How to deal with a passive aggressive control freak

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Laugh their control issues into oblivion. Most controlling people have one thing in common, they are extremely insecure, make that two, and extremely paranoid. If your fun and bubbly, somehow the passive aggressive person convinces themselves, well not all, the extremely insecure passive aggressive person. Convinces themselves that somehow you will outshine them and take everything away from them, somehow their insecurities are worn like a bracelet or a chain around their neck. The more you try and relax them, the more insecure they become. It's because these inferiority complexes don't stem from you it originates with unresolved issues they have, everyone in life has something that we've either been through or are trying desperately to resolve.

When dealing with a passive aggressive control freak, if you find that the more miserable you feel the happier they are. Don't complain, flip the switch. Moaning aint honing. It's their need to be centre of everything. If you sense that this person gets a kick out of your misery, laugh often and laugh loudly. If you have to put on comedy, if you have to give them a nickname in your head. I actually nicknamed one of mine, the 'evil giant cockroach', these people are not happy within themselves so they cant bare to see others happy. Someone once said people cannot give you what they do not have, that's exactly what they don't have. Happiness. So focus on being happy within you. Laughing within you, celebrating who you are, and not living in fear or dealing with the burden of other people's stuff. They feel bad about themselves so ....happiness is healing, happiness is medicine. Be happy, and fight for it. Don't let anyone steal your joy, you worked hard to get it.

I love this video: Confidence Kicks, How to build your self confidence

Filling your fulfilment place

Feel your mind with positive thoughts today and champion a wealth abundance mind set. Today is a day of infinite possibilities, grab unto as many of yours as you can. The world is your oyster.

Cancelling the curse of the competitive person: The underhhand competitor

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Many people want the reward of a situation, but they are not willing to put the work in to accomplish the goal. How many times have you been around a friend or a family member and your driving away at something, maybe even someone you don't pay much attention to, you suddenly get a positive reward and a positive outcome, and that person springs into action.  Or you get teased about something but soon enough you either see them copying you, or the hysterical one is they'll hide information from you and may only tell you things when they sense your less of a threat. There's nothing wrong with competition, healthy competition with humour is perfectly fine, yet when you deliver good news and the reaction is strange, almost one of entitlement, you find yourself questioning whether you should have kept the good news to yourself.

We all get frustrated sometimes. Especially when you don't want to compete and actually you just want to share how amazing it feels to have reached this goal, how much of a boost it was to your self esteem, how much it lifted your spirits. Remind yourself that you don't need to trap yourself in that lack energy. Every time people with 'entitlement issues' discover a new fad, they jump right on it because they assume that the gratification will be instant. It's not the work you did in this second that got you the result, it's the work you did to lay the groundwork, it's the work you'll do for the future. It's not about lack it's about living. You will accomplish everything you need to accomplish because there's enough to go around for everyone. So whatever they need to do let them do it. People who desperately need to compete with others experience something called burn out. It's when you push and you push yourself watching what other people are doing, and allowing that envy to secretly seep into your mind. If you sense that someone is doing that around you, don't get angry, don't get frustrated, and rant like I used to do, get away and just focus on what you need to do. Don't let them have that energy it belongs to you.  Even people who love you can get threatened or feel insecure and get competitive, life can knock our self esteem. It creeps into the different nooks and crannies, but the best thing for you to do is remember there's enough success, and joy and happiness to go around for everyone.

Pocket money: How financially independent are you?

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What is your financial discipline? How do you manage your money? The money you save grow it, use it and utilise it. Invest it in a course, a product, or a business. Money is energy. The mistake a lot of people make is they save, save, save, deny themselves and then eventually an all ensuing hunger consumes them and they invest that money on something that wont give them a return. A house will not automatically give you a return, it is not a guaranteed asset, neither is a car. Invest in things that make you money whilst you sleep. You want sleep walking money. This means investing in your financial education. All the wisdom we need comes from within. Yet sometimes we need to tap into those mentors with the information, the contacts, the structures in place which will help us with our financial fortitude. Knowledge is power. If you are working in a dead end job that you hate and you are saving towards a course that will lead you towards financial independence you are on your way. If you have invested in an advisor a mentor that will help you improve your skills, and all your abilities so you can be more of an asset you are on your way. Money is energy. It's the translation of ideas, it's the sharing of your personal resource and time, it's the recycle and reward.

We often make the mistake of confusing someone who is in a high paying job with someone who has a lot of money, how are they spending that money? Are they utilising their funds? Saving investing as best they can, making plans to get out of the rat race? Or are they just flashing things and paying a lot of bills to make it look like they have enough.  For example are they miserable paying bills towards a car or a house that they cant pay for. Manage the small things, then you will be upgraded to the big things. Invest in your knowledge of financial abundance. Courses, seminars, ask the right questions, the internet is your best friend, there are bookshops, so many creative free services to assist those determined to be financially independent. The mind is abundance why not tap into it.

Hindrance and Holidays: The emotionally unavailable man and his delicious disappearing act

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Here's a question for the books. When someone keeps disappearing on you when do you realise that you don't need them any longer? When do they realise you don't need them any longer? The thing about negative patterns is that often we only realise were in them when those feeling sink in too deep. Do you deserve someone who will be there when there's a crisis? When the shit actually hits the fan? Someone who values your time and the energy you bring to a relationship rather than an emotional escape artists? Yes. Wondering why he/she hasn't called will be bearable to an extent, being frustrated when you haven't met their friends or they haven't met yours or your family, you will be able to tolerate that to an extent and then eventually life happens. There will be real things, events , circumstances, where you will need a rock rather than just some sexual intimacy, there will be times when you will need an ear rather than just pillow talk. Emotionally unavailable partners are emotionally unavailable for a reason. There will be a list of stories a mile long about exes who were crazy, the damage it did to their self esteem, all these traumatic issues of their past and how impossible it is to get too close. We all become cautious after pain, pain makes you question your judgement, your choices, your life even. Yet if you are in a situation where you know the person involved in you just keeps taking and disappearing, not giving much back, you have to make the right judgement call for yourself. Real love is about reciprocity. It's the best friend that will literally drop everything just to listen to you and make sure your okay, it's the family that support you, and the little they have, they share it with you. It's because they love you, it's because they care about you, and when you need them their there. It's not 'complicated', there's not a fable or a folk story, if their absent it's for a real reason and not for a selfish one.


You cannot fix them because its not your job. It's a choice they have to make within themselves, it's a decision, they have to make within themselves. You cannot undo the knots of their shady past and you cannot carry the burden of their unresolved issues. It's a deadly hostile weight, and it will disempower you.

Fixing broken things is like a human addiction. Somehow we believe by saving someone else we can save ourselves. Here's a harsh reality, the emotionally unavailable man will commit to someone but sadly that someone may not be you. Women/men often find themselves bitter because someone who seemed emotionally unavailable with all these fears and commitment phobias, ends up happy and committed with someone else. The alternative is to not be bitter. The alternative is to be happy and say were worthy enough, valuable enough and we deserve love too in all it's riches and fulfilment.

Dick in your detective: Signs he's just trying to use you for sex

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wow who hasn't been there? Who hasn't done that? Is he interested in you as a person? Is he interested in getting to know who you are? Your opinion on topics such as politics, culture, social commentary. Is it a hideaway romance, where your both hermits in the din of his house or apartment, or are people actually seeing you around? Do people actually see you on dates? Do you guys do other activities outside of sex? Or is he just desperate to get to the nitty gritty. Does he discuss personal situations, intimate matters with you, or are conversations placid and dry. Does he just randomly stop by, and you only seem to get late night calls? Do you feel an awkwardness after intimacy as though your either expected to leave, despite all these promises he's made to you. All these lovely things said, that at the time seemed so genuine? Do you feel as though the actions don't match the words. He loves you but your still introduced as a friend, when you ask if your serious he aggressively argues your trying to force marriage down his throat, he's proud of your relationship yet you don't seem to have met any of his friends and none of his family? This guys is not for you. Do you find yourself feeling guilty about simple things like calling him up, and asking how he is, you almost feel as though your being needy, or stalkerish. You feel as though he or she keep suddenly going cold, or after being ridiculously intimate, telling you how amazing you are, how much they want you and then nothing. No phone calls for ages, no visits, and there's always a story. His phone is consistently ringing off the hook with other women who happen to just be 'friends'.  They may act jealous and possessive, draw you near, randomly talk about things they think it would be cool for you guys to do whilst you 'hangout.' You are not their number one priority, so why should you be theirs. Why be made to feel bad because simply you care too much for an attention whore who may not actually want to reciprocate the depth of the emotions you feel, the responsibility of a committed relationship, but reap the rewards or the benefits of having you nearby.

The funny thing about people is even just having you there and knowing that your feeling unfulfilled questioning yourself, wondering why your not enough for them, they get to take it for granted, because they don't appreciate your strengths or the good things about you.
When you are in this type of relationship you feel devalued, insecure, you don't trust them, because their lack of commitment means their available and free to access all areas with everyone.

List all your strengths. What are your qualities? What do you like about yourself, value about yourself, what do you bring to a relationship? Is it fun? Bounce? Creativity? Flamboyancy? Warmth? Care. List your assets and your strengths, wouldn't you be happy sharing this intimately with someone who you don't feel guarded with, who doesn't feel threatened every time you give them a bold show of affection. If you sense, which you already know, that your partnership is not equally matched, that your giving more than what your getting, it's time to take your unique selling points to someone that will value them. Be prepared that the concept of loosing you will inspire different reactions from your 'user' buddy', they may advise you that it's the best thing, then beg you to stay. They may vilify you to others spreading slanderous gossip because their bitter you actually had the audacity to attempt to move on. The thing about people especially users is they tend to take you for granted, then it's almost like a sixth sense in them, they can tell when your leaving and may actually fight tooth and nail. Sadly sometimes it's not so much you their fighting for but the ease of the situation, and the comfortability factor.

Anihilating A.t.M syndrome: How to stop being used for your money (GOLD DIGGERS BEWARE)

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Stop leading with talk of how much money you have
Watch for people's reactions, do they seem bored or uninterested and then they hear you make that comment and their eyes light up?
Are they constantly asking you for things? Or requesting things that you know they wouldn't spend their money on?
Do they keep happening to have forgotten their purse or wallet, yet you seem to see certain new goodies on them
Are they constantly hinting about what they want?
They have expensive taste
Financial problems which of course are never their fault
No health problems or disabilities but seem to get by on their looks
Trust your instinct or intuition
Stop abusing your own pocket by overextending your finances and lending them money for things they don't need.
If they cant pay their bills. Maybe they should have saved up before they invested in that property, if they cant afford the meal, maybe they should just like your company, get creative and spend fun time together picnicking in the park, enjoying a night in, there are loads of cool cheap or even free hide aways for romantic rendezvous, that can be both exciting and a huge turn on
Is the money you lend them never recycled?
Do they support you in other ways as well as just sponging off your bank account. Some money grabbers are strategic with their greed, they may initially pay for things but soon enough the habit of maintaining your purse for money becomes too much of an addiction. They seem to be like a child in a candy store no matter where you go, and you seem to be the provider. If your intuition informs you that you are dealing with this type of character lead less with discussions about how much money you have, stop making your funds appear too available, and making yourself an abundant target. This person needs to take responsibility for their needs instead of trying to sponge off you.

Don't be manipulated because they will make you feel guilty for not giving them exactly what they want, keep informing them about their progress or potential to move forward in life by taking active charge of their responsibilities, and their life. You are not their saviour. Stop buying their affections, you will still be a good person if you don't give them exactly what they want. Most likely they can acquire those things for themselves, they will respect you more, and respect themselves in abundance.

Jekyll and Hyde of Mr Nice guyZeus phenomena

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People say power corrupts, or sometimes they say money does. I think someone has to have those yearnings deep within themselves, somewhere in the dark recesses of those contrived organized placid systemic smiles. We say everyone has a dark side, but what happens when Mr nice guy turns nasty. What I've learnt over time is that everybody has a side, everybody has a coin element. I wrote this piece for every woman or every man even whose kicking themselves right now because someone who appeared to be so regular and so nice, over time revealed such a nasty nature to themselves. An enjoyment of cruelty, or a contemptful nature, and slowly sucking the self esteem out of others through a straw because they had none. For women who have dated emotionally abusive men, bullies, liars, controllers, manipulaters, and you begin to have a deep resentment towards yourself because why you? Why do you keep picking these guys? How could you not see who they were, or how they were? How did they trick you? They tricked themselves. That abuse that they throw at you, those comments, from the person who manipulates you with the silent treatment when they don't get their own way, alienate you from family, drive you so far away yet hunt you down like an animal because suddenly they need you so near. You need to understand all these things that they do is not about you, it's about how they feel about themselves. A man who may be jealous of the fact that your bubbly, likable, outgoing, and attractive, may make it his goal not just to attempt to make you feel small. Yet to really bury you in their feelings of inadequacy. Sometimes we do a lot of self blame, we question our judgement, and forget to tell ourselves, we chose those people not because we thought they were bad people. It was because we thought they were good people. A guy who later decided to try and bully or ridicule me for over a year because I was no longer interested in him, wasn't especially good looking, he didn't have a lot of money, he had a strange tone to his voice, he wasn't charismatic, or intelligent. What I saw to him, was a nice guy, he seemed like a kind hearted soul, and he seemed reliable and the sort of person that was honest. Despite the signals and signs which appeared to me as though he were interested in me, it was a funny show of events to see the other side of him. Weak, a follower. His family didn't find me especially physically appealing, they favoured lighter skinned women, rather than simply admitting that he was attracted to someone they may not approve of. I was called every name under the sun, lied about, gossiped about, and because it was feeding into his ego and need for validation, he went right along with it.

People have various sides to them. Time reveals all, within us, we have to decide what were willing to tolerate. What we will stand for and who will allow to engage our lives and our energy. Your energy is precious, your joy is precious, share your essence with the right type of people, and don't brutalise yourself for making imperfect judgements, we are not perfect people. Time reveals all. If you've made a mistake and bad judgement call, it was that....a mistake. Don't let other people drag you down because they feel inadequate.

Eva Longoria's commando: Marketing campaign (internet buzz hot new news)

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I love Eva Longoria she's stunning,sexy,stylish,sadly unlike the rest of the population I don't believe Eva commando going Commando (wearing no underwear) at the Cannes Film festival was a mistake . It was a cleverly timed, strategically, organised publicity stunned. She's an actress. That whole 'oops there I go' sorry not buying it. Why did everybody else movie directors, actors, public, writers, other actors remember to put their underwear on. Putting your knickers on is not something you forget.....unless your forgetting it on purpose. We all thought such attempts at publicity mongering were for the Britney Spears, and the Lohan's, clearly Eva has got her own bag of tricks up her sleeve. I have to say though she looked absolutely fabulous, the dress was magnificent, shoes, she's got a great little body, and that stunt will ensure that for the next year her agents cell phone is ringing off the hook, for more magazine deals, interviews, directors will remember her for potential TV shows or movies, this is a woman who will definitely not go gently into that good night. Although what I do feel sorry for though is these upcoming directors, film makers, writers, and even those who are really just about their work and their art, then some celebrity comes in and makes it all about them.

Millionaire mindset: How to really become successful (Love this video)

Amazing motivational video absolutely epic. This moves me, and it will move you to action.

Kanye West Controversial new track: New slaves

Kanye West "I'd rather be a dick than a follower."  Kanye West burns it up with his acid tongue, and his ever evolving style. Attention hungry or not, he's a strategist, and he keeps people talking. He keeps tongues busy because .......he's unpredictable.

Eurovision song contest hysterics (Aizerbaijan's take on David Blaine)

Emelie De Forest won for Denmark, but i'm sorry the real triumph of hilarity goes to Aizerbaijan what the hell was that performance. With one guy singing and the other one dancing and miming in a glass box, absolutely hysterical. Although I have to commend anyone who stands publically and makes a huge spectacle of themselves for their country, that's very honourable, but Aizerbaijan definitely have put David Blaine out of work for a while.

Mistakes as Moulding

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Our mistakes can either be the making, the shaping or the breaking of us. Don't condemn your judgement, often even the bad choices we make come from a good place. Recently I was having a discussion with my mother about dating, I specifically asked her to start picking, my choice in partners and potential friends, because so far. Some of the people i'd invested in had shown themselves to be cruel, dishonest, false, and some even a threat to my safety. She smiled at me then and said the most bizarre thing, in the most offhand tone. Something I hadn't said to myself in years, because the anger within had gnawed so deep. "I TRUST YOUR JUDGEMENT." Huh . I almost collapsed right there, then I realised.

In order to move forward in life you have to trust yourself 100 %. People may let you down, they may disappoint, they may hurt or betray, but when you minus the one, your the one that's left. We find it hard to forgive ourselves the bad choices. When actually we were simply looking for buried treasure in all the wrong places, that doesn't make you an idiot, dumb, stupid, naieve, it makes you hopeful. Sometimes you meet the wrong people to learn the right lesson. This person takes often, and gives little, their not a good investment for friendship in the long run. This person has a jealous nature will they build me up or tear me down? This person likes to belittle others, are they being honest in what they think of me. Nobody is perfect. We are all evolving creatures, masterpieces of our own mental creations. Forgive yourself the bad choices that you made and try and learn from them. In order to get across a river there will be stepping stones, each one brings you closer to the other side, to a more fulfilling destination. Love yourself, forgive yourself. It was a mistake, it wasn't meant to break you. You were meant to learn the lesson, now you can go on with the rest of life's class.

Luuuvvv this track: Outkast atliens: keep it moving

Lies for the Languid: How to spot an easy liar

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I recently had an experience where someone who I thought was an honest person began to lie, consistently. Along with their lies came their justifications, came their aggression, and what lurked within the sheets of a warped elongated tongue. Fear. Exposing a liar, is in those seconds of miniature expressions. Those things that a keen eye cannot miss. "I didn't take the money," they argue aggressively, their tone is defensive, saying don't push this, their eyes dart towards an exit looking for a potential escape. It's in the crevices of body language, and the throbbing of your gut instinct. The friend who says their happy you've just landed your dream job, then dismisses further chatter or excited banter about it, eager to focus on a past mistake you made. Or decide to make you feel insecure by going for a topic of discussion in your social group that either makes you feel alienated or has you feeling as though your barefoot walking on hot glue. What about that friend who says she's happy your new boyfriend and you got together but spends most of her time flirting with him or discussing your other exes to make them feel uncomfortable, or question you in some way.

There are different types of liars. Some liars are very strategic, tactical, and manipulative. One thing is guaranteed, in time with all liars, the more you collect fabrics of the story, the more none of it will add up. There will be holes in their story. Their reactions to certain incidences and their behaviour wont add up.

There will be a drawn out silence, some liars actually by instinct elongate the mouth a little, in a curved smile. Liars are the bane of every principled person's existence. Some liars lie so regularly and so effectively you actually believe their lies are genuine. The false victim who is actually winding up someone till the person lashes out.
Sadly some liars are so good at telling lies, they should get an Oscar for it. Pay attention to body language. Someone who lies yet looks away
A mini expression
A diversion of eye contact
Backtracking
Stories that just don't add up
A dramatic reaction to something minor. Ask the liar the same question at a later date, in a more relaxed tone. When the liar feels they are less under surveillance, they wont stutter or stammer, they will just reproduce the story in a completely different format. Key things to do when sensing someone is lying to you is act completely natural and calm. Learn the art of hiding your true hand until your ready, this means, not narrowing your eyes, not turning a simple conversation into an aggressive interrogation. If you have a boss that tends to lie and be deceptive, with certain people you may need to document or even record what they say because their agenda is not just to backtrack but could actually be more sinister than that.

An ultimatum for your self esteem

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There it was. His phone number in bold blue ink. He wanted me to get in touch to call, to catch up on old times. I knew in my heart there hadn't been that many 'good old times' to catch up on. The ground was always jelly with him, the tears ran like a rain storm, and at the end of it I was always the one who had to be put back together like humpty dumpty. Only there were no kings horses and all the kings men. There was just me alone with my thoughts and my tears. It hit me then like a symbol. Ultimatums.

When we give ultimatums it is important to have the strength to stick to them. Otherwise the same people repeat the same negative processes that leave us feeling hurt and questioning those around us. Giving someone an ultimatum isn't about playing god, or for those few moments having the upper hand. It is a rule of respect. You are saying if you don't respect me, if you violate my trust, hurt me in anyway, you will lose me. There will be a price to pay for such poor behaviour, because I show you respect. I show you understanding. Healthy boundaries are not about control, their about maintaining equilibrium. If we don't respect ourselves, others won't respect us. If you do respect yourself and find yourself disrespected by someone who is supposed to care about you, love you, be a good partner or a good friend; you can decide how much of your trust your willing to invest in them.

Skylining: How to keep aiming high

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Aim high, real high, because you could be the person who changes history. The one to make a difference in your life and the life of your family, go for that dream, reach for that promotion. What's the worst that could happen, you get let down? You get rejected? You just keep going. Many of our leaders in this society, are in the positions their in today because they believed in something, they fought for something, they were ruthlessly ambitious, and they just kept going. Their saving graces may not have happened instantly, it may not have taken place that week, that month, that year, but it took place and they were champions of change. You have to aim high and be persistent. It's easy to settle for mediocrity, change means pain, it means stretching yourself, it means possibly alienating the people around you who you have been familiar with. Aim high because when you accomplish your goals, you reassert, that you can do the impossible, that you are a phenomenon and can bring the change you require. In any attempts for skylining you will get the warners , people who care but are trying to protect you from getting hurt, the doubters, who have failed at so many things they don't believe in anything anymore, and the people who will be supportive and share your joy and jubilation. You have to believe in you, you have to believe in yourself, who you are and what you can accomplish. People may try and talk you out of Sky lining, but what's the saying, if you aim for the sky, you might land on a cloud. Faith is not fiction, believe in your capabilities. Believe in the impossible. A gentleman said in the secret the film, I cant see electricity but I know it can cook a meal and cook a man alive, seeing isn't always believing. Believe in what you can do, believe in who you are.

Friend in the Frame: When your friend is too into your personal affairs

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From boyfriends, to best friends, job opportunities, even to the way you walk, and the style of which you talk. Many will tell you tales of the copy cat frame, and how it unravelled into a single white female saga, with a seemingly normal best friend becoming too.....as some would put it.....inner. This is when your friend begins to selfishly believe your whole life revolves around them.  From flirting with boyfriends, or jealous when you get any attention, trying to alienate you from other friends and consistently trying too draw as much information from you as possible, with their own intentions in mind.
Come up here, where the air is good, and the sky is clear, and the birds can soar. Sometimes friends will do this unintentionally because well their your friends, and they cant help but interfere, because they love you, and they care, and they want to see you happy. Yet if you sense that the agenda is different, and you are simply dealing with a queen Bee phenomena
. Some social climber secretly envious of what you have and desperate to either take it away from you because they want it, or they're just competitive full stop. Focus on you, and rise higher. You don't need to end up in the mire with all their bitterness and their inferiority complex, rise higher, focus on you, focus on being happy. People like this are not happy full stop, it's not so much that they want what you have it's that your happy, your content, whilst their secretly bitter and miserable and they cant take it. People pick the strangest things to be envious of us about, calculative people are clever with their jealousy. For example a jealous person can falsify evidence which can trick people into believing that their the victim, yet  when your around them you have to use logical thinking. Nobody wants to admit to being jealous. It instantly promotes the other person as being stronger, more of an asset, having more to offer. 

 For example how often do they talk about you. If you have someone that's secretly bitching about you 24/7 day in and day out, whether their laughing, or just being mean spirited, their basically trying to target you because they've failed in their own lives. If they were genuinely happy, your name wouldn't even be brought up. You have to be smart enough to say to yourself what am I missing here? Is this person happy in their skin? Are they confident do they have a lot of their own friends? Are they likable? Likability factor is key in self promotion, from business, to any area of life. If people don't like you, they wont try and help you, and you could be the best looking person in the world. To climb up, and to promote ourselves sometimes we need assistance.  Happy people don't have the time to focus on insignificant things, other people's personal affairs.  Here's the thing, if you have a friend who is too into your personal affairs for competitive reason's draw a line in the sand. A simple diversion from the topic, and when you consistently divert she will get the hint. If she has a habit of flirting with your boyfriend or trying to get information from him, tell him how you feel, explaining your emotions and feelings, if it persists, begin to create distance, and she will soon get the hint.

Anihilating A.T.M Syndrome: Stop being used for your money

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It's a funny thing when you come across people who constantly complain about being used for their money, some not all, make the mistake of talking too much about how much money they have. If your fed up with being used for your money, stop using your money as an advert to lure people in. Give someone a chance to like you, for who you are. Let them get to know you, see your qualities and celebrate them. I was watching the millionaire matchmaker recently and there was a prince who complained about being used for his money but here's the thing most of his introduction was based upon glorifications of his wealth. Men especially need to understand this.

There is a fiction that a woman will not love a poor man, a beautiful woman anyway. My question to you is, are there children in third world countries? How did those children come about? Did their parents have to communicate and conversate? Did there have to be some sort of respect? Wealth doesn't always command lasting respect. Do wealthy men ever go through divorces? Do they ever have trust issues because a partner has been unfaithful? Do they ever get let down, disappointed, hurt? Yes. Money means opportunities, it means extra choices, that someone who comes from lack may not be able to afford or tap into. You do not want to advertise yourself as somebodies meal ticket, you want to advertise yourself as someone's potential companion.

In a workplace the boss never tells you exactly how much money they have. He/she never tells you how much money the company makes, but their aware they are in a financial power position. It's simple really. If you ask for a promotion the boss tells you what  that he/she does not have the financial resources to provide what you want, because actually the things you need may not actually be what you require. What the boss is downplay the status of the company, they may start talking about cutbacks, or talk about how they understand your situation as they also have bills to pay, and it's a nightmare, only to see they've bought a new Mercedes, or when their ready to give you a promotion. It's called downplaying. They don't boom box advertise what they have because their not setting themselves up to be put in uncomfortable situations being asked for things left and right.

For example I have a friend who is always 'broke' and even when you know they have money, or you've seen a sign of financial flamboyance here and there, she'll quickly change the discussion to the state of the economy and all the bills she's paying. Why? Because with certain types of people it's their habbit to ask for money, or drop hints as soon as they see a sign you have something coming in.

Dark and Delicious: How to be confident within your own skin

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There is a huge debate about how dark skinned people are treated in comparison to their fairer skinned counter parts in ethnic communities. From being called things like blique, which is an insult used in the black community to say your as black as charcoal, to being told you would be more attractive if you were a fairer skinned complexion, some darker skinned people argue that they get given an unfair rap. As though being dark is bad in some way. Are dark skin is negative. Here is my argument in every corner of the world you will find ignorant jealous people, the thing about envy is it can often be rationalised. Someone can convince you that there's something wrong with you, a quality,  a skill, a character, an asset, because they secretly want it. If they have people around them who imitate what they do and what they say, if your naieve enough you can be convinced that there's something wrong with you and allow other people to steal the joy from your life.

Here's an example for years a jealous woman kept desperately trying to get me down, she felt inferior because she wasn't likable, had never been popular, and people seemed to gravitate towards me rather than towards her. I am outgoing, bubbly, fun, a free spirit, young, and of course I am of a darker skin tone. I also after years of reading and taking pride in academics, believe that wisdom and words are more powerful and more important than looking good to those around you. Because I was different, and because she was bitter and jealous, because she felt lonely at times and inadequate, she convinced those around her, especially those who took an interest in me, that there was something wrong with me. The way I looked, the way I talked, the way I spoke, jealous and determined to make me feel bad and be ashamed of who I was she tried every cause of bullying and low class ridicule and manipulation that was at her disposal. From getting family to chant "uggghlhh disgusting!! she's disgusting!! she's this, she's that!! she's ugly!!" this manipulative, insecure jealous, petty and insecure woman had to feel as though she was winning in some way. Whilst trying to befriend family members, because as is always the case the same people who want to tear you down, do it because they want to get close to you, and they want to take your place in some way.

For women who have experienced negative treatment and put downs and have been insulted about skin tone, and colour, and culture, celebrate yourself no matter what. This behaviour comes from their own self loathing. I cant tell you the amount of times it's happened to me, or I've had friends tell me that they were called ugly, and put down and ridiculed by someone, called things like monkey by their own race, had guys of the opposite sex, laugh at them, really degrade them to the point of bullying only to find out later on that these guys wanted to ask them out or get close to them in some way. Look beyond how you feel at the moment. What could be the real agenda? People often try and make us feel small because they feel inferior, jealous, or inadequate in some way. Be confident in your own skin.

God made no mistakes when he made you. If people have a problem with you, it's their problem.  Life wasn't made according to their rules, they don't have the monopoly, they didn't invent the game and if they did, they'd be happier playing it. They'd have less energy moaning and being miserable mithering others. Celebrate who you are. This is your life you only live it once. If they want to talk 'screw them, their losers anyway," do you think people with self esteem, people who are happy, less insecure about themselves, are happy in their own lives, care what skin tone you are? They wanna meet new people, they want to have fun, they wanna celebrate life.

Friending up the Frenemy: Tired of playing fiend with the foe

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Friending up the foe will be hard work. They will have trust issues, after all how would you feel if you're enemy suddenly started being nice, you'd wonder what exactly they want first of all. You'd be suspicious, cautious, wonder why captain cruel has become captain charisma. It may be a long arduos process, or you may find that you click after a few sessions of bonding.

Pay attention to them. What are their likes? Dislikes? Little things, Birthdays so you can say Happy Birthday.
Even things like acknowledging their star signs and sharing star sign info
Compliment them, loud enough for them to hear or do some thing nice and say something nice that will get back to them
Defend them against someone cruel who is spreading malicious gossip about them
Share something with them,
Create a  habbit of saying good morning, good evening, and good afternoon to them
If you have any information that might be useful pass it towards them, or someone related to them
Be friendly to someone they know, so they can go back and tell that person how nice you are.
Smile often
Give them an invite somewhere exclusive. For example if your having a drink up at your house, if your having a party, if you and some friends are going to the cinema, or going to
Make them laugh, a joke always breaks the ice
Apologise and clear the air if deep down you know you were wrong for certain things

You guys will not be Bessie mates instantly...but if you try not to be needy. You focus on your own life and just doing your own things, showing your sociable, likable and friendly, you will draw them in like a magnet. If their agenda is to stay angry, stay bitter, and enjoy the lack of benefits it brings, let them reap their own miserable reward.

The jealous jinx: When jealousy is getting in the way of your friendship

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First you must understand which I never did. This isn't about you as a person. This is about what she/he feels they are missing, qualities they feel they lack within themselves. People who are not at your level will try to desperately claw at you, and bring you down to their lower level. Jealousy is about insecurity. It is about low self esteem. If someone is being cruel, malicious, and you haven't done anything to them, then it is all about envy. You cannot take that envy from them. It is an inferiority about what they feel is absent. You need to build up what is present within you, so you can raise your game to the highest level. A jealous person needs to see you in the pits because that's where they are. The more miserable you are, the happier they will feel. The less you achieve the less of a threat you'll be, and you will be less competition.

focus on your abilities and what you can do. Build yourself up, smile. The more they try and tear you down, the harder you need to focus on building yourself up. If their envious because they lack confidence and your outgoing, bubbly, sociable and have many friends, don't give into their envy. Continue to build those social skills. Laugh, smile, invite, new, and more people to you, you are clearly inviting, continue to be warm. If your attractive, continue to take pride in who you are, your appearance, your style, your beauty, your stunning looks, if it attracts the opposite sex 'go you' you are attractive that's not a crime. Celebrate who you are. Jealous people are terrified of you shining, don't just shine, beam, go on full blast, be epic, because you have something to be in awe of. Yet don't be ego maniacal, build up those around you advise them on confidence classes, tips, cool things, they can do to also build themselves up.  Yet if you find yourself associated to people who don't want to grow, who want to continue to stay in a negative pattern, and drag you down.....you need to either emotionally detach or socially detach. Bring yourself to your highest level of excellence.

Notice key things

Noticing a friend who never seems to be happy for you,  they want what you have but they dislike you for having it.

They try and secretly alienate other people from you, by spreading gossip or telling half truths because their jealous and envious.

Be who you are. One of the many mistakes I made with jealous friends was not acknowledging my qualities and let my confidence get battered, before from being, loud, bubbly, outgoing, fun, smiley, I let a completely jealous insecure person  encourage me to become more introverted because it made them feel better about themselves. I was aware they were discontent and completely miserable

Be who you are
Don't get manipulated

What do you perceive to be the real reason's behind the jealousy?
What are the actual reasons behind the jealousy?
Communication is key, if you can't communicate, then create distance. There are certain types of people that you may love key qualities about them so if you can talk to them, tell them how you feel, tell them how it's affecting you, if their negative behaviour persists, begin to spend more time with people who wont turn everything into a competition.

If you care about them and you know it's a friendship worth working on and you understand their just going through a tough time, be supportive, but do not be a slave to someone else's inferiority complex. You have your own life, and that will always need your attention.

Taming the Tornado: How to deal with a bad boy

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Bad boys are hard work, and it's not as glamorous as you think it might be. This is a trick article? For women who specialise in 'dating the bad boy' or the ' I love those bad boys' syndrome. Tell us how low your self esteem is really. Let me guess. It's low, but you need to feel worse right, or if you can fix him it will prove your maternal validity and showcase your superiority as a woman. LET ME LET YOU IN ON A SECRET.

BAD BOYS DONT WANT TO GET FIXED.  They don't want you to improve them or mother them, or teach them how to respect their mothers and stop holding grudges against their friends.

They are bad boys and have these issues because they've been through a whole heap of mess, and this is their survival mode. They are always in survival mode. Their always on the hustle. When you go to dinner, as a lady you will have certain expectations, get ready for the bad boy to either begrudge having to fork out a dime during dinner or resent you later on. Be ready for some verbal and emotional abuse for little things like smiling at a guy whose just being friendly when he checks out every girl on the street.

Be ready to feel threatened when he selfishly checks out good looking friends who were never a threat to you before giving you a wide berth because either he's being overly flirtatious, acting too available, or just pretending like your not together in the first place.

Be ready for those deliciously booming feelings of self esteem when you start to feel like a booty call as he is completely self absorbed, and seems only interested in you and your life when your alone in his house and there's nobody else around. Be ready to get the fake 'I care' as you parrot on about your life until your out on the street, and some other hottie struts by, he'll probably care about her life when she takes her knickers off as well.

The illusion is that the bad boy will be guardian, protector, and somehow he will also be transformed into uber hubby. Noooooooooo. Hello, wake up time. Unappreciative, possessive, and a jealous partner doesn't mean a loving partner. A jealous partner means......That's mine, back away....don't play with my toys. It's that selfish kid in the nursery school who refuses to share any of their things with the other kids, in this one's case. They don't even want you to conversate. Socialise, connect,

Another thing is bad boys often don't want to get work or do the whole fake entrepreneur thing. I respect anybody that has the strength to work hard step up and be an entrepreneur a businessman, or just work to earn their keep, these things take discipline. Beware that you are not dating a guy that is completely undisciplined. Also, with a lot of bad boys it's bro's over ho's be ready to consistently be put on the backburner, you should be a priority. You should be relevant and significant enough to demand and command respect, so respect yourself. Avoid the drama of the bad boy.

The Bitch and the Basketcase: Stepping away from a toxic headcase

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Head cases are hard to get your head around. In some instances their an absolute joy to be around, likable, charismatic, charming, sadly in the other instances their either competitive, jealous, toxic, or eager to nip and drag at your self esteem. The more miserable they are, the more your confidence is set to take a nose dive, without a doubt your friend, family member, or associate is on another emotional rollercoaster, and your for the lo jacking.

a) Understand that it's actually not personal. We are our energy. They feel crappy, therefore this crappy version of themselves needs some crappy company. You upbeat just makes them feel like their lacking or inadequate in some way. How come you can be happy , and they cant.

b) Gage their mood. It's great to be a good friend give good advice and be supportive, but you are not their saviour and you are not their emotional punching bag. If you find that your in a pattern where your friend seems to just call you up to dump more emotional baggage, and tell you what's wrong with the world and what's wrong with you. Sorry but you will be a good listening ear. You will give advice briefly, point them in direction of positive feedback books, motivation, a counsellor maybe, or if you can help be supportive. Yet if you notice their pattern is to look for what's negative in other people and focus on what's wrong with you. Sorry, you don't need your energy being drained down the toilet, the problem isn't anyone else it's your friend.

c) If you feel guilty about lying about being unavailable, get on meetup, create some events and classes, and positive affiliation opportunities for you to meet with more like minded, positive centred people.  This is mainly if they are the type of person who tries to drag you down. This can be minor digs , put down's around friends, things they do to make you feel small because they feel inadequate.

Our self esteem and piece of mind is very valuable, it draws people to us. Or drives them away. If you have a negative energy around you because someone else is a sack of negative energy desperately trying to pull you down,  you will find it hard to keep the right people close. Keep positive people around you and positive energy around you.

Distancing yourself from a toxic person doesn't mean being cruel, or telling everybody how much of a nightmare they actually are, it just means focussing on your strengths, and building yourself up.

The Breakup and the Breakdown: How to get over those break up blues

Just for the heads up I guarantee you will get over your ex. You will be happy, laughing, smiling, flirting, but it will take time. You may find old insecurities reappearing,  Comparing yourself to every beautiful super model/ video girl, or pretty street poser, wondering if they would stay with them.

Cry a lot at first . It's allowed, they were part of your life and now their gone....just like that. Some people beg, turn into stalkers and track their exes every move, ward off potential girlfriends , tell tales to work colleagues. Your allowed to cry about it, and not feel weak. Your purging, relieving all the emotional distress and letting it filter out in a pool of tissues.

Moan A lot, it's allowed. Yes sir/ ma am your heart broken. It hurts. You will get through it. It sucks right now, but time and distraction are two incredible healers. You will question your decision, especially on those lonely nights, or when you've listened to your other girlfriends talk about their relationships. Remember you broke up for a reason. The fact that it brought your relationship to a standstill means it was a solid tangible reason. If you broke up for issues of trust, separation is the right choice. Respect yourself and work towards building  your self confidence, whilst your taking that much needed time for independence.


When we get down we focus on what we did wrong, obsessing about our mistakes and all the bad choices we made, and all the things that put us in a bad light. Yet what if the universe had a bigger plan. What if this ex partner, fine as they were, fun as they were, charismatic as they could be sometimes were just not the right person for you?...In the long run.

Put on some music. Positive, fun, and funky music, stimulates the mind and gets the chakra's pulsating with energy. It gets you all excited and get's your juices going.

Go out with some friends, and socialise.Get flirty I know you feel like sinking into that delicious pit of self pity right now. But the more positive energy you have around you, the better...Raise your vibration levels. It feels good to feel attractive again. Get glammed up, strut and smile, your worth it.

Get fit, and get active. Self pity is a great safety net but it wont do the trick for those dumpy emotions. You will think about your ex often. Miss them, wonder if their out with another date, but you need to get focussed, and you need to get busy. It's not about them, it's about you, you need to get back into the frame of mind where you enjoy your self in your own skin, and you love being in your own company. Breakups bring out all our depressed moods and all the insecurities that lurk beneath our pain.

Get a hobby, or focus on an old one that was positive, and made you feel both excited and exhilarated. Finding an activity to focus on rather than what you

Ice cream is fine, but going wreckage on junk food will make you twice as miserable, less likely to pull and be happier within your own skin.

Everybody bitches and rants about their ex but curb your curse control, your an icon, and a big fish you have more important things to talk about. If the people around you are obsessively trying to bring up your ex as a hot topic or point of convo, either be polite...when you've hit your 'rant limit' try and sound like a well wisher and not a hater. Or if it's too much, just be firm and say' to be honest their my past and I've been taught to drive by looking at the road ahead. " Or " I'd much rather talk about something more significant."

R.E.M were write. To be honest, everybody hurts. What people don't tell you about the breakup often is that bo8th parties are hurting, the person who leaves and the one who gets left. There is a familiarity with relationships, a companionship, and a partnership, that we get used to. Do you think you miss your best friend when you go on holiday? Yes you do. You have so much to tell them, because you can confide in them. There are things a man or a woman can tell their boyfriend or partner that they don't even tell their friends or family, because it's a different kind of bond. It's a bond that will be missed.

If you were cheated on, or your partner had to break things off because the relationship became too intense there was too much pressure, they will still miss you , but you need to focus on moving forward without being angry and bitter. Get a punching bag if you have to box, do some exercise and fitness classes

Go shopping for cool quirky and exciting things, save up to go on holiday, or go on regular walks, adventures, jaunts, and explore.

Visualise yourself looking stunning, happy and made over if you were to ever bump into him again. You are gorgeous, do not forget your assets.

Read something inspirational or motivational, try and get that excitement you had for living and that joy you had for life again. Remember they were your ex for a reason.