richest African black man: people have to see this

Looking For

Not a man 
Whose tall and dark, 
Fairskinned 
And has no spark, 
Pretty face, 
With pretty eyes, 
Pretty shoes, 
And pretty ties, 
Flashy clothes, 
And flashy cars, 
Flashy things, 
Hide who you are 
Not a beauty 
In his sight, 
Not a man, 
Who awes 
his might, 
Not a man, 
Who'll love myself, 
Or comfort, 
And keep myself. 
You, 
Are not the heart of me, 
Not, 
My rock, 
And not my tree, 
Not the shoulder, 
For me to lean, 
Not the one, 
Who'll keep me mean 
Been, 
And gone, 
Many times before, 
I was whom 
I was searching for.

Written by Otatade Iseghohi Okojie

Man in the apron: How MiSOGYNISTIC IS YOUR MAN

Image by bruised vein

Slut, whore, trollop?  What about his views on traditional gender roles within a relationship. Does he believe the woman should always manage and be the caretaker of the house, cook , clean, and should have only one male friend? Does he respect women's right to earn a high wage or does he secretly believe that any success a woman accomplishes is based on the bat of an eyelash and a push up bra. How about your successes? Does he always go quiet when you accomplish something, and make consistent digs about a woman's role, and not being his 'woman's bitch' or whipped. How does he refer to other women? Do you see him checking out certain other women, only to lie through his teeth later on and tell you he wouldn't touch her with a barge pole because she's so easy. How does he discuss other women? However he talks about other women is how he will one day discuss about you.

A man who respects himself, is not easily threatened, will not be threatened by the success and strengths of his woman. If you find yourself in a verbally, emotionally or abusive relationship with a man who tries to control what you wear, who you speak to, where you hang out, then be very aware he is a misogynist and is being controlling. If you find that his discussions with friends revolve around belittling and humiliating other women it informs you that he has self esteem issues, is toxic, and may not be the guy you want for the future. It is not a crime for a man to be an alpha male, to believe in traditional roles, but the foundation of any relationship is reciprocity, trust, sharing, support, if you find the relationship is all about what you can give to him, you feel consistently drained and his rants about other women are tiring to say the least.....you may feel as though he gets all the validation he needs from you, yet when you ask for things your told to stop being needy. Or your too full on. Maybe your assertive, yet you feel held back by a guy who seems to have a problem every time you show you can assert yourself......in case your having sleepless nights, ruminating, obsessively fixing, and trying to be less of the fully flamboyant person you are, the problem isn't you. You are just mismatched.

 

Hindrance and Holidays: The emotionally unavailable man and his delicious disappearing act

image by wowurnotkidding

Here's a question for the books. When someone keeps disappearing on you when do you realise that you don't need them any longer? When do they realise you don't need them any longer? The thing about negative patterns is that often we only realise were in them when those feeling sink in too deep. Do you deserve someone who will be there when there's a crisis? When the shit actually hits the fan? Someone who values your time and the energy you bring to a relationship rather than an emotional escape artists? Yes. Wondering why he/she hasn't called will be bearable to an extent, being frustrated when you haven't met their friends or they haven't met yours or your family, you will be able to tolerate that to an extent and then eventually life happens. There will be real things, events , circumstances, where you will need a rock rather than just some sexual intimacy, there will be times when you will need an ear rather than just pillow talk. Emotionally unavailable partners are emotionally unavailable for a reason. There will be a list of stories a mile long about exes who were crazy, the damage it did to their self esteem, all these traumatic issues of their past and how impossible it is to get too close. We all become cautious after pain, pain makes you question your judgement, your choices, your life even. Yet if you are in a situation where you know the person involved in you just keeps taking and disappearing, not giving much back, you have to make the right judgement call for yourself. Real love is about reciprocity. It's the best friend that will literally drop everything just to listen to you and make sure your okay, it's the family that support you, and the little they have, they share it with you. It's because they love you, it's because they care about you, and when you need them their there. It's not 'complicated', there's not a fable or a folk story, if their absent it's for a real reason and not for a selfish one.


You cannot fix them because its not your job. It's a choice they have to make within themselves, it's a decision, they have to make within themselves. You cannot undo the knots of their shady past and you cannot carry the burden of their unresolved issues. It's a deadly hostile weight, and it will disempower you.

Fixing broken things is like a human addiction. Somehow we believe by saving someone else we can save ourselves. Here's a harsh reality, the emotionally unavailable man will commit to someone but sadly that someone may not be you. Women/men often find themselves bitter because someone who seemed emotionally unavailable with all these fears and commitment phobias, ends up happy and committed with someone else. The alternative is to not be bitter. The alternative is to be happy and say were worthy enough, valuable enough and we deserve love too in all it's riches and fulfilment.