Healing and history

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Healing. Something that cannot be done in a day, in a week, in a month. Whatever trauma you have been through in your life, as you experience the healing process. As you ask yourself the question that go round and round in your brain like a tumble dryer, what did you learn? What are you learning ? The pain and the anger that comes with trauma, can be so intense, we find ourselves trapped in the dark. If your looking in the dark you need a flashlight or a candle. What brought you hope before, what restored your faith in people and the human race. Wether it's scribbling in your journal, getting counselling, seeking help and asking for assistance, re connecting with the church or contacting your best friend and joining a group. Just remember in all those things there is another that needs to be added to the equation. Time. Healing takes time. If your someone that specialises in beating yourself up, because you just haven't 'gotten over it yet'. Show yourself some mercy. You've probably been through enough.

Reeling in your self respect

 

 

 

 

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Respect. When I was in uni my best friend had a gift. She could weave a spell around men like a ball of yarn. Next to her at times I felt dumpy, ugly, unattractive, but deep down I knew I was none of those things. It's just what happens when you compare Yourself to someone else. Yet despite all the attention she got, it took me two years to realise what she could see but I hadn't. The guys seemed to have more respect for me than they did her, they wanted to have debates with me about politics, current affairs, private matters which it was clear some of them didn't feel comfortable discussing with their peers.

Sadly my friend continued to be treated with less and less respect. I knew that it was her lack of respect for herself that was translating. At the time I saw the beauty to my friend. Yet her need to pretend to be someone else, act in a way that showed she craved attention, meant soon enough her beauty would begin to fade before some often shallow characters, whose actions showed their beliefs ....that people could easily be replaced.

Wether you have supermodel looks, or see yourself as an average Anna Respect yourself. If you don't resect yourself, those around you wont respect you. We lead by example and not by chatter. Many times in my life especially when it comes to the opposite sex, I've taken the wrong kind of risks. I recently took a risk on a guy who appeared to be 'mr nice' I discovered painfully so that he was weak and mean spirited. My pride and self respect said you can do better, it was a lack of self esteem that led you in that direction anyway. Respect yourself because you are worthy of respect.

Cancelling negative comparisons

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Sometimes in life we spend so much time comparing ourselves to those around us, we forget to praise ourselves for even the greatest accomplishment we make. Because it's 'great what we've done' , yet sadly in comparison to A, B, C and D were just not enough. Not smart enough, not successful enough, not attractive enough. If you do not look where your going you will......crash. Your not supposed to be in their skin, living their life, because your lesson is a personal one. Your journey is a personal one. That's why you were born as you. If your best friend wins a million pounds and marries the richest man in the world, if that work colleague you hate suddenly gets promoted, if your sister/ brother becomes a pioneer of science, or a mathematical genius, these are their stories. What is yours? Do you plan to sail the Atlantic ocean, relocate, start your own business, write your own best selling novel? One person cannot drive two cars. Focus on your life, goals, ambitions, and most of all happiness. For some happiness is fleeting, like a tease, or a seductress that weaves a spell and in the morning disappears. Yet happiness for you....is and will be long term. You fight to hold unto it, and follow with much excitement it's magic and the adventures it's taking you on.

Mixed but moving forward: When someone knows your exactly what they want

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" I like him, but the mixed signals....I don't like." we've all been there, where you find yourself confused about some potential or semi relationship. He says/she says they like you. They want to spend lots of time with you, they ask you out often, but when you request definitive answers from them you find yourself on Island grey area. Boom!! There goes your exploding delusions about this becoming a serious relationship, and they put enough cinnamon to reel you back in again. You are not somebody's entertainment, their play thing, their toy. When someone genuinely likes you they know exactly what they want. You're time, your attention, your respect. None of this includes walking in grey area, or as I like to call it walking on Jelly. Someone who likes you is never all about talk, and confusing equations. Their actions tell you what you need to know. If they find that you are confused, or they are some way giving you mixed signals? Just to make things clear they will express themselves be it during a conversation, a note, a phone call, a dinner date. There is no doubt in their mind that your the one they want.

How to love yourself

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I am beautiful, and I am allowed to be flawed. I am constantly improving, evolving, moving closer towards my better self. You are not perfect. If the world was full of uniform perfect people, it would be a dull world we live in. Celebrate your little quirks, wether its a crooked smile, some gap teeth, a lazy eye. Whatever you have going on, pick the positives, focus on them and continue to build upon them.

If your self conscious of your image, there must be at least one thing you like about yourself. Is there something people are always complimenting you on? Is there something other people celebrate about you? Celebrate those things for yourself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, make sure every time you get up and you look at your reflection you say something positive about yourself. 'I am beautiful, I am intelligent, I am ambitious, I am wise.'

Take pride in your appearance and whichever project you start to work on, give it your all, give it your best shot. Wether it's baking cakes, doing photography, fashion, design, go for it.

Invest your time in supportive people who will direct and guide. Be a positive influence not a jealous influence. Invest in things that will make you happy.

Holding Faith

There are many 'impossible' things under the sun. The world is full of great leaders, pioneers, people who were told they couldn't accomplish something, out of sheer stubbornness and determination, they decided they could. Some of these people are billionaires, others are on their way there, and they don't even know it. It started with one word, 'yes' a word that was translated into a sentence, a sentence that evolved into an action. An action which meant change. Progress. Take action, with faith. Hold that belief in yourself in the palm of your hand.

Feeling let down?

When someone lets you down, betrays you, or attempts to humiliate you in some way, we can rot in our own plans of revenge, ready for whichever karma comes next. Or you can tilt your head up, roll up your sleeves, decide that this clearly is not someone you should be associating with. Is it because they're an awful person, or their competitiveness brings out a nasty side? It could be. Or it could simply be that you are choosing your friends, or choosing your associates with much more tact. Choose people who are not afraid? People who will not go out of their way to bring you down so they can validate their own self esteem. We are who we are. We need people around us who can see our strengths and help us build upon them.

Celebrate who you are!!!

People can tell you that your worth nothing. Useless, pointless, a waste of space. Yet it's not what they say that counts, but what we think of ourselves. Human beings seem to need perpetual validation. We need to feel we're good enough, loved, worthy, respected. How often do we place value on ourselves? How often do we look at the reflection in the mirror and praise ourselves for the smallest achievement. Celebrate the little things you accomplish so the universe can see you take pride in who you are and it can celebrate alongside you.

Easing past Obstacles

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Obstacles are never permanent things, they are temporary. Put neatly into place, or scattered in arrangement. Yet whatever the scenario they will challenge you and you will be better for it. I like many of uyou havre had many obstacles put in my face. Things that i was told were impossible to achieve. How we deal with an obstacle. Is we take it one step at a time. A bite at a time. A chunk at a time. We nibble, nibble, and nibble at it, and we look for questions , the right questions, produce the right answers. Questions mean research, Research encourages method, structure, planning, evaluation, modelling. These are all avenues people use to move forward when stuck in the midst of an obstacle. No obstacle is forever. Our biggest obstacles are ourselves. Dont be your own biggest obstacle. Look for opportunities. With every opportunity, there is a chance for you to progress and be someone special, spectacular, wonderful, blessed, fruitful, inspiring.

Mirrored Self:Don't make yourself the enemy

Sometimes the greatest enemy we face in an almost empty room is ourselves. A series of thoughts that cling to our mind like catch on a spiders web. Insecurities, formidable fears, pint sized whispers of our failures and their predecessors.

It is scary to, but some of our fears need to be looked in the face. Eye to eye, shoulder to shoulder so we can take steps to move forward. Forward steps may take time, exhaust energy, but they cannot be done effectively without confronting one's fears. Face your fears, you may actually learn your not so afraid of them anymore.

Research can make things right: Don't abuse yourself when you make a mistake

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Next time I'll do it better. Research, make sure I understand. I am consistently saying life is trial and error. It is. If you don't get it wrong, you won't get it right. If you don't start, you won't learn anything. Things look pretty on paper, yet you have to take the action. See if your strategy works before you invest more in it. Wether it's a product, dating a new partner after a bad relationship, making a new friend after a bad experience. Sometimes we do actually learn lessons and put their wisdom into practice.

Beauty in it's basic format

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When I was younger despite being seen as attractive, boyish, a free spirit. I was haunted by insecurities I had created myself. Insecurities about looks, and found all it took was for one person, specifically a guy, I didn't even have to like him....and I'd find myself curled up in front of the mirror sobbing my heart out. I didn't measure, I didn't fit.

As I got older though I learned something. I actually didnt need society's warped photoshop extravagances; neither did I need to be anybody else but me. We are beautiful because we're different. Beautiful because we're unique, have our own intricate features like a secret code we let the world in on. Everybody has their quirks and gods pinch of creativity. If we didn't the fashion and beauty industry wouldn't have made so much money, media wouldn't need photoshopping, and all those immaculate people we see turned out on tv wouldn't need their lighting , video editing software, photoshop and design software wouldn't be so successful. Beauty isn't just skin deep, it's soul deep.

Pasts versus present:Negative ghosts

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The ghosts of the pasts should often stay in the past, but we find ourselves plagued with the possibilities of what things could have been. Wether it's complicated, flawed, difficult or the other end of the spectrum ask yourself a key question. Would I have grown with this person? Life without progress.....well, does that sound like an inviting concept to you? The past serenades us with all it's maybe's, possibly's, could be's. It is hard to let go. Yet what is the reality, let the real people move on, whilst we turn into fictional pieces dotting along? Forgive the past if you can't. If you can befriend it, embrace it's lessons and don't forget to grow

Leading from loosers

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I recently typed in how to deal with a jealous person, then I corrected myself. We do not need to waste precious time on people who themselves are emotionally rotting away. They are jealous because they are unhappy. They are mean because they are unhappy. They are cold because they are unhappy, and they are bitter because...they are unhappy. If you find yourself being the target of someone's specialist subject, the 'object' of ridicule, a hot topic for gossip, ask yourself a simple question. Why am I so significant to this person's life. Why do they need to hide behind me to cover up the fact, that they can't take responsibility for their own life. Mistakes, poor choices. Leave them to continue rabbiting on about you whilst you focus on building up your own life. Focus on trying to be happy.

One thing I will guarantee you, is that it will be hard. But if you focus on building up what you do over what they say. Your light will continue to burn bright. You may find that people who seemed nice enough but are weak enough characters will quickly turn, they'll notice you've gone quiet, and because their weak people continue to be drawn to the stronger party. Focus on you, on your progress, on your growth and let negative people entertain themselves.

Change and triumph

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You are at a junction. In life some people remain stuck at the junction whilst others climb to the very highest of their mount everest. The true leaders of society, people who look challenge and fear dead in the eyes, tilt their chin, and walk with pride are the true leaders of our society. Whatever you do, change will happen. Change is coming, it is inevitable, like life, or death, or breathing, but when change or progress comes will you shirk it because of your own fears, or will you proove to yourself exactly what you are made of. Be prepared for the changes that come your way. Sometimes we resist change because we are scared of the transfer, terrified of what's to come, and worried we may not live up to the expectations we had for ourselves during life. Change helps us grow. When we test ourselves outside of our comfort zone we are able to see exactly what we are made of.

Getting over Gossip

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We've all experienced situations where the idol gossip of someone  is as a tool used to make others feel small. Let the talkers, talk till their throats rot. Let their gossip shape their life, whilst you focus on yours. Whilst they waste their time begging for the attentions of the few, use your creativity, ambition goals and ideas to capture the masses. Be a visionary and make the changes you want to happen...happen. What do you think all the great people in society had to contend with? They had to contend with critics. People who couldn't do much, but could always spend their time talking about what everybody else was doing wrong. It's their way of hiding their vulnerabilities and being in control. The more you don't care. The more it frustrates them. Inherrently, they are weak people terrified of being exposed for their vulnerabilities. They forget, we all have vulnerabilities. We all get scared, lonely, insecure, bothered, sometimes we have patience for them. Yet sadly when their cruel and they spread defamatory gossip i personally have no patience for them. I do understand though what their fears are, and where some of their fears come from.  I as you can tell have experienced much criticism, just like many of us out there have. Constructive criticism is useful,but when someone is putting you down just so people can like them i find that very weak and very pathetic.  If you find you have come across someone like that, how sad and unhappy must they be.

Eating up Enthusiasm for life

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Where is your enthusiasm? Where is your excitement for life? Find it. If you know where it is and the universe is being stubborn, fight for it. With everything In your being. We only live once, excuses won't make us feel better when we don't take the actions we need to take to transform our lives. Judging other people for their choices won't fix your life. What's happening in your life? Where's your progress? What are your goals and ambitions? What is your motivation? In life sometimes we find ourselves stranded. We are on an Island, and this Island of our own thoughts , own discontent keeps us regulating a life in constant rotation of negative choices. Pick a positive assertive choice for you. It's not who they think you are. It's who you know you are. Know your worth. This is your life. It isn't a trial, it isn't a practice run, it's happening. Find things to be joyful about. If you find yourself trapped in a situation you don't want to be in, find a way out, but do not, let yourself crumble. Real strength comes from tough times. Our tough times define eaxctly who we are. We are strength. We are courage, we are knowledge, and we are wisdom in one. Fight for what is deep within you, the good things, let them come to the surface and show you the light.

Tearing down titanium: How to deal with people who try and tear you down

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In life there will always be people who try and tear you down. They may have experience the burns and scars of pain. They may have been hurt or broken in some way, don't let that person be you. It's a shadow that's easy to turn into. Hurt people hurt people. Damaged people, damage people. Yet somehow everyone has experienced the trauma of pain. It is easy to allow others to make you feel small. Don't give them that power, they really don't deserve it. Show them what your made of. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP . Strength isn't without, it comes from within. Your strength is in your blood, it pulses through your veins it's something you were born with. Don't deny yourself your gift, your talent, and dont let someone who is weaker than you try and tear you down. Most of the time, they are talking about you because they are jealous. It's a sad thing about life. That sometime you will find people who see a quality in you, rather than simply ask, or attempt to learn from you, they'll criticise , judge and condemn. Let them burn with the acid of their own envy, let them burn with their own jealousy. Let their essence eat them alive. Why do i say this? Because it's their time, and their life that their wasting. Whilst you continue to achieve accomplish and grow, they struggle with their own feelings of self loathing and self contempt. If they felt so great about themselves would they have to bring you down?.....I doubt it. They would be too busy focussed on being happy.

Moving past anger

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Getting over the anger which comes with feeling betrayed in some way can take a lifetime to heal. To forgive and forget, is hard work. Especially when the reminder of it looms at every corner, but then you have to ask yourself the other question, can you live with the bitterness of its memory, and what you'll become from it. The answer? Maybe you can some people give their bitterness a pillow and kiss  to bed every night, whilst others suffocate because it looms at every corner, it's pungent odor reeking it's rotten scent. There is a simple question you must ask yourself, can happiness and bitterness sleep in the same bed. The answer, you probably already know.

Walking tall

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It's easy to allow others to make you feel inadequate. Your work colleagues could be alienating you and making you feel like crap, your ex boyfriend could have stumbled into the arms of a woman who lets just say, looked like she dragged herself off an iconic cat walk, you could have been turned down for what you wanted to go for in the first Place and family and friends are giving you the old ' I told you so' you know who doesn't need to chime in with them? You don't . As difficult as it is, let it be like water off a ducks back. Sliding off with more than enough ease. If you think you can accomplish something focus your mind on those that went before you, and master what they did. Be an entrepreneur of knowledge, and let wisdom hold your hand when you walk.

Principle of progress:The journey

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Its not about how long it will be before you get there. Just keep going and flowing as you reach for that goal. Tongues will wag, minds will flutter, but it's not their journey, it's yours. It will take time. You will be mentally and emotionally exhausted, but by the end of it, it will be completely worth it. Not only will you fly but you will soar. Keep your head up. It's hard sometimes in life, especially when we feel as though were near the bottom, yet in the bible ironically, it says it's darkest before dawn. This is your time, make the most of it. It's cheesey and said often that you only live once, so whilst you do, why not live life happy.

releasing the umbilical cord of negative self talk

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We tell those around us to let things go, but sometimes we find it hard to do. During life's daily grind we find ourselves obsessing about how perfect things would have been if we'd done A and not B, chastising ourselves for the mistakes we made in the past, ranting raving till our tongues are exhausted. There is no time machine I know of. Nothing can take you back....but it's done now. You have the answers you need.whenever you find yourself obsessing over old material, just imagine how free you'd be if you focused your mind on something more positive. Something positive about you the character and not the mistakes you made. Switch tapes, let your internal dialogue play you something else for a change.

Rising from ridicule

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My ears switched quickly to super sonic sound. As I fixed them it hit me bright as the solar system, the guy I thought I liked wasn't just making a mockery of me, or turning me into the worlds biggest comedic act, he'd taken the podium and was saying these things to set the example. Not only did I not get the confrontation I wanted, but for the rest of the year he became the invisible man. I did not see him, all I knew was that i'd hear him from time to time validating himself at my expense.

When you pick people, choose wisely. Pick someone who who would respect you and have respect for themselves. Someone who likes you for who you are, and would appreciate getting to know you exactly as you are. If there are things that frustrate them they will be honest enough to tell you about it, and not gossip or belittle you behind your back. Someone who knows there are two sides to every story and will defend you first without prosecuting because it will make them more popular with those around them. Rise from their ridicule, your worth ten of
them and deep down you know it, yet sometimes amidst all the criticisms we forget it.

Dating a mummy's boy

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There can be great things about dating a mummy's boy, their sensitivity towards women, their understanding, but one of the main problems or key frustrations most women find. Is that a mummy's boy will always be tightly knotted to his mothers apron strings. It is impossible to disagree with his mother in anyway shape or form because you will instantly become arch enemy one. She may feel his mother is the main woman in his life, and all the decisions they make as a couple will consistently be contested by an insecure woman who doesn't want to share love, affections, or have a main role in her sons life. There is of course the competition. Not all mothers are like this. You do though come across some warped, ridiculously insecure jealous mothers, who upon thinking everything was fine when her son was simply dating you, when she senses a serious emotional connection turns 360 and becomes obsessed with trying the split the two of you up. Because simply put even if her son was the dumbest, low life in the universe, he still has enough potential to do better than you.

Here's my first tip of the day. If you can run sprint like an Olympian, if your in a wheel chair, wheel speedily away. Just joking. Every relationship needs its boundaries.

Sadly I do agree that even the scent of an over indulged mummy's boy, if it sends you running for the hills....I don't blame you. There will never be two people in your relationship, there will be 3, and you will often feel like the third wheel. Everytime there is a private debate, or fuelled discussion you will find yourself wondering which memo he's sent to his mother, wether he's sent it by pigeon or post.
That strong foundation of trust is made unsteady. Some women wonder how they ended up in a relationship with binoculars.

If you are dating a mummy's boy and it's working congratulations! You should definitely teach a seminar.

Self esteem stint? Dont let the bully win

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Are you on your last leg of confidence because some bully is trying to terrorise the self esteem out of you ? Do you drag your head and drag your feet at the thought of meeting new people. After all the person terrorising you thinks there's something wrong with you, what if there is? What if your some weirdo? Or you really are dumb ? Here's an answer for you. Why did that person pick you? Of all the people in the world to make themselves appear superior, they chose you by distinction. You are the standing ovation for their jokes , the reason they'll become infamous, or the way they 'll get the attention they need. It could be that your brainy or intelligent, popular, shy and mysterious. Whatever it is, with all bullies you have to take a stand and prove you won't be made to feel inferior because of their inferiority complex. Stands aren't always about physical fights or huge arguments, they can also be about focussing your energy on developing your success, and letting new positive people into your life.

Bed time bimbo? I hope not

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He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not? He hates me? When did that happen?! People don't always part amicably in our relationship breakup hysterics. Each party gets so caught up in being right, we stick to our stubborn glue. Then we are confused because we felt we had to be the right one and stress our point. It's often bizzarre when we find ourselves trapped in a serial montage of 'I hate you and I hope you drop off the face of the Earth.'

If you were in a real relationship, no one night stands, or I'll sleep with you someday's but can't be seen dating you, then their 'I hate you.' is a blessing in disguise for you right now. It means you can try and build up your self esteem so youre not the rainy day bed buddy, ever again. If you had friendship, and real commitment, then with space and some distance maybe when you do connect that relationship can evolve into a dynamic friendship.

How to not like a looser

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How can you tell if a guy likes you? Let me tell you a story. Once a girl liked a guy, all the body language signs told her he was interested in her too, the staring, watching, bumping into, quizzing about. Upon rushing and diving in head first, not only did she realise painfully so the guy wasn't interested, she also had to put up with the 'I know you like me, I don't find you vaguely attractive avoidance dance.' That included a side platter of surplus ridicule, and consistent humiliation.

Here is something we need to embrace. If someone likes you you'll notice key things. They want to spend time with you, get to know you, make sure you know they were interested so there's no possibility of another guy getting his hands on you. They will make a conscious effort to make it clear to a world of onlookers, I desire this, I want this. Of course there is some lee way with the shy guy, or shy personality. They may do strange things like follow you like a shadow one second, then nervously cross the street when they see you the next. Or when asked if they like you, anxiously blurting out they don't, yet you see them watching or staring at you from the corner of their eye, and consistently happening to bump into you to the point where it becomes as obvious as your surname . Keep key things in mind, only time will tell, and fools rush in. Allow them the opportunity to express what their feeling if you sense it's hard for them to get it out. Just remember there's someone finding it difficult, then there's playing hard to get, then there is playing not to get. There are people who may not especially like you, but the emotional vampire in them craves the attention your giving them. Some of us are risk takers and go getters who don't fear rejection. If you are, and determined to make a bold step, make sure your stepping towards the right person. Otherwise you could find yourself being carted off in one of life's wheelchairs. Pick someone with positive character traits. Someone you will respect, and who will respect you.

The world in rotation: What goes around comes around

What goes around does actually come around. I used to think it was merely a smug saying people used. I recently heard that a workplace where I'd been treated exceptionally badly was closing down. The irony was I didn't do a little jig or a break dance, I thought some of the people there have kids, and other commitments. Some of them may have a hard time finding new work, or making the connections they needed. It would have been easy to do a little jig, I've got some old school moves, but this, this is someone's life. Cooing at someone else's expense, doesn't mean the universe isn't listening in. That is what might happen to them, how about what will happen when it's your time. Life shakes us up, and it can be at best very unpredictable. Congratulating yourself at the expense of someone else will make you spiritually broke in the long term. It's kind of never worth it.

Keeping your confidence: Staying away from energy stealers

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Everybody knows a bitch. The friend or family member, maybe even work colleague whose mouth seems frozen in the flaws of others. Most of the time we listen in paralysis as the bile flows freely from their lips, secretly knowing their agenda, be it jealousy, or envy, or even greed, yet we smile and engage them. We continue to keep company with them, ignoring their words about others, praying the boomerang won't come back on us. Remember the law of the universe, you are the company you keep. That individual chooses to be this way because they are unhappy. Human beings are not just organs and blood, we are made up of energy, if your around someone that draining, take them in small doses or not at all. After all where do you think they get the energy from.....their stealing some of yours.

Self pity and it's Swan song

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Self pity is depressions best friend. We all get down from time to time, sadness can be a lullabye for some or a creepy shadow for others. Yet one thing is guaranteed, if you waste valuable time in your own self blame swamp, sinking yourself with anchors of pity, you begin to sink deeper into depression. Finding yourself drowning at every corner. There is always a mountain large enough for us to climb, of mistakes we've made, or things we did wrong. Write a list from 1 to 10 of the things you've done right. Things you've been successful at, which empowered you and made you feel stronger. Try and recapture how you felt in that moment. If you can just pick up a spark, maybe you can generate some of your old electricity. Have faith in yourself and your abilities, this will get you far in life. As far as you can travel as far as you can fly, dream big. The world wasn't built by ghosts it was built by real people, who have been through real things, real pain, real trauma, real mistakes, had to pick themselves up all over again. Be the best you that you can be, because the only person whose opinion really matters is the one in the mirror and that person needs a boost. Do , and say what ever you need to, to jump start yourself back into a positive train of thought. This is your life, and nobody elses.

Grief and Growth: Moving on from lost friendships

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Loosing a best friend can be even more heartbreaking than loosing a boyfriend. Especially when you have to cut them out of your life because they have become too toxic. It is the pain of loss, and sometimes the grieving process can take years. Our emotions can creep up on us like samurai ninja's, slashing at emotional stability, because it's something that hurts.

Key things to remember don't get mad at yourself for not getting over it quickly enough. It hurts. It sucks, it's raw pain.
Go out often, network, socialise, meet new people. Go to events, parties. If you feel like being mellow write out your feelings, chill out, read a book, get in touch with old friends to reconnect. Be sure, the pain will still sneak up on you from time to time, memories, glimpses of the laughter you shared. Just remember though, you are moving on, and they wont always just disappear. Grief is still grief. Any pain can be used as a weapon of motivation. Channel it and be strong.

Definitions of Strength

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How do we determine strength? One things for sure you can't define someone's strength by how good they are at talking about how strong they are. Strength is more than talk or Inate self glorification. It is in the actions of someone, their show of character. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Because real action is so much louder than megaphone words. If you know someone that supports you when your down, is loyal, can lift your spirits when your down, and are a positive influence for you and those around you.

Denied but not disappointed: Picking the right people

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Let the wrong one's deny you. In life when you take a bold step often you will find that those people who were once upon a time friendly, may distance themselves from you. As though you were packing heat.Remember in time though when your boldness pays off, or the people you once cared for try and sneak into your bosom, the door is closed until they earn your trust and respect. The possibility is dead in the water. You can be polite, be sociable, but make sure they see you know that their a shape shifter. You are aware of how quickly they turn and it's not something you desire or require. Their approval is not something you need.

I have never been a saint. What i will say though is what we do to others affects something deep within ourselves.A while ago i reached out to the wrong type of person. Someone with a nasty jealous spirit, and in return because they had no self esteem, they tried to crush mine. When you choose people to associate with, it is important to pick wisely. Some people will never earn your respect, but just make sure you respect yourself.

Kindness deserves kindness

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Someone who does not know kindness, may find it hard to embrace it when given to them. People who recieve kindness and turn it on it's head, are often known for their misery and discontent.For their inability to be happy in the long term, because they make poor choices in the short term. If you have shown kindness to people like this and find yourself, heartbroken, devastated, hurt, in the longterm that person has done you the grandest of favours.They are not happy in themselves, they cannot make you happy. 

Kindness is a gift. when you give the gift of kindness and it is rejected, when you give the gift of kindness and someone is cruel you have seen their character and their essence. Save your kindness and your qualities for someone else who deserves them.

Deciding to be indisposable

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Disposable objects can be tossed aside because they are replaceable. One of the key things we must embrace to build self esteem, is that we are nobody's disposable object. You are one of a kind, memorable, unforgettable and priceless. If your in a situation where your being treated with disrespect or made to feel inadequate find yourself a peaceful space. To meditate, channel positive energy and fly freely. You are nobody's disposable object. You are of significance and relevance, the reason your being treated like a disposable object is because you don't know how valuable you are. Create boundaries for how you expect to be treated and ensure others meet them.

The view from under the bus: When someone throws you under

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Have you ever experienced being thrown under the bus, maybe your flung by a work colleague, a supposed friend, even a potential partner. It tells you key things about them. One is that the next time it could be the railway tracks. Jokingly teased or 'exposed' by family members who love you is not being thrown under the bus. What you do when you are thrown under the bus, is dust yourself off, know you want absolutely nothing to do with this individual keep your head up and just keep walking. Let them admire your shadow. If you can't trust someone what are their uses.

The foundation of any relationship is trust. You cannot fully respect someone you do not trust. You cannot confidently share with someone you do not trust. If there is no trust a relationship cannot flourish. Someone who tosses you under the bus with such ease without wondering about how you feel or your emotions may not be the right person for you, but sometimes in life....you live....you learn.

Choosing friends wisely

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Often times we ignore the importance of the T word and what it says about someone's character. If someone acts untrustworthy to others, dont think your the special apple in the pie. They may have a history of gossiping and ridiculing people in order to get praise. People like this like to feel important, they like to have 'dirt' on other people's lives, and feel superior. You will spend a lifetime wondering what you can and cannot share with them. They are insecure, but more importantly they will be insecure at your expense. This doesn't mean guard yourself against everybody else in the world, this means. Chose who you deposit with more wisely. People like this often get their five minutes of fame, but after they've lost a true friend, or alienated someone they would have liked to get close to, they realise soon enough that five minutes of fame is all it is.

Cowardly Cringe worthy bully exposed: To me anyway

Today god would have it that without meaning to, i just dealt with a cowardly spineless cringe worthy bully. For a year and a half, this fat girl and her mother were trying to pick on me because id dared to speak to their older son. I was convinced the guy had crush on me, i'm still convinced this guy had a thing for me. Yet rather than admitting it, instead of having a backbone because in his family's food chain he's at the bottom of the rung, he saw my very bold attempt to speak to him as an opportunity to gain favour with his family. I was put down, ridiculed, laughed at, they'd join together, never alone, they could never face me on their own. In Archetypal bully format they needed numbers, they needed to be a gang and band against one person. Also, their very insecure people, and they wanted to impress some young girl that was visiting their family. From running to point me out and laugh at me, to making me the hot topic of most of their pathetic gossip. They seemed to get this real kick out of it. Now i can never say i'm a saint, because i'm definitely a firecracker, but i know envy when i see it. I used to think you have to be conventionally pretty and tick all the boxes for people to be envious of you, when actually you can just have something they lack and their envious about it. The guy made it more than clear to his family that he wasn't interested in me, but out of their own selfish agenda, jealousy and spite, this woman and her daughter took it upon themselves to attempt to try desperately to make me feel really small. Now this woman is too terrified to face me because she does a lot of nasty things to people, and she's terrified of confrontation. This morning her daughter who had joined her family to be putting me down, trying to ridicule me, desperately trying to make me feel small, the girl saw me, and was too scared to get out of her car. I don't believe in coincidences, i believe god was saying, these are the people trying to make you feel small, look how weak they are. I couldn't believe it. Her kids are grown up, but they are spineless yet so cruel. I actually walked outside to take the bins out 3 times as though to say, if you've got something to say to me, if you've actually got a backbone, i'm not running anywhere, I'M RIGHT HERE YOU MORON!! This fool stayed and hid in her car like a coward, pretending as though she was looking for something, and she's twice my size as well, and older than me. It's pathetic. She did the same crap when i saw her in the shopping Mall, after having so much 'crap' to say about me, this fool just stood there and stared at her feet the whole time. Classless.

My remit is simple. If you don't want to live paranoid and scared of repercussions, don't agravate people. Don't gossip and belittle them because of your own self esteem issues. No matter what this girl and her family have to say about me, i have my insecurities, but i have more confidence than they'll ever have. They were putting me down because something was lacking in their lives and it is huge. If you have to ridicule someone and put them down to make people like you, to make people find your family interesting, it shows how inadequate you really are. It's the way invisible people make themselves visible. It's the way people who crave attention desperately. That was god's way of saying,  "look, here's the shrimp that's trying to make you feel small. Look how small they are. She's so insignificant, there's absolutely nothing there." This fool that had so much nonsense, vomit, gas, poison to say, was too scared to step out of her car. How spineless must you be. Everybody deserves to be happy, even those fools. Oh and the whole time they've been desperately trying to make me feel small, i've kept my head up. I'm not in the business of sucking the life out of my shoe laces with my eyes. I have what's called self esteem, and no jealous, wimpy, pathetic, fool is gonna steal that from me. The joy we have, it is our right to hold unto it. We deserve to smile and laugh, and be joyful every single day, because life is hard enough. A year later this worm is still trying to make me feel small for a mistake i made over a year ago? Get a grip.

Greeting greatness

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How do we motivate ourselves when we're down? When our self esteem has shot to pieces. We can think of the great ones that have gone before us, model their behaviours and the methods they used to get to where they needed to be. We can think of those that have failed us and the glorious Polaroid expressions on their faces when we do succeed, or we can think of our family and those who support us. Most importantly we have to think of us and remember exactly where we see ourselves a few years from now. The image, the vision, the actions. What you do now will define where you end up in years to come. It's up to you what actions you take to set the clock in motion, greatness isn't sweet words.

Angry release

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Obsessive anger. It can consume you to the point of destruction. Anger channeled for positive progress can impact life in an unforgettable way. For example Rosa Parks taking a stand and saying, I refuse to be treated this way, and not moving from her seat when a white man asked her a black woman to move. Rosa became infamous throughout history, respected, and admired. Her rebellion against racism and refusing to be treated as lower because she was black inspired the minds of black women everywhere, they began to fight because they believed in their right to equality.

Anger should not become your obsession when it's used in the opposite way. It's a waste of time, of energy, and ambition. The rage that makes us act in certain ways, it looses it's steam over time, and we wonder, why and how that person got so important in our lives. How they managed to make a nest in our thoughts and live without rent. Use your anger as a weapon in your creative work. To fuel you towards your passion, and to make sure you grow.

People pleasing and why no doesn't make you an outlaw

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People pleasing is one of the hardest things to do in life. Sometimes we disappoint those we love when we step outside the bracket of validating their needs. The people who love you may become disappointed in you, angry, distant for sometime, but if the love is real, then it remains. The problem with people pleasing is we spend a lifetime saying yes, when sometimes we want to say no. With that comes a hint of resenntment, anger within ourselves, because we're too scared to say no. Scared of the rejection, the potential to be alienated, the sadness that comes with their hurt and anger, and the labels we might get. If someone is angrytalk to them and ask them what they need. If it's space give them the space and distance they require, but do not be afraid to say no. You said no for a reason. It wasn't because you hate them, or you were being cruel. You said no because yes wouldn't have been the right thing to say.

Healing from humiliation

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How do you not care when someone is trying to humiliate you? You realise the agenda behind it. Why are you significant enough to discuss? Parrot about, become a hot topic. Why do you even vaguely matter? For some reason, you do to them. Despite all the people who are better qualified, better looking, more confident, this person has decided you are their biggest competition. Well let them hate. Hsaters tell us, we are doing something right. They hate because there is something you have that their desperate to get a hold of. Maybe it's a quality, a strength, maybe it's a lot of attention. Whatever it is. Someone very insecure indeed has decided to put you on a pedastal and then topple it.Very, very, sad. Stay in your own lane. Oh my gosh. The  mistake i made once was indulging a negative person with negativity of my own. I chose to be defiant. Argue and argue and argue back....until i realised too late, it was a lot of wasted time. The time i'd wasted moaning, and whining about this person's poor behaviour was making me look like the hater. Step back. Disengage. Dont be dragged into the whirlpool of a very negative person's toilet drain chi, step away.  Decide within yourself that you are better than that, your time is valuable,and you wont be made to feel small.

When someone turns on you

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The surprise when someone turns on you can be devastating. It can be hurtful, painful, it can break your heart. You can move on with swift feet, no matter how much the arrow hits the chest. Three things are guaranteed In life. You live, you die, you get disappointed or heartbroken. When someone turns on you, it's informing you, they are doing you the greatest favour of all time, they are telling you exactly what they are and showing you. Why they may not actually be the right perso for you. .They would waste your time. They would damage your hopes, you could be laughing and happy with someone better, someone made of stronger stuff, someone who you could experience real love with.  Someone who would be joyful of your happiness, and celebrate alongside you. Even if they were scared of being left behind, they would take action and build themselves up rather than tearing those around them down. Happiness is so important. Hold unto yours with everything you have.

Tearing down the towers: Bitter people and keeping your distance

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People who tear others down are never happy. They may be amused, or amusing, but happiness is homeless within their circles. If you find yourself driven by a circle of people who only fraternise by belittling others, or get a real sense of joy by making others feel bad, find yourself a new group of people to associate with. If you have family members like this and you don't agree with their behaviour tell them you disagree. Your aim is not to be the one to fix their behaviour, it's to let them know you know what's behind it. Jealousy. It is easy to go along with the crowd. Sometimes we do it because we love them and we know what their good qualities are, the reality is though. One day they will do it to the wrong person and find themselves in the worst situation. Do you stand back and secretly gloat because you knew what they were like all along, or do you sing their victim swan song with them? Simply put, we are who we associate ourselves with. If we associate ourselves with bitter catty people, we become bitter, catty and synical without realising. Faited is never outdated. Pick your friends wisely. Keep the catty and their sharp claws at a distance because one day, they will turn them on you, and then.....what will you do? After all.....you could have predicted this.

A spec of success

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How scared are you of your own ambitions? Scared it might work, scared it couldn't work? Scared of who you'll become when you make it, scared the people you love most will turn on you, so you call a stale mate. Fear isn't the answer to progress, planning and movement is. Moving forward isn't just scary, sometimes it can be terrifying. What do we do? Who will we become? Will we ever accomplish enough? Guess what...you'll never know unless you try. You will have absolutely never know unless you try, and you fail, over, and over, and over again. Or even succeed a few times. Just do something before you rip your own hair out. Even if it's tiny. It may not mean something to anyone else, but it will mean something to you

Help through happiness

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Let the happiness flow and fight to let the negativity go. If you are in the wrong place in your life, search dastardly for an exit. We deserve to be happy, life is tough enough without rotting in a place your not supposed to be just to keep others around you happy. It may take intensive hard work, attempting to accomplish the impossible. Impossible things happen all the time, dig deep for that inner core within yourself, the one that's interested in trying everything to make the change they want happen. Progress takes time, it takes work. It's all the little steps that people wont congratulate you for, hell, it's the things they wont even see. Find a way to be happy within yourself, and celebrate the little things you do because people may not know. That's okay. It's okay that they dont know. It's okay that they don't get how funny you are, likable, lovable, intelligent,flamboyant, they don't need to know, because in life there are some people who wont reap the benefits of your gift. Maybe your a good listener, have a generous heart, are kind and loving, be that for yourself,

Shrinking people: Understanding small minded people

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It's easy to make ourselves a prisoner to other people. To their judgements, cruel commentary, ridicule and at times their disappointments. Here's a thought, 'you only live once.' Claim your independence back, fight for your freedom,the wrong types of people shouldn't have such power over us. People who themselves are plagued by memories they can't fix. Let them throw their boulders in their glass homes, it will collapse on them. They are crippling themselves, and most of the time making themselves look untrust worthy without realising it. Let me give you an example. There are 3 people in a room. One person begins to compete with the other instead of healthy competition he/she decides to socially alienate that person.They are not aware of the simple rule trash talking will not make them feel better about themselves in the long term. In the short term it will. It does two jobs, it focusses negative attention on the target of their critiques, if their comments are funny, they get to feel liked, interesting,appreciated, but the reality is....in the longterm it paints them in a bad light. It shows they are untrust worthy, jealous. The person they are so desperate to impress begins to doubt them. The foundation of any relationship is trust. Although that person is desperately trying to make you look bad, soon enough others will see through it, and will realise this person is only making themselves look bad. Why is it so important to them what you do? What you say? Who your dating? What your wearing? How you walk? If you were so small, why have you become so big in their world? Why are they giving so much time to you? Trust is a vital thing

Cowards and crunch time

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People often do what they want to do, we make a million excuses to cover their tracks. If their acting badly and were hurt, we try and defend why they choose to act in such an appalling manner. For example when i liked someone once I made the mistake of defending their awful weak behaviour. I said they couldn't defend me because they were scared, and others around them were controlling them. Yet when I listened closely they laughed loudly at my ridicule and egged on the appalling behaviour of those around them. What made things even more pathetic was the same person who was joining others to tear me to shreds, still wanted to be liked, they wanted to be respected. So they'd wait until they saw others that were close to me and beg for validation. They were happy making us the butt off their jokes, or the object of ridicule so long as they were in a power position. Cowardice, cruelty, low self esteem and I realised what had I been thinking?

If someone is weak in a battle they'll be weak in a war. That fear mindset unless they choose to remove it, stays and you find yourself gutted you took a risk on someone who is spineless, and narcissistic, and disappointing. Fools rush in. Heal you, support you, be a platform for you.

Reacting to Rejection

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Rejection sucks. Especially when you feel rejected by someone you pursued because you were vulnerable. Sometimes in life we make silly choices. Investing in the wrong type of people for all the wrong kind of reason's. Vulnerability, fear, loneliness, poor judgement. Luckily for us,sometimes mistakes can be rectified. Whatever the reason, there are over eighty million people on Earth. As lonely as you felt at the time, or needy, or deflated, there are people who want the changes you want and will support you in that goal. People who will laugh with you, love your dry wit and poor humour, all those quirky things about yourself that make you question if you deserve affection. Life is too short. Have fun. There's no need to chase after ghosts, allow yourself to move forward. Enjoy yourself, you only live once. If you reach out to someone and they reject you, they are saving you time. Someone once said to me. Money you can always get back, millionaires and billionaires waste their money, squander it sometimes, and  it's retrievable; yet when we waste our time, it is something we can never get back. Invest your time wisely. It is the one thing in life which appears as though it cannot be recycled.

Fleeting five minutes: Understanding gossips, jealous people, troublemakers

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Often times we ignore the importance of the T word and what it says about someone's character. If someone acts untrustworthy to others, dont think your the special apple in the pie. They may have a history of gossiping and ridiculing people in order to get praise. People like this like to feel important, they like to have 'dirt' on other people's lives, and feel superior. You will spend a lifetime wondering what you can and cannot share with them. They are insecure, but more importantly they will be insecure at your expense. This doesn't mean guard yourself against everybody else in the world, this means. Chose who you deposit with more wisely. People like this often get their five minutes of fame, but after they've lost a true friend, or alienated someone they would have liked to get close to, they realise soon enough that five minutes of fame is all it is.