Life:The teacher with the stick (Embracing painful lessons)

Life dolls out lessons.
Painful lessons that end up in self blame or us blaming other people. Throughout much of my pain especially with dating, or partners, even friendships. The message was, value yourself. Respect yourself, admire yourself. It's a lesson that takes a life time to sink in. It's a lesson that takes much analysis, over analysis, projection, draining. It's an exhausting lesson. It's hard to play the blame game on yourself, especially when someone has acted appaulingly to you. Take responsibility for your choice, and your agenda. It's tough, many times in life we find ourselves knowing what to do and ending up hypocrites. Remember this though, it was a lesson learned. For example that painful experience with a guy that pretended to be Mr wonderful, who hurt your feelings and lowered your self esteem, you've seen what you need to see. He can never approach you pretending to be Mr nice Guy, those rose tinted glasses are gone, that guy who seemed to spend a lifetime trying to get your attention and when he got it acted like an arsehole, will think twice before approaching you again, the guy who appeared to like you then began to loose interest as soon as others started whispering in his ear, will think twice before desperately hunting you down. You would have changed, you will have something he can never grasp, confidence and self respect. He will look but think twice about touching, will gaze but even the concept of speaking to you, will terrify him, because you have changed. Your stronger, more confident in yourself, happier and completely unavailable. The sad thing about guys like this is that some of us are actually stupid enough to try. Women i've spoken to have often cracked this joke, 'they always come back,' because sadly some guys who seem to have crawled out of the dirt, become drawn to you once more. When they see that they've lost you. All your attentions, and your affections, or there's a possibility they could. Do not be swayed by sulking, or words with cinnamon and honey, the fantasy of who they were has changed, the reality of who they are lives on. Embrace the lesson even if it's painful, the universe is trying to tell you something.

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Face front first: Cultivating confidence

Some people are told their personalities rub people up the wrong way, their not strong enough, not loud enough, not quiet enough, not humble till their eating dirt enough. I ask the question...Am i to be enough for me, or enough for you. Life drags us through the mud and the mire. There are many of us who envisioned our lives a certain way, and grope with distress in the dark. I used to have friends who would whisper like snakes, judging like a jury panel, about people who learnt to stomach their pain, daring to walk with their head held high, pride hanging off them like robes. It made my friends feel jealous, inadequate, judgemental, and sometimes cruel. I quickly took leave. It's easy to tear someone down, ridicule them, for having strength, yet could you be that strong in their shoes?Would you even be able to tie your shoe laces? Would you be able to pick your eyes up from the stains on the floor, would you need puppet strings for your shoulders? It's often very attractive women, or people that appear to be confident, or bold, or brave,or successful that we as a society need desperately to know their place. Yet it's not your life, it's theirs. If there's a lesson to learn the universe will teach them it. Once i was pissed off at someone for so long i didn't realise my malice wasn't making them change what i believe was the wrong behaviour. When i attempted to take charge of my own life, and focussed my energy on me. I realised condemning them, or whining, or complaining about their behaviour wasnt making me right, it was making me mean. Mean people are not happy people, and happiness attracts in abundance. The world doesnt need to be directed according to our rules, our main rules should be to be happy, have self esteem, and cultivate the free flow of positive energy.

image by A-T-I-S

Awesome movie:Ten tiny love stories

Ten tiny love stories...what a superbly written and directed piece. This is a series of monologues about sex, love, loss and the past. Director Rodrigo Garcia produced a masterpiece. With cast such as Lisa Gay Hamilton, Radha Mitchell, Alicia Witt, we dont get a hollywood blah production of life experiences, but the intricacies and the diverse voices that express real emotions. That life and love isn't just format, it makes you think that those polished women you see on the street, or people you wouldn't look twice at all have a story to tell. It's rawness, one ladies desperate attempt to sever her loneliness by giving a blind date Oral sex, it's pain, a woman who talks about her experience of loosing her virginity whilst in the process remembering loosing her mother. They are the words someone confides to a best friend, a peep hole into the secrets of the heart, it's passion, and it's dysfunction. Check it out, awesome movie

Danger in disguise: How to deal with a wolf in sheeps clothing

If he had continued to show this version of himself, slumped shoulders, soft eyes, the please feel sorry for me invisible tag wrapped like a collar around his neck, until....the dynamics changed. I showed him a vulnerability, this vulnerability made him feel so empowered he began to feel superior. I'm not talking your average i'm Mr Nice guy because i have no confidence, peel the layers back...oh look i'm scum. We all have those moments when a wolf shreds it's mutton, and flashes the fangs within. The wolves in sheep clothing. That's right, if you've come across them, your hurt, you feel sick, betrayed, and some of you may even feel victimised. I have something that will cheer you up. You can recover from this. You will be sore for a while. Maybe it's your boss deciding to terrorise you, a guy you liked who didn't like you back but decided the best way to express this was cruelly through nasty comments, or mob humiliation, a friend who alienates you when other top dogs in the 'hierarchy' are around. Guess how you can get your power back? Deciding your worth ten of them and making a point to cut, no sever this person's toxic behaviour not just from your life, but from your energy. The ego tricks especially weak characters like this. They may have been made to feel small, inadequate throughout their life, instead of dealing with these issues, which guess what....everybody has..They decide to feel strong by making you feel weak. The ego is a funny thing. That high or that hit they have of false empowerment doesn't last long. When the haze clears, and there's no audience patting them on the back, they remember the truth. They remember the moments of kindness. Some will start calling you, others will start happening to bump into you, or they want you to know their still around. Grudges only punish us. Forgive in your heart, but step carefully. I usually cut out people like this. Their poison comes from their consistent feelings of inadequacy, and if they do it once. They may have the same motivations to do it again

image by ishtrish

Freedom from the funk: Exercise as a great healer

Exercise is not just great for your body, it is amazing for your soul. In the past when i experienced deep bouts of depression, there was only one answer. Exercise. Movement empowers us. We focus on something outside of ourselves, and our shrinking moments. What experience is keeping you hostage? Wether it's a walk, a jog, a video workout, treat your body, and your mind to the freedom it deserves. Stop torturing yourself, by replaying your mistakes or failures over and over again. Everybody has suffered the downfall of failure, climb back to the top , by taking action.  Meditation is great, so is yoga, active exercise releases those endorphins our bodies crave.

image by blackharlet

Dating as a minefield: Are you about to emotionally combust

Dating can feel like a minefield. Honestly there are thousands, no millions of does he like me, does she like me? Are these signs they find me attractive questions that bombard the internet daily. I have discovered with much trial and error, if someone is attracted to you, they could be the shyest man on Earth...they want you to know somehow. Those lingering stares are great, people who fancy you always want to be near you, even if there's just a hint of a possibility they might bump into you....They want to see that hair do, new outfit, say hi, or have a brief encounter that could be slightly prolonged. Some go as far as buying you gifts, or popping up everywhere you are, asking questions about you, inviting you to places, or the more confident of the bunch simply ask you for your telephone number, and guarantee you'll have the time of your life.

I've learned with much agony not every man or woman that gives you attention are the right partner for you. Beneath a hollywood smile could lurk hell on Earth, so choose carefully. The worst mistake is being so desperate not to be alone you fling yourself at the first guy/chick you see. Know which qualities you want, set your boundaries and decide what doesn't appeal to you. People forget the reasons they want to date, is because they want to be happy. Enjoy life, share themselves with someone. Dating and a relationship should not feel like a chore. We should at least experience some of the ideals we yearn for. It's a journey and an adventure. As much as you learn about your partner you begin to learn more about yourself. If you are seeing someone and it feels like a minefield watch out, you didn't start dating to emotionally combust.

image by Faylin
image by gilad

Luuv this track:Percy Sledge when a man loves a woman

Just the ticket, completely hits the spot. Percy Sledges when a man loves a woman has to be the greatest love song of all time. It feels like the most real, and the most raw. Someone who was trying to be smoothe, told me 'valentines day should be everyday', then he cooly informs me he has a wife and sleeps on the sofa. Anyway, that aside. Valentines day is about love, and appreciating those your close too....Red eb say's let the love flow

Real Housewives of New york City:Lets Gossip

I find myself no matter how old it gets, addicted to the real housewives of New york City. Real Housewives of O.c is brilliant entertainment...currently not on air, but real housewives of New York City....ADDICTED. This moment with Ramona, still cracks me up!!

This is hysterical, luv this:Dog afraid of julia Roberts

Investing in the individual: Clocking a cowardly guy

How could he lie like this? The same guy that paced me like a shadow, stalked me like a predator wasn't just saying bad things about me, he was saying disgusting things about me. My ears throbbed my throat constricted i felt sick that just for a moment, a second, a drop of a breath, i thought this looser was worth something. I wondered if maybe i had become so lonely that i was seeing things that weren't there. Mere ego, shallowness and self glorification like a jealous person close to him had pronounced. Then i remembered exactly who i was, and what the people around me had seen. A guy who was too scared to even exist, and the way he'd watched me for years, or asked questions about me, curious to engage in my world. In a moment of humility and vulnerability i'd stripped myself bare....saying this is who i am. Humour, kindness, cheekiness, guts. It was a note. A brave note. In response i saw a bully, desperate to acquire respect from those around him. Not by actually standing for something, but abusing something he felt made him very powerful. From seeing him appear 'conveniently' till it became obviously suspicious....the man with no spine, suddenly vanished. He didn't actually disappear, i could actually hear the loud cackling from his dire attempt to compete at sibling rivalry.

These are the cowards we should always avoid. People who appear to be something else, but are like an apple pie with maggots in them. If you sense someone is like that, weak, and will dust you as soon as anything happens. They wont face you to question you or see if youre okay, or think this person has always been decent to me, they'll think 'what will other people think?' Ironically i actually got out of it what i was seeking without realising. For a while it sucked being the butt of his families joke, and a bitter attempt at trying to make me look small. I realised though ultimately i got what i wanted. Shy guys appear mysterious, vulnerable, and in the case of him you are grossly mislead to think he's a 'nice person.'  When we think of  investing in an individual sometimes it's trial and error and your instincts will trick you. Dont go on who you think they might be, roll the dice and get merry on that. Take the time to know who they actually are, fiction shouldn't be the finality, a fake person doesn't cut it.

image by Rhoddi
image by other Joseph