Strength in numbers:Friends

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The loner mythology. Boy doesn't it look good in movies. The mysterious stranger, that's independant and is a law unto themselves, creates their own rules, and lives life according to their own moral code. In Hollywood films, their usually tall,dark, and sexy, in horror movies, their creepy, and have everybody in the neighbourhood walking on tiptoe. Nothing is ever chalkboard black and white, human beings are social creatures. It's nice to have someone to share your ideas with, your vision with, hopes, dreams, laughter, triumphs, failures. Reach out to someone positive today, connect with someone and share those qualities you take so much pride in. When we engage with others, the right type of others, we grow. Maybe you've been hurt, betrayed, let down, disappointed, degraded, bullied, or humiliated, there are millions of people out there in the world.Infact there are billions, trillions, and zillions, if you don't extend yourself. If you dont smile, and reach out with a humble heart, you will never know. Its easy to run. We get scared. Terrified of experiencing the same pain all over again so we play hide and seek with ourselves, as much as fear is your worst enemy, it can be full of such clever guise it can trick you into believing it's your best friend. That means you can be scared and have no idea your scared. "Your just being safe," you tell yourself, this isn't about fear, it's about protection. Yet those who dont seek to find never discover the answers their looking for.
Strength isn't about isolation. If it was all those multi million dollar corporations you hear about would all be run just by one person. They'd have no employees, and they may not even have acquired their full networth. All the different strands provide the various information. Support is about building a strong framework, a strong network around yourself. Sources you can tap into, resources that can assist you when your too vulnerable to help yourself. We need to learn from those around us and outside of ourselves. We need to know our strengths and improve upon our weaknesses.

It's cool to have those private moments to ourselves and not let everybody elses stuff filter in and drive us insane. Yet if you've made yourself chlaustrophobic because of fear and your a naturally social or outgoing person, start to reach out little by little.

Point of Projection

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Projection is a powerful source of miscommunication. Sometimes we can place the burden of our emotions on someone else, creating scenes or feelings they might be feeling. We have all been there, where someone feels, vulnerable, or insecure in someway, and they say the souce of their discourse began with you. I.e that person who gets threatened when any woman even his own sister looks at their boyfriend, and they call you posessive. The person who calls you ugly yet feels inadequate when their walking the streets on their own. How about that individual who goes out of their way to make you feel like a nobody when they haven't actually accomplished much in their own lives, or are constantly complaining to others about how discontent they feel about their lives. Are you really going to let people like this make you feel small? Turn you into a shell or a crumb of yourself, i seriously doubt it. They may choose to put the weight of their insecurities upon your life, but if  it's not you, it'll be someone else. It's because its not personal, it's an issue within them. We've all dealt with people like this, and we've all been people like this. They are going through something. Sometimes the haze of pain blocks out everything else. We can have empathy, which is hard to do when your the target, or you can simply come to the conclusion within yourself, this isnt about me....it's about you. I will keep my distance and build myself up. I do not need negative influences in my life. Outside of our family, we can choose how close we let others get to us. Choose the right friends, companions,and positive role models.
 Pay attention to what's actually going on, not just what someone else is

Top ten signs a guy is not over his ex

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1) He talks about her a lot. Wether he's saying horrible things and attempting to destroy her reputation, or he's bringing up memories that relate to her.....she's on his mind.

2) He gets nervous Everytime he sees her

3) He tries to belittle or humiliate whoever she's dating

4) Whenever you call him he's talking to his ex, or at her house

5) He always says he 'bumped' into her when he knew she was going to be at an event, and he dressed extra special because of it.

6) He's buying her more expensive gifts than you, and your his girlfriend.

7) Other people have seen them coming back from dinner, sources you can actually trust

8) He's kept several memento's from their relationship. Pictures, gifts, maybe old lingerie

9) He keeps comparing you to how 'amazing' she was, but argues he doesn't want her back

10)He's buying her gifts, including on valentines day

How to get over being led on

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Don't be fooled this will sting for a while. There's nothing more painful than being excited about someone, getting that will they won't they feeling. It's nice being found attractive, it's especially nice when someone takes an interest in you; especially if you sense it's romantically. Guys and girls can be funny creatures, they may want the attention, but may see no future in dating you. People can become overly flattered. Or let's talk about the guy/ girl who literally hunts you down like a hound dog. They make it apparent that its all eyes on you...then suddenly the trail goes cold. Don't let someone's ego blow smoke in your face.

First things first remind yourself that people are allowed to change their minds. Most importantly don't let anybody use you for their own entertainment, or play games with you because their insecure and want to prove their equal to those around you.

If you feel you have been led on, remind yourself why in a million years you wouldn't touch this person with a barge pole. If you see them on the street you'll either merrily swerve or be as brief as possible.

Dress your best and don't give a damn what anybody says. I once came across a guy who had led me on to a point most brutal. Despite telling other people he didn't find me attractive, insulting and goading me all behind my back. Whenever other guys took an interest in me him and those close to him would respond with a reaction of jealousy. They'd spread gossip about me being easy, or loose, when some of the guys that came to see me we're actually close friends. It was clear to me that the reaction was an I don't want you, but don't want anybody else to have you.

Celebrate that this medusa hasn't turned you to stone. You have been saved, this was not the right person for you, and most importantly you don't plan to let them get in the way of seeking that person out.

For example guys or girls who have a Habbit of leading people on are literally psychic. They will sense when enough is enough for you and begin making the "I'm just confused" calls. You'll soon learn that Mr / Miss I'm confused have been spotted around town with some other gorgeous glory. Whatever. Focus on building your self esteem, social networks and having the time of your life. Just not with them. You have a right to be happy, dont permit someone selfish to steal that from you.

Taking on the talk

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" People are always talking about you. You just don't always hear what their saying, " those are the famous words of Joel Osteen. It's hard work not letting the critics condemn our lives. It's tough. I went to a business networking event recently and completely choked. The fear of the gossips and what they would have to say about me, didn't keep me frozen in fear....it did worse than that. A belly deep panic began to rise in me, until I could barely breathe. I'd had a vision of myself being a smoothe mover and shaker, but because I felt like the cat amongst the pigeons, fear held me by the nostrils. You know what you say at a time like that. You remind yourself that there's always the next time. Not with arrogance, but with hope. You'll work out the kinks and prepare yourself for the glory of the next time. Mistakes are results within themselves. We learn and we pray we do better.

Dont kick yourself when your down.Instead dust yourself off and try again. Practice will make you more precise. It will build confidence, it will make you better, don't kick yourself, because you didn't orchestrate things to a precise plan. So you were nervous, you were scared, there's always the next time. Promise yourself that you will practice so next time you will perform better

Happiness

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Happiness is not just about the image on the post card, or something you see on tv. It's gratitude, and the systematic appreciation of what you have around you. Giving love, thanks, sharing the peace you can find within and blessing those around you. It's the words you say in your self conscious, and what you utter into the universe.

People often say things like be grateful for small mercies. Indeed. Gratitude is the key to releasing many blessings in the universe. Celebrate all the little things you've taken for granted. The friends you joke with, the family that support you, if you work, the job you may be conflicted with but are glad you have, the vacations you've taken or are destined to take. The success you have accomplished, or are destined to achieve and accomplish. Find something awesome to smile or laugh about and grin till all you are is teeth, and booming energy.

Hatred as hindrance

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Hatred is a poison that destroys us from the inside out. I've seen it and I've been it, we become the monsters we despise, and spend the minutes, hours, months and years, justifying why we're right and the other persons wrong. I was once so disgusted by someone's behaviour I took it upon myself to invest my time, energy being the one person who could bring someone who I believe acted appallingly to emotional court. I had to proove how wrong they were and how right i was. "Can't you see how wrong their being?" I would parrot
"Don't you see how out of order it is?"
"Well, don't you?" Nobody could understand why such little things became such a huge deal to me, and ultimately neither could i. There's a famous book called don't sweat the small stuff, funnily enoiugh, i wasn't just sweating them, i was drowning them. In the process, i became messy and contaminated with other people's hate. People whose weakness was their own bitterness, i became like them, when all i had to do was let negative people deal with their own misery. Misery likes company and their burden soon became mine. What am I saying? Looking back now I believe there is power in ignoring insignificant people. If their mean spirited leaving them to be embroiled in their own emotional anarchy. It's not our job to fix them, it's our job to work with progression within our own lives. Dealing with ourselves before we even contemplate taking the world on. In life there is power in having the ability to sometimes just let things go.

Correcting with kindness

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It's easy to follow the crowd. To stay silent when you know someone's behaviour is inappropriate. It's so easy to just fold. To be smothered by an overwhelming need to please those around you, yet sometimes if you sense their behaviour is wrong. Make a stand. Make a choice, decide within yourself what's right, and what's wrong.  No matter the age group, sometimes the people around us may act Inappropriately. Wether it's a father or mother  who specialises in belittling others, a best friend who may be warm to you, yet an emotional jack in the box to a chosen weaker target. A sister or brother that can hold a grudge as though it were as valuable as a billion pounds or human life itself. I covet the people around me because they have the strength and the courage to look me in the eyes and tell me when they dont agree with my behaviour. I value them because they have too much respect for themselves and for me to be two faced or duplicitous, what needs to be said, is said, and let the chips fall where they may.You are allowed to correct them, because you love them. If you feel their behaviour is wrong as someone who cares for them you are allowed to tell them 'you disagree.' Someone who loves you won't hate you because you've taken a different standpoint. They will be annoyed, they may be angry, lash out,but you help them from exorcising their poor behaviour on the wrong person.

Crunchtime for a crush

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Crushes can be heartbreaking. Their called crushes for a reason.   All the could be's, might be's, possibly's...Crushes are not real relationships.I learnt the hard way that you should like someone for the strength and qualities you know and respect about them, not what you think you might respect about them. Shallow and surface things do not define a real fit. For example i had a crush on a friend who i thought was absolutely hysterical,i liked him, because he was charming, charismatic and likable. The reality was when i needed him for something outside of being easygoing entertainment,for any real calamity. He was unavailable. The phone would ring, he wouldn't answer it,but i'd become so used to this method of behaviour i began to make excuses for it. Private confidences shared with him at first had become parlour trick performances. Personal confidences about dates, relationships and friendships gone wrong would be used to amuse and entertain friends until one day i realised something. What if maybe i didn't like him so much? What if maybe i didn't know him so well and just liked what he represented. Ding dong. It is easy to get a cataract in your eye because of a crush, but let reality speak when she comes. I needed someone i could trust, someone who could understand me, who cared as much for me, as i did for them. I learned a valuable lesson, through many of my experiences. Learn to love yourself the right way.

Respecting your Rules

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We have to find ways to validate who we are, respect ourselves and honour our own existence; If you are someone who falls under the sweet spell of flattery too easily, beware.. A poison tongue is on it's way. Words have power. And if you let other people's words control you, they will mold you into something you don't recognise. When I was younger I had two female friends who I'll never forget. They were attractive young women who got quite a bit of male attention. They had both been comfortable with me in a supportive role, being a shadow whilst they were allowed to shine and show the best of themselves, counsel them about everything in relation to men, basically be the friend that helps them dissect and overanalyse everything, yet when there was a shift and I wanted to focus on my own life, and fix some of the problems that had arisen, there became a problem. Yet whilst supporting them I was the greatest person on Earth.
People are not lego. Sometimes we get caught up in trying to build them up, fixing them or supporting them doesn't guarantee fixing yourself. Your life shouldn't become their life. You need to work on you. The more i tried to 'fix' my 'friend' who seemed completely obsessed with making all the wrong choices when it came to men, the more distracted i was, the less i focussed on building my own self esteem and confidence. When i did decide to focus on building my self esteem, confidence, business projects and independance , i suddenly became the most selfish person ever.The problem wasnt primarily me, or the guys my friends were dating, it was all of us collectively. We should have all been making better choices i'm considering now. I should have tried to be my own best friend before i tried to be someone elses. My friend should have created some boundaries for the guys she dated so she'd feel valued respected and appreciated. Sadly she thought saying no to a guy you like would guarantee he'd hate you. The guys fully aware that there are plenty of fish in the sea, shouldn't have led on,someone so insecure,vulnerable,and terrified of being left. Ultimately life is full of choices, it would be great if we always made the right ones.Yet simply put, i guess we all have to accept that were only human.

Fighting Fallen thoughts

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Wow emotional relapse or what? We have moments where our self pity gets the better of us. Pity got the better of me yesterday, my eyes sweated out onions, and my smile needed a treasure hunt. Someone great once told me, failure is not something that happens instantaneously. It is a series of opportunistic regrets. I call these moments, the small moments. Where you get so caught up in what you could have done, should have done, who you could have been...you forget who you need to be for yourself right now. There were times in my life where if you'd asked me, i could tell you in intimate minutia detail what i'd done wrong, where and how. Now though i believe in focussing on the things you are getting right. The things that fill you with pride and a sense of righteous self esteem day in and day out. Not because your getting the tap on the back that you deserve or the aggressive handshake, more so because you know who you are, and you respect who you are. It's easy to let other people strip us bare. People who dont even know us leave our walls barren sometimes, hollow, and at times we may even feel nameless. Yet in the darkness, be proud and upright in who you are. That true essence, that sense of self, that part of you that no one can steal or take away from you, because it belongs to who...it belongs to you. Today, you are going to celebrate who you are. Simply because failure is not the final chord.

The fight to stay happy

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Happiness.It's a fight. We have to fight to be happy, and when you are happy, you have to fight to stay happy, because your joy will carry you through many obstacles in your life. We fail when we give up on ourselves, and when you see only darkness you are destined to. People take for granted the importance of being happy. When i was younger and finding my feet, even until recently. I thought strength was all about being able to show people how angry you are, all that teenage angst, evolving into adult chips on our shoulders. I thought strength was the big mouth that hollers in the street, and the person who talks the biggest. Strength is so much more than that. Claiming your victory, holding unto your happiness, and outrightly refusing to let anybody steal your spirit. Happiness are the thoughts that we choose to focus on day in and day out. You are what you believe in. Your faith, your dreams, your ambitions, your essence, how many people do we allow to steal our happiness day in and day out. Your joy belongs to you. Even if your in the park on your own, out on the street, in your bedroom alone, wherever you are, wether you vocalise it, or speak it internally... claim it. Your joy is yours it belongs to you. "This joy is mine!My joy belongs to me." Laugh as loudly as you can, smile to every single person you meet, grin and celebrate all the little things. Live life with gratitude because your still here and your still standing. We will always cross paths with negative people that trigger our alarm systems, cross the street and hold unto your piece of mind. It's easy to engage with them, but when you do nobody ever really wins. Focus on building yourself up, staying positive and staying happy.