Splendour in the war

There is a splendour of words used to isolate the dreamer. Others will laugh some will crucify you for daring to believe you could be more. You should want more, you could have more. It is a conversation in your head and in your heart, you are investing in your future and in the paths of the generations that come after you when you resist the decadent musings of others. The need to conform to others stereotypes and invisible rules, to be a self that suits everyone else but you. Whatever the mind can concieve, it can achieve, with plans in place. Goals a strategy, and consistency. Do not assassinate your dreams with the fear of others. Those who can't, will tell you it's impossible because they let fear feed them foibles from its table. Crumbs of a life, they were told would satisfy them, and when you open your mouth to speak, they find themselves wanting.  To rebirth a dream from the plain of unfamiliar things, let it command with lions gait, and sit upon a throne of jewels, you must remember that you are the captain of your ship. You must steer your ship into the right course,it's fuel must be consistency with words and actions.

Goals and gravitas

Breathe.just.Breathe I mentally pace myself each morning before I face a goal, knowing that nuggets of fear turn into procrastination. I am my own worst enemy at times, yet I am also my greatest strength. During times of dire need, you must remember the words you used to propel yourself forward before. Pace yourself, understanding that although every action has a ripple of consequences, the right choices consistently will carry you upon a tide of glory. Believe that when you fail, you are learning, allow yourself the chance to be taught by Life.

Life is a ruthless teacher, she is stubborn in her classroom, diligent, and thorough. Although the strife may slice through you like a blade, comb through you as though you are strands of loose hair, you must understand that every lesson comes with trials. Tests of your character. How much are you willing to invest in yourself, how much gravitas do your words have?

soul as compass

Breathe.just.Breathe I mentally encourage myself each morning before I face a goal, knowing that nuggets of fear turn into procrastination. I am my own worst enemy at times, yet I am also my greatest strength. During times of dire need, you must remember the words you used to propel yourself forward before. Pace yourself, understanding that although every action has a ripple of consequences, the right choices consistently will carry you upon a tide of glory. Believe that when you fail, you are learning, allow yourself the chance to be taught by Life.

Life is a ruthless teacher, she is stubborn in her classroom, diligent, and thorough. Although the strife may slice through you like a blade, comb through you as though you are strands of loose hair, you must understand that every lesson comes with trials. Tests of your character. How much are you willing to invest in yourself, how much gravitas do your words have?

They told you it would never happen for you. Access denied, with words, lashed at you, licking you clean with their own failed attempts. How dare you construct your own reality, for they have seen everything, they have lived through everything, been everything, everyone, everywhere, or have they? Listen, for spirit is always wise, you must fail first, then weep later. If you dare not take the risk, you will be stuck on an island, spinning a web of stories as to why the world is flat too scared to be an explorer. Welcome to a new era, traveller, adventurer, explorer, visionary, and dreamer, we do not build castles in the sky, without their stairs giving us access from the ground. Find opportunities, there is a wealth of them, playing pica boo games, hiding in plain sight, waiting for you to expose them. An opportunity lurks in a conversation, an opportunity lurks in a school, lurks at the side of a friend, or stepping outside of your comfort zone unmasking the truth behind the outsiders aloof behaviour. Find your truth, and it will reveal a well of opportunities. The soul is a compass let it guide you.

The abundant mind

In my life, in your lifetime...people will doubt you, people will celebrate you, and some will come out to destroy. You must build for yourself a second skin, you must celebrate the triumph of rising every morning from the slumber of negativity, the hindrances of the past, glaring at your reflection in the mirror and saying with pride... I am still here. From Goliath i am a David. Agile, tactical, able to predict the chaos of a tempest that arises before you, flexible and distinct, wise from past experiences and adaptable. There will be days where you will feel like a crushed beetle in sand, and others where you will be a panther in a jungle, life is full of contrasts. You are a complex self, always no matter what stresses arise keep your goals in your pocket. Taste the vision on your tongue, rebirth it with your lips everyday as you face your reflection, for this is your life and from what you can remember, you have but one. Make it special, prove beyond a doubt to the self that has been denied so much, that it will have access to a splendour of magnificence.Abundant spirit, abundant mind, abundant life.

The promise of perspective

When you change your thoughts, you change your perspective. I am there with you. Wherever you are, whether you are trudging through the snow, weeping on your way back from a bad situation, discontent in your skin, trying to figure life out like an arithmetic equation, i understand the frustration about the self you want to become and the struggle you arise from. Each morning words chisel to the bone. Dialogue like acid tearing away at the person you are becoming, you are not alone. I was mad for so many years, why wont they let me be happy, all these others and their piggy back problems, those people who loathe the varying versions of themselves. Yet i continued to listen to their words, whispers that would plant granite in my eardrums like stones making me deaf to hearing my own potential. It is not what others tell you, it is who you know you are that counts. This self is no fixed metal, we are liquids, shape shifting in time. Love yourself, and the person you are evolving into. Feed this soul, knowledge, wisdom, the educated words of great leaders, those who have met your challenge and walked away with their head held high and their confidence like a tattoo on their breast. Change your thoughts about yourself, write statements that build you up. I am learning, i am growing, i am seeking, i am building, i am growing, i am possibility, i am infinite, and you will access progress and a season of productive change.

Impossible is nothing

Impossible is the biggest lie under the sun. From the cars, the homes, the architecture, the workplace, and even the lifestyle. Once upon man would merely hunt for food after stepping beyond the sanctuary of his cave, now there is a structure to our days. Now there is capital, transactions, bankers, the digital world, and a constantly shifting and evolving society. No two seconds are the same. We barely ponder this as we disappear into routine after routine, for some schedules that define the future that we will have. What is my statement here? That there will be a time where the things you want to accomplish appear so formidable, they appear to be opposing structures in your mind, you must take heart. Rome was not built in a day. Every journey begins with a nervous step. For the swimmer who basks languidly in a pool of blue, once upon they would paddle flapping their arms with both agitation and fear scared of drowning. There will be risks with every journey, whispers so loud they could make the world deaf, yet you must remember why you started. Who you are, and why you will finish. List your reasons for accomplishing your goals, visualise what it will feel like when you accomplish your goal, and invest your time in putting the work in.

Greeting Greatness

Success is about the little actions you prescribe to your day. The strategy you put in place, the decisions you make, and the affirmations you tell yourself. You are consistently trying to reaffirm who you are, what your potential is and who you can become. It is a crime to deny yourself the challenge. It is a crime to deny yourself the expression of your infinite potential. You must believe you can be great, and with action greatness is what you can become.

Diversions in a dream

The truth about any dream is that you will have to face challenges. Face fears, and other peoples razor sharp tongue. It is a step at a time, a goal at a time. You can't eat the sandwiche without taking a bite at a time, you must not overwhelm yourself, you are transporting your dream from another reality. From the subconscious mind you are trying to make it real, shaping it, carving it, these things take work and take time.

Your millionaire mindset

From talks about property, digital marketing, investments, there are countless ways and opportunities to build capital and acquire your first million. What you need though are to cultivate the mindset and the habits of becoming a millionaire. To think with a mind that will spot opportunities and create access. It is important to have a wealth mindset. Read more books about capital and finance, about creative ways to access more capital, and how to manage the income you have coming in. Funnily enough some people make a fortune in income but due to bad money management, their finances simply decrease and no surplus value is added. Watch videos, listen to podcasts and engage with people who know about finance, read blogs, and if you need advice...ask. Just know that this journey will be riddled with challenges.

A motive for motivation

 I didn't see the devil coming until he shook my hand. I was thick in my own fears, nestled in quick sand, too terrified to live. I was a fragmented self, and my vision was skewed. It is easy to be lost in the confusion of pain, trapping yourself in your minds confusion. Yet you must arise from this slumber and awaken yourself to a life that wants to claim you. Otherwise you will not spot the Jekyl that comes at you, dressed in disguise. A wolf covered in wool, smiling with a narrative of lies, convincing you that you are loosing a fight, when you haven't even stepped into the ring. You must trick the mind and shame the devil, with truth, action, courage, and self belief. Some people grimace through pain so much, they convince the world they are smiling. You must mentally go to war, with any Jekyl that tries to steal your strength, your motivation, your self belief. Do not embrace toxicity with a smile, create a hub of warmth for your mind, learning is the bridge to many things, faith helps give access, it is not your lot to simply give up.

Prescription for change

Talk is great. A conversation daily about where you see yourself with your best friend or family in tow, will drive you insane. I have been there, pitching all the strategies, agendas , angles, yet you need to do it like it is your religion. To be captivated, hypnotised, hungry and driven. People get tired of listening to you talk, if you lack action, you must find your inner prompts. Habits that steer you beyond talk, that drive you beyond the fringes of 'safe conformism' and into accessing your new lifestyle. That's what it is, it is a change in lifestyle, a prescription for change.

The courage to be consistent

Discipline is a sturdy word. Yet i would say, go for practice, go for consistency, take a chunk out of the big dream and break it down. Shrink it in your minds eye until its nothing but a nugget. Dreams can be scary things, at times foreboding. There's a change of habit involved, that word we detest so much sacrifice, and sometimes we even loose people. Yet what if in the long run, you gain so much more? What if that belief you had, is not just talk anymore, you can look at your reflection in the mirror with pride and say you know what if I was picking a team, id pick me. Id pick me as first draft, striker, ace, wild card, id trust me, id invest in me, my words actually mean something. Someone once called me a hypocrite. Life makes hypocrites of us all, you find yourself contradicting decisions you make, second guessing yourselves, challenging a mind that was once glue. Yet all of a sudden each thought is banana skin, you slip in and out of it. Let me let you in on a secret, such is life. It is the evolution of the self. With every big dream we take on, we shed a little bit of our old skin, we become fragmented leaving pieces of ourselves in translation. Love yourself, don't loose yourself in the war to be successful. My friend it is a war. You will combat with those who are familiar with the you that is part of their safe zone, you will be resented at times for stepping apart from the crowd, yet to move with distinction, you must step outside of the prison of a small mind. You must learn to forgive yourself, some of the errors you will make in the area of consistency, and you must accept that who you become tomorrow is a product of what you did today. Time is the most expensive thing to waste. It is non negotiable, and cannot be bartered.

Wealth mindset

Wealth is a mindset. Many have argued this, if you disempower yourself within your mind, you will not have access to the infinite possibilities life has stretched out before you. Many people think opportunity is supposed to jump out at you like jumping Jack flash, these are some of the laziest people in the world. They are often the most bitter and they die with the same story, a story of entitlement. The world doesn't owe you respect, it doesn't owe you capital, it doesn't owe you access. You are the portal, with your mouth, with your hands you are meant to engage with the universe and construct the vision you have in your mind. Successful people rarely make excuses, the truth is they hold themselves accountable. It was today I realized I wasn't just making excuses for the second, the minute , the hour, I was excusing unfulfilment for a badly lived life. The choices I made were reflecting the individual I was becoming. On paper I sounded good, career wise, my experiences were awesome, yet the way I managed my money said a lot about the way I managed my life. Something had to change. In order to change your position in life, you need a new strategy, to position yourself next to humans and not crabs. Crabs will claw you down and eventually destroy you, bitter people who are great at excuses, will always seek you out for empathy, yet when you ask them what actions they've taken. What goals have been set. Nothing. This is your life, it is only one life. Every minute is truly unique, you can tell a lot by an individual by how they manage their time. Every person is a book and every book has a chapter, what do you want the blurb on yours to say?

The truth about Money and Why you dont have it

Its easy to talk money, especially when your broke. Yet one thing i've discovered is wealthy people have a different style of management when it comes to their finances, a different belief system, and a different ethos. Human beings are complex, we all want to conform, and yet we want to be rich, we want to be wealthy. If wealthy people acted like 'normal' people, they would be broke. Everybody talks, everybody has their own style of wisdom from their years of experience, yet when you seek out advice from the wrong people and expect your life to take a certain path you will find yourself in trouble. Nobody goes to a homeless man to ask him how to build a mansion, nobody goes to a blacksmith to ask him how to paint a Monet, we seem to have a habit of letting others who seem to have it together, give us bad advice. Its like going to a hairdresser with a messed up hair do and expecting your hair to come out looking phenomenal, dude that's Russian roulette. So lets follow some of the masters of wealth and listen to their advice and their wisdom. Maybe the steps they advise can change our lives.

Elias and Avril (Excerpt short story)

"Have you ever watched someone destroy themselves, because of something you did?" I stared deep into the Aqua of the Ocean, caught in the memory of it. Pretty little thing. Fucked up pretty little thing, now your life is unwinding like the rope I tied around my neck as a child. Swing, Swing. It was bizarre to love you. " Does she still think she's loosing her mind?" His voice was heavy like the fog. I looked over to see Elias a giant above me, domineering, intrusive upon my wake. Both our eyes shared the same blackness. " Perfect little thing, how can you not tell,"
" When your walking into a mine field." Elias grinned devilishly. Some would say we were sinister, my twin sister her lover and I. I do not always claim all her belongings, and yet Elias was something I had always wanted for myself. " They cant prove its murder, if we drive her to claim her own life, the chaos, the drama of it all," he did a Shakespearian wave something we'd both mastered from Theatre class. I do not call what I am experiencing love, or the venom I feel for my twin sister hatred. We just collided in the same womb, at the same time. Maybe somewhere in that void in nether realm the spirits forgot to give me certain parts, and yet I knew they were missing. I do not cry when sad movies come on, when people die or when someone is in pain, instead there is a hollowness I feel. A numbness I was born with. People say I am beautiful, my step dad used to say I look like a Sculpture. " Mighty fucked up Avril is, but doesn't she look like a thing," he'd let out a low whistle, and Id see mothers eyes dance with jealousy. I have little time for things like envy, it distracts the mind from purpose. Myself and Elias I believe follow the same creed. " Don't get all dreamy today love," Elias leans in for a kiss, I step back just to awe at what ive snatched. My lot. Elias is one of the most sought after boys in our year group tall dark, and devilishly handsome. My mother hates that he dresses like a goth, he has salt dark brown eyes, and when he smiles, he has dimples which fool everyone. Yet I know what lurks in his troubled mind. "Not going to football today I see,"
" Football is a boring Sport, I've changed my game to golf."
" You hate Golf Elias," I offer as he falls in step beside me and our limbs stretch along the board walk.
" My father has a new opponent on the golf Course, a man called Dermott Langley," he began to imitate the walk of a teletubbies ." Dermott Langley has secrets and those secrets will cost him."

The insanity of Longing

Practice for a mind to recycle itself, here I stand.

Without my wealth

Treasures hidden

Tongue as sore

Whispers drowning me

Far from shore

I have been

North

I have been West

Yet I see it now

That I was blessed

All these nuggets

Within my lane

Yet greed can drive

A mind

insane

Six figure Strategies for success: Key 1

So it begins, the quest for prosperity, the longing to develop the force of will and strength of character to rise as phoenix from the flames of chaos. You picked up this book because you have a longing, there are questions like parcels knocking at your door. Each person is a gateway to your financial access. You picked up this book, because you are at a crossroads, you are tired of being a spectator to other peoples success, you are tired of slogging in a role that consumes all your time, a position which has now defined you, and you are tired of feeling as though you were being left behind. Is it a race? In fact it is, they call it the rat race, yet we do not dwell on thoughts that carry us to positions of lack, you are rediscovering, that your strengths can be communicated across a platform. Welcome to blogging. You are an active participant in the digital role, creating threads of conversation with your followers, engaging them in thematic debates, and ensuring they are aware of your product. Are they aware of its strengths , the option to upgrade their lives, the chance to create change and live a more fulfilled existence. Are they aware that you are the link to their gateway of financial access, you are their moses and on the digital platform you will lead them, guide them and help them maintain.

In order to cultivate a successful blog or platform content is always king, every individual has a network of contacts around them, people who they will sell your product to on your behalf, or people who they will plant the seed of your product. What you don’t want them to do is to dismiss your product , and convince themselves that they don’t need it. You created this brand because there is a need in the market, you are supplying and engaging customers and endorsing them towards a life of healthy fulfillment. What is your hook? What is your unique selling point, why should they go to you and not to the competition? What extra tricks do you have up your sleeve, what extra service can you provide, do you have a customer feedback form and a forum to help the people who are reaching for your service become more engaged. Drip feed them success, wait for them to salivate with the longing of your merchandise, and convert your traffic into cash.

Quicksand

Don't struggle in the quicksand
For they will see you drown
Allow yourself to sink
While you become the clown
The politics of people
Who worship all your
Suffering
Who aim to see you bare
To witness you
With nothing
For day will have their day
And God will laugh on them
And as the chaff their blown
Away
These paper clip men
Continue with your striving
And all your awesome plans
Reach out for branch
And cling for life

 

The dungeons

It was the wayward ones that requested for life to begin. Asking questions of a life that paralyzed them. They wanted so much more than this, and as the world belched out, the pain of promise yet to arrive, held them in a state of captivity. It was done, and it was questionable, Menelik hated playing hero to young girls who were starved of all their dreams. Girls who took a wrong turning in life’s obstacle course and here he was, the defender, the protector, the healer of all wounds deep. He lit the Cigarette, felt the Tobacco swell on his insides, he gulped and swallowed hard, as he wrestled with discomfort in the seat of the green Toyota. “Why do you hate being a detective, so much?”

“Because I have my own life to save.” He glanced briefly at Vivien Marx, he hated her idealism on most days, but today, she was the worst version of herself. All sunshine and daisies. It was too much for a Monday morning Stretch.

“I just think…” she began, then ran long fingers through the folds of spaghetti tendrils. She’d dyed her hair Midnight black; she always did that when work was heavy. Her hair usually a brilliant auburn would be transformed, but the eyes are always magnifying glass of the soul. Their soft brown would light with a tear, and protectively she would raise the collar of her leather jacket, as though it were hiding her from the world. 

“ You change my perspective, and yours is drugged by misery,” she uttered

“Forgive me for having seen too much in my 32 years of living,” Menelik countered. “Forgive me for not buying into your pity Mel,” she snatched the cigarette from the comfort of his fisted mouth. Stubbed it, “you promised you’d stop smoking.” They shared a glance for a five second stretch, her smile was hypnotic, her gaze like a touch to him. Menelik released a lazy smile. “You know Mel if I wasn’t so crazy about you,”

“But you are….”

He nodded, a nod meant back to business. “So you think this guy killed her.”

“Dianne Fahilla mysteriously disappears, completely out of character, right after she publishes the book revealing Aztec International’s dodgy ventures. They market themselves as a clean corporation, she knew a lot of powerful people, and she pissed of a lot of powerful people.”

 

Evein (Vampire story)

“ Somebody did this to me, and I wanna know who?” Evein glared at her parents angrily, their narrow gazes shrinking even deeper as their usually mocha skinned daughter was turning an almost pale shade of brown. “ Keep it closed dalton.” She hissed as her little brother reached to peel the ivory curtain back.

“I don’t get it, you don’t like light?”

“ It hurts. It feels like someone piercing you with a thousand needles.”

“And the guy at the bar, you don’t think he put some psychotic in your drink,”

“ Dolly im not gone crazy,”

“Its called metamorphose, or morphic, it’s a drug, that’s”

“supposed to stop your heartbeat, yet somehow keeps you alive.” Evein patted her fro gently, she wanted to take it off. Why pretend as though you stood for culture and clarity when all of a sudden you’d fade to nothing, when that gold orb tasted the blue sky. Christ she’d read vampire books, series that nullified any belief that things beyond the grave existed, a myth created by a very lonely, very imaginative mr something century J.k Rowling. After all the books were about people with super abilities, women who suddenly became sirens, that wouldn’t be happening any time soon. “ I’m literally,”

“A dead man walking,” Dally joked. Even he felt stale on that hit. “Any suspects yet?”

“Yes,” mother finally put in dragging a long breath, the anxiety in her tone amplified. She stood up slowly, the red gown theyd brought her wrapped and curled like a vine. “ Somebody hated you enough to want you dead but didn’t have the guts to see it through.’

Father agreed with a groan.” Who’d you piss of this time princess, because by my calculations that drug is a slow poison, you have one month to live to find answers, and to get the antidote.”

“I guess I need a detective.” There was a heavy silence, quiet enough to make the birds chirping outside sound as though they were on pop idol. “ Not him, anyone but him.”

“ He wont charge you, and he’s thorough,”

“he’s also a bit of a rogue,” Mother added, Evein glanced at Dally who was grinning from ear to ear.

“You shit head.”

“I called him as soon as you walked through the door,” Evein gulped the last of the strawberry juice, though she could barely taste it. Taurus Jones had an ego the size of mars at the best of times, and at the worst of times? Damn, this was supposed to be a flipping happy new year.  (To be continued)

Colin Lane (Short Story)

Shit I hate Colin Lane. Shit I hate Colin Lane. I wrote it five times in my journal, and then I scribbled in on the toilet walls, next to Punk Fish Woz Ere 2018. “That bastard thinks he knows everything, he’s a total Jimmy knows it all.”

“ Jimmy knows nothing.” My friend Surinder echoes. Were sitting in the diner bitter as fuck. Lane has done it again. “ How did he snag that last point in the spelling bee,” I shift my glasses higher up my nose and scan him with my xray eyes,” scum, look how smug he is.”

Sunny leans in to study Colins lean frame opposite us. Confession, we both had a major crush on him when he first moved into the neighbourhood. He looked athletic, lean tall, he looks like one of those teenage boys you’d see in an advert and wish they would talk to you. He’s taller than most of the boys in our year group, and his voice has broken already too. “ Another book I see.” Surinder tilts a brow as we scan our arch nemesis. He’s running thick hands through sleek Chestnut brown hair, his green eyes look up with alarm when he spots us glaring at him. Surinder smiles cattily, his friend Malcolm elbows him, “ look it’s the birds. It’s the birds.” Suddenly his whole table is in uproar. I shrink in my seat. They have nick named us, the birds. Last week mum made me and Sunny a ham and pickle Sandwich and we were publically attacked by a flock of pigeons on the basketball court, where we preside. I wondered what he had been doing on the basketball court anyway, know it all like him. Everywhere he went his friends followed him like shadows. We became the butt of everybodys joke for a whole week, and Esmerelda Thompson, Snap chatted the whole incident. Of course it was to impress him.  “ You can sit over here if you want Issy,” he announces, “ and you Sun. There’s two seats.”  Surinder and I cast suspicious glances towards each other, I notice she’s got the beads in her hair today green and black, hair flowing like a waterfall. I’ve seen Colin look at my friend Surinder, My Gosh his mum wouldn’t like it. Proper judgy mare. “ Ace and Marcus will be here in twenty minutes,” his friend Cosmos interrupts

“ Cos that’s an hour, yeah they can sit. Unless, we smell or something. Or maybe you smell.” Colin teases. I hate that now he’s making us look like the immature ones, ive read waiting to exhale three  times. I tilt my head up and say in my most grown up voice, “ Yeah we’ll sit, what’s the gossip? We mostly socialize with interesting people.”

Surinder winks at me for that. I notice Colin know it all go bright pink then clear his throat. Sunny is real smart, but theres things that I notice which she doesn’t. Like days when she’s not wearing the Sari ,and she’s just got jeans and a tshirt on like at the Drake concert, Sunny has quite the magic effect on these idiots. Three guys offered to buy us drinks, because we both look older much older, it was a summer festival.  (To be continued)

SEDATIVE LIFE (SHORT STORY)

 

“ I am terrified of letting the world in. It’s not the worlds fault, i am scared to let go.”  My name is Mylene Klausman. Yesterday my boyfriend played Anthony Robbins in the car for the last time. Jesus, it was killing me. Not Robbins, My guy, total hypocrisy. “ This guy changed my life Mylene!” he announces over the speakers, yet everything stays the same. Our routines are the same, we get up at 7.30, i actually get up at 8 but he wakes me up with all the pacing up and down the house. Or sometimes he’s up at four and he decides to switch the lamplight on and talk about politics or something just to hear his own voice. I think we are growing apart, or two different people, the sentence is rehearsed over and over in my head. It claims every space in my mind, yet in the early hours i am sticky with sweat, after intense lovemaking. After conversations that trail deep into the night, where i find myself second guessing myself because Eden is getting way too intense. “There’s a guy,” I tell my friend Reno as she pulls up to my house in her navy blue Sedan. “ Shit there’s a guy and im practically married,”

“ Who, what, where, and when?” She lowers her tinted hugo boss shades to reveal stunning blue eyes. I like her new bob as well, everything is Slick and organized, Midnight black hair, exotic features and razor sharp cheekbones. Some guy said Reno looks like Angelina Jolie, personally ive seen her look way better. Then again im in awe. I slip into the seat of the blue Sedan. “ Look were matching,” she dots a kiss on my cheek,were both wearing  blue denim catsuits. “ Its not Tommy is it?”

“ Tommy who?” she puts the car into first gear. “ Thomas Denton, plays Basketball for the Rovers, prefect, perfect, uhhmmmn” she flutters her lashes. I cackle.

“ No im with Eden remember.”

“ Are you happy?” We are steering the car down Crossharbour Road, down Lucas Avenue near the local Mcdonalds. “ Im happy.” I lie. Do I remember what happy feels like? I wonder if I have become a sedative self, I smile when im supposed too, laugh when im supposed too, I feel like a puppy that’s being petted when his parents come over, “go on Myle sit.” I imagine myself with huge furry ears being propped on a dog matt, begging for a bone or some affection. Then there’s him. So I say it out loud because Reno, knows the Him syndrome, when some stranger invades your mind and your senses, you are hypnotized. “ His name is Aidan Rothschild, he sits in the third row in Science, and in the library he watched me for a whole hour, I didn’t even know he was looking,”

“ Nice,” Reno offers pulling out a stick of gum at the traffic lights. “ A Rothschild. I know about them. Damn their rich, devilishly handsome as well.Describe please,” I smile guiltily at the memory. I pin him to be 6 ft five Midnight hair, eyes so dark their almost purple, yet there’s a soft hue of brown in them. His features are strong Aqualine, he has a thick jaw, and long sweeping lashes. When he put his hands up and spoke, I swear on my whole entire life, id never heard anybody sound like that. It was a deep tone, his voice is like a song, I found myself being seduced in with every syllable. I instantly turned into one of those girls Annie Elkry is one of those girls and I hate her for it, overly inquisitive, what does he eat? What does he like? What does he do for fun? Why did he pick our School? And whats so interesting about me? I look up from the book im pretending to read, its awful. Our eyes connect across the Library hall, my eyes flicker away nervously. My stomach dances as he rises from his seat. Tall drink of water,that’s what he is, and he’s heading my way. I smoothe a tongue across my wrinkled lips and then watch in horror as Eden makes his way over to me. He is wearing his muddied tracksuit, I noticed the tall drink of water has a name tag. New students are put through this Orientation workshop, they have to wear name tags. He’s left his on. I study the name on the badge. Adrian Rothschild. He ducks his head and dodges Eden narrowly swerving as they almost collide. I like his scent. A trail of soft tobacco. As he walks away, our eyes connect once more, there is mystery there, and intrigue. Eden stands over my shoulder eyeing us suspiciously. “ Do you know that guy?”

“ No,” not yet, im thinking. Eden scratches his head. “ Guy looks like trouble.” Eden clears his throat. Aidan reminds me of someone like me, someone keeping a big secret. Grandma says I have an eye for it. “ Those grey eyes of yours girl, always exposing the invisible. You’ve got your mothers eyes.” But mothers eyes got her into a lot of trouble. My mother was murdered two years ago when I was sixteen, she was a journalist, and my father is still convinced it was something she saw. Someone she saw the day before she died. I remember how scary it was that she seemed so calm on the surface, yet when she thought id turned my back that day , her voice was manic and erratic. Her words were like someone choking, terrified, “ They’ll find out the truth,” she’d shouted. “ He’ll know, they will know. There’s nowhere to run, just come clean.” But whoever it was never came clean, and my mother disappeared for a week until her body was found by the river bed, Frozen and naked.  I don’t think I cried. I think I was numb for a long time, id been programmed for bad things. My mother was strangled to death. I had thought for weeks about her last few minutes, what was her final word, then for years, it haunted me. Id see her murderer in smiles from friends, in people who hugged and offered condolences, those who laughed at jokes too hard, everyone became a suspect. “ Still day dreaming about Mr wrong?” I snapped back into the present. “Were here.” Reno and I had pulled up outside Elmhurst high School, im never ready for this place. I lie, like ive become accustomed too.” Yeah maybe ill see him.” I take a deep breath as we step out of the car. I feel a sense of forboding. There is something coming, there is something about that guy. Whatever secret he’s keeping, its more than a curiosity now. Then I think of Eden. Do I delve into adventure, or return to a sedative life?

 

Selene (Short Story)

“ Did you look see?
Did you look?”
Because i haven’t looked at the scars just yet, the beating my best friend gave me after our ‘just fight’ at the local market. I am shivering with rage, my mouth is burdened with words, and i am burdened with sorrow. “ Just look at it,” My cousin Aaliyah says “ face it, thats a lot of rage.”

“ I didn’t even see it coming.”

“ Neither did we.” My family survey my swollen features. I know their swollen, because everything throbs, everything sports, yet there is a blackness there, but the ache has not begun yet. I am not yet longing for answers. I have all the jigsaws in my head, betrayal , jealousy. The conversations roll out like Polaroid films in my mind, the flashbacks consume each night, everybody around me is on tiptoe. I was on tiptoe. In my mind i know the conversation i would have wanted to have with Selene, perfect Selene who i had idolized once upon. Selene with the Movie star smile , shapely legs and dimpled brown eyes. She controlled all my pandoras boxes, i was her puppet, mainly because i figured when your lonely for so long, and someone new comes in, you give them your everything. Because deep down really i felt i had nothing to give. I had never been that chic chick in the playground, check out the knots in my hair, the dirt on my jeans, the holes in my trainers. To the boys i was one of their peers, to the girls i was always a threat. Too domineering, too Alpha, too different, i played football until the breasts came like two buds blossoming shame, teachers making me change in the closets. Selene’s story was different she had always been a siren. “ Whose your friend?” the guys would peer around me, behind me, sometimes even dodge, so in my eyes she had everything. Then something changed. It was a full day before i really looked at the scars Selene had given me, scars that reflected her state of mind. I remember the cautious steps i took towards the large bathroom mirror. I had always been scared of blood. When id seen the blood gushing from my nostrils i knew there was no point fighting. Selene wasn’t fighting me. There are Ghosts we fight, demons we cannot see. The mind plays tricks on you, leaves you an outsider.  I knew about Selenes Demons, yet i knew i had Demons of my own. My Demons whispered to me, teased at me, isolated me at times, made it hard to reach out, to fully connect. I had always been scared, and at times with Selene i was terrified. I’d see a flash of something in her eyes, a fleeting shadow that looked like something i recognized, something i saw within myself. I knew, i was not alone. This banana skin of mine,slippery as it was. Confidence that danced in and out like smoke, happiness that seduced like a belly dancer, i was not alone. When i studied the scars, Voluptuos, pronounced, there was nothing ambivalent, nothing mysterious. At the time i had shrunk into myself, like a pair of jeans set in the wrong wash. Was anything real? The laughter, the time, the conversations, or had i just been borrowed, used until someone worthy enough came along. “ Someone who respects you doesn’t do this.” The sentence broke my heart time and again. I remembered situations where 2+2 equals five, i became a detective, questioning everything. Was it A? B? Or had i simply just been unlovable?

Joshua Pavis: Man on a Mission

As redebony mentioned previosuly, I am a hockey player, currently playing for the Great Britain U21s and the University of Nottingham. From now on, I will be sharing brief accounts and thoughts of some of my experiences as an international hockey player; from travelling across the world, to how I prepare for a game, to what I get up to, in my spare time, well what little of it I have. I hope you enjoy it. It starts off as one lesson a week at school, something that school has to do to ensure we are doing enough physical activity. Then it becomes a hobby, something to pass the time when you're bored with your mates on a sunny Summers day. After a while, it becomes your passion, something you are always thinking about. And then, before you know it, it becomes you're life, the only thing you worry about. We always hear about the ‘Power of Sport’ and how it changes people’s lives. For some people, it didn’t just change their life, it became their life. When all your everyday decisions are influenced by sport, that’s when you know it’s more than ‘just a game’.


The path to success, however, is not easy, the early starts, the long training sessions, the gruelling pain, the setbacks, the sacrifices. So why do we do it? Why do we put ourselves through it? For me, it’s simple. I want to be the best! And I hate losing, like really hate it! Back in 2016, we won the annual Sultan of Johor Cup, a prestigious tournament held in Johor, Malaysia. We beat India, in the final, to lift the trophy. Being 16 at the time, I had never experienced anything like this. Having thousands of local fans, cheering for us, was something I could never have imagined, when a year later, I was just playing hockey at school, but preferred football and cricket. I was representing my country, and not only that, but we were winning too! Two years later, we were back in the final of the Sultan of Johor Cup. Heading into the final, we were undefeated, winning 5 from 5, including victories against Australia, India and hosts Malaysia. However, in the final we underperformed, we lost 2-0. You could put it down to a number of reasons, poor execution, complacency, fatigue, but at the end of the day we just weren't good enough. Reflecting on the tournament, I thought back to 2 years ago and that final, but it was all a blur, yes we were the Champions, but we hadn’t been the best time throughout the tournament, yet this year, finishing second, didn't do our performances justice! Which perhaps best highlights another reason why I love sport. It is unpredictable. Whatever sport it is, nothing is for certain, nothing is guaranteed. Which is perhaps why it feels so good to win!
 Josh Pavis Instagram: @joshpavis
Twitter: @josh_p14

Joshua Pavis: Pavis packs a Punch

The handsome man you see before you is the engaging Joshua Pavis of the Great Britain Hockey team. A hero in Sport, Josh’s skills and delivery extend beyond the field. To his efforts with Sports aid, and various other charities. The 19 year old from Notingham is an elite athlete with great potential, and a huge flurry of international fans. Unstoppable on and off the field Josh’s motivation comes from a need to be the best he can be, and a desire to keep facing challenges. A terrifying opponent on the field for one key reason, Josh Pavis has a strict regiment that would impress both Mike Tyson and Usain Bolt.Yes indeed you heard it here first, the Pavis packs a powerful punch. The week begins with Monday Strength conditioning, Tuesday 1 hour school session, 2 hours Beeston 1^st XI session,Wednesday Development/England U21 Training Day, Thursday 1 hour school session, 2 hours Beeston 1^st XI session, Friday s&c session, Saturday rest and Sunday Beeston 1^st XI game. This routine has aided Josh in many of his successes which include 6^th Sultan of Johor Cup (U21), 4^TH 2016 England Hockey Mens Cup, 1^st 2015, U16 National Finals, and many more wins. Josh has always been an elite Sports man he entered Sports as a footballer at the age of 10, upon a broken wrist became enthralled by Hockey when he would play on the pitch with his brother. Now he is the star the nation admires. Join me in welcoming Josh Pavis and his column to  redebony.

Million dollar countdown idea number 8 Media mogul

For those of us who enjoy flicking across the pages of a magazine why not start your own magazine in your own Niche. Guess where the money's in? Subscriptions and advertising, that's right, not to mention sales. You build your own online magazine and sell a specialised product from it, it could be Auntie Sue's Chamomile tea brand, your very own carrot Cake recipe or even better maybe your offering membership for an elite business advice forum. Whatever it is, build a large following, and make sure the people you love, love you enough to sign up and spread the word. From making chomp change, with a mailing list of up to 500 people alone you could go to bed with a smile on your face.