Short Story: Marcus

It wasn't what I expected, he wasn't what I expected. My friend Marcus has changed a lot, there's a venom in him. His words seethe with rage, they leak out of the crevices of his tongue. Poison that they are. He used to be that guy, the smiler in the neighbourhood, the one who always waved at you first. But somethings strange about him, these days. There's a sickness in his eyes where there was warmth, a darkness where there was light, and yesterday his soul felt completely black. " I'm not a how was it for you,kind of girl." I stretch my tall limbs out to the edge of his mahogany bed post.my breasts are pert beneath the sapphire blanket. I used to feel a warmth in his room. The embers in the fireplace, the painting of a more retro urban Monalisa, the gold chandeliers, when we were kids we used to do yoga on his older brothers tiger rug which he had claimed for himself. " would it be cheesy if I admitted, that it made me feel cheap," I tie my hair up in a satin bun. There's rouge on the bedsheets from where I lay on my front as he claimed me in the shadows of a busy night. I was dense with drink and sick with longing. "Did you want it to mean more?" His voice is throaty, rough as his brown eyes lick the embers in the fire. " No." I confess. We're not couple people, Marcus and I have never been couple people. We hate Valentine's Day, and it's tedious marketing campaigns. I don't care much for chocolates, silk scarves, or funny lingerie. Last Valentine's Day Marcus licked bourbon out of my belly button, and planted a kiss between my thighs. It was soft and gentle, I felt his goatee tickle the soft layers of my flesh as I curled his handsome face like a stallion. Allowing his tongue to slip between my undergarments. We'd never went beyond that. for years, we'd watched, tingled, tiptoed around the electricity we felt. Now I simply felt stone in my stomache salt in my mouth. It wasnt supposed to be like this, it was meant to be hot and sweet, a sedative for my pain. Nourishment for my starvation. Sometimes I feel like a lynx, combing a trail through the wild, yet with my other lovers I feel myself clawing into infinity. " will you ever talk about it, about what was done?" Marcus runs large hands through his ink black crown, his eyes almost as dark. "Maybe." He shrugs his lean frame dragging on the dark jeans and turtle neck. "One day."

Colin Lane (Short Story)

Shit I hate Colin Lane. Shit I hate Colin Lane. I wrote it five times in my journal, and then I scribbled in on the toilet walls, next to Punk Fish Woz Ere 2018. “That bastard thinks he knows everything, he’s a total Jimmy knows it all.”

“ Jimmy knows nothing.” My friend Surinder echoes. Were sitting in the diner bitter as fuck. Lane has done it again. “ How did he snag that last point in the spelling bee,” I shift my glasses higher up my nose and scan him with my xray eyes,” scum, look how smug he is.”

Sunny leans in to study Colins lean frame opposite us. Confession, we both had a major crush on him when he first moved into the neighbourhood. He looked athletic, lean tall, he looks like one of those teenage boys you’d see in an advert and wish they would talk to you. He’s taller than most of the boys in our year group, and his voice has broken already too. “ Another book I see.” Surinder tilts a brow as we scan our arch nemesis. He’s running thick hands through sleek Chestnut brown hair, his green eyes look up with alarm when he spots us glaring at him. Surinder smiles cattily, his friend Malcolm elbows him, “ look it’s the birds. It’s the birds.” Suddenly his whole table is in uproar. I shrink in my seat. They have nick named us, the birds. Last week mum made me and Sunny a ham and pickle Sandwich and we were publically attacked by a flock of pigeons on the basketball court, where we preside. I wondered what he had been doing on the basketball court anyway, know it all like him. Everywhere he went his friends followed him like shadows. We became the butt of everybodys joke for a whole week, and Esmerelda Thompson, Snap chatted the whole incident. Of course it was to impress him.  “ You can sit over here if you want Issy,” he announces, “ and you Sun. There’s two seats.”  Surinder and I cast suspicious glances towards each other, I notice she’s got the beads in her hair today green and black, hair flowing like a waterfall. I’ve seen Colin look at my friend Surinder, My Gosh his mum wouldn’t like it. Proper judgy mare. “ Ace and Marcus will be here in twenty minutes,” his friend Cosmos interrupts

“ Cos that’s an hour, yeah they can sit. Unless, we smell or something. Or maybe you smell.” Colin teases. I hate that now he’s making us look like the immature ones, ive read waiting to exhale three  times. I tilt my head up and say in my most grown up voice, “ Yeah we’ll sit, what’s the gossip? We mostly socialize with interesting people.”

Surinder winks at me for that. I notice Colin know it all go bright pink then clear his throat. Sunny is real smart, but theres things that I notice which she doesn’t. Like days when she’s not wearing the Sari ,and she’s just got jeans and a tshirt on like at the Drake concert, Sunny has quite the magic effect on these idiots. Three guys offered to buy us drinks, because we both look older much older, it was a summer festival.  (To be continued)

Sophisticated Sophelia Goes against the Grain

Gone Against the Grain

I’m such a huge advocate for being fearlessly yourself and embracing our individuality. Why you ask?... Well let me ask you this, why do we need to be like someone else? Why do we all have to be the same? If you’re unable to answer that question, that is exactly it, it’s because we’re not meant to be the Joe next door but the person we were born to be.

I believe life is like one big puzzle and each of us are the pieces that make up the picture. Each of us are created and shaped for a particular place in this puzzle. We are born and destined with a purpose. But how can we fulfil our purpose when we are trying to be like each other and “fit” in because we want to be able to feel like ‘we belong’. For half my life I felt the same way, I wanted to fit in and feel like I belonged to a particular group or arena to the point where I altered my character, personality and even the way I dressed just to be accepted amongst “friends”.

One day I became tired of pretending, tired of being someone I’m not and having to suppress the person I knew I was becoming.  That day was the lightening that struck the tree. I chose to no longer care what people thought of me and worry about their judgements, I just wanted to be… Me. Me-Sophelia. Me –the person that never stops dancing. Me – the energetic, bubbly person with the quirky style. Me – the person who is meant to be the best version of myself and not the best version of Jane, Lauren or Sue.

I came to realise how we are continually force fed the idea that we need to aspire to this so called unrealistic “ideal person”, through media, magazines, adverts and even expectations of others that demands us to feel like being us is not good enough or it’s not ok to be our self. Well, let me tell you something – It’s more than ok to be you. I’m sorry but, ‘why be someone else when you were born amazing?’ Through all this encouragement to self-condemn I realised how important it is to proudly accept who we are and understand that we should be our self, embrace our individuality and how important it is to become your best self so we can find and fulfil our purpose.

Through this long thought provoking and riveting journey the road lead me to where I am right now, starting my brand and blog- ‘Gone Against the Grain’, encouraging people to simply and solely be themselves and PROUD. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life, to help people who want to be themselves and find their purpose.

Being an individual isn’t about being an out-cast or “different” or odd but about creating a league of your own and breaking boundaries. We were all uniquely made and the reason is in our life’s purpose. I believe life is like one big puzzle and each of us are the pieces that make up the picture. Where do you fit in?

I’ve’ gone against the grain, you can too.

Evolutions of the self

I began my journey with the frustration of a series of epileptic seizures, and the lesson, that life always wants to teach. God is a master at organising our growth through the experience of pain. Yet my journey begins once more with new tools at my disposal, other 'crimes of humanity,' at which i screamed, God it's not fair! By jove it's not bloody fair! Then i looked around and realized, i wasn't screaming on my own. There were an army of Worlds around me, thick with longing, desperate with desire, eager to appease this insidious thing that moved with such stealth, and such simple mania. We are all tormented in our different ways, facing trials, wanting retribution. I spent years thinking fighting was about scrapping, was about the other, until at the very edge of a precipice i struck gold. I was fighting with myself. The demon of control, that laughs at the chaos spread about you like a chinese buffet. Life in our minds is supposed to be easy, we believe we jumped through one hoop, then spent an eternity on stilts, terrified the world would reflect what ran amock inside. Those twisted wires and cables that vibrated like a cellular phone, jerking the body in spasms, writhing, twisting simple faces. Of simple people, that wanted simple things. I live therefore im hungry, passionate about the changes needed to be made, the paintbrush with the etching in the corner, the sounds of fear like a calypso in your head, twirling, circling, baiting you with such vulnerable ease. We are our own greatest harlem, the Ghetto of the mind, and if you dont grab its poky dusty heart, let it drip as it pops in your fingers, it becomes real to you, and the architect of the panic. I call them panic because we have no idea what we are afraid of , where the acid leaks from, the scent oozes from, and the new questions arise, yet you are only human, there are more questions to come. You will define your goals by your answers, your answers will direct you on a higher path.

story of Namibia

Healing through hurt: Forgive yourself

image by refined

Sometimes we like the idea of someone more than the person themselves, when reality comes to us the pain doesn't just sting, we look at a self we once trusted and ask it a string of suspicious questions. Our subconscious becomes the FBI. Why did you really think this was a good person? Why did you really invest that time trying to get to know them? Why did you try and make such an effort for them? Why didn't you see all the holes and gaps? How could you not clock that you were in the midst of quick Sand? My answer, because were only Human. People often display their best selves, everybody wants to be the Fairytale and not the Horror Story. A Serial killer would never walk up to you and say "Hi my name's Bob, i'm a Taurus, i'm also a serial killer," people often conceal the dark parts of their identity, because we like to be liked. People like to be liked. If you made a bad judgement call, invested poorly in someone, thought they were someone they were not, forgive yourself today. It's not just them you have to forgive it's you, because we punish ourselves for the crimes we allow others to commit to us.

Lies for the Languid: How to spot an easy liar

image by Apokryphia art

I recently had an experience where someone who I thought was an honest person began to lie, consistently. Along with their lies came their justifications, came their aggression, and what lurked within the sheets of a warped elongated tongue. Fear. Exposing a liar, is in those seconds of miniature expressions. Those things that a keen eye cannot miss. "I didn't take the money," they argue aggressively, their tone is defensive, saying don't push this, their eyes dart towards an exit looking for a potential escape. It's in the crevices of body language, and the throbbing of your gut instinct. The friend who says their happy you've just landed your dream job, then dismisses further chatter or excited banter about it, eager to focus on a past mistake you made. Or decide to make you feel insecure by going for a topic of discussion in your social group that either makes you feel alienated or has you feeling as though your barefoot walking on hot glue. What about that friend who says she's happy your new boyfriend and you got together but spends most of her time flirting with him or discussing your other exes to make them feel uncomfortable, or question you in some way.

There are different types of liars. Some liars are very strategic, tactical, and manipulative. One thing is guaranteed, in time with all liars, the more you collect fabrics of the story, the more none of it will add up. There will be holes in their story. Their reactions to certain incidences and their behaviour wont add up.

There will be a drawn out silence, some liars actually by instinct elongate the mouth a little, in a curved smile. Liars are the bane of every principled person's existence. Some liars lie so regularly and so effectively you actually believe their lies are genuine. The false victim who is actually winding up someone till the person lashes out.
Sadly some liars are so good at telling lies, they should get an Oscar for it. Pay attention to body language. Someone who lies yet looks away
A mini expression
A diversion of eye contact
Backtracking
Stories that just don't add up
A dramatic reaction to something minor. Ask the liar the same question at a later date, in a more relaxed tone. When the liar feels they are less under surveillance, they wont stutter or stammer, they will just reproduce the story in a completely different format. Key things to do when sensing someone is lying to you is act completely natural and calm. Learn the art of hiding your true hand until your ready, this means, not narrowing your eyes, not turning a simple conversation into an aggressive interrogation. If you have a boss that tends to lie and be deceptive, with certain people you may need to document or even record what they say because their agenda is not just to backtrack but could actually be more sinister than that.

Rising from ridicule

image by Butterflyritsuka

My ears switched quickly to super sonic sound. As I fixed them it hit me bright as the solar system, the guy I thought I liked wasn't just making a mockery of me, or turning me into the worlds biggest comedic act, he'd taken the podium and was saying these things to set the example. Not only did I not get the confrontation I wanted, but for the rest of the year he became the invisible man. I did not see him, all I knew was that i'd hear him from time to time validating himself at my expense.

When you pick people, choose wisely. Pick someone who who would respect you and have respect for themselves. Someone who likes you for who you are, and would appreciate getting to know you exactly as you are. If there are things that frustrate them they will be honest enough to tell you about it, and not gossip or belittle you behind your back. Someone who knows there are two sides to every story and will defend you first without prosecuting because it will make them more popular with those around them. Rise from their ridicule, your worth ten of
them and deep down you know it, yet sometimes amidst all the criticisms we forget it.

How to find the love of your life

When choosing a partner or someone to cancel out the loneliness, sometimes we pick the wrong person. A good looking guy/woman with a poor character, someone who has a history of letting others down, or a person who is known to have in consistency when it comes to commitment. In the short term they may satisfy our physical needs, but what about our emotional needs?

What would you choose? Beauty fades.  Attraction may disintegrate over time, passion can become a precious memory. What qualities will you pick in a partner?Loyalty?strength and honesty?....Of course love. Choosing a partner can be hard work. Look beneath the surface. Pay attention to more than a pretty face, and keep looking. Boy oh boy have i learnt the hard way. You dont know someone in a minute. You dont gain and aquire their trust in weeks, months even. The story begins to unfold over time, you see the gaps, the holes even, and decide wether you'll stick it out for this one. Magnifying glass love is not what i'm talking about. People are like sandwiches it's up to us to see wether we'll wait around long enough to see what's in between.
image by murrme