The stiff March of the Conqueror

They came for you and yet here you stand venturing into the new year with a smile on your face and you may not be gliding yet. It is a stiff march, but this walk of yours, this gait, has potential to ease into a silky glide. Many of us have been destroyed and reconstructed during the year, fragments of an old self, lying in clusters in old clothes before the mirror. We prepare the sheen of our new self, a uniform smile to face the world, a mental check, we are still here, after the breakup, the jealous friends tried to tear you down, the hierarchical games at work, the put down from strangers or just not feeling good enough in our skin. Believe you are worthy of love in 2018, believe this new year will bless you with change, access, and progress. You are what you believe in, believe in yourself in 2018.

Your millionaire mind

It doesn't matter what people say about you, it's what you know about yourself to be true that counts. Low self esteem is a slanging match with one's self. We claw ourselves down, because we have the ammunition of other people's razor blade words, words that bleed out every core . Chain you to a new shadow, and sink you to a grave of self contempt. As an entrepreneur, a creative, an individual, as a self, you must love this self, you must affirm positivity to this mind. It is not your passenger, it is your driver, for it to steer you, you must respect it, bless it with new knowledge, connect it to people who have engaged with wisdom whose paths are growing, and excite it with new challenges. The mind loves challenges, your mind wants to show you your potential, but it must ease you into it, with goals, vision, and hunger. In the quiet times speak fire to become flesh, ideas waltz when they are given legs with actions, they parade themselves before you, triumphant, look what I've become, see my path, share my journey. Knowledge doesn't just empower, it heals.

T

Mist of change

It's a decision we make within our selves,not to be beaten, to permit access for grand opportunities. When I started my journey as a writer dealing with the disability I had and some of my emotional trials, it always frustrated me not arriving at my destination with the ease others seemed to. Always hungry, weeping inside my head, what am I doing wrong. It had been a perpetual habit of mine to mourn the loss of time, and things that had crept away like shadows. Thoughts that buzzed with so much saturation reporting me back to the chaos of myself. I wanted to be a millionairess, nope I wanted to write, i have a business mind. Nope I wanted to write. Writing is a dream, writing is as far fetched an illusion as me walking out of a mirage and giving you ten million pounds. Then it happened to me, and I couldn't believe it. I signed a contract with my agent and my book Lunchbox Millionaire was being looked at by Penguin? This all began with the redebony blog, I had just lost my job to a case of office politics. In retaliation I chose to start up a blog ranting about this jerk off, who had made the last days of my working life absolutely hell. I was ridiculed, laughed at, patronised the works, but of course my ideas were used because they were great ideas. What would I call this new platform of mine? Red was my favourite colour, I had been criticised a lot for my ebony skin growing up.Yet I took pride in it. Therefore this new chapter of my life I would call redebony, then at some points as you do I got even more jazzed up, and called my blog redebonyhotspot. Last year I wiped a tear off my mother's face as the doctors told her there was nothing they could do about my epileptic seizures, the fear of status epilepticus the last year hung over our heads like a dark cloud, this year I watched my mum's eyes light up as I told her I'd turned my book Lunchbox Millionaire into a company. An enterprise for education. From taking the risk on my work I now have an agent, a new company, and have advised the Financial times, I'm working with the Princes trust,and the Oxford academy. Take that epilepsy! When you have doubt counter it with productivity. You are the change you seek.

DONATE OLD CARS TO CHARITY

All over the United States people are donating their old cars to charity, and thank god. Let's think about winter when those teenagers from lower financial bandwidth communities, are at least being given some form of a chance to be socially equalized. Your first car may not be a Mercedes Benz but so long as it can get you t to and fro, it's great to have such kind people out there in society, we can all input and promote positive change. If your new car has just arrived at your doorstep, congrats, and use it well. Thank you to all donaters.

Pinching at the positive

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Its hard to think positively when your going through a rough stretch, in fact positivity can sometimes be the last thing on your mind. Yet when we tilt into a negative overture, it's best to find the positive things to focus on. Some may be many others may be few, yet if you don't have a little faith life will throw you and you will become toppled by our own feelings of inferiority, and the demons that lurk. Trust me i know i've been there.
Fight as hard as you can list the top ten things that will make you smile and another ten that will make you laugh.

Mine Smilers
Ice cream
Exercise
Writing
Dancing
Spending time with family
Making new friends
Coming up with a new idea
watching Sound of Music
Working on my blog, or reading
shopping


Mine laugh list
Funny films......endlessly
a joke made by my sister
My dog gogo and her funny humping habbit
Sadly when someone trips
You've been framed
sitcoms American dad and South Park
A funny quote
When a celebrity has done something ridiculous

A pinch of positivity

image by Pajunen

Systematic positive programming is the key to success? This is a tough one. Most motivational speakers say  it is important to keep your mindset in a state of certainty. This is what I learned and it wasn't from some self help book or seminar, although I think their pretty amazing. During my swimming lessons as is usually the case, i was consistently dropping in the pool like a 10 Ton anchor. I asked the instructor why out of all the people in the pool I seemed to be lacking. He said, move from your core, if your core is weak, you will be inconsistent in your movement. The water wants to automatically propel you forward,the reason you keep sinking is because your core is weak. In life our core is our mental ability, use your mind. The water is the universe, push with what you have, strengthen your core, educate yourself, filter the good from the bad, take action, and let the universe move you. We have to take charge of wether we sink or swim. Sometimes you get water in your nose, swallow a mouthful, but you get right back on learning in our attempts to push forward.

The Love yourself library

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You have to love yourself more so when others try and tear you down. We all have flaws and insecurities. If you join others to dissect and destroy who you are, then ultimately they have won and you have lost. Focus on building yourself up, and loving exactly who you are. The world is full of awesome incredible different people. Differences make the world go round, celebrate who you are, showcase your strengths and shine. The world needs everybody to be different, to be strong. Be who you are, you only live once. Be positive and shine for the whole world to see. You are unstoppable, be infinite in who you are. You are timeless and you are strong.

Testament of trust

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When you loose trust in others sometimes it's even harder to build it within yourself. You question every decision you make, even the people you once upon a time invited with ease into your life. Here is an answer for an emotionally complicated question. There is no such thing as perfect people. People often make mistakes, that hurt us, emotionally, scar us at times, and make us turn the bedroom mirror into a therapy couch. The reality is, nobody comes with a warning. The woman who is being abused, has been de frauded and is now the object of ridicule for smug friends didn't meet a potential partner with a post it note or a tattoo on his/her forehead which said...i am damaged i am here to damage you too. We know the old adage, hurt people hurt people. The damage really comes in the aftermath of their tornado and the words we speak in the dark. Say something positive to yourself today. Wether you've been cheated on, lied to, thought someone was something they were not, remind yourself of the good choices you made. Celebrate the things you have accomplished Positively, with the right type of people. We all learn from our mistakes. It was a lesson, now take from it a positive education.

The Bitch and the Basketcase: Stepping away from a toxic headcase

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Head cases are hard to get your head around. In some instances their an absolute joy to be around, likable, charismatic, charming, sadly in the other instances their either competitive, jealous, toxic, or eager to nip and drag at your self esteem. The more miserable they are, the more your confidence is set to take a nose dive, without a doubt your friend, family member, or associate is on another emotional rollercoaster, and your for the lo jacking.

a) Understand that it's actually not personal. We are our energy. They feel crappy, therefore this crappy version of themselves needs some crappy company. You upbeat just makes them feel like their lacking or inadequate in some way. How come you can be happy , and they cant.

b) Gage their mood. It's great to be a good friend give good advice and be supportive, but you are not their saviour and you are not their emotional punching bag. If you find that your in a pattern where your friend seems to just call you up to dump more emotional baggage, and tell you what's wrong with the world and what's wrong with you. Sorry but you will be a good listening ear. You will give advice briefly, point them in direction of positive feedback books, motivation, a counsellor maybe, or if you can help be supportive. Yet if you notice their pattern is to look for what's negative in other people and focus on what's wrong with you. Sorry, you don't need your energy being drained down the toilet, the problem isn't anyone else it's your friend.

c) If you feel guilty about lying about being unavailable, get on meetup, create some events and classes, and positive affiliation opportunities for you to meet with more like minded, positive centred people.  This is mainly if they are the type of person who tries to drag you down. This can be minor digs , put down's around friends, things they do to make you feel small because they feel inadequate.

Our self esteem and piece of mind is very valuable, it draws people to us. Or drives them away. If you have a negative energy around you because someone else is a sack of negative energy desperately trying to pull you down,  you will find it hard to keep the right people close. Keep positive people around you and positive energy around you.

Distancing yourself from a toxic person doesn't mean being cruel, or telling everybody how much of a nightmare they actually are, it just means focussing on your strengths, and building yourself up.

Emotional beatdown? Fight

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In life there will be many times you will find yourself experiencing an emotional beatdown. Cheesey as it may sound to you. Tap into something greater than you right now. Stir yourself up, get excited, focus on the road ahead, and the goals you have which you can visualise clearly in your minds eye.
Remind yourself how great you are. It's easy to listen to the voices of all our critics, our biggest critic ourself. Telling us what we cant do, what we cannot accomplish. Fix your gaze on what you can do, and what you can accomplish for now, tap into a spirit of faith. You are energy, freedom, and joy in essence. Engage in that. Everything we need is within us. Life is full of emotional beatdowns. Wherever there's an up, in time you will find a down, but we have to find the strength to look for that peaceful place within ourselves, within our lives. Even when there's anarchy on the outside. Wether it's put downs, negative situations, we are bouncing balls, inevitably we bounce back. Keep that in mind. No matter how low or down you feel, keep your head up. Because life can change in the click of a second. 

Remember the goal of living is to live a life with positive energy. Apositive mind, is a happy mind.  Get some perspective if you are stepping out of the frame. Our emotions can put us in the wrong lane. Tap into that emotional intelligence we all have, and try to understand how you can make things better for yourself. Wether it's emotional abuse, learning to be emotionally resillient, focusing on improving your emotional wellbeing is core to productive development.  What do you need right now? What is lacking? How can you improve your life? How can you improve your situation. Wether it's friendships, job, worklife, relationships, whichever one it is, see to your emotional needs. You are a priority.

How to love yourself

image by Lovely expressions


I am beautiful, and I am allowed to be flawed. I am constantly improving, evolving, moving closer towards my better self. You are not perfect. If the world was full of uniform perfect people, it would be a dull world we live in. Celebrate your little quirks, wether its a crooked smile, some gap teeth, a lazy eye. Whatever you have going on, pick the positives, focus on them and continue to build upon them.

If your self conscious of your image, there must be at least one thing you like about yourself. Is there something people are always complimenting you on? Is there something other people celebrate about you? Celebrate those things for yourself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, make sure every time you get up and you look at your reflection you say something positive about yourself. 'I am beautiful, I am intelligent, I am ambitious, I am wise.'

Take pride in your appearance and whichever project you start to work on, give it your all, give it your best shot. Wether it's baking cakes, doing photography, fashion, design, go for it.

Invest your time in supportive people who will direct and guide. Be a positive influence not a jealous influence. Invest in things that will make you happy.

Definitions of Strength

image by Twigglet220

How do we determine strength? One things for sure you can't define someone's strength by how good they are at talking about how strong they are. Strength is more than talk or Inate self glorification. It is in the actions of someone, their show of character. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Because real action is so much louder than megaphone words. If you know someone that supports you when your down, is loyal, can lift your spirits when your down, and are a positive influence for you and those around you.

Deciding to be indisposable

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Disposable objects can be tossed aside because they are replaceable. One of the key things we must embrace to build self esteem, is that we are nobody's disposable object. You are one of a kind, memorable, unforgettable and priceless. If your in a situation where your being treated with disrespect or made to feel inadequate find yourself a peaceful space. To meditate, channel positive energy and fly freely. You are nobody's disposable object. You are of significance and relevance, the reason your being treated like a disposable object is because you don't know how valuable you are. Create boundaries for how you expect to be treated and ensure others meet them.

Moving Forward: Stepping back

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Moving forward from pain is one of the hardest things to do in life. Yet every successful person experienced pain, and they managed to recycle it as a motivation tool. There's nothing worse than being stuck in the same place, asking yourself the same question over and over again, saying to yourself, what the hell did I miss? Get help, there's no shame in asking for assistance. Take yourself out on an adventure, get your journal out, make new connections and focus your mind away from that place of pain. You get more of what you focus on. Focus on something positive and use it to help you set your soul free.

Hope as help Not Hindrance

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Hope is a funny word. Many of those who speak of hope, have already allowed it to dissipate in their hearts. It's the ghost in the room sometimes, or a sentence we check like it's money for a cash machine . We don't want to appear too hopeful, that might seem naieve. We haven't grown up enough were too idealistic. Yet I argue the same thing I've argued many a time before, men have walked on the moon, built the first computer in their back garden, once upon a time Rosa Parks was told she couldn't sit on a bus because she was black, America now has a black president. Hope is something your allowed to cling unto, because hope, faith and positive change come hand in hand. If you've been knocked a hundred times keep going. Knock backs doesn't mean stopping. It means learning and growing. Take the time you need to learn, reassess and grow. Many people resent themselves and their failed attempts. They believe it's the only way to stop the pain of disappointment, but in life one thing that's guaranteed is you will be disappointed. You will bounce back.

Defeating your emotional demons

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How do you defeat your demons? The greatest people in history had fear as a passenger in their lives. It was their best friend, it was their worst enemy. It saved them from facing nightmares they saw in bright day light, and kept them in a rigorous emotional circuit workout. The first step to facing our fears is admitting there's something there to be dealt with. Many of us go into a state of denial, and find ourselves in a heaving pile on emotional limbo. Wether you do it by yourself, with a partner or with a best friend. You have to fight back. Simple things like going to a group if your scared to confide in a friend, seeking out therapy, starting your own group. Shake up your life and fear will find it harder to attack you. Create a balance and work on emitting positive energy , around the people you love and others. Maybe you can start your own dinner group, meet up with old friends, create a new venture, whatever it is. Have fun doing it. Conquering a challenge makes it harder for fear to rest her feet.

Injuring insecurity:Holding unto your joy

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Every corner you turn there's always someone trying to tell you the ten steps, the twenty steps and onwards to build your self esteem. It's gratifying at the time, and you feel as though your taking positive action....yet, I wonder if someone can actually tell you how to be who you are. We have to face ourselves, lack of self esteem is about fear of rejection , feeling inadequate and sometimes alienated. Someone should have told us that from the day your born till the day you die, there will always be someone who doesn't like you for who you are. Someone who may act cruel or gossip, or humiliate. Someone whose felt so inadequate for so long, they feel good tearing other people down. You will need to face your fears, you may even have to suck it up. Damaged but not destroyed. Your still breathing, standing, and if your strong smiling. Time is a great healer, who also reminds us of who we are. Build on those positive building blocks. Stand firm in who you are, grow, and remember, your here for a reason. Your pain may push you towards your promise. Use it, channel it, and move forward. We live once, we deserve to live positive, happy lives. Dont let anybody steal your joy. Joy is infectious. Joy is attractive, it will draw people to you.

The best way to get revenge

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Wow we've all been through it.. Your heartbroken not over the guy, but over what the guy thought he could do to you. I'm a firm believer in the belief that sometimes people pick their targets. You envision your revenge being a Mercedes Benz, some sports car, you thin as a cigarette and the most unbelievable stud in your passenger seat, maybe even driving. After all the greatest revenge is success. Yet you know what also classifies as success, forgetting them , reminding them their simply a pinch on Earth, whilst revelling in your new found confidence. Swimming in it like you've just found a tub of money. Consistent rage empowers the person you despise, even if their behaviour was officially not fair, squatting like a toad in your own discontent, whilst they lead their blissful life of nonchalance will not save you. Focus on building yourself up. Happiness.

The greatest revenge is happiness. Who would have thought it. Happiness and pretending as though not only do they not exist but they are completely insignificant. 'Hurt people, hurt people' it's just how it is, you think if someone was happy, focussed, positive, they would hurt you, very unlikely. We have all been hurt people, and we've all hurt someone. The best way to deal with people that try and bring you down, if you have to communicate with them, then be polite, otherwise, if they continue to be toxic dont give them the time of day. Fight for your happiness, that is the ultimate revenge.

Polvolting passed self pity

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Wow emotional relapse or what? We have moments where our self pity gets the better of us. Pity got the better of me yesterday, my eyes sweated out onions, and my smile needed a treasure hunt. Someone great once told me, failure is not something that happens instantaneously. It is a series of opportunistic regrets. People pleasing is such a destructive trait. We are failures when we give up on ourselves, allow others to tell us exactly who we are negatively or convince us were not good enough.

Other people will try and make you feel small because they feel small about their lives and themselves. Other people will make you question who you are and all the beliefs you hold dear to yourself. You may begin to compare and contrast. That is not your life. It is not your journey. You were not born to be like them you were born to be exactly who you are. To learn, to grow, and to evolve. Your journey is not about them. Ofcourse their opinions matter, without input, we lack the output to shape and evolve. Feedback is required. Yet there's positive feedback and there's negative feedback. Negative people will tell you everything your doing wrong and smugly sit on a throne of superiority, positive people will tell you everything your doing right, everything your doing wrong, yet always how they believe you can do it better. They care about you. They care about your improvements, growth, and successes. When we emotionally relapse it is important to associate ourselves with people who have real self esteem and are not motivated by their own selfish personal agenda's. The right people will be drawn to you like a magnet, the same way the wrong people will be drawn to you, like a magnet. Choose people who like to build and support those around them rather than tear them down.You fail when you quit. You fail, when you give up.

Snubbing the Snobs

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Snobs. How many of us have felt the bitter sting of being snubbed. We often can't see ourselves socialising with the person, liking what they like, having the same values and views as them. Yet sometimes the residue of being snubbed remains. We're angry because that person thought they were too good even for simple courtesies. Maybe we become hurt because we may have shared a confidence with that person, years later have that spat in our face by someone who doesn't understand our journey. It may not be what it seems. For years I was snubbed by someone only to realise it wasn't that she thought she was better than me, it was simply that she felt inadequate to me. Rather than reaching out in a positive light this very immature insecure person became hostile, like a boomerang I fired insults and cruelty right back. I have learnt a valuable lesson from that. Do not get dragged into someone else's emotional mire. Don't be knee deep in their nasty joy. If they snub you go about your own personal affairs an ant should not be made to feel as significant as a god. Misery loves company. People who feel bad about themselves always try and make others feel small, breadcrumb sized, broken, because in fact that is what they are.

These are not the type of people you will want to keep close to your heart. Therefore build yourself up with the right type of people. Positive, happy,strong, ambituos, kind, and most of all people who will not judge you for simply trying to live your life and making mistakes. In life we all make mistakes, and our harshest critics are ourselves. No critic needs a cheering squad. The part of you that needs to heal, needs self esteem and needs happiness requires a cheering squad.