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    Do we know this fine gentle man?

I was going to talk about how to be a millionaire, but I think what needs to be said is what the people are dealing with in Britain. The system is structured to keep everyone at a certain level, especially the benefit system. People complain that the British Benefit system is being abused, and these are troubling times for us, more rules are instigated for the working class and the lower class to stay on the hamster Wheel in Jobs they hate. Yet when you strive to push beyond it the system counters you with an attack. Families who struggle financially, yet as soon as the Government hears your moving forward they either tax you more, or you aim to be more intellectually assertive you are penalized by the system for having the audacity to dare to dream of wanting more for yourself and your families. They have shows (Benefit Street), Jeremy Kyle shows, representing people on the benefit system as one label, lazy, greedy, opportunist. That’s three. Yet here it is in a nut

image by st3t0 If i could eat your voice in my womb Swallow the description of you Bite into your youth You are the second that makes a clock tick yet when i see you Stomach rolls sick As chalk outlines the self it was and bones have ached just because legs wrap like ribbons around dreams Yet you are a houdini man I stand on needle point at ten Eat strawberries in my pigeon pen Counting steps and trading lines with selves that whisper no longer nigh For as i speak my legs they quake For words are tombs or evaporate.

image by magicnana Does he exist? He has a voice like whisky in warm chocolate, i never see his face, his voice is warm and it cloaks you, like a cover or a sheet. I've fallen for strange things before, never voices you can't even look at. His voice is so strong, so masculine, it compels me to look in the opposite direction. I look at shoes, feet, nervously, hungry to hear a spoken word from him, but he never speaks to me. We have had conversations in the Jupiter that i live in, we smile amidst rich cream, talk much about our business plans and agenda's, he walks through the door, i am dressed in naughties, clad in interesting imaginations that men watch on screens. Only for him. As my ears peak like elves, sharp as daggers, i nervously sprint ahead, unhappy for eyes to click, fearful that sight may destroy. For i have seen much of my broken self, a me between light and shade. I tiptoe in between the criss crosses of my mind, terrified of a self only i can destroy.

image by Oshirit1 Its hard to think positively when your going through a rough stretch, in fact positivity can sometimes be the last thing on your mind. Yet when we tilt into a negative overture, it's best to find the positive things to focus on. Some may be many others may be few, yet if you don't have a little faith life will throw you and you will become toppled by our own feelings of inferiority, and the demons that lurk. Trust me i know i've been there. Fight as hard as you can list the top ten things that will make you smile and another ten that will make you laugh. Mine Smilers Ice cream Exercise Writing Dancing Spending time with family Making new friends Coming up with a new idea watching Sound of Music Working on my blog, or reading shopping Mine laugh list Funny films......endlessly a joke made by my sister My dog gogo and her funny humping habbit Sadly when someone trips You've been framed sitcoms American dad and South Park

We reach Stealthily climbing from pain a rung Our battered sung We eat the egg of wise ones wombs Forever needing absent doom The prick of tears and subtle mess I bite my tongue were in distress For harps lay sombre and they weep The bitter sting the omnibus keep

image by denizaybar Yesterday, and today i thought about the irony of life. Of feeling lost alone and completely vulnerable. Almost two or three years ago i wrote a note out of the kindness of my heart to someone, it was done with the innocence you have when your still naieve and deluded about the sainthood of people. I thought he was a nice person. For years despite making me the object of ridicule, for almost two or three years out of a jealousy and a loathing that came from somewhere, standing by as i was targeted and harassed by family. Soon enough he began to spread malicious rumours about me throughout the neighbourhood, getting frustrated every time another man called me or went near me, whenever i was seen happy with someone, and before long he dragged other people into this warped obsession. From being called the ugly one, a slag, a slut, a whore, the African myth of fear, the family embarassment. Today i thought about how much was in my account, i had enough money to bu

     The funniest thing about being seen as the ugly one is you have no cause to defend it. I realised how painfully shallow the world is, because of one letter i was crucified. Then i had some parrot shouting excuses defending his shallowness, saying such things as "i pissed people off blah blah blah," when actually he targeted me because i'm seen as physically less attractive and an easier target. Why didn't he take on a man, after all i'm tomboyish so that gave him credence, but as i was called every name under the sun from slag, slut,whore,Nigga,Epileptic monkey, and as the person who started this consistently made a fake apology based on his own opportunistic needs. I realised what i had chosen to ignore. I may not be the prettiest belle in the ball, nor am i as one of the guys tearing me down said, " a light skinned beauty." I realised for the first time that i'm not home. In Africa my dark skin would have been celebrated, in

image from tumblr Brilliant. So i was thinking to myself what would i do if my crush ever came across my romantic ramblings online.Well, Most perfectly sane people would simply lie through their back teeth, going out of their way to convince their crush they have absolutely no feelings for them whatsoever. Especially if their crush has acted badly. Yet me, a strange martian, from a strange region in mars, have actually visualised myself debating quite fiercely with my crush, about who the crush belongs too. Totally warped i know. "It's not your crush it's mine. These are my feelings, and i have to deal with them" "What?" My crush would ask in puzzlement, "Well," and i actually visually created a whole court case scenario, nothing too Oj. "Now all the evidence points to REJECTION. You won't sit with me, ignore me often, are mean when you have the chance to be nice," "So why not deal with it like a normal Sane person, g

Moving on is one of the hardest things to do. Yesterday i heard my ex best friends laugh in the street, it was distinctly hers and i missed her. My heart ached, and i gulped in the sadness, only for it to finally hit home, the feeling was not reciprocated. She knew where i was, knew where i lived, knew my passions, if she had cared enough she would have sought me out. Something would have been said in all the years of absence. It's a funny thing in life, when you think you are to someone and realize with pained reality, in many ways your not. I'd missed many things, such as a laugh a smile, the moments in the car alone where the whole world was our oyster, the debates we had when we lured the world in giving them a pinch of our thoughts. Recently i made a crazy choice, it was a stupid one to me. I'd put aside the little pride i had and in boldness took the nervous cautious steps to her old home. I remembered we wrote passionately, i bought a journal hoping that my ey

image from www.huffingtonpost.com I realize something that i've always known logically, but emotionally never connected. Heartbreak happens, it hurts ,it throbs, it's poison to our fragile pulsing heart. We consistently yearn for the lost ones. How do you get over a broken heart, someone not being all you wanted them to be, you not being a version you wanted to be. Have you stooped screaming at the walls yet, tugging at your hair, chomping your nails, and scrubbing the last push of Ice cream. I'll tell you something that may make you feel just a little bit better, it happens to the glamour models, the supermodels, Royalty, Millionaires, heartbreak is never discreet. It is loud and angry, at times it is bashful, acidic poison on the tongue. So with your pen stroke it, pet it like it's a purring kitten, sing it to sleep like its a baby in need of a Lullaby and admit to yourself, that your only human. In life the hardest thing to do is to loose people. The se

image from photo'sfromheart Eyes on you Rich girls dont cry We wipe the salt that Covets lie and all the unmistakable things Have you forgotten me blossom Pregnant with the stitch of Yesterdays Loins The scent it trails I pop the boils We clamp the chaos From it's mess For Pretty girls are in distress

image by aquasixio I miss the times I miss the days The laughter runs It pricks It stays and all the times That belonged to us For selves that wear Like year old Musk You are the finding Of which i seek A self once dark I now am Bleak Of wise ones rummage Through the scrap My memory wire It weeps It taps \For you should be The self i see I miss the extra arms of Me.

image by Reenault It is not uncouth That body as Vessel Maintains youth The bliss of Rainbows Escaping skies And as we age the brain quiz why and why not? When you could catch a cloud upon your tongue Climb the height of Fears iron rung Kaleidoscope you were Indestructible and as we smile with hair untamed These are the years Our memories claim.