something that can be acquired, it's something that lies within you.

The pretty parade (how to be happy?)

image by Malice


The Pretty woman soundtrack is trending at the moment, maybe it's the nostalgia of valentines day gone, bringing the romantic back in all of us. That wish fulfillment to find love and have someone validate you not for what you are, but who you are, that essence. Most women love the film. The character was feisty, bubbly, funny, warm, loving, endearing, insecure at times, we all have those elements of our personality, and Julia Roberts with that dynamite figure and dynamic smile put the Kapow in the Movie along with Richard Gere's seductive gentleman charms. Yet how do women respond to an attractive female in general? It's an interesting debatable topic.With pretty celebrity women we assume that they have uber self esteem because they are often worshipped and idolised in the media. Wether their Russian women, Chinese women, Any woman in general, as soon as they get the hottest women or hottest woman tag we nstantly think, that's it, your life is made, when actually i think life may be a bit more complex than that. People often forget the ultimate goal in living, it's lost in what i call, the pretty parade.We endorse our insecurities in all these superficial things like makeup, skincare products, jobs we hate to acquire more money to buy more stuff, to validate ourselves in order to show look we have all these things we must be happy. Just because someone has all those things doesn't mean that they are.

 In the act of purchasing, and acquiring new things we feel uplifted for the minute because capitalism does that. It's a marketing campaign to brainwash you into believing if you acquire all these goods and have all these things you'll be happier than your counterparts? Competitors?Yet there are some people who have hardly amassed barely a million and their happy because their greatful for the small things. And their not participating in the pretty parade. It's not so much about show and tell, or show and convince the world, they havent got the time their too busy living their lives. Running the greatest lesson my mother teaches everyday, " their own race" so their happy within themselves.

Initially my argument was going to be that as an attractive woman you should be allowed to celebrate your strengths and boombox them from the top of the roofs. Yet upon speaking to others i realise self confidence is not about boasting. It's not about boom boxing. It's a quietness that comes from within it has that Ninja stealth that get's you from ground zero to level up. I was reading a blog this morning called the housewife down under and the writer complained of being snobbed and treated badly because she was attractive, but someone i know raised a fair point. Sometimes it's an energy we pick up from people that makes us distance ourselves from them. We make assumptions, and if someone is nice and their open, and their willing to let the world in and take risks and be positive, they can crucify those negative assumptions. If you find yourself coming across people who are nasty and negative because they believe you are a threat to them, those are not people you want to associate with. What they've done to you, they would have done it to other people. For key reason's they are scared and they are unhappy, yet someone precious to me said you don't need to take that within you. You don't need to let that be part of you or enter you, let that inhabbit their spirit. People like that have been denied a lot, they have a chip on their shoulder.  We've all been like those people or experienced those people it's never fun. What should be is our lives. There are people who are happy on less, joyous on less, laugh often, and laugh loudly on less than the percieved ideals of what you should have to be happy, and who you should be to be happy.


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Dating a mummy's boy

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There can be great things about dating a mummy's boy, their sensitivity towards women, their understanding, but one of the main problems or key frustrations most women find. Is that a mummy's boy will always be tightly knotted to his mothers apron strings. It is impossible to disagree with his mother in anyway shape or form because you will instantly become arch enemy one. She may feel his mother is the main woman in his life, and all the decisions they make as a couple will consistently be contested by an insecure woman who doesn't want to share love, affections, or have a main role in her sons life. There is of course the competition. Not all mothers are like this. You do though come across some warped, ridiculously insecure jealous mothers, who upon thinking everything was fine when her son was simply dating you, when she senses a serious emotional connection turns 360 and becomes obsessed with trying the split the two of you up. Because simply put even if her son was the dumbest, low life in the universe, he still has enough potential to do better than you.

Here's my first tip of the day. If you can run sprint like an Olympian, if your in a wheel chair, wheel speedily away. Just joking. Every relationship needs its boundaries.

Sadly I do agree that even the scent of an over indulged mummy's boy, if it sends you running for the hills....I don't blame you. There will never be two people in your relationship, there will be 3, and you will often feel like the third wheel. Everytime there is a private debate, or fuelled discussion you will find yourself wondering which memo he's sent to his mother, wether he's sent it by pigeon or post.
That strong foundation of trust is made unsteady. Some women wonder how they ended up in a relationship with binoculars.

If you are dating a mummy's boy and it's working congratulations! You should definitely teach a seminar.

Choosing friends wisely

image by Gossipgirl115


Often times we ignore the importance of the T word and what it says about someone's character. If someone acts untrustworthy to others, dont think your the special apple in the pie. They may have a history of gossiping and ridiculing people in order to get praise. People like this like to feel important, they like to have 'dirt' on other people's lives, and feel superior. You will spend a lifetime wondering what you can and cannot share with them. They are insecure, but more importantly they will be insecure at your expense. This doesn't mean guard yourself against everybody else in the world, this means. Chose who you deposit with more wisely. People like this often get their five minutes of fame, but after they've lost a true friend, or alienated someone they would have liked to get close to, they realise soon enough that five minutes of fame is all it is.

Fleeting five minutes: Understanding gossips, jealous people, troublemakers

image by lemogera

Often times we ignore the importance of the T word and what it says about someone's character. If someone acts untrustworthy to others, dont think your the special apple in the pie. They may have a history of gossiping and ridiculing people in order to get praise. People like this like to feel important, they like to have 'dirt' on other people's lives, and feel superior. You will spend a lifetime wondering what you can and cannot share with them. They are insecure, but more importantly they will be insecure at your expense. This doesn't mean guard yourself against everybody else in the world, this means. Chose who you deposit with more wisely. People like this often get their five minutes of fame, but after they've lost a true friend, or alienated someone they would have liked to get close to, they realise soon enough that five minutes of fame is all it is.

Grudge grippers:Letting go of a grudge

image by Ladynatthz



Letting things go Is officially one of the hardness things to do in history. Forgiveness takes a mighty strength. Hate is like arsenic to the walls of our hearts, it shreds us to mere particles, we become less than who we thought we were. There are many justifications for hatred. You become disgusted by someone for so long. The sound of their voice, the way they walk, their gutlessness or the cruel malice behind the things that they do. Those filthy agenda's which no one else can seem to see. Hatred can consume you, and become the very air that you breathe. I was once disgusted by someone, whose poor behaviour I knew stemmed from their own insecurities. I remembered once when I was younger I had confided in them about the pain in my heart. I was like a butterfly with a damaged wing, even I had to check emotionally if I was still breathing. I was older now I walked with confidence and pride, despite life's little scars, or the emotional javelins that were thrown at me. I found a way to be happy but most of all for sometime I became very popular. This person wasn't happy in their skin. They pretended often and lied a lot. They'd have petty reactions to seeing me like slamming the door in my face, spreading rumours, spiteful gossip and complaining about me and those close to me. They'd go as far as crossing the street. It was during a tough time in my life, and maybe some poor behaviour which I should have passed over and plain old ignored planted a seed of fury in my heart. I began to retaliate myself with vicious words of my own. For I had realised two things. When I had confided in that person about so much pain, I was young and not fully developed yet. Now that I was older I was told that I was attractive, beautiful sometimes, and had curves, but also the attention of someone close to them. Jealousy in spades. I realised then how cruel and manipulative someone can be, a woman who'd spent a lifetime being ignored and not being given attention, or feeling taken for granted by those she loved had turned rotten, cruel and competitive. I tell this story because loneliness can turn us into toxic versions of ourselves. Hatred will do the like. Insignificant, insecure people will always try and pull you down.

The reality is if it's not a problem with you, it will be a problem with someone else. Trying to make people feel small makes them feel better about themselves. Often it's because their envious of you, their unhappy,other times it's because they want your attention and can see that as the only way to get it. Most of the time it's because they've been through a lot of shit and are venting. Be the celebrity that you are, shine and freeze negative people out. Someone i know once said to me if the haters hate, give them more to hate about.
Keep your distance and stay away from negative toxic people. Their a virus who have already infected themselves why should they get to infect you too.

Point of Projection

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Projection is a powerful source of miscommunication. Sometimes we can place the burden of our emotions on someone else, creating scenes or feelings they might be feeling. We have all been there, where someone feels, vulnerable, or insecure in someway, and they say the souce of their discourse began with you. I.e that person who gets threatened when any woman even his own sister looks at their boyfriend, and they call you posessive. The person who calls you ugly yet feels inadequate when their walking the streets on their own. How about that individual who goes out of their way to make you feel like a nobody when they haven't actually accomplished much in their own lives, or are constantly complaining to others about how discontent they feel about their lives. Are you really going to let people like this make you feel small? Turn you into a shell or a crumb of yourself, i seriously doubt it. They may choose to put the weight of their insecurities upon your life, but if  it's not you, it'll be someone else. It's because its not personal, it's an issue within them. We've all dealt with people like this, and we've all been people like this. They are going through something. Sometimes the haze of pain blocks out everything else. We can have empathy, which is hard to do when your the target, or you can simply come to the conclusion within yourself, this isnt about me....it's about you. I will keep my distance and build myself up. I do not need negative influences in my life. Outside of our family, we can choose how close we let others get to us. Choose the right friends, companions,and positive role models.
 Pay attention to what's actually going on, not just what someone else is

How to get over being led on

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Don't be fooled this will sting for a while. There's nothing more painful than being excited about someone, getting that will they won't they feeling. It's nice being found attractive, it's especially nice when someone takes an interest in you; especially if you sense it's romantically. Guys and girls can be funny creatures, they may want the attention, but may see no future in dating you. People can become overly flattered. Or let's talk about the guy/ girl who literally hunts you down like a hound dog. They make it apparent that its all eyes on you...then suddenly the trail goes cold. Don't let someone's ego blow smoke in your face.

First things first remind yourself that people are allowed to change their minds. Most importantly don't let anybody use you for their own entertainment, or play games with you because their insecure and want to prove their equal to those around you.

If you feel you have been led on, remind yourself why in a million years you wouldn't touch this person with a barge pole. If you see them on the street you'll either merrily swerve or be as brief as possible.

Dress your best and don't give a damn what anybody says. I once came across a guy who had led me on to a point most brutal. Despite telling other people he didn't find me attractive, insulting and goading me all behind my back. Whenever other guys took an interest in me him and those close to him would respond with a reaction of jealousy. They'd spread gossip about me being easy, or loose, when some of the guys that came to see me we're actually close friends. It was clear to me that the reaction was an I don't want you, but don't want anybody else to have you.

Celebrate that this medusa hasn't turned you to stone. You have been saved, this was not the right person for you, and most importantly you don't plan to let them get in the way of seeking that person out.

For example guys or girls who have a Habbit of leading people on are literally psychic. They will sense when enough is enough for you and begin making the "I'm just confused" calls. You'll soon learn that Mr / Miss I'm confused have been spotted around town with some other gorgeous glory. Whatever. Focus on building your self esteem, social networks and having the time of your life. Just not with them. You have a right to be happy, dont permit someone selfish to steal that from you.

labelling the liar:How to deal with someone's lies

image by karikarma

Liars know the secrets buried within their own hearts. No matter what they speak, deep down they know that they are being dishonest and there is an anger that comes with that. Anger that they weren't brave enough to tell the truth and face the consequences, especially if beneath it all lurks a good spirit. This would put them in a state of internal conflict. How do we define good? People who go to church ? Eat all their vegetables? Pay their mum's rent and bills? A good person will not suffer anyone their own personal consequences. They won't creep out whilst some other person deals with the consequences, or creep in secret hoping they won't have to bump into the person they've disappointed.

Outside of priests and the pope everybody tells lies. Maybe it's little white lies, or straight up denials. If your in the presence of someone who is a compulsive liar, it's time to move unto steadier ground. Someone you can trust is not decietful, and doesn't lie at the cost of someone else's reputation or theirs.

Liar is a label. Sometimes people are scared, and they lie. Insecure..and they lie, Some lie to protect the ones they love, others lie because it just comes easily. Be honest, if you know someone close to you is lying, or being dishonest, let them know you are aware of their dishonesty, and you will not condemn them for having the courage to speak up and tell the truth.

Simply put, the truth will set them free. If they continue with their lies you have to decide how much of their stories or fables your willing to put up with. Tell them where you stand on lies, set those boundaries, and make them clear. Explain that you are understanding, believe in compromise, but will not be lied to as if you were a fool. You are no fool.

Learning your lesson the hardway:Crushes from hell

People don't acknowledge the importance of learning a lesson, and most of the time it gets them into more trouble than they need to. Growing up I read a lot of romance books, I was romantic at heart. I especially liked stories where the protagonist would share love letters and romance would develop from there. In high school I wrote my first love letter, it was of course to a sixth former who had no attraction to me. I'd show up at his doorstep love letter in hand, drop it there early morning and wait for a response. Despite being a loud mouth, when it came to the opposite sex I could often be quite shy.

Anyway every week I'd scribble these poetic letters. The guys I made the mistake of writing those letters to we're 2 shy guys, who appeared to be very insecure on the surface. Still in the poetic la la land of the romance books I read, I completely ignored the lack of response, until one day I was walking past a class room window and I heard the guy I was writing the letters to talking. He was talking about the letters and me, he said so many horrible things I had to blink twice. His comments were cruel and because of the letters someone who had been identified by other sixth form females as dull and boring, or as dull as wood. Suddenly had an audience. That year became hell as most of the sixth formers with nothing better to do began to look for ' this girl that was such a hot topic' you'd think I'd learned my lesson.

Years later another supposedly 'shy' insecure guy had acquired a disgusting ego because I had taken the time to scribble a show of respect to someone who didn't actually deserve it. His comments were even crueler than the first guy. I learned a valuable lesson from this. You cannot predict who someone is. When were more vulnerable than usual we pick up signs that we want to see, and draw closer to the wrong type of person. No matter how much you feel you were egged on, what you thought you saw. Maybe staring, gawking, appearing where you are at the convenient time. Attraction doesnt have to be calculus. Yes some of us mighty women, and of course mighty men, like a challenge, or enjoy sharing or expressing our emotions with someone we thought reciprocated. Yet, who are you leaving yourself bare to? If you have seen proof that someone is a weak character, gutless, spineless even, easily controlled and led, i promise you it's not like it is in the movies. They are not going to change exactly who they are for you. Leave their potential to themselves. You are not in the business of humiliation, so why should you employ yourself there.

 Move on as quickly and as stealthily as possible. You deserve more, you are worth more.I had to stop projecting my romanticised ideals on the wrong characters and deluding myself that they we're characters they weren't. You can't define someone by a guess, or in my case a hoped for guess. It takes time to get to know people and understand who they were, that time is well worth it.....for the right kind of person.

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