Real housewives: Reality Cheque arrives

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I was watching the Real Housewives of Orange county and realised how jealousy can be at the heart of a problem. The Tamra and Gretchen story is old news but we've seen it everywhere, how jealousy can run so rife it can lead to many attempts at ruining someone's life. Tamra only stopped her jealousy when she found another partner and became happy within herself.


Unhappy people spread unhappiness. Some unhappy people understand that they need to fix and build their self esteem. Need to be happy in themselves. Others are happy pretending to be happy and tearing others down, to cover up what their lacking in their own lives. Be happy and shine. Build your own support network, socialise with other positive happy people. Tamra decided to befriend Gretchen when she let love in, invited someone positive into her life, and became happy within herself, that was the only point of which she could let the small things go and get on with the business of being happy. She had been unhappy for a very long time, and Gretchen had become her target. Find happiness, even if it's on the smallest achievement. Congratulate yourself for the little things before celebrating your success on the big things.

Reason and Respect

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We have to find ways to validate who we are, respect ourselves and honour our own existence; If you are someone who falls under the sweet spell of flattery too easily, beware.. A poison tongue is on it's way. Words have power. And if you let other people's words control you, they will mold you into something you don't recognise. When I was younger I had two female friends who I'll never forget. They were attractive young women who got quite a bit of male attention. They had both been comfortable with me in a supportive role, being a shadow whilst they were allowed to shine and show the best of themselves, counsel them about everything in relation to men, basically be the friend that helps them dissect and overanalyse everything, yet when there was a shift and I wanted to focus on my own life, and fix some of the problems that had arisen, there became a problem.

So long as i wasn't getting attention everything was fine. If i went ignored or they sensed i was rejected in some way, there was a sort of relief that they shared. It was only years later that i realised both these two women had been jealous of me. Despite their own qualities and their own strengths. At the time one of my supposed friends drove a sports car, she'd climbed to an upstanding position in her job, and when we were out she got a lot of male attention. Yet i would consistently recieve these stinging biting remarks, and every so often a stranger would come along and actually compliment me. The looks i'd recieved from her, or the scathing comments, were enough to make me run a million miles. In true form as well people like this, they'll put you down, ridicule you, belittle you, until you dont trust them. The irony is, they actually want you to like them, and they want you to trust them. They actually want to be close to you. Who knows why? Maybe your a nice person and you have a kind heart, maybe your popular and outgoing, laugh easily, are fun, bubbly, and likable, are confident.There's something about you that makes them draw near. Focus on building your self up. Fix your focus.

Polvolting passed self pity

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Wow emotional relapse or what? We have moments where our self pity gets the better of us. Pity got the better of me yesterday, my eyes sweated out onions, and my smile needed a treasure hunt. Someone great once told me, failure is not something that happens instantaneously. It is a series of opportunistic regrets. People pleasing is such a destructive trait. We are failures when we give up on ourselves, allow others to tell us exactly who we are negatively or convince us were not good enough.

Other people will try and make you feel small because they feel small about their lives and themselves. Other people will make you question who you are and all the beliefs you hold dear to yourself. You may begin to compare and contrast. That is not your life. It is not your journey. You were not born to be like them you were born to be exactly who you are. To learn, to grow, and to evolve. Your journey is not about them. Ofcourse their opinions matter, without input, we lack the output to shape and evolve. Feedback is required. Yet there's positive feedback and there's negative feedback. Negative people will tell you everything your doing wrong and smugly sit on a throne of superiority, positive people will tell you everything your doing right, everything your doing wrong, yet always how they believe you can do it better. They care about you. They care about your improvements, growth, and successes. When we emotionally relapse it is important to associate ourselves with people who have real self esteem and are not motivated by their own selfish personal agenda's. The right people will be drawn to you like a magnet, the same way the wrong people will be drawn to you, like a magnet. Choose people who like to build and support those around them rather than tear them down.You fail when you quit. You fail, when you give up.

Tackling your truth:Understanding your motivation

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What is your truth? As much as I talk about positive thinking. Life is more than positive thinking. You don't need just a strong mindset, you need a powerful strategy and you have to be willing to take the steps to make whatever you need happen....happen. For example someone's positive thinking and suddenly a car comes out of nowhere and runs them over. Positive thinking alone will not get you through that. Life is action and reaction. What is the next step?We have to consistently think about what follows? What do i do next.

What do you plan to do next? Write an album/ Write a book? Do a film/ Star in a play? Go after something you are passionate about. Take positive action. Talking and doing are completely different things. We can all see how beautiful that finish line looks, how beautifully polished how eloquently vanished, and clean it looks. Before it gets there, that takes work. Real hard work. Engage yourself in the doing, excite yourself for you are in the process of something phenomenal that may not just change your life, but the life of those around you. Focus, remain on point. Focus on other key things such as being happy. Your joy is imperative to the process, you are in the creative process, let your juices flow and indulge your senses.

What motivates you? Is it failure? The possibility of success, the potential to travel far to triumph, to test your capacity, and see your visions realised. Whatever your motivation, you need inspiration as fuel. For imagination. Read often, biographies. Autobiography's, be inspired by other people's journey's.

The importance of keeping promises

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If you are someone who breaks promises easily, you will lose more than a few offered words. You will lose the faith of the people who trust you. Your words will be air to them until it reaches a point where. You have to beg your promises, people will only keep faith for so long.

Mean what you say. There's an old saying, 'promises are meant to be broken' if that's the case, then doesn't that mean secrets are meant to be shared? What are both things founded upon? Trust. Faith. Belief.  Many of us have heard the story of the boy who cried wolf. Some say it was a young sheep boy, others tell the story of a local towns boy, who lied so often that when a wolf finally appeared not a single soul actually believed he was under attack. How does this relate to promises? Trust. His white lies had meant those around him had lost faith in him, and the foundation of trust had been broken.

Promises are easily broken, so is trust. The smart thing to do is to say " i'm not making any promises, but ill do my best." or " I cant guarantee it, but i will do my best." Keep your faith in yourself and keep their faith in you. It is priceless when the people around you believe in you and trust your word. When you keep a promise you are saying invest in me, you can trust me, i am reliable. When you break several promises you are saying.......are you sure about that?

Understanding mean spirited monsters

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The more you ignore a jealous narcissistic person, the more power you have. The irony of life is that the same people who try so desperately to destroy you, always want to be close to you in some way, if they know you dont like them, you dont respect them, and dont actually want to be close to them as an individual, they may ridicule you, belittle you, humiliate you, turn you into a joke. The hot topic of their conversations if they can be bothered to. What do all these things have in common.....that person is still trying to get your attention. Their trying to get a reaction because they cannot acquire your respect. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are being treated thus badly and it seems to be a repetitive vain in your life, you seem to find yourself asking the same secret, self sacrificial, victimisation question, "Why me?" Most likely you hold such a low esteem for yourself that people with even far less self esteem are tricking you into thinking your the only person with a problem. IT'S ALL YOU...Nonsense. It takes two people to make a fight happen.

If your walking around saying "it's not like i'm attractive, or beautiful, or this or that, " why am i being targeted...most likely it is partially because your beautiful, or attractive, or appear likable bubbly and popular. People will insult you about qualities you have because their envious of them. Someone who thinks your beautiful may call you shallow out of jealousy, ask yourself this....why were they looking so closely? Someone who sees the way the opposite sex reacts to you, may be bored, tired of feeling insignificant, and fed up with being ignored decides that you should be the butt of their joke, someone who is weak and easily manipulated will follow along because their weak by nature. Understand the motivation. When someone is strategically winding you up, their doing it for one reason and one reason only, to get a reaction. Be smart. Why do they want your reaction? Your attention, your time. Why would they invest so much energy in cultivating such hatred? Boredom..insecurity...inferiority...time. They must have a lot of time on their hands.Validate yourself. Shine brightly, boooooooom before their very eyes. I was watching Starlight with Claire Daines and there was a line she said when the wicked witch played by Michelle Pfeiffer was attacking her and the future king. "What do most stars do.....shine." Shine as brightly and beam as much as you  possibly can. Be happy. Genuinely happy. Your joy empowers you.

Snubbing the Snobs

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Snobs. How many of us have felt the bitter sting of being snubbed. We often can't see ourselves socialising with the person, liking what they like, having the same values and views as them. Yet sometimes the residue of being snubbed remains. We're angry because that person thought they were too good even for simple courtesies. Maybe we become hurt because we may have shared a confidence with that person, years later have that spat in our face by someone who doesn't understand our journey. It may not be what it seems. For years I was snubbed by someone only to realise it wasn't that she thought she was better than me, it was simply that she felt inadequate to me. Rather than reaching out in a positive light this very immature insecure person became hostile, like a boomerang I fired insults and cruelty right back. I have learnt a valuable lesson from that. Do not get dragged into someone else's emotional mire. Don't be knee deep in their nasty joy. If they snub you go about your own personal affairs an ant should not be made to feel as significant as a god. Misery loves company. People who feel bad about themselves always try and make others feel small, breadcrumb sized, broken, because in fact that is what they are.

These are not the type of people you will want to keep close to your heart. Therefore build yourself up with the right type of people. Positive, happy,strong, ambituos, kind, and most of all people who will not judge you for simply trying to live your life and making mistakes. In life we all make mistakes, and our harshest critics are ourselves. No critic needs a cheering squad. The part of you that needs to heal, needs self esteem and needs happiness requires a cheering squad.

How to be great

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Greatness comes from within. It's all the positive things we are that we put into action and use to help those around us. Great people shift the tide, they make big changes, and power small dynamic. They are gutsy as hell, take risks that dont always pan out, believe in themselves they do it because it's do or die. They are learning, some lessons are more painful than others, but learn them we must. Strength comes from within. It comes from having the courage to understand not everything in our life is guaranteed.  We want a better future, not just for themselves but for the people around Us. Knowledge is power, wisdom, experience. Use your life lessons and they will take you far. Progress, growth, pain, change, come hand in hand. Greatness is in all of us, in the toughest times is when it is required of us to tap into a higher power.

What's the difference between real love and infatuation

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Real love is not guessing games. Your not questioning wether they'll call you back after your last sexual encounter, check to see if your alright, figure if they actually care. The simplest things show they are responsive. In an infatuation, most of the time you don't genuinely like the person, because you dont genuinely know the person. All you know is the ideals, and love fantasies you've created.

You imagine that they are this amazing person. They are the fabric of the woven threads of movies, books, comics even. Your super hero ideal versus the real. With infatuation we obsessively construct what we believe to be the perfect guy and combat or challenge anything that offends our mantra. Real love, takes work. It takes flaws, lots and lots of closeup flaws, it takes growth. With an infatuation you seem to be working against your partner, with real love, you are working together for a likely cause. You love each other rather than the idea of each other, and the concept of love.

We have to love ourselves first before we are able to see what real love actually is. We value ourselves, support ourselves, give ourselves the gift of encouragement before begging it from the wrong source.

Ravaged by Ruminating thoughts? Why you should forgive yourself

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Its not because were dumb or silly, or stupid, or even lame. It's because above all else we can often be very naieve. We build people up in our minds, and tear them down the same way. Often times before we actually know who they really are. I had invested my romantic ideals in a fiction, a guy who id created from romance novels, and other idealistic literature. It hadn't occurred to me that reality spoke in loud volumes. This was not the guy for me.

My mistake was to then become bitter. Angry and agitated. Faith is the promise and hope of new things to come. The faith i had in the wrong person, i could have easily invested that joy in myself until the right person came along. I choose to do that. Laugh, be happy, merry, charismatic, funny, outgoing, joyful , boisterous, stubborn, funny, and celebrate who i am. It is a mistake to judge and condemn yourself for choosing the wrong people. A woman who condemns herself as weak for dating an emotionally and physically abusive man was not slapped on the first date, or battered on the second. This woman probably wasn't insulted or made to feel small for months, and then over time she saw the images more clearly, but in the mean time her confidence began to disintegrate until there was nothing left of her self esteem.We make bad choices, it's part of being a human being. It's a lesson we have to learn within ourselves. If your kicking yourself for a bad choice, forgiveness is the only way you will move on. Forgive yourself, and escape the prison of obsessive ruminating thoughts.

Crucifixion of confidence:Understanding mean people

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Happy people are too busy being genuinely happy to spend so much time orchestrating someone else's fall from grace. Hurt people hurt people. It is complicated. People are often mean, cruel or hurtful because someone has hurt their confidence or torn shreds out of their self esteem. People who feel small will try and make you look small, they need to feel big....you will be the instrument of choice. Unless you know in your heart that you have done something to tick this person off, infuriate them, wind them up like this, keep key things in mind.

If they are winding you up. Stop giving them so much power. Their goal is to get a reaction out of you. If they can get a reaction they can say to others "look how important i am, see how special i am." when most of the time you and them both know, if they didn't act appaulingly or tick you off you wouldnt actually give them the time of day.

Wether it's  negative behaviour patterns or positive behaviour patterns people often do things to try and get our attention.The more you ignore a nasty person, the more insignificant they feel, the more desperately they try and get your attention. From turning you into the butt of their joke to making you the topic of discussion. Why would you be so important to them? Why do they care so much? 

remain focussed eventually the people around them will get bored, even those hideously vile followers you cant stand. They will start to wonder if this person is obsessed and why they cant find a more interesting topic to talk about. Although nasty people attract more nasty people to validate their warped beliefs in time even their brigade or armada will get tired of their consistent negative energy. Simply put, these type of people are exhaustive. It may seem as though they are laughing at you, but you have no idea what they say to themselves when their alone in the dark. Run your own race, focus on keeping company with happy, positive people. We are not all saints. Yet if you find yourself around someone whom everyone else say's is this magical amazing person, but whenever their anywhere near you you feel belittled and made to feel small. Then mix with people who do want to be happy, and also, want to see you happy. In the words of a great person, "go where your loved."

LUUUUUUUUUUUUV THIS TRACK!!! Styles P, Method Man, Redman, i get high

Moving on from heartbreak in the new year

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In this new year learn a valuable lesson. Some people are off limits. It's not because their too good for you, but because simply put your too good for them. You may have pursued someone you thought had a good character, only to have the shades drawn in and the light shine through. They may have hurt you in the past, and your friends and family have a tough time wondering why you would even consider attempting to build a friendship. No worry, it's human nature. We often cling to what we feel is familiar. If someone provided us with love, or simply kind affectations when we felt absolutely worthless, lonely, hurt or confused, we remember them for that alone. Sometimes even if they've raked a stake through your heart, it's those moments that you remember. In this new year learn a timeless lesson we often forget to teach ourselves, you will always have you. No matter who lets you down, disappoints you, shocks and shames your heart, you will always have you. Appreciate yourself. Don't get brain washed with this myth that spending time on your own is all about loneliness. In privacy we have healing, self growth, a vision for success. You are a beautiful butterfly neatly encombassed in the soft cotton of a cocoon. Write down those New Years Resolutions, make them and stick to them. This is your future, your life, your time, if wasted could belong to someone else. Claim it.

It's an opportunity to make new friends, find a new love, but most importantly, love yourself.

Happy New year from Red ebony folks!!!

Thankyou to everyone who checks out Redebony, i'm looking forward to more of you joining. Your invited and you are loved!!!Enjoy a fun, phenomenal, engaging new year.......your awesome.....Feel free to rooooooooooooooooooooooock on!!!!

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