Friday, 8 April 2011

Signs and Me

Sometimes i wonder about the games of the universe. I remember sitting in my living room watching some next cheesey rom com, or harping on about something. I asked god to find me a good man who would love me for who i was, be passionate about me, and have excitement for me. I returned to daily grind and my crush, who at the time i'd already started to despise suddenly decided to start talking to me. I'm unusual in my choices of men. I can blame chlaustrophobic scenario's, lack of choice and diversity, fragility, but sometimes i wonder if it's just me. Constantly picking the most emotionally unavailable guy, the height of emotional unavailability...a guy that can't stand you. Life is funny. I remember for that moment it felt like we were finally communicating, he walked with me, i remember how cold it was, that his teeth were chattering, but he still persisted in bombarding me with info about himself. I was so nervous, it's been a while since i've been nervous like that, thinking what do i say next, how do i join the dots? Why has this arsehole suddenly turned nice, there's a trick in here somewhere. Anyway since i left that place and their version of reality, it's annoying how his name comes up everywhere. Big billboards, funeral parlous? an old friend whose daughter has a crush on a guy with exactly the same names, tv brands, it's almost as if his name never existed before i met him, but i know it did. I keep having this highly deluded love fantasy, i think every body with an uninvited crush does. Where you show up where he's at, dressed like a hollywood scene, and your crush has regrets dripping of them like flashy diamonds. In my fantasy we talk, that's mostly it. We never really got to talk much, i dreaded conversations with him as people around him went out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable.  They figured he hated my guts before i did. It's the past, he was such an arsehole, he'll never change, he's immature, a jerk, a bully, malicious.....thankyou, that's my standing ovation for this week. I guess sometimes in life you dont get to change someone's opinion of you, although he thought he was superior the day i walked through the door. I agree with most of the signs the universe offered but when it came to him i felt it was a consistent game of chess with three players.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Comment! Comment! Comment! I want your views and opinions.This is an interactive website.Please feel free to join and leave your comments

Featured post

Meet the new Hotbox influencer trend team

  Welcome to Otatade Okojie (redebonyhotspot) winning hotbox influencer trend platform.  A new project teaching young people how to monetise...