what it means when a shy guy gives you all the green signals and nothing happens

Lady, so you are sitting there blank as a sheet, you flirted up a storm and now your emotionally exhausted. Wow did that take some skill, you don't even giggle like that, and those more conservative colours you wore to express a more subtle style... Well the tights were itching the hell out of you. Let's be real. Men, all men are hunters, although feminism has made women more empowered  and believe they can take the lead truth is, the guy your interested in can use a phone. He can text, call, send an email, by heck if he's really creative he can send a postcard.



Buy my new ebook The whisper of dreams Purchase a copy of my new ebook The whisper of dreams https://www.amazon.co.uk/Whisper-Dreams-Otatade-Okojie-ebook/dp/B07N687SRR/ref=zg_bsnr_362718031_17?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=PHKC2M5RNJ78E04HXP55)

We love to make excuses for the one that got away, so we can go into uber feminist mode take the action away from the guy, yet you reframe the power in the situation. You become the hunter, not only will he tell his buddies, it will be the ego boost a guy with low self esteem needs and you might be setting yourself up to be someone's foot stool for self esteem. I've learnt from very toxic experiences with men that the more you make them work for it the more you show you have value.

Low self esteem guys are complex creatures all in all, they are a conumdrum. We are all fixing ourselves, the guy you want, may not be ready for a relationship, he may not be confident in his skin, he may have baggage, or he may actually just have been a guy who enjoys flirting which is actually some peoples way of communication.


Here it is in a nutshell, what you need to know. You are gorgeous, and lovable, and worthy of love, the right guy is right round the corner. One day you'll think of this guy and the next day you won't anymore. You are special, continue to build yourself up, and don't spend your lifetime analysing people who have probably moved on and are living their best live. Yet then we all need to take our own advice, I kid you not.

Purchase a copy of my new ebook The whisper of dreams https://www.amazon.co.uk/Whisper-Dreams-Otatade-Okojie-ebook/dp/B07N687SRR/ref=zg_bsnr_362718031_17?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=PHKC2M5RNJ78E04HXP55) 

How to leave an emotional abuser

Why people ostracized those who are different

How to spot a controlling man

Guess whose back? Getting rid of the emotionally unavailable

The emotionally unavailable guy is ever charming, charismatic and illegally sexy. He's the one despite your urgencies to commit, always has a story. A story for why you dont go out on dates enough, how traumatised he is from past relationships and the underlying effects. The reality is, its not about him, its about you. How many excuses can you make for his unavailability to meet friends and family, for those nights you planned the seduction of your life, and sadly voice message, missed text, something has come up. I have a conclusion.

Sadly the term emotionally unavailable was produced by women who have analytical minds and sought to avoid or deal with feelings of rejection. He's not rejecting me because he feels he can do better.....he has problems. Therefore he's fixable. We fix and we fix, producing nuts and bolts in some of the most extraodinary places, places where they actually dont fit.

Sometimes the man, or the woman of your dreams may not be that interested. Yet why do they keep coming back, and back, and back, and back, and back again. Actually it could be because your emotionally accessible, to their stories, manipulations, and plights. It could be because you are scared of spending time by yourself, with yourself.You could be carrying around baggage from your last relationship, and not know it. There are ghosts which haunt us from our pasts, circle us and keep us maintaining bad, and unuseful habbit. Look at the people who do love you and how do they display their affection, and when the going gets tough, where are they when you need them? Is the line engaged, unavailable, some may find that they've even changed their number. Love yourself above all else, so when these imposters try and present themselves as good guys, implementing themselves into your routine. Simply say, thankyou for your time, have a blessed lifetime.

Mothers Melting pot: Short story

image from pinterest

My mother had the right idea about self destruction. Being a narcissist the whole world seemed to be soaked into her vigil, worshiping her timeless countenance of ill constructed self narrative. It was about her. Her dagger green eyes, the arrogant tilt of her chin, her Moccha skin and the smile with bladed dimples. Men fawned at her feet, people asked stupid questions just to ask questions in the first place and now at 33 i was still the little girl tugging at the hem of a flowing skirt. Ida Rhodes never wore trousers, they were too masculine for her. Everything had to be everything, and in her orb, the world was me as well worshiping at the foot of a goddess.  " New changes." She spoke in her clipped diction, as the car swiped sweat beads of rain in traffic. " A blue car."
"Yes mother a blue car."
" What happened to red it used to be your favourite colour?"
" I'm not sixteen anymore."
"Your hairs still red."
I bit back a rising comment, decided to toss it in as a salad.
" How's husband number three?"
" Pretty on my arm." She patted her fro with a beaming smile, " all those jealous women in the neighbourhood, you should see their crow eyes look at me," she took a gap as a memory lit across her smug expression." Island saw him, it was beautiful, that yellow street hussy,"
"She's not a street hussy." I defended. My mother had a kryptonite, it was the envy that seeped into the distant wounds of a broken heart, she never told anyone about the heart. It made her sound weak, that a man could do this to her, off all the billionaires, politicians, and trust fund teenagers she dated, someone had gotten close enough. Where there was ice, he had destroyed her. His name....father. A penniless drunk, a first love, a bruised eye, a battered lip and psychological mind games. "Has he called recently?" The silence was heavy. I clicked on the indicator, circled the car, weaving through the metropolis that had now become mothers paradise. She knew i was talking about my father. Dad rarely called me and remi apart from to open some half baked discussion about an idea, which needed funding from us. " Friday," she spoke flatly. I was ruining her groove. He was still as handsome as he was when they were teenagers, his deep voice still made her insides throb with loneliness, and whoever shared the bed, was simply shadow. My father walked directly off the page of a glossy Magazine, he modeled for Vogue once, i still remember the leopard print hat, and the hipsters. They looked ridiculous, but he looked good. The other women....always about the other women...who saw, who knew, who heard, as she clipped her arms around his lean frame there was a pride which followed her, as though she had just recieved an Mbe. "What did he say?"
" M.i.a" another flat response. " If someone loved me they'd find a way to keep him out of our lives....for good." Mother had made this request before often ignored. " He makes me feel unlovable. I touch my lips still feeling invisible stitches. " Mother pulled out a skinny Cigarette shoving it in her mouth, lighting it with a match, rather than a the lighter she knew was in the glove compartment. Her fingers trembled, she took long meditation breaths, i bit my lips angrily.
" If he's that bad you wouldn't be sleeping with him still,"
" Sleeping with him," she put a hand to her cheek, the lie apparent in her eyes
" Your so judgemental. I'm the mother. You treat me like a fucking child sometimes," she rolled down the window, letting the cold air slip in like a musk. Outside was chaos. The traffic was making my hands clammy, and the news, the good ironically great yet somehow puzzling news made me grip the steering wheel tightly. I had secret gum rolling in my tongue. Mother hated that. I took a long shallow breath, the way you would if you were preparing to autopsy a body. I could hear a funeral march band somewhere in my mind. I scanned the red dress she had clinging to her lengthy frame, her bosom bounced over it. It was 'strange' they said...neighbours, catty people, she was so beautiful, the way you'd study a painting of a woman. Look at the structures and the ink, dancing upon the page , the contrast of dark and light. My brother Remi had my fathers cleft and his immaculate looks, cocoa eyes that studied you with the intensity of a laser, voluptuos mouth, coffee meets cream skin tone, polite freckles like raisins dotting his flesh, and that mischievous smile. Remi had mothers charisma. Outside it was thick and hot, pedestrians moved with intent, in my mind i wondered about my own intentions. My stomach rotated, back flipped, i felt sick. Sick because i loved her so much, and angry because i remembered the kids at school and how we were treated because of mothers past. They'd called her the escort, the slut, the whore, it leaked into my eardrums as i slid past conversations like oil. I had hated her then, until i'd seen the cuts, heard the sobbing two o clock in the morning when i sneaked into the living room to watch recorded episodes of toon time. Yet, that part of me loathed her, for the childhood i'd missed. " Why this dress?" I gulped nervously "were going to the park."
"Your hiding something." She turned three o clock her eyes narrowed to face me, her eyes dashes now.  " Your hiding something." Another shallow breath. The air smelt like ice cream. Things had started to change for us in the early teens when mum decided to upgrade herself, dating politicians, and Olivier Craft, the business Tycoon who had made the rich list. Suddenly neighbours were leaving baskets of fruits, inviting themselves in, children were told to befriend us or sit near the Rhodes kids during all the lessons. I realised the truth was a painful thing to know. None of their daughters or sons had actually liked us, me especially, Remi was sound, he'd always been the majestic one. " I'm pregnant." The Slap was quick as a whip, i put my hand to my cheek.
"You know what mama Ashante said about your line, why would you get yourself in such a mess."  I knew what it was really about, the anger resurfaced, with more bite. " She said if you had children you'd die."
My mother leaned inwards to scan for what i knew were potential wrinkles. This wasn't about me, it was about age, and her terror of it. " Did her predictions come true?"
I nodded. " You hadn't even realized i'd put on the weight."
"Quadruplets?"
"Quintuplets." Her eyes were like fire.
"Selfish girl you're body can't take such things."
As if it was about me. " I need you to stop lying mother,"
"lying about what?!" she spat already itching to get out of my small Toyota
"Before your next line comes, tell me i need to know where my father is," i returned her loathsome gaze. " I know, i've known for a long time. Not Remi's.....MINE!!" I knew what she'd say next,
"where the fuck are my pills."

The liar's Den

image by kegriz

It was true of this, true of him, the lies he told lefty me riddled in confusion. Every syllable left me questioning myself, asking deeply what was it about us that made him tell so many lies. Each breakfast date, each luncheon, a new story was spilled. I'd clink to my coffee mug, unsatisfied with a new pitch about a life that never existed. " I went to Barcelona last week," i nodded aptly, already bored.
" How was it?" I supplied.
" It was incredible, i saw the," then he went into a steely monologue about all the beautiful things he saw, i felt myself clutching the green in my stomache. Maybe i was Sea weed, maybe i needed to believe he was such a liar because i needed to believe these things weren't real. This him, that Patrick was, the exhibit of an explorer. It made me feel like an ink stain on an A3 sheet of paper. My family are extraodinary people, but we've never ventured beyond our local Cornershop. My mother has a fear of all things new, and all things cultural. I stirred my Coffee with the plastic spoon, i took a bite of the sugar donut, because i was so fucking angry at him, and life being so damn unfair. " What else did you get up to this Summer?" I offered whilst glancing at the couple knotted together like a Cane row on the opposite bench.  " My family are going to Van couver next week, wanna come?"  I scanned his pinched features. From the shiny bob of chestnut hair, green eyes, and pursed lips, to the cafe au lait skin, that once upon a time, i had yearned for. Patrick did that to you, and then you were a black hole as if the feelings you had, had never been there. I anchored myself regularly, justifying that he was too beautiful to part with. That girls like Kia Moore don't get guys like Patrick Cansey, a man who looked like he'd literally jumped off the pages of a glossy magazine. In comparison to him, i compare my self often, i was slightly rounder, my ex boyfriend told me i didn't have an especially beautiful face, i had handsome features, but tits that made him sing like the choir.
"It depends on the dates your going, what will we do there?"
" Fishing, Swimming, diving, ever been jet skiing?"
" No not so much, but it's something i'd like to try." I lied. I didn't want to try any of it, i was tired of feeling grateful around Patrick. Someday's i wondered where the Venom came from, maybe they were my insecurities. People say i have beautiful eyes, but their hardened like grey marble, my features are bold and pronounced. A strong Aqualine nose, high cheekbones, a voluptuos mouth, and skin the colour of warm chocolate, well it was said in a chat up line.
"Patrick.It's over." The fork froze in his Salad, his mouth was half open, he had a look in his eyes like a deer pleading not to be shot by a hunter. I straddled between an Apology, an excuse, a handkerchief, or to simply start sobbing. I would remember what i did for the rest of my life, as if i had replaced myself with someone else. He cleared his throat, wiped some dressing from his mouth with a tissue, and took a swallow of the Champagne glass beside him. I simply picked up my purse, scraped the chair back, and readied an exit.
" I'm sorry," i said, " i don't have the feelings i should have."  He nodded, as though he wanted to say more but pride wouldn't allow it. " I'll miss you, take care." He returned to his Salad. I was an icicle, where was the weeping, the mourning, the sick tears of loss, the on his knees pleading with me not to leave, hands wrapped round my steely fist, the secret engagement ring, the song he would recite. There it was, in a nutshell, and i knew it. He was done, long before i was, in Patrick form he was waiting for me to do the hard work. I took another sip of Coffee, knowing i had always been paranoid about these things, always felt the scales didn't balance in some way. I bit my lip till it bled. Stood up, and took bold steps toward the exit. I glanced back at him, his frame temporarily melting in the distance. For a giant he looked slightly smaller, had this been what was lurking inside all along? Did i want to see him crumpled, broken, torn to shreds, something like anger arose in me, he was too cool. Patrick had always been as cool as a cucumber, it scared me at times, made me a spec of dust in the middle of the floorboard.  A year later Patrick was married, and as i flicked the pages of new business Magazine, there he was, in the man to Watch section. Chastity Kane's article predicted he'd be a millionaire in the next two years, and Aztec zoo his electronics brand would make it's first million by 2016. I had been the only liar in our relationship.

Coping with Change: Understanding evolving relationships

image by BlackmoonLilly

Relationships change and sometimes it's the hardest thing to deal with. The ever changing push and pull tug of what did i do to change this dynamic, could i have been a better version of myself? Could i have been a more patient self? Could i have acted more as the person they gravitate to. Then we realise, we are who we are. In life the people who love you are supposed to accept you for who you are, wether it suits them or not. Sometimes you may love the bones off someone and the next day, not like them so much, the reality is we are only human. It is not a crime to be you. There was a point where i had so many people consistently telling me there was something wrong with the way i was, who i was as a person, and then i looked with disgust as these people would try and imitate me. Or people who tear you down to friends and relatives, wait till everybody's gone, try and get close to you, then when their frustrated they can't you become the bad guy. Your suddenly the villain, which means they don't have to be accountable for anything. Here it is in a nutshell, we are all allowed choice. I believe in the simplicity of it all, sometimes in life you never know what people envy about you. From your looks, to your confidence, to your personality, whatever it is. It is their problem. If your willing to learn as you grow, adapt, be vulnerable, because life is the biggest teacher. Life will humble us, and bring you to your very knees. We are all learning and we are all growing, celebrate who you are, because you only live once.

Signs of a bitter ex: Absolutely hysterical!!

This is absolutely hysterical, i almost wet myself laughing....so true to life.

Freedom and Forgiveness

images by Sandman F


Anger unchecked becomes bitterness. It stays in the pit of your stomach, it rests there until it festers long enough to become part of your cycle. Sometimes we find were angry at first for all the right reasons, but as time passes the intensity of the anger doesn't add up.We begin to justify it, become our own lawyers, look for ways to validate our argument even though enough time has passed for us to privately conclude, somewhere along the interaction we were not Saint. We were also sinner. Letting things go is one of the hardest things to do in life, yet sometimes you have to, not for the other person but for yourself. Forgiving them doesn't mean asking them out for drinks, going out on the town, having a shopping trip, i realised something. When people hurt us they loose more than what they gain. They loose our time, our trust and our respect. Once the glory sheen wears off, and the action or the behaviour they carried out to either humiliate or just in an attempt to throne themselves wears off, they've lost you, and they will aways miss you. I believe life moves in cycles, envy and insecurity cloud judgement, for a few minutes or even a year of fame, the same person who set out to establish some sort of respect for themselves sadly will seek you out, but by then most likely you wont want to hear it. It's not because your cold or heartless or even mean, it's because your probably still trying to forgive yourself for taking a risk on that person the first time. I once took a risk on someone with the assumption that they were quote unquote a good guy, now i question what the concept of a good guy actually means. Forgive yourself. People punish us and that's fair enough, but to go on and punish yourself. Were angry because we have standards, because we were hurt, because there's lines which others shouldn't cross but they do because their only human, and human beings love to test boundaries. Remember the iintent behind what you did. You don't have to grin at the person, or make jokes with them, if they speak to you and you have the patience to be cordial, then go ahead. Just remember, what people do to you, they also do to themselves. Forgive yourself for the mistakes that you made because you may make those mistakes again, what do you plan to do the next time....hang yourself. We lead with our hearts often, rarely our heads, it's part of the human condition. Forgiveness is freedom, it gives you the permission to trust yourself to make the right choices and learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are something we all have in common. Forgiveness stops us from being guaded, it relaxes our protection field. Were free to live and breathe. If someone has hurt you painfully, with dishonesty, cruelty, ridicule or malice, now you know exactly where to place them, and you can cultivate more fruitful relationships.

High Heels and Hop Scotch: Signs your girlfriend/partner has not grown up

 

image by littlemeep

Somebody call crime watch , these tantrums should be illegal. Yet somehow they are not and you find yourself in a relationship where your consistently walking on tripwires, hot coal or convinced there are planes circling overhead. Most of us have either been this person or have been stressed out from the drama of being in  a relationship with this type of individual. They never grew out of their spoilt brat complex and are convinced a relationship with you is all about your skill and ability to be an enabler.  Do you feel as though 'yes' is the only answer they want to hear? That constructive criticism guarantees an ensuing slaughter of digs, insults or passive aggressive behaviour. Maybe their queen speciality is the firework flip out, or explosive tantrums. You also find that a lot of your time is either spent appeasing their insecurities whilst they childishly try and compete, belittle, or begrudge whichever innocent victim has strayed into their riot of emotional issues. Are they petty, bitter, ridiculously spiteful, and refuse to never take responsibility for poor behaviour.  Are they obsessed with image and looking or appearing strong rather than investing in actually being strong,
Being around them you almost feel as though your back in high school or pre school, and you feel constantly dragged into the sewer of their immature games.

For any relationship to survive the key is honesty and good communication. Love and sensuality are key elements, along with trust, yet there also has to be respect and boundaries. I understand someone being so frustrated and reacting to feeling so disrespected they just explode. They light up like a gas tank. That is also down to poor communication. If you cannot express to the person your close to that your feeling bruised or hurt, betrayed, or taken for granted, however ridiculous it may sound to you, there is a problem and this problem is called communication. How do we try and improve our relationships, we listen more, and we try to express ourselves honestly. What is helping your situation? Ask them, why are you really reacting like this? What's upsetting you, lets talk about this. People like to be heard. Often poor behaviour is a side effect of either feeling ignored, or a misunderstanding somewhere in the relationship.

If you become aware that this person is using their behaviour as a platform for complete control within the relationship, then don't be an enabler. If they kick up throw a tantrum or give you the silent treatment give them some space for the mood to settle, and when you feel things have cooled a little, give them your perspective in a cool and even tone. A mature tone. Allow both sides to be heard with less judgement.

Emotional beatdown? Fight

image by u22andme22

In life there will be many times you will find yourself experiencing an emotional beatdown. Cheesey as it may sound to you. Tap into something greater than you right now. Stir yourself up, get excited, focus on the road ahead, and the goals you have which you can visualise clearly in your minds eye.
Remind yourself how great you are. It's easy to listen to the voices of all our critics, our biggest critic ourself. Telling us what we cant do, what we cannot accomplish. Fix your gaze on what you can do, and what you can accomplish for now, tap into a spirit of faith. You are energy, freedom, and joy in essence. Engage in that. Everything we need is within us. Life is full of emotional beatdowns. Wherever there's an up, in time you will find a down, but we have to find the strength to look for that peaceful place within ourselves, within our lives. Even when there's anarchy on the outside. Wether it's put downs, negative situations, we are bouncing balls, inevitably we bounce back. Keep that in mind. No matter how low or down you feel, keep your head up. Because life can change in the click of a second. 

Remember the goal of living is to live a life with positive energy. Apositive mind, is a happy mind.  Get some perspective if you are stepping out of the frame. Our emotions can put us in the wrong lane. Tap into that emotional intelligence we all have, and try to understand how you can make things better for yourself. Wether it's emotional abuse, learning to be emotionally resillient, focusing on improving your emotional wellbeing is core to productive development.  What do you need right now? What is lacking? How can you improve your life? How can you improve your situation. Wether it's friendships, job, worklife, relationships, whichever one it is, see to your emotional needs. You are a priority.

Choosing options that heal

image by Helija

Options. We all have them. Some have more than others. In the area. Of relationships, partnerships, friendships, investing more in family. Use options politely, otherwise they will feel disrespected, and disrespect you. Choose options that bring nourishment, progress and growth to you. Options bring choices. Choices either promote us or demote us in life. From a series of events which showed much lack of respect for myself, plausible loyalty, I realised something I would never forget. If you make the wrong choice and the universe forgives you, learn in some way to forgive yourself. Chose to love yourself, support those who love you and embrace their progressive energy.

Using your options wisely

Image from:www.dcsoffice.co.uk

Options. In some way we all have them. Some have more than others. In the area of relationships, partnerships, friendships, investing more in family. Use options politely, otherwise they will feel disrespected, and disrespect you. Choose options that bring nourishment, progress and growth to you. Options bring choices. Choices either promote us or demote us in life. From a series of events which showed much lack of respect for myself, plausible loyalty, I realised something I would never forget. If you make the wrong choice and the universe forgives you, learn in some way to forgive yourself. Chose to love yourself, support those who love you and embrace their progressive energy. Opt to make the right choices with your options, opt to not waste your free time, opt to behappy.

Candy crusades: The charm of the abusive individual

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Have you ever been so obsessed by how sweet and amazing someone was to you in the beginning, you refused to see anything else? Thats the first step to the emotionally abusive/ physically abusive relationship. The woman/ man so obsessed with the image they saw initially, begins a crusade. A candy crusade. Her abuser becomes airbrushed, and every conversation is an ad campaign to outsiders on how sweet the dysfunctional partner is. I have one question. Is the bruise sweet? Are the excuses sweet? Are the lost friendships and distanced family sweet? No it hurts you... How about the eggshell fear or the lack of trust? Candy crusades won't help our damaged relationships,they are not your jesus Christ.  We have all been through the frustration of having anger issues, low self esteem, if you've lived, you've fallen appart a few times and had to pick yourself back up again. Were all humpty dumpty in our own way.

Someone with anger issues, low self esteem, or past drama doesn't get to use you as their emotional punching bag. Sorry overtime, does not make up for the emotional trauma. Sorry sounds nice. Does it make up for the scars, the feelings of isolation, complete humiliation, misery. Downtimes, depression, all those times when you cry in the dark and the excuses you have to make?

Does it make up for feeling weak? Or being in that constant nervous state of paranoia? Does it make up for feeling on edge? No it doesn't. Emotional abusers are very charm offensive, most of them are excellent at what.....manipulation. If there was a school called manipulation school 101, they'd all have diploma's from it. Ironically enough despite all the things they do, and even some of the things they say they dont want you to leave. They want you to keep you close so they can control you, because what is an emotionally abusive /physically abusive person's greatest fear, it's the fear of being left. Deep seated abandonment issues. When you get away from the chaos and the cobwebs of all their insecurities, when you cut emotional ties and step back you can see clearly exactly whats going on. 

Top ways to spot real attraction:Acting out real attraction

Attraction is the cinnamon on the pancake. It is not the whole pancake. Attraction is not respect, it's not loyalty, it is not companionship. Growing up and hitting the dating scene I used to frustratedly analyse with friends or family even, why a guy who seemed so attracted to me would either back off, or standby whilst other people criticised or attempted to ridicule me. I remember saying to friends over and over again, "just the way he looks at me, I can tell he's really into me," what I was doing was projecting my own romantic ideals and sensibilities on guys who did basic things like stare at me, or ask for my details, and seek out information about me. Things as surface and plastic as attraction, will loose you a lot when you place a bet on the wrong character. Let people show you who they are.One of my biggest mistakes was assuming certain things about people based on little habbits they carried out. For example, if someone would look at the floor or act nervous and anxious id assume that they were shy and afraid , therefore the saviour complex would kick in. Sometimes its not other people we need to save. We need to save ourselves. The whole attraction does he like me doesn't he? I'd say, let people put in the work. If someone is genuinely attracted to you let them actively show you that they are.

Attraction rule number 1: When someone is for real, they will defend you. So many times women go after guys who seem to be mr interested and then they are introduced to the guys friendship circle and the other people in his world, hello trouble. Attraction is more than the guy who doesn't speak up. I once knew someone who tolerated a guy that called her ugly and went as far as refusing to be seen in public with her, despite her being a very attractive girl. For some reason, he was embarassed by her.

Attraction rule 2: The guy who doesn't respect women in general yet somehow seems to 'respect' you? Deluded much? If you find yourself around a guy who has the audacity to call any woman, a slut, a whore , consistently puts them down and tries to make them feel inferior.....PROBLEM!!!!! About things like the way their dressed, walk or talk......well as soon as you fall out with a guy like that....those things that he said about her are exactly what he'll say about you.

Attraction rule 3: The guy who always seems interested when he just wants sex. Baaaad idea. Not cool, not on. A guy shouldn't be interested in you because he's after something,he should be interested in talking to you, spending time with you, getting to know you.

Attraction rule 4: The guy who never calls. No, a real no no.

Attraction rule 5: The guy who never pays for anything. Yet is somehow always available for meals,get togethers,things that cost money

Attraction rule 6: The guy who can never afford to buy you a gift but seems to always have the newest and most expensive gadgets.....Selfish much?

My argument is simple.attraction is nice. That magnet or sudden pull of curiosity, that ripple of appeal. Yet, you want the person to put the work in. It's great when you get noticed but a guy needs to do more than notice you. He needs to show he cares.

How to deal with a cruel rejection from a guy you like?

Pretend like he doesn't exist, literally. You dont have to play nice because...he was an arsehole about it. Yet if 'mr i need some publicity' suddenly gets an attack of the conscience and starts playing uber nice. Going out of his way to bump into you, doing the whole 'hey didn't you hear me calling you routine?' yawn, yawn. Just remember he had the opportunity to be a gentleman, and decided to take the low road.
A road that meant he didn't mind, ridiculing you, humiliating you, and being cruel. After the glory of looking like a Kingpin has worn off, reality creeps in. People constantly need new things to hold an audience. Mocking you was hillarious for that moment, sadly the moments done, and the people who lack self esteem, need to be validated with a nasty story about someone else. Maybe you were always really nice to him, great to talk to, fun, inspiring, well his dmb arse has just driven fun and inspiring away. He needs to produce a strategy, that my love, is the strategy you will avoid and ignore at all cost. The aim is to show that not only did his cruelty mean nothing, there is no desire to be close to him in anyway shape or form.


 What if your crush actually did like you, well those were the signs you picked up anyway; Yet he chose to ridicule and humiliate you because that's what the people around him were doing, it was easier to be a follower than stand up and be counted.I experienced it recently and of course, it wasn't the things that other people had to say that hurt. It was the fact that he was too much of a coward to speak up. Guys like this, tend to bide their time then decide to consistently 'happen' to bump into you when no one else is around. You could be on your way to a class and none of their friends are around, suddenly this guy is hot on your heels despite his lecture being in the opposite direction. Maybe your on your way to the shops, or just waiting around for one of your friends and in higher spirits, Mr 'All GUTS' decides to saunter over to you.

My guess is it will begin with an entourage of 'notice me' nods. You know, when you have that inkling someone wants you to see them, and you happen to spot them somewhere and everywhere. Every chick has experienced this with the shy guy, now witness the ahole do it. A series of nervous and slightly embarassed nods or 'hellos'. Remorse or no remorse, sorry love, its game over from here.

That's right all the key players, meaning you, are gone. don't even let him get past the front door. Keep as firm a distance from him specifically as you possibly can. DOES THE WORD COWARD MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

Some women "WITH EXTREMELY LOW SELF ESTEEM," defend, "he wasn't saying anything, just laughing. Guess what laughing is, it's encouragement. It's like saying, it's alright to make someone feel small, it's alright to degrade someone, it's alright to go for their confidence. In a circle of bullies and cowards guess who would be defined as the worst. The person who laughed the loudest who laughed the most.

Give other guys a chance. Socialise with as many people as you can, but don't be naieve enough or stupid enough to suddenly get the urge to see how you communicating with this guy or that guy is having an effect. By nature i've discovered men can be very posessive and very jealous, even when they dont want something. A jealous guy isn't always a guy that genuinely cares. Upgrade your standards and decide you're worthy of so much more, and one hundred times better. Are you telling me that with over a billion men in the world, this crud is the best you can do? I think not.

(2nd picture by Roosalia)

Top 10 Reasons to break up with your ex

We've all been in those situations with an ex that it's not so much they can't move on,they just refuse to.You become bombarded with Empty promises, illusions of a better future,some even stoop to begging.Yet once your back, you find yourself caught in the same sandstorm. Here are some things to look at, in order to break the cycle.

1)If it's wrong, it certainly aint right. Shades of grey will keep you trapped in a situation that isn't moving forward. Do they say they love you, yet still act weird when others refer to you as their partner.Does it become extremely awkward when people 'SEE' you together in a date scenario, and it's definitely not your first date.

2) Cheating. Cheating isn't about the sex, it's about the act of betrayal. When people cheat on us, it brings up all sorts of insecurities.We feel emotionally violated. Here's an interesting logic. If you invested a million pounds in your bank account, two days later you find the bank has cleaned out your account. You would change banks instantly. Your trust is not a cheap investment, it's worth more than money. When we have faith in people,trust in people, we automatically have regard for them. Where was their regard when they were hurting you.

3)Obsessively lies. The compulsive liar relates back to the issue of trust. You never know where to place your feet with this gem. They'll tell you green is yellow and black is white.

4)Is a bully. Bullies don't just target those outside of you, often times they turn their charm on those around them, and the side effects are damaging to the self esteem.

5)Is Racists or has stubborn prejudiced views: How fun, an idiot to contaminate, or infect you with their negative, grotty beliefs. You'll definitely be a positive influence with this trophy on your arm...not.

6)Refuses to introduce you to friends or family.....and it's been over a year. You're nobody's dirty secret...or would you like to be?

7) Gets threatened everytime you say anything that relates to commitment. This means this person may not be thinking about having a future with you. Futuristic talk threatens them because in case someone better, or more suited comes along,you could be dropped like a sack of rotten potatoes.

8)Is controlling,physically, or emotionally abusive.Being controlled, manipulated or violated is not a stain that easily disappears. It can cause long term damage to self esteem and exaggerate even a seed of doubt.

9)Forgets anything of relevance or that truly matters to you....constantly. Of course people forget things, but they must remember at least something that matters to you.

10)Overly narcissistic and dangerously over competitive. Competition adds that spice to a scenario. Yet if your in a situation where your 'partner' becomes so overcompetitive life with them is all about winning...Watch out it could soon be all about beating you. Overly narcissistic people are so self involved you end up feeling like another chess piece in their quest for self glorification. Over competitive partners may constantly fill your well with this sense of discontent, and dis-satisfaction.

* an extra: They keep breaking up with you a million and one times, and keep grovelling their way back. This must mean they love you right?Wrong.How many times have you broken up with them? For them to keep breaking up with you,their suffering from 'grass is greener syndrome'. Only, the greener grass may not be so accepting of them. The greener grass may not find them as attractive. The greener grass may have more self esteem and know they can do better. Therefore, this person may use you as a checkpoint. It's like in video games where the characters find a save point. No matter how many times they get screwed over in the game, Knocked out, beaten the hell out of, there's always that safety net they can come back to.

*They keep trying to change who you are. If they have such a huge problem with who you are, they shouldn't have started dating you in the first place.
People forget that we go into relationships to connect, be happy, to grow. Yet when you pick the wrong partner, this conflict between head and heart keeps you feeling divided. It's not a relationship. It's you working over time, forcing something that does not work.It's especially tough when our partner is not willing to compromise. We blame ourselves for certain scenarios so we fight harder. Convinced that we have done something awful to that person, and if we try harder we can change it. Simply put, we cannot control peoples thoughts, ideas, social influence, wants and insecurities. People in relationships can have similar beliefs but they are still two completely separate entities, with separate histories.Do you feel good when your with this person, or are you constantly fighting to
keep a smile on your face?