Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Evolutions of the self







I began my journey with the frustration of a series of epileptic seizures, and the lesson, that life always wants to teach. God is a master at organising our growth through the experience of pain. Yet my journey begins once more with new tools at my disposal, other 'crimes of humanity,' at which i screamed, God it's not fair! By jove it's not bloody fair! Then i looked around and realized, i wasn't screaming on my own. There were an army of Worlds around me, thick with longing, desperate with desire, eager to appease this insidious thing that moved with such stealth, and such simple mania. We are all tormented in our different ways, facing trials, wanting retribution. I spent years thinking fighting was about scrapping, was about the other, until at the very edge of a precipice i struck gold. I was fighting with myself. The demon of control, that laughs at the chaos spread about you like a chinese buffet. Life in our minds is supposed to be easy, we believe we jumped through one hoop, then spent an eternity on stilts, terrified the world would reflect what ran amock inside. Those twisted wires and cables that vibrated like a cellular phone, jerking the body in spasms, writhing, twisting simple faces. Of simple people, that wanted simple things. I live therefore im hungry, passionate about the changes needed to be made, the paintbrush with the etching in the corner, the sounds of fear like a calypso in your head, twirling, circling, baiting you with such vulnerable ease. We are our own greatest harlem, the Ghetto of the mind, and if you dont grab its poky dusty heart, let it drip as it pops in your fingers, it becomes real to you, and the architect of the panic. I call them panic because we have no idea what we are afraid of , where the acid leaks from, the scent oozes from, and the new questions arise, yet you are only human, there are more questions to come. You will define your goals by your answers, your answers will direct you on a higher path.