Monday, 20 May 2013

Dick in your detective: Signs he's just trying to use you for sex





Image by healthable.org 


wow who hasn't been there? Who hasn't done that? Is he interested in you as a person? Is he interested in getting to know who you are? Your opinion on topics such as politics, culture, social commentary. Is it a hideaway romance, where your both hermits in the din of his house or apartment, or are people actually seeing you around? Do people actually see you on dates? Do you guys do other activities outside of sex? Or is he just desperate to get to the nitty gritty. Does he discuss personal situations, intimate matters with you, or are conversations placid and dry. Does he just randomly stop by, and you only seem to get late night calls? Do you feel an awkwardness after intimacy as though your either expected to leave, despite all these promises he's made to you. All these lovely things said, that at the time seemed so genuine? Do you feel as though the actions don't match the words. He loves you but your still introduced as a friend, when you ask if your serious he aggressively argues your trying to force marriage down his throat, he's proud of your relationship yet you don't seem to have met any of his friends and none of his family? This guys is not for you. Do you find yourself feeling guilty about simple things like calling him up, and asking how he is, you almost feel as though your being needy, or stalkerish. You feel as though he or she keep suddenly going cold, or after being ridiculously intimate, telling you how amazing you are, how much they want you and then nothing. No phone calls for ages, no visits, and there's always a story. His phone is consistently ringing off the hook with other women who happen to just be 'friends'.  They may act jealous and possessive, draw you near, randomly talk about things they think it would be cool for you guys to do whilst you 'hangout.' You are not their number one priority, so why should you be theirs. Why be made to feel bad because simply you care too much for an attention whore who may not actually want to reciprocate the depth of the emotions you feel, the responsibility of a committed relationship, but reap the rewards or the benefits of having you nearby.

The funny thing about people is even just having you there and knowing that your feeling unfulfilled questioning yourself, wondering why your not enough for them, they get to take it for granted, because they don't appreciate your strengths or the good things about you.
When you are in this type of relationship you feel devalued, insecure, you don't trust them, because their lack of commitment means their available and free to access all areas with everyone.

List all your strengths. What are your qualities? What do you like about yourself, value about yourself, what do you bring to a relationship? Is it fun? Bounce? Creativity? Flamboyancy? Warmth? Care. List your assets and your strengths, wouldn't you be happy sharing this intimately with someone who you don't feel guarded with, who doesn't feel threatened every time you give them a bold show of affection. If you sense, which you already know, that your partnership is not equally matched, that your giving more than what your getting, it's time to take your unique selling points to someone that will value them. Be prepared that the concept of loosing you will inspire different reactions from your 'user' buddy', they may advise you that it's the best thing, then beg you to stay. They may vilify you to others spreading slanderous gossip because their bitter you actually had the audacity to attempt to move on. The thing about people especially users is they tend to take you for granted, then it's almost like a sixth sense in them, they can tell when your leaving and may actually fight tooth and nail. Sadly sometimes it's not so much you their fighting for but the ease of the situation, and the comfortability factor.