The Sex Bully:Side effects of low self esteem, and a user in action.

Not knowing what your worth is a dangerous thing. I've always been insecure about how i looked from a young age. People have called me beautiful, attractive, stunning at times, yet their words seeped through my skull like water in a sifter. In my mind i remained the ugly tomboy that nobody wanted to kiss in the playground. How dangerous is low self esteem? Yesterday i spent the morning in front of a police man "Would you like to press charges. Would you like to write a report?" He asked. I stammered some more. "It sounds like stalking and harassment, what your ex boyfriends doing." He spoke cooly and supportively, i felt sorry for him, that i was wasting his time. Due to my low self esteem at points, i allowed a man with more inferiority issues than i had, latch unto my life, attach himself to me, like a leech, and then suck the independance out of my spirit. At first the attention was nice. When your 'the ugly chick in the playground' a man who refuses to leave you alone stupidly appears to be a compliment. Rephrase that, a man who hounds you, begs like a dog, drowns you in the promise of commitment, and then disappears once he get's what he wants.

In my logical mind i should have been thinking, this short, insecure, begdate man, wont leave you alone. It's been two years. You have been on less than five dates with him, when you move on, he grovels, begs, cries down the phone, calls you on private numbers, has friends he knows call you on private numbers, or numbers you dont recognise. Blasts loud angry music to try and wear you down,knowing your a writer,and trying to distract you...as he lives opposite, stalks you in the car around the neighbourhood, shows up uninvited at your house, knowing you dont want to speak to him, ignores your complaints anytime you tell him your done and why,continues to plant paranoia and harassment. Parks infront of your house, or opposite it to try and intimidate you, accidentally lets his real self slip, then covers it up with more lies, is constantly supposedly the victim of some 'angry crazy woman', has a record for 'assault'.





I know. What the hell was i thinking? It took a conversation with one of my friends to make it clear to me. "Nah babes," my friend spoke in that vibrant knowing tone of hers, "That's harassment. He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you. He's cockblocking, andhe's been able to get away with that for two almost 3 years, because your sweet natured, naieve, inexperienced. Men like him are predators they are specifically looking for easy targets. Women like you, slightly insecure."

It is harassment, it is illegal. He was trying to trap me, and he succeeded. All he had to do was see me happy, or with another man, and the jealousy would start. The hounding, the abracadabra appearing out of nowhere. Then the empty promises would start.Words that were thin as air, promises that meant absolutely nothing. They would continue, along with the false niceness. I even noticed when it came to intimacy, he just wouldn't take no for an answer. It wasn't because he found me so irresistible, life with him wasn't a love song. I was a human condom. Only he was a cheapskate. Instead of letting the condom go, he would hound and harass because this condom had emotions, this condom made him feel like a man. It is a different version of emotional abuse. When someone knows you have a hunger, pile a delicious plate in front of you. Let you wet your lips and have a knife and fork ready. They know you dont eat anything else, you wouldn't because you've been waiting for this meal, a very long time. The plate is snatched from your very eyes, the chair yanked out from under you, someone who does this doesn't love you. They have a lot of anger and resentment towards you, they've just been hiding it very well.

The final stamp on my passport of shame came, when during a moment of intimacy, he accidentally mentioned someone having accused him of ****, my head was spinning, my nerves were about to burst from their valves. As he dramatically tried to cover up, speaking of a jealous girlfriend who wouldn't move on and then spitefully calling the police because he didn't want to settle with her. Different things came to mind.

I remembered that movie where this man was a serial killer, he'd murder all these young girls, and then come home to his wife. Who for ages pretended to be dumb to the whole thing,yet secretly knew.I have never been forced into intimacy with him, but i liken him to someone who cant take no for an answer. Thus my situation at hand.


Last night upon hearing a member of the family's good relationship news, i pondered over the wreck, my non relationship user status was, and i ...was...furious....I sent him a number of text that night truly expressing how i felt, and clarifying that his behaviour was selfish, illogical, and insane.

If you ever find yourself in a situation like this.....run. Build your self esteem up as much as you can. Know your boundaries, and create healthy boundaries for those that come into your life.

Stanky leg : A dance move red ebony's desperate to master

It's funny how i catch up to things really late. I've been attempting an old dance new school, it's called the stanky leg. It's so cool,yep it's spectacular watch!










I had to add this one shaky footage, but top energy.faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab!

How to be happy

We all go through these days of discontent and sadness, we want to be happy we just can't figure out what the problem is. Something feels missing, something feels lost and the pieces of the puzzle don't seem to fit. What sucks the most are those moments when you are with people who are genuinely striving to be happy, you love them, but you feel a sense of envy. That joy, that laughter,you may be so down it's almost painful to watch. Here are a host of amazing literature, guides and advice that works wonders for the soul. These books will help you feel less disconnected, and inspire you to push for that same strength, and the empowerment you need. These are instruments of joy, and freedom. Happiness is priceless.
how to be happy

How to beat failure:CHANGE YOUR LIFE NOW

how to deal with failure

Help with Heart Surgery: Useful books and reading

Heart surgery

Question Hotspot: How can you tell if a guy wants you or just sex?

Wow have i been here? I was once seeing a guy who began to put so much pressure on me to be intimate with him, everytime i met him it felt like a court room. Originally i had convinced myself that my wit, personality, and charm made me incredibly irresistible. "It must be cause i'm so intelligent. Intelligent women are sexy," i confided in my sister. But she knew what i soon discovered. This guy was just extremely desperate.how to say no to sex He lacked the self confidence to go after the women he desired, and because i was available to him as a friend, and once shared an attachment to him, he tried every bullying tactic there was to convince me to have sex with him. It was pathetic. Normal conversations about politics, social commentary, or even video games, would wander into discussions about why i was in his manipulative terms, being immature, selfish, difficult.


Every emotional course of attack, every thing i confided in him, was used as further proof to support his argument. I didnt want to be intimate with him because i wasn't attracted to him, wasn't dating him, and could tell that the only reason he'd become such a 'sex bully' was simply because he didn't have the self esteem to approach the attractive women he liked.


Often times women especially young women confuse sex with love, they also feminise a mans point of view. To men sex does not equal love. Having sex with a man when your not ready will make you feel discomfort and make you resent him. Having sex with a man your not attracted too will make you feel dirty and cheap. Having sex with a man who wants to simply objectify you, wont make him less of a user. Once you reach that threshhold and are pressured into that scenario. You will not be gratified, instead he will expect it regularly now. Arguing against him may seem like your playing mind games.


How can you tell if a guy wants you or just sex? He is willing to wait, and be as patient as possible.He is understanding, and doesn't use manipulative techniques, he wants all the other facets of the relationship. The companionship, the friendship, the warmth, and is not willing to jeopardize them by creating fear, and alienating you through insecurity. Check out some of the books in this post

Moon baby

missing piece

Fragmented time
Finding thoughts
To cement my mind
Daddy I love you
Nuclear head
Daddy I'm lonely
There's noise instead
Voices that chorus
And canvas my day
Talking me off ledges
Gun salute to paper planes
Knotted laces overhead
Fences
Daddy I'm older
With even more
Defences
Daddy I'm charcoal
And chalk on a page
Daddy I'm battered
As a boxers rib cage
This life
It's style
One crib saloon
Daddy
I hate
Being the
One
On the moon

Weapons for battling Social anxiety

Panic attacks and social anxiety sucks, here are some weapons to kick ass, and beat the hell out of them. This is us, giving social anxiety the middle finger, or at least trying too.


how to beat panic attackssocial anxiety

Young love:What to do if you really like a girl (For guys)

Buy her diamonds. Just Kidding. The common answer is "ASK HER OUT!" Yet what if you really like her, and your really nervous, asking someone you like out isn't that easy for everyone.

Find out what her likes and dislikes are, be respectful and polite to her best friend, or close friendsip circle.

Take off some of the pressure. There's a lot of pressure that comes with thinking you have to ask someone out.You start to think i have to be super cool, it has to be awesome. Step back, and think of phase one.
mens dating tips



Phase one is: Your hot, i think your hot, i don't know who you are yet, but i'd like to get to know you. Find opportunities to spend time with her, ask her interesting questions when you do. Any reasonable question will suffice because in general people love talking about themselves. If you want to be remembered, ask a memorable question.






Feed her ego with compliments, but don't go over the top. Women, just like men love having their ego's massaged. It's nice for her to hear you think she's beautiful. Pretty, attractive. But often times guys who just want to get laid,make the mistake of going over board, till the woman begins to feel it's an artificial compliment. Tell her she looks like a celebrity.
"Oh you did your hair up, you look like Demi Moore in....."

Make strategic compliments i.e look down the list, shoes, hair, makeup, dress, jewellery, whatever looks great. Say it. Do it in a tone that says 'i cant believe i'm saying this' but ....and then commence with the compliment.

Put a like status on her facebook comments, but only briefly state why you like them. Do not under any circumstance abandon your masculinity and go so far you end up in the friend zone. Friend Zone is hell for any human being, it's like emotional suicide with a cherry on top.

Happen to circulate the places she hangs out in. Yet make sure you have other friends with you so it doesn't look like your stalking her. This like any business merger needs the right team and the right strategy.

Don't go with a friend whose lifes purpose is to make you look like a prize idiot.
Don't go with a friend that's selfish and knows you really like her...but couldn't give a toss so long as their centre stage.
Don't go with an over competitive friend who would compete with you to breathe.If these are all the archetype personalities in your friendship group,please sign up for intensive counselling.Just kidding.
Its always cool when you have a mix of guy friends and female friends, you automatically look more sociable.. Make sure you look 'hot' whenever you see her, men always look sexy in all black for me. It's different for different women, make sure your clothes are clean and you smell nice. Most importantly she witnesses you having a lot of fun.Don't make yourself look arrogant, but showcase who you are.

Drop hints that you like being around her, she's fun to be with, or a great listener. Compliment any pictures she shows you of herself, then simply stand up and start clapping. "What are you doing?" She says
"I'm giving you a standing ovation...you're kinda hot."




Then let her invite you to hang out with her and her friends some more,but use the opportunity to spend as much time alone with her as possible. You can tease her and be playful girls like this so long as the guy is not acting like a bully. Remain social though, and talking to other young women, take a little break to let her miss you a bit, buy her nice and unique things for her birthday as well, and if she's actively involved in something participate and show your support, then when you see her and you're alone together, look at your hands before you look up at her and say. "Have you guessed that i like you yet," smile sweetly and it's always cute when a guy bites his lip, because it draws attention to the shape of his mouth, or if he licks his lips, it shows how plump they are.
If she asks you what you mean,simply say "well what do you think i mean?"
Then naturally change the subject with ease, flirt briefly, and leave her to think about it. If she acts strange and she's suddenly avoiding you like a leper distance yourself also. If she's mean and tells other people to ridicule you, simply say, "i thought it's nice to say nice things about people, especially when it comes to building confidence. Hey it's nice to be nice." But my amigo, if she calls you and asks you about it, that means she's also curious, especially if it's on facebook or over the phone at night. "So you know when you said you liked me, what did you mean?"
"It means i wouldn't shoot you alone in the dark." Then laugh.
And if she says "Seriously,"
Then you can say simply, "Well what do you think?" and take it from there.

Yet if your a guy who has no patience, and some confidence? " I think your busy on saturday,"
"Yeah i've got-"
"Your having dinner with me, and it's definitely not Mcdonalds."
You can also bribe your way into certain women's hearts by drowning them in gifts.

Question Hotspot: How do you get over a guy that was once a friend, but never progressed to anything more?

This is literally a rite of passage. heartbreakEvery woman goes through this or something similar, you are not alone. The best way to get over a guy friend/ potential boyfriend, is cut off the ideal of them being a potential.If he liked you enough, he would have taken action. It's got nothing to do with how pretty or attractive you are as a woman. Think about it, if a guy was dating you just for your looks, the pair of you would be in the most miserable relationship EVER..You'd feel violated, and he'd feel bored. Often times, women who can be quite insecure,confidence get attached to the 'here in the meantime guy' basically the one that's giving them the attention she needs, but ultimately emotionally craves. This guy may have all the particulars, good looking, smart, kind, or bad boy, social renegade, rugged loner type...'i'm just being creative here.'If he doesn''t have those feelings, there are over a million guys out there who will. The trick is to do everything you would do if you were in an actual relationship and had just broken up.


My breakup routine is to train regularly as often as possible, then sabotage that by going to the cinema on my own, watching my favourite movie and stuffing my face with pop corn and ice cream. Then comes the 'Dear you' letter, where i specifically write a letter to that individual as though they were standing in front of me, more exercise, especially the abs, then call my girlfriends meet up, socialise and network with new people, and finally go back and focus intensely on a project or just building strands to an idea i was working on. I pick out some core self healing books, read other peoples experience of this situation online, and cook my socks off. Cooking isn't for everyone.So do something you like that distracts you. Reading is an incredible weapon for both enlightenment and healing, so that's what i do.Gorge on books.Ironically enough my favourite book to read whilst experiencing a breakup is 'he's just not that into you', warped right?



But it helps with moving on and ending the procrastination. Simply put, you have to go back to feeling attractive, and confident within your skin, to let your positive energy magnetize and attract the right people to you.There's nothing worse than a scenario where all the signs are there, and it just never became anything, or was to fragile to become anything. There's not just someone out there for you, there's loads of people out there for you, but distracting yourself with the wrong partner, or even someone that's long moved on creates an emotional, spiritual and psychological barrier. Another mistake made is comparing yourself to a partner your 'desired' love or was attracted to, or measuring your worth in the region of numbers. "Well his friends say i'm a five, but she's a ten," honey his friends don't have the power to say anything. Or maybe you as an individual begin comparing yourself to every good looking woman on the street,in a magazine, on a tv show in an advert.

STOP! You are your own unique self.

MAKEUP


There is no one on Earth exactly like you, if someone misses out on you, there's not just missing out on a face, a body, a walk, a talk, you are your own special brand. They are missing out on the experience of you.


When we let people in, we open outselves up to adventures, lessons to be learned, knowledge, new friendships, an experience of love. There are 24 hours in a day, sometimes we get stuck obsessing over the same things, because were taking mental gaps to daydream. What could we have done? What could we have said, who could we have been? How could we have satisfied their needs, their wants and desires? How could we have made them happy enough to stay, to take on the relationship? Then we go unto phase two.
What would it look like if we did get them to take on the relationship? Some even go as far as considering what their kids together would look like. Bad idea. It is what it is, accept it as what it is. But ask yourself key questions what is making you hold on in the first place? The reason we hold unto things even things that are bad for us, is we feel we are getting gratification somehow. Where is the gratification coming from? What about holding on to this situation makes you feel good? Is it having a topic of discussion with friends, feeling as if at one point there was somebody, could be somebody? This person was not the somebody for you. See it as a sales and purchase experience. You did the whole sale, marketed the product,added all the humour, charisma, and trimmings there was, yet the customer just wasn't interested.Yet there are other clients everywhere. As sales people your trained to accept, there are a multitude of reasons why that is, but know it's not to be taken personally. It's about them, not you. In this instance you get to the door handle before they do, close the door and say 'thankyou. Thankyou very much.'
It'syour time now to build your confidence and celebrate yourself. You want to build up the emotional strength to joyfully experience a romantic relationship and enhance other friendships, otherwise it will be like a matchstick car going into a demolition derby thinking it wont get crushed.


Dresses

Question Hotspot:How to make it up to a boyfriend if your playfully hitting Him?

Not every guy likes to be playfully hit or punched.In fact most guys confess to finding it slightly annoying after a while.How do you make it up to a boyfriend your playfully hitting? The two obvious ones would be food and sex. Cook his favourite meal for him, take him out to his favourite restaurant,make sweet love to him, or even just buy him a Teddy bear and jokingly say "This is for you, you big softie." But give him a formal apology.

There is another part to the question. Wondering if your being a good partner or not. Many people who have entered or are experiencing a relationship, stock up on information books to help them build that knowledge base, and aid them with improving key aspects of their relationships. The key to any relationships are trust, communication, and honesty. But i've also known people who despite being in 'successful relationships' gorge relationship books by the dozen, and it makes a dramatically positive change in them and their relationship.Relationship advice Sometimes being in a relationship can feel like treading on water, and ofcourse we all have those circle of friends that make us feel like were doing everything wrong, and their doing love to perfection. Knowledge is power. Often times the feelings or the fear that were not doing things correctly, or everything is not amazing all the time, can create tension in a relationship, negative energy builds, and we miscommunicate ourselves.
Ultimately your asking how you can ensure, your not tripping all over your boyfriends boundaries, and attempt to have a fulfilling relationship. Have a private chat, in a relaxed atmosphere where he can be emotionally honest about his pet peeves, or likes and dislikes in the relationship. I'd advise anybody to read as much as possible. Below are a collection of books i think are mighty useful. Most importantly, relax on the pressure, no relationship is perfect.

Argentina Hotspots:Very KOOOOOL!

I have come up with a list of some of the sexiest places to check out. Argentina is definitely one of them.Are you a photographer, a writer, or just desperate to escape for a few weeks. This is the vibe spot for you. Beautiful landscape, enchanting scenery. If your hungry to write your first bestseller, worldwide album,blockbusting movie....or simply just be.This is the vibe spot for you. Feel that Argentinian wind in your hair, the tingle along the back of your spine, and those cravings to explore. Enjoy

The greatest song ever?

Have you ever had that one song that makes you feel like falling in love? The twirling, the spinning, the sighing.
I imagine when i do eventually fall in love, i'll either be lying on the beach,
or on a grass field,
maybe i'll just be sitting at a bus stop, it's raining heavily, i'll lean my head back against the glass, and i'll be listening to one of the greatest composers ever...Hans Zimmer's you're so cool.
Celebrating magic, mystery, escapism, here it is people. True Romance, Hans Zimmer, you're so cool....and of course the amazing True Romance starring Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette.

Question Hotspot:Are men ever sensitive about what nicknames their called?

As long as your not shouting "hey dickhead" to the guy you like across a public forum,i don't believe men are over sensitive about being called such things as babes or baby. These are common terms of endearments. It means we are comfortable, familiar with that individual. Note to self:If calling the guy of your dreams babes, baby, honey, sweets, cutie pie, makes him flinch...stop doing it. It could mean a number of things he feels uncomfortable with these terms of endearment, and finds you overfamiliar. He doesn't like you giving those around you the wrong idea, or ....he may not really like you too much. Words like babes or baby, are often adopted to show warmth and a closeness to someone,even when certain 'crony phonies' people who have a need to promote their popularity, and show they know everyone may use words like babes or baby. Simply put, you may know everyone but can easily forget everyone's name. The point is, if a guy reacts negatively to a term of endearment, he may not like the term yet most likely hemay not like you.

Fighting Fear: Top ten books to help combat fear + one more

Everybody gets nervous, anxious, scared, terrified. Yet for many problems there is a solution. To counter your fear with positive input, talk it down verbally to yourself. We often think were scared of the situation itself, yet it is often those feelings of unfamiliarity that lead to this paralyses of fear. We fear things that are good for us, bad for us, indifferent to us, fear stops people from moving forward. In life if you don't move forward, you simply get left behind.The world keeps on changing, evolving, time waits for no one, and if your stagnant your dead. Facing fear is like going into war, you need sturdy ammunition. Here are a list of the best books to serve as incredible ammunition,enabling you to fight hard and feel strong. Extraodinarily cheap prices and timeless information.

Question Hotspot: Do compatible signs make compatible people?

Compatibility of sign!!! Does it give you a guarantee that you are meant for each other?
If your sun sign, venus and mars are all compatible or lets say all other sign in birth chart...does it give a guarantee that you are meant for each other? Or Astrology is just something that give a person an idea of how others behave, react, feel, deal w/ others according to their sign. And the rest is still on the hands of our creator above



Nothing guarantees a perfect relationship. Astrology in it's entirety does not define a superior immaculate relationship. We may find that we have certain things in common, with certain types of individuals, but this isn't always to do with star signs. For example Sheila may feel she is constantly in sync with Libra's, "I always get along with Libra's, their such a gas." Yet here's a key question. There are over 600 billion people,some of them are Libra's. Has she met every Libra in the whole world? No. Infact there are probably some Libra's out there she hasn't met, that are complete and utter nightmares. What she has done is attached a positive recreational memory to Libra's. Maybe she's met 3/ 4 nice guys/people, and made an internal statement that Libra's are nice people.







There's also the impact of media, and published articles validate particular star signs as having particular traits. As society is often governed by media, certain people will read these items, and that adds to the consensus different star signs behave in different ways. The same goes with the other star signs. It's really about the individual personality and how they balance out. Their history, and how they choose to behave within a relationship when they are comfortable. The difference between a person comfortable within a relationship and someone whose







uncomfortable,is simple. People who are comfortable in relationships are raw, and their real. They are relaxed enough in their skin to show the different facets of their personality within that relationship, they trust themselves therefore they trust themselves in order to deal with you. Stiff people in relationship often have what i would define as 'relationship behaviour' they act how they think they should behave within a relationship,pressure mounts, and miscommunication ensues. Compatibility and star signs will continue to fascinate and boggle the mind of human beings everywhere. Star signs are fascinating. Their alignment with human behaviour, partnerships and life itself will always appeal to the romantic notions, and the curiosity we have about the cosmic world. Yet, a star sign is only a generalisation of human nature. It's not the intimacies, the private and independant history, it's a combination of psych, human curiosity, and the need to believe there's so much more to a world, that at times may feel too basic to bare. You can explore more of your theories on this page.

The Semi Crush and I

My scenario with my semi crush has gotten so ridiculous, even i don't know what to do next. He liked me first, then acted like a prize idiot because someone close to him was implanting her own conscious poison,like a 3 course meal. For a while i think he's been wanting to talk to me, but i just ignore him. It's gotten so silly, that even when he's swerving his van, beeping his horn, waving, i completely blank him.It's not out of pride anymore, or even out of principle, it's fear and panic, and shyness and mistrust. If he hadn't chosen to be such a follower, despite knowing that i'm not a saint, but my family and i have always been kind and warm to him i think id be acting differently.

The shoes are now on the other foot, and unike him, i'm not acting cold, and unfriendly because someone whispered in my ear. The funny thing about crushes is we have scenarios and literally pole volt them out of proportion. It wouldn't surprise me if he's simply a guy wanting to say hi to his neighbour. Nothing more, nothing less. Sadly im a hopeless romantic and a writer. Life is a spectacle of drama. Bah humbug, maybe one day we'll both be comfortable enough to say hello, good morning, good afternoon, crack jokes like we used to. The frustration is that he's quite shy, and i never was towards him. Now there are two shy people attempting to communicate in the language of fear.

Top 10 Reasons to break up with your ex

We've all been in those situations with an ex that it's not so much they can't move on,they just refuse to.You become bombarded with Empty promises, illusions of a better future,some even stoop to begging.Yet once your back, you find yourself caught in the same sandstorm. Here are some things to look at, in order to break the cycle.

1)If it's wrong, it certainly aint right. Shades of grey will keep you trapped in a situation that isn't moving forward. Do they say they love you, yet still act weird when others refer to you as their partner.Does it become extremely awkward when people 'SEE' you together in a date scenario, and it's definitely not your first date.

2) Cheating. Cheating isn't about the sex, it's about the act of betrayal. When people cheat on us, it brings up all sorts of insecurities.We feel emotionally violated. Here's an interesting logic. If you invested a million pounds in your bank account, two days later you find the bank has cleaned out your account. You would change banks instantly. Your trust is not a cheap investment, it's worth more than money. When we have faith in people,trust in people, we automatically have regard for them. Where was their regard when they were hurting you.

3)Obsessively lies. The compulsive liar relates back to the issue of trust. You never know where to place your feet with this gem. They'll tell you green is yellow and black is white.

4)Is a bully. Bullies don't just target those outside of you, often times they turn their charm on those around them, and the side effects are damaging to the self esteem.

5)Is Racists or has stubborn prejudiced views: How fun, an idiot to contaminate, or infect you with their negative, grotty beliefs. You'll definitely be a positive influence with this trophy on your arm...not.

6)Refuses to introduce you to friends or family.....and it's been over a year. You're nobody's dirty secret...or would you like to be?

7) Gets threatened everytime you say anything that relates to commitment. This means this person may not be thinking about having a future with you. Futuristic talk threatens them because in case someone better, or more suited comes along,you could be dropped like a sack of rotten potatoes.

8)Is controlling,physically, or emotionally abusive.Being controlled, manipulated or violated is not a stain that easily disappears. It can cause long term damage to self esteem and exaggerate even a seed of doubt.

9)Forgets anything of relevance or that truly matters to you....constantly. Of course people forget things, but they must remember at least something that matters to you.

10)Overly narcissistic and dangerously over competitive. Competition adds that spice to a scenario. Yet if your in a situation where your 'partner' becomes so overcompetitive life with them is all about winning...Watch out it could soon be all about beating you. Overly narcissistic people are so self involved you end up feeling like another chess piece in their quest for self glorification. Over competitive partners may constantly fill your well with this sense of discontent, and dis-satisfaction.

* an extra: They keep breaking up with you a million and one times, and keep grovelling their way back. This must mean they love you right?Wrong.How many times have you broken up with them? For them to keep breaking up with you,their suffering from 'grass is greener syndrome'. Only, the greener grass may not be so accepting of them. The greener grass may not find them as attractive. The greener grass may have more self esteem and know they can do better. Therefore, this person may use you as a checkpoint. It's like in video games where the characters find a save point. No matter how many times they get screwed over in the game, Knocked out, beaten the hell out of, there's always that safety net they can come back to.

*They keep trying to change who you are. If they have such a huge problem with who you are, they shouldn't have started dating you in the first place.
People forget that we go into relationships to connect, be happy, to grow. Yet when you pick the wrong partner, this conflict between head and heart keeps you feeling divided. It's not a relationship. It's you working over time, forcing something that does not work.It's especially tough when our partner is not willing to compromise. We blame ourselves for certain scenarios so we fight harder. Convinced that we have done something awful to that person, and if we try harder we can change it. Simply put, we cannot control peoples thoughts, ideas, social influence, wants and insecurities. People in relationships can have similar beliefs but they are still two completely separate entities, with separate histories.Do you feel good when your with this person, or are you constantly fighting to
keep a smile on your face?

London Riots:How shooting of Mark Duggan sparked riots and what they're really about

The death of young Mark Duggan shot in the face by a policeman last saturday seemed to be at the route of the London Riots. The family started a peaceful protests outside tottenham station,arguing that it is unlikely Mark pulled a gun out on the police, he was most likely mouthing off....well..well...i bet the police and the government didn't see this anti authourity rebellion spiralling so completely out of control. The fury seems to be that black life is devalued by the police, government and other bodies in authourity.Young people often complain of being fed up with constant police brutality,harassment, treated with suspicious regard, hostility, and some police officials abusing their power. The tension between young people and police in general has been stretched, it took such a painful incident for it to explode. It's clear the message is 'you think you can do what you want, we'll do what the hell we want also." I don't agree with the looting, the violation of other peoples property, businesses that build themselves up from the bone being set alight in a blaze of chaos, sadly this is mob mentality. The police are being dragged in to clean up one mans mess. The officer who pulled the gun out in the first place.Mark Duggan was a son, a father, a brother, a cousin, a friend. In one heated moment, all that potential gone. Let's not ignore politicians hiding behind the police. A lot of these young people have been let down by a greedy government, their also lashing out about not being able to get jobs, feeling the frustration of an insecure society, bored, broke and angry as hell. After all the recession that took place wasn't about the young peoples choices.Politicians invested everybody's finances in a war that cleaned everybody out. Yet their well protected with six or seven houses, and steadfastly insulate their wealthy communities, whilst those they know dont have jobs, are struggling to feed families, and fight for the scraps of a life their just coping with. These attitudes and conflicts have trickled into the young communities. Some of these children are dealing with the shoulder load of mothers and fathers that don't have enough to feed their families. In one scene i saw a journalist says to a young woman, "why are you doing this?"
She turns around to him and says "i'm getting my taxes back." This does not justify thieving, robbery, violence, or anti social behaviour. Yet you have to ask yourself, how does looting a tv, a video, a few mobile phones really help with getting your message across. Because although it started with the protests of Mark Duggan's shooting, these separate yet linked scenario's are not so much about Mark Duggan. There are good people and decent police officers being punished, because one officer thought his gun was an extension of his dick. I don't believe the fiction some police officers are sprouting about Mark Duggan wanting to avenge the murder of his cousin, really really? What a story jackanory. As if one guy is likely to pull out a gun on a full squadron of police....a guy with six kids!He wasn't on a suicide mission, he'd already alerted his girlfriend and friends he knew that the police were following him. He was terrified. He probably just wanted to get home to his girlfriend, his kids, have a hearty meal, and watch some tv. My guess is he was simply friends with a few people from the wrong crowd, the police couldn't get the gang leader. So they got anyone they could

Comedians show ow it's done: Nasty people

Usually when some prat who lacks skill, and the gumption to face their own life comes after me, I start spitting fire. Become furious, and explode. These comedians are showing a far more hillarious way of shaming saboteurs off the scene. I found this on the Hecklers blog, fantastic!!

Joel Osteen says it in one: Toxic People

Joel Osteen is both hillarious and insightful. He's brilliant people watch him and be moved.

I love Lucy:Lucille Ball and The enigma of life

Americans everywhere have gone crazy celebrating the centennial I love Lucy show. Yesterday was Lucille Balls 100th birthday, ball died aged 77, in April 26th 1989, after a blood vessel ruptured.







The Hollywood museum are holding a special exhibit running through Nov. 30. The actress' centennial is also being commemorated on TV: Hallmark will broadcast 102 I Love Lucy episodes, ME-TV will air 100 episodes of various programs including The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour and The Lucy Show, and TCM will show 14 of her films beginning on Saturday. I'm joining them to celebrate the life of an enigmatic performance artist.Some people should live forever, yet sadly they dont.

The moon and back (Short Story)

"It's very simple," i projected in my most smug adult tone. "Admit you're in love, crazy, smitten, hopelessly, painfully, ruthlessly in love with me." I fashioned myself to my full height, fixing my toddler hands against my hips, pouting watermelon and posing opposite an organised reflection. My brown hair fell loose, in a tangle of waves down my back, and the kiss of blue i added to heavy eyelids made the gold of my eyes shine like medallions. Teenage Fever. Last Week i'd hated Jason Emille cross, this week i'd studied him walk up and down our crowded school corridor for fifteen minutes. Analysed his discussion with Mickey Bults in front of Mrs Kafan's lunchtime vegetable spaghetti. I can lip read so across a twenty second distance i saw their mouths, rotate and halt.It was an intensely political debate about Xmen versus Batman, the original animation. I grit my teeth as Jessica Jones trotted by 'slag' swinging her huge buttocks from left to right, fully aware that 99.9% of the male eyes swam towards her. Hungry shark eyes. I patted my bum self consciously, noticing with a tinge of irritation that my denim stretch Jeans had too much stretch, and my pink t shirt didn't display succulent breasts, but an arrested development in growth. "Jeeze i hate being fifteen."
My friend Mia lifted her orange curls from the tray of glamour magazines lined on the bed. "Fuck i hate being fifteen,"
"Who needs teenage years anyway," her sapphire eyes spun with amusement.
"Seriously, all you do is analyse life, or spend time disecting guys you never gave the time too before," i groaned dramatically.It was like the groan you make with runs on the toilet seat. "When did this happen to me. I never..ever..liked this guy before,"
"Shit your obsessed with him now,"
"You call it obsession. I call it intense distraction." Mia fixed her mouth to a thin wire line. " It's the whole face stretching, tyranosaurus rex, height thing," i nodded in detailed agreement.
"Age is such a cunt. Why did his face have to stretch, and his voice have to break so deeeeeep," i remember Syrine Wilcox describing a conversation with him being like swimming in a bath of hot chocolate. It depends how you look at it. Hot chocolate makes some think of sex, whilst others just relate it to falling asleep. The worst thing about being a teenager is having to admit you'r just as shallow as everyone else. Suddenly a flood of girls admitted to liking him, and i didn't have to feel weird, or pretend to be angry when his bedroom eyes dripped all over me. On one School trip to 'make believe mars' an adventure to the local safari park, TOTAL SHIT, i'd actually spent the whole bus ride ice block frozen in the same pose. A vogue pout, which included an exclamation mark scowl, in case he knew....i'd begun to enjoy his heated stares. So much so that despite my jelly belly, and owl like frames, i had moved three seats closer in spanish, watched a complete season of xmen, and accidentally on purpose put his name down for school prefect. He didn't win. Yet some idiot had told him i put his name down. "Gina yax would never put me down she loathes me," he announced in a thick tone, loud enough for me to hear,and possibly contest. The room was busy with silence, eyes oohed and mouths mutely uhmmed. "Gina," he teased "i'm your biggest fan." Which translated means F you, i don't give a shit about your opinions.

"It's very simple," Jason Cross had cornered me by the edge of the basketball court, his lean frame a sky scraper, his magnetic eyes absorbing every flinch of movement. "Gina Gi you nominated me to be some stupid class prefect, you know i stare at you,"
i smiled coyly, "sometimes i wonder what your looking for." I flicked my crisp white watch pretending to be distracted. I had my red chequered mini skirt on, and the black polo neck my mum had kept, a gift from her latest divorce. "I guess..." he glanced up at the grey white sky briefly,the scene looked like a painting i'd seen on one of those free art websites. His expression intense, seemed to match the afternoon sky, his navy blue denim jeans, with fitted matching sweater, were almost a click match. Blue was his nervous colour. Every presentation he'd stammered through on Shakespeare, or economics he'd advertised how amazing navy blue could look on an image of raw beauty. I crossed my fingers anxiously behind my back, he soldiered on,smacking his tongue against a plump mouth, worshiping shuffling suede shoes every 3 minutes. I was counting mentally.
" well," he began in a flat lecture monotone "Jennifer Layman asked me out this morning. She says i was too shy to talk so she did it, and erm," he cleared his throat, "some crap about me being intimidated and bull. Like erm.." he paused to pull threads of thought together. "Like one of those guys whose scared of women."
"So?"
"In Laymans terms, i told Jen Layman, if i liked her enough i'd ask her out." I thought id quit biting my lips, but i could feel myself chomping them. "I think your pretty in that interesting way that not everybody likes,"

"Your basically saying i'm ugly." He shook his head adamnantly.
"I like the look of you. I'm not on any athletics team, or a zillionaire's son, i stare a lot," his gaze levelled and narrowed " and i think you like it." I scanned the growing audience ignoring helicopter whispers, and green eyed stared. "Get to know me? I'm not bad,er..will you go out with me?" he released in one full expulsion. It was like a drowning person expelling that belch of air and water. Moses Bright and the other players had clambered unto the b-ball court, spinning two red and white autographed balls as the coach bounded on screeching authourity through the high pitched shriek of a whistle. My heart leapt like a junior jumping skipping rope. I waved at my cousin kev, Mia's boyfriend that would be driving me home shortly. "Yeah Okay," i tossed cooly. "Where?"
"3 trips to the moon and back." He flashed a brilliant smile that made my whole body melt. "Yeah whatever, that pancake house right?" He shoved his hands in his pocket self consciously, "yeah."
"I like chocolate. I had a coffee pancake once." He quirked his brows in confusion. "Who does that?"
"Me i guess."