Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Candy crusades: The charm of the abusive individual





Image by deadkitty



Have you ever been so obsessed by how sweet and amazing someone was to you in the beginning, you refused to see anything else? Thats the first step to the emotionally abusive/ physically abusive relationship. The woman/ man so obsessed with the image they saw initially, begins a crusade. A candy crusade. Her abuser becomes airbrushed, and every conversation is an ad campaign to outsiders on how sweet the dysfunctional partner is. I have one question. Is the bruise sweet? Are the excuses sweet? Are the lost friendships and distanced family sweet? No it hurts you... How about the eggshell fear or the lack of trust? Candy crusades won't help our damaged relationships,they are not your jesus Christ.  We have all been through the frustration of having anger issues, low self esteem, if you've lived, you've fallen appart a few times and had to pick yourself back up again. Were all humpty dumpty in our own way.

Someone with anger issues, low self esteem, or past drama doesn't get to use you as their emotional punching bag. Sorry overtime, does not make up for the emotional trauma. Sorry sounds nice. Does it make up for the scars, the feelings of isolation, complete humiliation, misery. Downtimes, depression, all those times when you cry in the dark and the excuses you have to make?

Does it make up for feeling weak? Or being in that constant nervous state of paranoia? Does it make up for feeling on edge? No it doesn't. Emotional abusers are very charm offensive, most of them are excellent at what.....manipulation. If there was a school called manipulation school 101, they'd all have diploma's from it. Ironically enough despite all the things they do, and even some of the things they say they dont want you to leave. They want you to keep you close so they can control you, because what is an emotionally abusive /physically abusive person's greatest fear, it's the fear of being left. Deep seated abandonment issues. When you get away from the chaos and the cobwebs of all their insecurities, when you cut emotional ties and step back you can see clearly exactly whats going on.