Cracking into the crazy code: Defining crazy in a mental world

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After numerous dating disasters one thing always sticks in my mind. There has not been an ex boyfriend i dated who didn't call their last partner 'craaaaazy.' The term is used so loosely, and people often languish in it. Almost having it as an option to alienate and discredit those that they don't really like. For example with one boyfriend, i found it wasn't so much that his ex girlfriend was 'crazy' it was that he had no self esteem, she had some self esteem, was actually confident, and he was too clingy. She had an independant nature about her, and was sociable, popular, outgoing and supposedly areal force of nature, despite being 'craaaaaazy,' my ex boyfriend could not resist moaning and ranting, or even trying to compete with her. It begs the question. If someone is crazy, why try and compete with them, doesn't that mean their completely illogical, a threat to your safety, and the safety of those around you, why would you go near a crazy person and play a game of lets compare lives. I started to realise my ex boyfriends version of crazy when i began to make successful strokes in personal career goals, suddenly it wasn't just a pet project that i had been working on, when big names began to contact me for shoots and i'd get excited about it and share the good news with him, i also in time became the enemy as well. It started off as little digs, and put downs here and there, then when i began to challenge his ego, and his whole 'friendship' illusion went down the toilet as i refused to get into a relationship with him where i knew i would not be respected as an equal, of course i was crazy too. Another boyfriend who i thought was absolutely hysterical had once been chased by his ex with a pair of 'really sharp scissors' as he recalled the story, with his little boy face on, and his sulky brown eyes, at the time i thought wow i'm really privileged that he's confiding this in me, "SHE MUST BE CRAZY!!" Wrong again, not only did he have a murky past, but his ability to be a user, selfish, and drive you to the edge is almost second to none. If ever there was a job titled called 'wind up artist', he would have been driving a Mercedes and being paid seven figures. What am i saying Here? Dave Chappelle said it in one of his interviews, see beyond the term 'crazy. It's a label used to discredit people so intellectually you dont take them seriously, socially you dont take the seriously, and if they have answers you think twice about going to them and asking the information you require. A jealous and not especially skilled manipulator can convince us that someone is 'crazy' and we should stay away from them as though mental health is a virus that can be caught. Actually some of the most functionally normal people in society can appear to be crazy in some instances. Crazy to me means chaos, out of control, because as human beings, no matter what people tell you, we all have a god complex. Someone can be very bubbly , outgoing appear to be very stable, then they sink into a deep depression, and things spiral out of control from there, someone can become extremely stressed out in a situation and because of poor stress management levels, the balance is tipped to the other side, they feel as though they bit off more than they can chew, someone can be attacked, raped, violated, all that pent up aggression turns into something else, Love can make someone crazy,jealousy can make someone crazy, Bitterness can make someone crazy, Financial Bancruptcy can sink someone into a hole.An arsehole boss can drive someone over the edge, and we've all heard the stories about passive aggressive people who finally loose it after being conservative and holding everything in for years, just snap. Then people say oh my god they seemed so normal, how do you define normal? I have a problem with really immature people who have deep rooted insecurities of their own have failed in other areas of their life, and use someone else's pain as a platform for humiliation. Were not perfect. We all act silly from time to time. I mean though those who get a real 'kick' out of seeing someone do something out of the ordinary because it means they can hail the flag and say see 'their doing something that's different, it's not the norm is it?" He he he. Look at how they turned out, and look at me. Sadly if this is how people like this measure their standards, then they are outright failures. Doing normal doesn't guarantee that you are 'normal', and being a normal regular Jane, or Jack, wont guarantee that your happy. Success is a happy fullfilled life, without being territorial, insecure,afraid of everyone,and everything. There are many people whose ideas were seen as far out and crazy, yet when their inventions or idea's acquired financial backing, they weren't crazy anymore....they were geniuses.

Fight for fun and fruitfulness

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Fight for what you want. Go for it because you only live once. I'll say this a thousand times. It's weird that i say it so many times on redebony but it's the truth, so many people in life, live it afraid. They are in this natural passive state of fear, and their so used to being afraid sometimes they don't realise that is what their feeling. sometimes if you don't try. If you don't tap into the frequency of the explorer, you will not venture into the unknown and see what you need to see, find the answers you need to find, know what's right for you or who is right for you. It's so easy to slump back in life and let everybody else live, because were just so scared to do. Scared of being judged. What will other people think of us? Lets rise above what they think? Decide that it's not about what they think, or who they are. We respect ourselves, lets continue to do that. And not let envious people rotten with their own inferiority complex , try and drag you through the mire of their own pain. Focus on fighting for what you want. Focus on fighting for who you are, and refuse to let anybody steal your joy, and take your strength from you. Remain focussed on your goal.

Emotional beatdown? Fight

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In life there will be many times you will find yourself experiencing an emotional beatdown. Cheesey as it may sound to you. Tap into something greater than you right now. Stir yourself up, get excited, focus on the road ahead, and the goals you have which you can visualise clearly in your minds eye.
Remind yourself how great you are. It's easy to listen to the voices of all our critics, our biggest critic ourself. Telling us what we cant do, what we cannot accomplish. Fix your gaze on what you can do, and what you can accomplish for now, tap into a spirit of faith. You are energy, freedom, and joy in essence. Engage in that. Everything we need is within us. Life is full of emotional beatdowns. Wherever there's an up, in time you will find a down, but we have to find the strength to look for that peaceful place within ourselves, within our lives. Even when there's anarchy on the outside. Wether it's put downs, negative situations, we are bouncing balls, inevitably we bounce back. Keep that in mind. No matter how low or down you feel, keep your head up. Because life can change in the click of a second. 

Remember the goal of living is to live a life with positive energy. Apositive mind, is a happy mind.  Get some perspective if you are stepping out of the frame. Our emotions can put us in the wrong lane. Tap into that emotional intelligence we all have, and try to understand how you can make things better for yourself. Wether it's emotional abuse, learning to be emotionally resillient, focusing on improving your emotional wellbeing is core to productive development.  What do you need right now? What is lacking? How can you improve your life? How can you improve your situation. Wether it's friendships, job, worklife, relationships, whichever one it is, see to your emotional needs. You are a priority.

The Fabric of fictional lives

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Once upon a time. Pre recession didn't everyone have this neat habbit of convincing the world around them that they were living this perfect happy life. Everything was immaculate, the job situation, marriage, boyfriend, good times, good times. The funny thing is though. Since the recession people can't even be bothered to lie anymore,  "how's work?" crap,  "how's your boyfriend?"
"There." So i decided in my own warped merriment to see if we can look for something positive that has come out of the recession. Although some people hate the retail industry, i'm starting to think it's a recession proof job, along with the fact that there are more opportunities in key worker roles like nursing, social work, and of course, therapy, i think everybody feels they need a bit of therapy and tlc. Self employment has improved big time....What i love even more though is when you do look at someone and say "i'm self employed," they dont look at you like your a martian just landed from the planet Zennigan, neither do they look at you as though your the laziest bumm on Earth. It takes a lot of dedication to go into self employment, before you actually start making any money you get the looks that people give you as if to say, "stop lying, you've got no dreams." Then there's also the monologue they've given themselves in the mirror because some may be too scared to go into self employment, if you have enough capital you cant do it.
Your idea isn't original enough the industry is oversaturated.
Do you really expect to make money from that?....Did you expect to make money ever.  Yes the fabric of our fictional lives have been cast aside. People are now too stressed to even pretend, but lets focus on the fact that there is room to reinvent ourselves and there's room for progress.

The Goliath in the Gossip: She's gossipping about her...but your next

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Gossips love to tell stories about people because idiots love to listen. They churn it out giving you half truths, telling jokes they know are either cruel or contemptuous. We can all make the mistake of engaging a gossip, just because their doing it to someone else doesn't mean they won't do it to you. In fact their guaranteed to do it to you. Gossip has been embraced as normalcy since were all drowning in celeb gossip and the failures, and successes, do's and donts, what they did, could have done, might do, may possibly be offered. The key thing about gossips to remember is that they gossip because they havent ot that much else to offer about their own lives. There's no adventure, depth, history, something that makes you want to stay and spend time with them, so they distract and waste your time by having youfocus on the flaws of someone else. Their always eager to give you the new news, you know, what they've discovered next. Found out, about someone, the joy of other peoples compromising scenario's. Yet if you were to simply turn to a gossip and say, what's been happening in your life lately? Well, they wouldn't really have that much to tell you. In contrast to the person they've literally thrown under the bus, their lives seem so systematic and so deadpan. You look behind their eyes and wonder where all the magic went. Some people are great for information. They want to share with you the knowledge they have, if they know something about someone, they also know the contacts and the connections of which they can assist you with getting your something accomplished. Their the all knowing, all seeing, strategist. Yet if you find yourself in the company of a gossip whose special ability seems only to shred the lives of those around them, and it's not just base information. This means the information they got access to is personal information. This means they are not someone who is trustworthy.

How to spot the Ultimate Looser

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The ultimate looser in my eyes is a guy whose too scared to go after what he wants. Rather than face up to that. When he knows he lacks the confidence to go after the girl he's probably wanted for a while, even you've sensed it. Maybe it's the guy that's been watching you and didn't think you saw him looking, asking questions about you, happening to be exactly where you are, at exactly when your there. It's becoming too much to be coincidence.....and you finally give in.

Rather than face up to his fear of rejection. Mr absolutely spineless decides the best thing to do is to slate you. After all if you feel small about yourself, maybe you'll feel small enough to date him...WRONG!!

There is nothing more cringe worthy than a guy like this. Not only do you not respect him, but he actually doesn't respect himself. He's so riddled with insecurities, he's such an advert for aself slander campaign, that after a while it becomes clear to you, a guy with this much of an inferiority complex, not only should he not be given the time of day. He should be avoided like the plague, he is what is known as an energy stealer, an emotional succubus. This is the type of guy that wont actually have the guts to tell you he likes you, would like to date you, would like to be given a chance. Instead he let's the opportunities pass to other guys with nicer personalities, more self esteem, more confidence, happier within themselves, and will spend the rest of the time slating you to as many people that will listen. The only problem is. With time he will begin to incriminate himself. People will begin to wander, if you are as ugly, vile just unappealing in general, how has he managed to pay so much attention to who your dating, seeing, talking to. Even ridiculous things like what your wearing. If he doesn't care so much, why is he beginning to sound so bitter? People will start to question the motive, and why is the reaction so dramatic. Sometimes in life it is not the things that we say, it is the things that we don't say that reveal all. Those who know us well, or those who are observant, can pick up things that we think were hiding so effectively from others. For example we find ourselves wondering why certain people choose to focus on us as targets to vent out their frustrations. You may have done something to piss someone off but then you think to yourself wow it wasn't that bad. Well often times people have a lot of frustration and pent up aggression, that aggression needs a target. Wether it's anger, sexual aggression, sometimes we find that people relieve their frustrations not on the person who actually pissed them off, but the person who they see as a threat or competition in some way. The best way to deal with a competitive or over competitive person is take the game of competition away.  They have this hungry need to compete with you and it's the only way to validate themselves.

If you find that you are in a scenario where the guy you thought you liked not only showed himself to be spineless, but immaturely a bit of a bully, or emotionally abusive in some way. It's not normal. Tv shows sometimes cutify this and express it as, well this guy is doing this because it's the only way to get your attention, it's pulling pigtails syndrome. Actually, it's not cute. Most of the time when it's happening, you end up feeling quiyte small, then are kind of furious to think that in which paralell universe. Which warped existence or dating manual does it say ridicule someone and forever and ever, and ever, they will be yours. A smart girl with self esteem says "you wanna play it like this....fine, i'll date someone else that respects me. Likes or loves me for who i am."

Jinx in the Juice: Understanding jealous older women

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For years i was bullied and targeted by an older woman. I never fully understood where the depth of her contempt came from, i just knew that suddenly a woman who had years on me, had birthed this obsessive need to compete. This jealousy and envy she felt, meant she manipulated those around her, and completely villified me, and someone who should have shown just a hint of backbone didn't just stand back and watch it happen, but he was so utterly spineless and so desperate for his mother's approval, he'd egg her on viciously in secret, desperate to fit in with the mob. Not aware that there's things only a woman can see, that sometimes, a man does not acknowledge.

This woman was dumpy looking. despite being attractive, she looked like she'd had a fight with life it had kicked the crap out of her, and all that was left was this old battered soul. Her shoulders always slumped when i saw her and nothing said she had even an ounce of self esteem. When she walked past me it was as though i was superior in some way, and she felt inadequate, yet whenever there were people around this woman's ability to hide her own self loathing was more than magical. She'd cackle like a witch as i heard shouts of "she's disgusting," and any other derogatory comments she could think of. The words would spew from her like an acid well, and those around her who clearly had insecurities of their own because some were fat, others were overly shy and insecure, some probably had issues with rejection. I could tell that for a woman who clearly seemed as though she were lonely, and craved attention, when she had something to talk about, it fed that need to be spotlighted. The need to be acknowledged, and to gain respect, in her bizarre, messed up her hierarchy.

There are many women who deal with getting old extremely well. We see it's worked for them. There's a confidence about them, despite their age, their like supernova's , you move towards them instead of shy away from them because you respect them. Getting old is not a bad thing. It is transition. Age means wisdom for some it means growth and polish, those who age gracefully age well, and those who rot and stew in the bitterness of past mistakes and insecurities carry a ten ton truck of insecurities. I know, i've been different versions.

As i heard this 'witch' launch more attacks about who i was, the way i was, how flawed i was, i realised something. no matter how much she criticised me, she couldnt take away the disdain she felt for herself. The self loathing that would probably never leave because in life we make choices, and her choice is to alienate people then beg them back. It's a funny thing life. The more she shrieked and howled and tried to tear into me, i realised, she was complaining about me to people i never wanted to associate myself with anyway, to people i didn't like and to people who clearly didn't like themselves. As she became more bitter, and childish, resorting to schoolyard bullying to validate her own life, it hit me then. Something was truly missing in this woman's life. Everything she was doing as much as it appeared to be about me, it was far from that. Her hate campaign was about her. It was also her issues with aging,it's not like she was becoming help the aged, but i imagine for a control freak, that fear of things furthering to spiral out of your control. Along with that of abandonment. Although i had many imperfect moments, i realised how sad it was to be like this, filled with such bitterness, about life and so cold. The goal of living is to be happy, that is the ultimate goal. Not all older women are envious like this, but this woman was truly coming from a place of lack. When someone is this bitterly envious, it's because you have something, and it's not something that can be acquired, it's something that lies within you.

Celebrate the day

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In our quest for more, we often forget the importance of celebrating the day and just being gretful for what we have. I took my dog out for a walk today, it was amazing, the sun beamed down on my head, the breeze, the air felt lovely. I appreciated, just the beauty, and the simplicity of Earth and nature. Everybody felt so happy, everybody looked so good, and there was such freedom in the air. If you are desperate to be happy, and you think acquiring more stuff will get you there, i'm here to burst the bubble and flood the pipes. You will feel motivated, driven, hungry, ambituos, and as you fight to source yourself to the very top, you will begin to feel prouder. Your ego will expand. The reality is though, those things will not guarantee that you are happy. Happiness begins with now. It's those small steps we take, those actions to create that framework within our lives that keeps us satisfied, fulfilled, joyful from within. Forgive yourself your mistakes in the present and those who can forgive you, let them.Those who cant, well you have to distance yourself from them for now, whilst you resolve whatever question marks lie within. Celebrate the day. Wether it's someone saying thankyou, someone smiling, paying you a compliment, inspiration that comes out of nowhere, celebrate the day, because they may never be another day like it.

Positive thinking techniques to push through pain

Its a jungle out there, and sometimes you find yourself being someone else's emotional prey. Wether your being bullied at school, the lowest common denominator in the work totem pole, there is something that each have in common. Anger that burns from within. The need to control other people because sometimes life seems completely out of our control. If your suffering silently, or ranting and raving to friends and colleagues, here's something to keep in mind. This is not the end, it feels awful at the time, and it will pass. I once worked in a scenario where one male colleague, who was very bitchy competitive, and just a little bit to prejudiced for my liking, took it upon himself to try and turn the whole work force against me. I was gutted because i had tried to be so nice, understanding the rule that when your an outsider, and you come into an already formed team, where bonds have been made and people have already made a connection. Especially if the organisation is more like a social club than a workforce.

Positive thinking helps us step outside the realms of a negative bracket. Try some Effective positive thinking techniques to help push through your pain barrier.

 Understand that your feelings should not dictate the rest of your day. Be the master of your ship. There are key things to get you in a positive state when you wake up in the morning. Exercise releases endorphins, that affect the body and stimulate the brain. Get yourself pumped

Positive thinking affirmations, along with positive tools are great for getting yourself into that mind body zone connection.
I am a worthwhile person
I am valuable
I am a magnet for joy
I will attract the right people to me
I am learning and growing, i am only human, i will make mistakes
The greatest men and women have made mistakes.

Remind yourself that we are often our harshest critics. What did you accomplish today? What made you feel proud? What put a smile on your face? If you didn't smile go and stand in front of your reflection, and practice smiling.

Put on something that makes you laugh. This is the power of positive thinking, it will move you from a negative frame of circumference ,to a more open and inviting energy. You will begin to attract more people with the right vibration to you like a magnet, they will be drawn to your personality and you will begin to like yourself more. Focus on the right things. When we find ourselves in a negative or depressive pit, it can often be because our mental pattern keeps us reverting to type.  If you need to focus on something positive. Focus on what you have achieved, or what you plan to achieve, because you are on a journey. Be fixed on your goals and the positive and sacred things in your life.

The pretty parade (how to be happy?)

image by Malice


The Pretty woman soundtrack is trending at the moment, maybe it's the nostalgia of valentines day gone, bringing the romantic back in all of us. That wish fulfillment to find love and have someone validate you not for what you are, but who you are, that essence. Most women love the film. The character was feisty, bubbly, funny, warm, loving, endearing, insecure at times, we all have those elements of our personality, and Julia Roberts with that dynamite figure and dynamic smile put the Kapow in the Movie along with Richard Gere's seductive gentleman charms. Yet how do women respond to an attractive female in general? It's an interesting debatable topic.With pretty celebrity women we assume that they have uber self esteem because they are often worshipped and idolised in the media. Wether their Russian women, Chinese women, Any woman in general, as soon as they get the hottest women or hottest woman tag we nstantly think, that's it, your life is made, when actually i think life may be a bit more complex than that. People often forget the ultimate goal in living, it's lost in what i call, the pretty parade.We endorse our insecurities in all these superficial things like makeup, skincare products, jobs we hate to acquire more money to buy more stuff, to validate ourselves in order to show look we have all these things we must be happy. Just because someone has all those things doesn't mean that they are.

 In the act of purchasing, and acquiring new things we feel uplifted for the minute because capitalism does that. It's a marketing campaign to brainwash you into believing if you acquire all these goods and have all these things you'll be happier than your counterparts? Competitors?Yet there are some people who have hardly amassed barely a million and their happy because their greatful for the small things. And their not participating in the pretty parade. It's not so much about show and tell, or show and convince the world, they havent got the time their too busy living their lives. Running the greatest lesson my mother teaches everyday, " their own race" so their happy within themselves.

Initially my argument was going to be that as an attractive woman you should be allowed to celebrate your strengths and boombox them from the top of the roofs. Yet upon speaking to others i realise self confidence is not about boasting. It's not about boom boxing. It's a quietness that comes from within it has that Ninja stealth that get's you from ground zero to level up. I was reading a blog this morning called the housewife down under and the writer complained of being snobbed and treated badly because she was attractive, but someone i know raised a fair point. Sometimes it's an energy we pick up from people that makes us distance ourselves from them. We make assumptions, and if someone is nice and their open, and their willing to let the world in and take risks and be positive, they can crucify those negative assumptions. If you find yourself coming across people who are nasty and negative because they believe you are a threat to them, those are not people you want to associate with. What they've done to you, they would have done it to other people. For key reason's they are scared and they are unhappy, yet someone precious to me said you don't need to take that within you. You don't need to let that be part of you or enter you, let that inhabbit their spirit. People like that have been denied a lot, they have a chip on their shoulder.  We've all been like those people or experienced those people it's never fun. What should be is our lives. There are people who are happy on less, joyous on less, laugh often, and laugh loudly on less than the percieved ideals of what you should have to be happy, and who you should be to be happy.


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