Wednesday, 15 May 2013
An ultimatum for your self esteem
There it was. His phone number in bold blue ink. He wanted me to get in touch to call, to catch up on old times. I knew in my heart there hadn't been that many 'good old times' to catch up on. The ground was always jelly with him, the tears ran like a rain storm, and at the end of it I was always the one who had to be put back together like humpty dumpty. Only there were no kings horses and all the kings men. There was just me alone with my thoughts and my tears. It hit me then like a symbol. Ultimatums.
When we give ultimatums it is important to have the strength to stick to them. Otherwise the same people repeat the same negative processes that leave us feeling hurt and questioning those around us. Giving someone an ultimatum isn't about playing god, or for those few moments having the upper hand. It is a rule of respect. You are saying if you don't respect me, if you violate my trust, hurt me in anyway, you will lose me. There will be a price to pay for such poor behaviour, because I show you respect. I show you understanding. Healthy boundaries are not about control, their about maintaining equilibrium. If we don't respect ourselves, others won't respect us. If you do respect yourself and find yourself disrespected by someone who is supposed to care about you, love you, be a good partner or a good friend; you can decide how much of your trust your willing to invest in them.