The sparrow

"Its time ," I said with doom in my voice.my speech was caught in my throat, the way food came up as vomit, my fingers trembled and sweat leaked from every crevice. His name was Michael, I had loved this man Michael ,though he had a wife and those two snot nosed brats had defiantly put prisms so high like barbed wire fences.They did not want me to love this man, I did not want to love this man.
"We're ready mis but are you?" I glared at my reflection, a tangible self was fading in the aftermath of an emotional holocaust. I fixed the brown squared wig, looking like a psychic,investigating my brown depths for clues,
 Traces of my former self. Where was she? The brown skinned girl with the big toothed grin, and the glimmer of hope in her eyes shining obnoxiously at the world like a silver dime. My happiness had been as robust as seasoned wife, and now my smile could be found in a casket with him. Nadia had warned me of this, " to love a dying man is like playing emotional hot potato," she'd offered in that crude polish accent, her pale skin a contrast to mine, with eyes that shone like diamonds.  " you do not love this man,
 You are lonely," and yet why did I not feel like a sparrow with its missing fellow.

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The legacy of lost ones

A while ago I heard some idiot shriek to me, "your just a nigga!" We are more than this, I am potential,creativity,wisdom,enlightenment,growth,vision, passion. Growing up, I rarely acknowledged the social prejudices against black people, it was hip to be black, cool, and yet I am now a 31 year old woman blown away by the prejudices I've experienced, by cultures which were socially alienated themselves. On the day an Asian boy called me a Nigga, and a network of Asians laughed because I dared to say I find Asian people attractive, it has been clear to me, that there are people out there who don't see history, or a business background, or my years in education. At one point I even had a family who sell drugs sobbing me because of my dark skinned complexion. I was called a Nigga , a know it all, by imbeciles who police literally live outside their doorsteps.


I have spent years building up a knowledge base that I am proud of, wearing a skin that I am proud of, celebrating a culture and identity which has experienced limbo for years. In 2016, I celebrate that I am a dark skinned woman with a disability, who single handedly started a business where she worked with Prince Charles, the Fa cup,red or company a firm that deals with Sony, crazy clothes, a vintage store that worked with Naomi Campbell ,Kate Moss, and were one of the first black companies to brace the covers of Itallian Vogue, I am part of an oil company and despite self publishing my book lunchbox millionaire, I am both prolific in publishing and self publishing. Redebonyhotspot has made over 248,000 hits, the website is being updated. Despite dealing with the epilepsy, I have decided that my pandoras box of ideas will be used to aid others.

Recently I also got told that as an epileptic, we are laughable. Far from the truth.knowledge and wisdom is empowering, let others say what they have to say, if it validates them. I have been bullied, I have been alienated at times, but one thing is key, I've grown to have a greater loyalty to myself. Stupid people are a threat to society, people who simply follow on demand are a threat to society, cowards are a threat to communities, let us cross all racial boundaries and leave a legacy.