SEDATIVE LIFE (SHORT STORY)

 

“ I am terrified of letting the world in. It’s not the worlds fault, i am scared to let go.”  My name is Mylene Klausman. Yesterday my boyfriend played Anthony Robbins in the car for the last time. Jesus, it was killing me. Not Robbins, My guy, total hypocrisy. “ This guy changed my life Mylene!” he announces over the speakers, yet everything stays the same. Our routines are the same, we get up at 7.30, i actually get up at 8 but he wakes me up with all the pacing up and down the house. Or sometimes he’s up at four and he decides to switch the lamplight on and talk about politics or something just to hear his own voice. I think we are growing apart, or two different people, the sentence is rehearsed over and over in my head. It claims every space in my mind, yet in the early hours i am sticky with sweat, after intense lovemaking. After conversations that trail deep into the night, where i find myself second guessing myself because Eden is getting way too intense. “There’s a guy,” I tell my friend Reno as she pulls up to my house in her navy blue Sedan. “ Shit there’s a guy and im practically married,”

“ Who, what, where, and when?” She lowers her tinted hugo boss shades to reveal stunning blue eyes. I like her new bob as well, everything is Slick and organized, Midnight black hair, exotic features and razor sharp cheekbones. Some guy said Reno looks like Angelina Jolie, personally ive seen her look way better. Then again im in awe. I slip into the seat of the blue Sedan. “ Look were matching,” she dots a kiss on my cheek,were both wearing  blue denim catsuits. “ Its not Tommy is it?”

“ Tommy who?” she puts the car into first gear. “ Thomas Denton, plays Basketball for the Rovers, prefect, perfect, uhhmmmn” she flutters her lashes. I cackle.

“ No im with Eden remember.”

“ Are you happy?” We are steering the car down Crossharbour Road, down Lucas Avenue near the local Mcdonalds. “ Im happy.” I lie. Do I remember what happy feels like? I wonder if I have become a sedative self, I smile when im supposed too, laugh when im supposed too, I feel like a puppy that’s being petted when his parents come over, “go on Myle sit.” I imagine myself with huge furry ears being propped on a dog matt, begging for a bone or some affection. Then there’s him. So I say it out loud because Reno, knows the Him syndrome, when some stranger invades your mind and your senses, you are hypnotized. “ His name is Aidan Rothschild, he sits in the third row in Science, and in the library he watched me for a whole hour, I didn’t even know he was looking,”

“ Nice,” Reno offers pulling out a stick of gum at the traffic lights. “ A Rothschild. I know about them. Damn their rich, devilishly handsome as well.Describe please,” I smile guiltily at the memory. I pin him to be 6 ft five Midnight hair, eyes so dark their almost purple, yet there’s a soft hue of brown in them. His features are strong Aqualine, he has a thick jaw, and long sweeping lashes. When he put his hands up and spoke, I swear on my whole entire life, id never heard anybody sound like that. It was a deep tone, his voice is like a song, I found myself being seduced in with every syllable. I instantly turned into one of those girls Annie Elkry is one of those girls and I hate her for it, overly inquisitive, what does he eat? What does he like? What does he do for fun? Why did he pick our School? And whats so interesting about me? I look up from the book im pretending to read, its awful. Our eyes connect across the Library hall, my eyes flicker away nervously. My stomach dances as he rises from his seat. Tall drink of water,that’s what he is, and he’s heading my way. I smoothe a tongue across my wrinkled lips and then watch in horror as Eden makes his way over to me. He is wearing his muddied tracksuit, I noticed the tall drink of water has a name tag. New students are put through this Orientation workshop, they have to wear name tags. He’s left his on. I study the name on the badge. Adrian Rothschild. He ducks his head and dodges Eden narrowly swerving as they almost collide. I like his scent. A trail of soft tobacco. As he walks away, our eyes connect once more, there is mystery there, and intrigue. Eden stands over my shoulder eyeing us suspiciously. “ Do you know that guy?”

“ No,” not yet, im thinking. Eden scratches his head. “ Guy looks like trouble.” Eden clears his throat. Aidan reminds me of someone like me, someone keeping a big secret. Grandma says I have an eye for it. “ Those grey eyes of yours girl, always exposing the invisible. You’ve got your mothers eyes.” But mothers eyes got her into a lot of trouble. My mother was murdered two years ago when I was sixteen, she was a journalist, and my father is still convinced it was something she saw. Someone she saw the day before she died. I remember how scary it was that she seemed so calm on the surface, yet when she thought id turned my back that day , her voice was manic and erratic. Her words were like someone choking, terrified, “ They’ll find out the truth,” she’d shouted. “ He’ll know, they will know. There’s nowhere to run, just come clean.” But whoever it was never came clean, and my mother disappeared for a week until her body was found by the river bed, Frozen and naked.  I don’t think I cried. I think I was numb for a long time, id been programmed for bad things. My mother was strangled to death. I had thought for weeks about her last few minutes, what was her final word, then for years, it haunted me. Id see her murderer in smiles from friends, in people who hugged and offered condolences, those who laughed at jokes too hard, everyone became a suspect. “ Still day dreaming about Mr wrong?” I snapped back into the present. “Were here.” Reno and I had pulled up outside Elmhurst high School, im never ready for this place. I lie, like ive become accustomed too.” Yeah maybe ill see him.” I take a deep breath as we step out of the car. I feel a sense of forboding. There is something coming, there is something about that guy. Whatever secret he’s keeping, its more than a curiosity now. Then I think of Eden. Do I delve into adventure, or return to a sedative life?